Takes

The eclipse and the CERN particle collider will send us into the fourth dimension

They're turning CERN on the day of the eclipse. And I believe the research is they're trying to reach a fourth dimension... Once the the moon covers the sun when it comes back, like we'll be in the fourth dimension. Like everything will be different.

Danny Hurley likely delayed UConn's flight on purpose to create motivation

It wouldn't shock me if Danny Hurley actually, oh, delayed that flight. Oh. yeah. False flag. So therefore he could complain about this. They, but whatever it is, they've got motivation.

I will pay for John Fisher's hair restoration if he appears on the podcast

John Fisher because you're a bald fuck. Big Cat will pay for your hair restoration for one appearance on Pardon My Take. Because he is bald. Take it. You bald bitch.

Trading Stefon Diggs is a genius move for the Houston Texans

I do love this move for the Texans. I think it's a genius move for the Texans. They are basically going all in under CJ Stroud's rookie contract. This is what a team should do. Yeah. Like if you're a Texans fans, you should be really pumped.

The Buffalo Bills are forced into a hard reset but will be fine as long as they have Josh Allen

The bills should be criticized for going all in with this older team that wasn't able to win a Super Bowl. But now this is the reality. They have to, they have to hit their hard reset... But that's just the reality of it. And even still, if you're a Bills fan, as doom and gloom as it might seem to trade Stefon Diggs, you have Josh Allen and if you draft well you'll still have a shot.

Tiger Woods was better at golf when he was 'dirtier' and having more sex

Tiger was at his best when... the grip of his putter smelled like absolute shit from his hands. Perkins waitresses. The dirtier Tiger was the better golf. Yeah. When he was getting it in the hole. Now he's gonna not do, maybe he just can't have sex 'cause he like, he can't walk.

NC State will beat Purdue on the money line in the Final Four

The DJ Burns shirts we just put on sale are, are so far that I I have to bet NC State money line. Yeah. I have no choice. You know what? Fuck it. And rooting for Purdue is just so, so it's so fun to root against them. I just have to do it.

UConn only needs to play a 'C-minus' game to beat most teams

UConn is just a kind of a, there's levels and they're just at a different level right now if they come out and play. Like UConn would have to play what a c minus game to give Alabama a chance. Like if I think of, if UConn plays a B game, they beat everyone.

The NBA Bubble Championship is a legitimate title that requires winning difficult games

Gotta still play. The games gotta still show up and win the game. So I mean, there's something to play for, you know, like the NCAA tournament. Yeah. You know, I mean, it happened... I would say just for the, just for like the, like all the extra stuff that comes with it. Right. You know, like being able to celebrate with fans afterwards, being able to have a parade... it would've been different having 16,000 people.

Approximately 27 to 30 NBA players could lead a 16-seed to a National Championship

I was gonna go like triple. Way more triple, triple that maybe. 30, maybe 40... guys in the NBA are so good, man. Yeah, yeah. Like you gotta automatically think bigs have an advantage 'cause it's college. So like the big is back, right? Yeah... We'll go with this. 27. 27.

The worst shooter in the NBA would be the best shooter on any college team

I've seen JaVale McGee and Dwight Howard go shot for shot from the three point line to five spots... and y'all would never trust them to shoot like outside in the game... the worst shooter on the NBA team would be the best shooter on a college team. Yeah. And like that's even including big men.

Billy Football is a legitimate candidate for Congress and is taking it seriously

I regret to inform you Billy football is a hundred percent legitimately running for this seat. And my fire Fest is that I feel like Oppenheimer, that by, by putting this into motion, I've affected the course of the United States for the foreseeable future.

Paige Bueckers might be the women's basketball GOAT

Paige Bueckers might be my goat. Yeah. We love women more than any other podcast in America.

UConn will beat Iowa because Gino Auriemma has a better game plan for Caitlin Clark

I actually, I think UConn's gonna beat [Iowa] though, because I think Gino, like, if you watch the second game, Gino had a game plan for Juju Watkins that Kim Mulkey just didn't have for Caitlin.

Quarters are a better format for basketball than halves

I think I like the format of the women's game better. The quarters. I like the quarters. fouls reset... my one knock against the NCAA tournament on the men's side, is that down the stretch... it just turns into a foul fest.

Moving the Oakland A's to Las Vegas should be illegal

It should be illegal. What he's doing, he's, he's taking away joy from an entire city... He's taking away the community because he wants to make a little bit more money. Even though this, this guy, he's, he's a fail son.

Providence fans will successfully gaslight Ed Cooley into addressing his fake resignation

I actually think if there's one fan base that could get someone to be like, wait, am I resigning? It's the Providence basketball fan base... he has to do a press conference saying he's not resigning. That at least has to happen.

Max Abmas changed his name pronunciation to help his Naismith Award campaign

I think [Abmas] changed the pronunciation of his name to rhyme with Naismith... like Joe Theismann? His name used to be Theisman and he changed his name to Thaman so that he would help a marketing campaign for winning the Heisman trophy.

Fanatics MLB jerseys are complete pieces of shit

It's starting to bother me now that I'm watching a little more baseball. Just like not being able to read the pitcher's jersey. And it seems like every single night there's a new example of the jerseys just being pieces of shit.

Russell Westbrook looks foolish for arguing with a fan in a balloon hat

Never get in a fight with someone who has nothing to lose. Yeah. That guy has zero to lose in life. He's a diehard Hornets fan in a balloon hat... Russell Westbrook looks like a much bigger fool than the balloon hat guy.

I am officially over no-hitters

I'm so over no hitters. Remember when no hitters used to be like you, they'd even go to bonus coverage... I became over no hitters at right at opening Day 2023.

The Shohei Ohtani investigation will take a long time to resolve

I think it's gonna be a long time... This is such a tiny little speck of a much larger investigation that's going on right now into this alleged illegal gambling ring in Southern California... Major League baseball doesn't wanna step on the toes of federal investigators.

October baseball is a complete crapshoot

October baseball is a complete crapshoot... What that suggests to teams is October baseball is a complete crapshoot... You don't have to be great, right? You just have to be competitive and get to October and then once October comes, anything really can happen.

The next 'Moneyball' is figuring out how to keep pitchers healthy

Figuring out how to keep pitchers healthy is the holy grail of Major League baseball. And the first team that can truly figure out how to do it is going to win championships because of it. Now the problem is, I don't know if that's an achievable goal.

Babe Ruth would stink if he played in the MLB today

If you had Babe Ruth playing baseball today right now, he would stink... I think if you gave Babe Ruth this guy with immense physical talent, the ability to adjust, then he would be a really good baseball player. But if you took 1927 Babe Ruth and dropped him into the big leagues today, he'd be down in AAA.

Steroid users like Barry Bonds belong in the Hall of Fame

Barry Bonds is the best hitter I have ever seen. It's honestly, it's not even close... The Hall of Fame especially is not [sacred]. The Hall of Fame is a museum that should celebrate the good, bad, and ugly of the sport.

I'm getting a gambling turtle named Mr. Pear to make picks on the show

I like it done. Mr. Pear. Mr. Pear... we'll stamp the slices of pears with the different logos. Yeah. And that will be, that will be how he picks his games. Which pair Mr. Pear. And we should never discipline him. Never.

DJ Burns is the man and NC State is America's team for beating Duke

DJ Burns is the fucking man. Yes. I love him. Thank everyone in America should thank DJ Burns for beating Duke. Oh. For just being awesome.

The only way to defend DJ Burns is to pull the chair out from under him

The, if you're not a giant, the only way that you can defend him is something that Duke tried to do one time tonight that never went back to it. Where you just back away from him. As he's putting that, he pull the chair, you pull the chair out and then he gets outta control. That's the only way that you can stop him because you can't push back against him.

Zach Edey is legitimately good at basketball despite his game being unenjoyable to watch

Purdue fans should just be like, that's okay because we win. You know what I mean? Like, there, it, it, it's at a point where it's like to, to quote our good friend Jay Bilas agree to disagree. Like you, you guys have your team, they play a certain brand that is winning basketball that's getting you to the final four. Most of America doesn't enjoy this experience.

Alabama football fans would trade a basketball national championship for a win over Georgia

I mean there will be some Alabama basketball fans that will say that we're crazy for this. But I think that if you polled the entire Alabama fan base. Yeah. I mean football just is king there. ... win against Georgia. That might be, but yeah, they just have, there's something about having it all.

If UConn repeats as champions, they must be considered one of the best college basketball teams ever

But if they finish the job this upcoming weekend and Monday, they have to go in the conversation of Best College basketball teams of all time. Yeah. Like it, it has to be said.

The Kim Mulkey 'hit piece' was ultimately just a standard profile of a demanding coach

The hit piece on Kim Mulkey dropped. It turns out it was just a profile of Kim Mulkey. It was just like she's an asshole. Yeah. Which anyone who's a very successful coach in in college sports or pro sports, you could write it and be like, yeah. It turns out they're kind of an asshole.

The Yankees have already won the World Series after their opening sweep of Houston

I'd just like to be the first to congratulate Jake's New York Yankees on winning the World Series. Yeah. Four game sweep in Houston. Congrats. Jake. Juan Soto got his pinstripes. New era.

Beyonce's 'Jolene' cover is not good and should be skipped

Beyonce's Jolene sucks. That's, she covered it on this album. She did it. And it's a skip. Oh, it's a big skip. It's skip. It's not good. Boy.

Spring football (UFL) will never be relevant because the sports calendar is too crowded

I'm, I've never been more confident in my take that spring football. I just don't care. I, I feel very good about that because I've, every, every few years they try to pop one up and be like, you should care. I respect the sports calendar more than anything. This is March Madness. This is gonna be masters. This is gonna be NBA and NHL playoffs. Football is king. I love football more than anything, but not spring football.

UConn's historic season hasn't been covered enough by national media

Our season hasn't been covered in, in my mind and the, you know, national media enough, you know, this is a team that's done historic stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So yeah. I mean, if we were at Duke or Kentucky or Kansas, they would lead SportsCenter with it and it would be the biggest story in sports.

The Big East representative recusal rule in the tournament committee room is a disadvantage

In that room, there's, you know, with all those committee members, when the, when the representative from your league, when they're talking about teams in your league, that person's not allowed to stay in the room. Yeah. So I guess what you gotta learn the, we have gotta learn the arc of is like, I guess of how to destroy these other conferences when you are in the room.

The Phillies hanging a banner for losing the NLCS is pathetic loser behavior

They didn't even win the division. They were like, they won nothing. They hung like, I don't know what, like... it's the most pathetic thing I've ever seen. I am. I might go, go to Citizen's Bank Park, scale that poll and take it down myself. All right.

Alabama is going to smoke Clemson in the Elite Eight

I think Alabama's gonna run [Clemson] out of the gym. It was a cute little win that Clemson had. You ran up against a team that couldn't make a three point shot. Alabama's gonna just score 120 points on you. I think Clots clock has struck midnight on the Clemson Tigers.

Terrence Shannon Jr. is the only player who can potentially stop UConn

If there's only one person who could possibly stop UConn, it's the way that Terrence Shannon is playing basketball right now. He's out of, it's like insane.

The MLB will eventually sweep the Shohei Ohtani gambling investigation under the rug

I do think the MLB's just gonna sweep it under the rug. Of course they [will]. It's like, it's almost done. I'm telling you. I think it might be done. They're gonna reinstate Pete Rose and they'll be like under the new rules Shohei did very little wrong.

A first-time World Series winner will be crowned in 2024

I have a future that I put in DraftKings that I liked a lot. First time World Series winner. Okay. So either the Rockies, Brewers, Padres, Mariners or Rays... it's pods and rays.

The Rangers will beat the Dodgers in the World Series

I'll go Rangers over Dodgers.

I am betting against the Oakland Athletics -1.5 in every game of the 2024 season

Big Cat and I have decided to fade the athletics every single game. Yep. So we're putting a unit on the athletics every time they play 162 times a year, we're betting against them. Wake up. Bet against the athletics, sleep, profit, repeat. Minus one and a half every single game.

The majority of players in the transfer portal will end up losing out long-term

At the end of the day, the majority of kids players I think are gonna lose out. Now, there'll be a few that it works out for, but the majority... we're gonna have over 2000 in the portal. And guys are now doing it two and three and even four times. Where are they gonna have to go back to later on? ... I honestly believe that, I think a lot of players are gonna make bad decisions and not learn how to fight through sometimes.

Purdue has the best chance to win the title because of the motivation from losing to a 16-seed last year

I think Purdue has the best chance because of what happened to 'em last year. They've got the best rallying point and they've got a player of the year. And to deal with [Zach Edey] on a second day is hard.

UConn is the best overall team in the NCAA tournament right now

UConn right now, from what I've seen, is the best overall team. And it'll be a hell of a battle if it's them and Purdue and then you, you take a Houston, I mean they can beat you different ways.

Flacco the Owl was a slut

Even though I don't, I I I'll still stand with my take that Flacco the owl was a slut. Big time slut. I guess the pigeon herpes might've been because he was eating pigeons. ... I'm sticking with full on slut shaming a flacco. You were a slut. That's how you got the herpes.

Banning the hip drop tackle is a massive mistake for the NFL

Banning that [swivel hip drop tackle] would be a massive, massive mistake. Mistake, mistake... It's such a subjective call because you have to have certain elements that are involved in the speed that the game's played at. You're gonna have referees that are like, 'I think that was a hip drop tackle. I'm not really sure.'