Takes

Caitlin Clark is going to increase WNBA revenue enough to improve rookie salaries

The w NBA draft, the, the, all the rookie wages getting tweeted out and everyone's like, what the fuck? It's like, well, this is what Caitlin Clark might be able to fix. She might be able to prove things a little bit. Like if people watch and then it starts making more money, then they get to pay more.

I will no longer praise the food at Guaranteed Rate Field because Jerry Reinsdorf is a bad owner

I'm no longer gonna say that [the food is good] because that's what Jerry Reinsdorf wants you to say... It doesn't matter what happens on the field. We got great food, we got great beer... I can no longer say that I'm gonna stand with White Sox fans. I will no longer plug the fact that going to a game there is actually fun.

Team USA will win every Olympic basketball game by 50 points

USA announced its Olympic roster for 2024 in Paris. And it is stacked. Yeah. They're looking to win every game by 50.

Kyrie Irving is the most talented basketball player in the NBA

I think he's the most talented basketball player in the NBA, maybe still. It's a weird thing to say because there's so many talented guys, but the things he does at his stature... he probably has like three of the top five things craziest things I've seen in practice of all time.

Joe Mazzulla's authenticity is why he will be a great coach for a long time

I think that's one of the most important things about head coaches is the authenticity. Like guys can sniff through it immediately... that's just who he's, so I think that's why he's, he's gonna be a great coach for a long time.

I am putting a responsibly large wager on the Sixers -5 based on the turtle's pick

Mr. P's pick is a Sixers minus five responsibly. Large wager has been put on a Mr. P's first ever pick. Let's go 76ers.

Ludvig Åberg will win multiple major championships in his lifetime

Oberg will win. I'm calling my shot. Oh, yeah, [Åberg] is gonna win multiple major championships in his lifetime. But Scottie was just too good.

Scottie Scheffler will win the 2024 U.S. Open with his new baby

All that means is he's gonna have the kid and then he's definitely gonna win the US open 100% with a new baby. That's gonna be the picture. That's him holding his new baby on the tee or on the green of the 18th hole. The US Open wherever. Oh, it's Pinehurst, right? Yep. It is Pinehurst.

Golfers should be allowed to use any club they want, regardless of size

My take is that you should be allowed to use whatever club you want. Yeah. Ever. Like all the time. Doesn't matter how big it is. Gets blow in the hole. You should, you should be allowed to cheat at golf with the clubs that you use. You, you obviously have to take your own shots. But if they're your clubs, they're in your bag. Just get the ball in the hole.

If Scottie Scheffler doesn't win at least five Green Jackets, his career is a bust

Scotty's just, he's, he's only 27 years old. How over under, what would be a disappointment in terms of total major? Yeah. If he doesn't win five green jackets. I think his career was a bust. Yeah. I'd say he got two right now at 27. I think he has to get to 10 majors.

UFC overtime should consist of a five-foot octagon where fighters punch each other until someone wins

That should be overtime in all the UFCs just stand, they they shrink the octagon. Yeah. and just like five feet in diameter, just stand in there and punch each other until somebody wins.

Nestor Cortes' fake pitch is awesome because of how much it bothers baseball traditionalists

I'm Now on Cortez's side. All right. I Now think it's an awesome pitch. I didn't [know] it made people that mad. So, I mean, there's no way this is actually like a strategy that could like [work]... I Now think it's an awesome pitch. If it makes people mad, that rules.

The Patriots should draft Marvin Harrison Jr. instead of a quarterback

I'm still down for Marvin Harrison Jr. No. One Bailey's Afro set. Yeah. There's plenty of fine quarterbacks out there. You have a franchise wide receiver who's a stud and can actually make things happen with a perfectly fine Jacob Brissett.

Mark Pope will succeed at Kentucky because nostalgia is a powerful drug

Kentucky basketball and Mark Pope. Yeah. I I'm with you. I think I'm be, I'm a believer in Mark Pope now. Nostalgia is a very powerful drug. Like I would just, if I were a Kentucky fan right now, I'd just be looking at pictures of Mark Pope and Rick Pitino and be like, this is, this is, we're going back. Sometimes you gotta go back.

The Orlando Magic will beat the Cleveland Cavaliers in the first round of the NBA playoffs

I like the magic in the first round. Ooh little small upset there over the Cavs.

The Sixers will beat the Heat, the Knicks, and the Bucks in the 2024 NBA playoffs

I like the Sixers to beat the heat. I also like the Sixers to beat the Knicks Ooh. And then I like the Sixers to beat the Bucks. I do actually like that the Knicks like tried because I think that there you should, you should have some pride and be like, we're not ducking anyone.

The NBA should allow the top four seeds to draft their first-round opponents

The NBA should do two new things the NBA should do. They should do a draft of who the top four seeds get to pick who they get to play in the first round. And also there should just be an automatic Weby makes the Playoffs clause.

The Celtics will walk through the Eastern Conference because no team in the East is a concern

I'm excited. I'm very excited. Very, very excited. Championship or bust. No, no. I mean I, I like, I would like to beat the heat just for, you know, the storyline's sake, but I'm not concerned about 'em. I think we would roll. There's no one that, that that worries you.

The Denver Nuggets will beat the Boston Celtics in five games in the 2024 NBA Finals

What do we have for the finals is nuggets versus Celtics nuggets. Celtics nuggets over Celtics and five.

The Celtics will beat the Suns in five games in the 2024 NBA Finals

I'm gonna go Celtics over sons. In five. Dreaming then. Yo pitch Scottie. Scheffler. I'm just dreaming about not having to play the nuggets and just dominating the suns in five.

The 76ers will beat the Clippers in six games in the 2024 NBA Finals

Sixers over Clippers and six.

OJ Simpson was a significantly better football player than he was a person

Say what you will about OJ. But he was a way, way better football player than person. Absolutely. Not even close. Like 2000 yards in 14 games.

The Buffalo Bills have been cursed from returning to the Super Bowl since OJ Simpson committed murder in 1994

I realized after OJ died, the Bills haven't made the Super Bowl since he committed double murder. 1994, the Bills played in the Super Bowl. Summer 94 [the murder happened]. This might be good things for the Bills [now that he's dead].

OJ Simpson is in heaven because they needed a great running back

I got into a little tiff with Jose Canseco online... because when OJ died, I said, RIP to OJ Simpson. Heaven just got a great running back. Jose Canseco was like, wait a second. OJ's not in heaven.

Skinny jeans are a joke and it is impossible to look tough while wearing them

I think that certain fads out there, certain trends are just set up as a joke by the industry to see what these suckers will pay for and start wearing. I think the entire skinny jeans movement was like that. You can't, in my opinion, you can't look tough wearing skinny jeans.

The 2024 Masters feels like it is Scotty Scheffler's destiny to win

Scotty Scheffler does just look like it's a destiny. It looks like he is locked in on all accounts.

Shohei Ohtani was likely gambling and is using Ippei Mizuhara as a cover

I think he was gambling... I think they just want the chaos. But I think that's crazy to accuse unless like they did a full investigation and he's clear.

John Calipari will be a successful coach at Arkansas

Cal's gonna win it at Arkansas. He's gonna be a good coach in Arkansas. It's a good basketball school.

Tiger Woods will not make the cut at the 2024 Masters

Tiger's not making the cut this year. I mean, think about the Masters is though... he might. I think Tiger probably 50-50, right?

Max Homa needs to be more of an asshole to win major championships

I do like [Max Homa], but I think he has that Rory disease... He wants to be liked too much. He's a very nice guy. But I want him to be more of an asshole because I think assholes win these things.

Ludvig Åberg is a future true superstar built in a lab

This Ludvig guy from Sweden's my new favorite golfer. He's just built in a lab. Perfect swing, stallion, 6'3". I think he's gonna end up being a true superstar.

The Dallas Stars are the best team in the NHL and a strong Stanley Cup future bet

If anyone else is gonna get it done, I think Dallas is okay. If you want to make a future bet, Dallas... Dallas is the best team in the league.

Hitchhiking should be brought back because it was generally safe

Bring back hitchhiking. Hitchhiking was safe. I feel like hitchhiking got a bad rap because there were a couple serial killers out there. Almost 100% of hitchhikers ended without a serial killer encounter.

UConn just completed the most dominant postseason run of any team in history

The most dominant stretch in postseason play of any team ever. The best, the best run of any team ever. I think we could say like UConn dominate everybody. The games were not particularly exciting. UConn, they, I think they're the best second half team in the entire tournament by a vast margin.

Zach Edey will definitely be a first-round NBA draft pick

He'll be drafted for sure and he'll probably be drafted in the first round. Someone will take a shot at it and just be like, what, you know, see if we can work with this.

The solar eclipse was overrated

So my Hot Seat is us. We're still in the third dimension. I was kind of looking forward to it. So that was, it was gonna be cool throne, but I kind of was hoping we were in the hot fourth dimension. So, well, eclipse sucked, overrated eclipse.

The Masters app is the greatest piece of technology ever invented

My cool Throne is the Masters app... I redownload the Master's app. Have to, it's a tradition unlike any other. And when you log into the, the first time, it just feels, it's such a great way to come down from the NCAA tournament being over... the greatest piece of technology ever invented. Yep. And you open it up and you're like, everything's going to be okay. 'Cause the Masters app's here and it's comforting and it's perfect.

I know now that my great golf is good enough to win a major

I know for a fact my great golf's good enough. It just needs to come out the right week. So let's just hope it's this week. It's a big difference. It's, it's a little bit more calming knowing that like, it doesn't need to be perfect. It just needs to be good. I've done that enough times to know. I think it would be the pressure on Sunday, that would be the most unique thing. But as far as the golf goes, like I think fortunately I've lived enough of this golf, these golf like experiences to know like I can physically do what needs to be done.

The best way to play golf is to simply not think about anything

Three of your 10 lessons, were just don't think... that's honestly Fellas. That's the best way to be. It's like, I just kept on scrolling and I was like, wait, we're not, oh, just a reminder. But don't you think that if you're telling everyone to not think about anything now they're thinking about not thinking about anything, which is perfect. That's right where I want 'em.

I would not leave the Masters if I were winning, even for the birth of my first child

If I was winning the Masters, I would not leave. First kid. I agree with you. First kid. First kid. I would first kid if I was winning the Masters. If I was winning the Masters, I would not leave.

Walking nine holes is the best way to experience golf

If you find a course and you find like a, a slot of time where You can walk, it's amazing. I sound kinda like the old like romanticism of golf guy... recently, within the last couple years I would walk nine holes, never 18. I'm gonna die out there if I walk. But if I walk nine holes, it's fucking beautiful. Yeah. Because in a cart you almost aren't looking at the scenery around you.

John Calipari leaving for Arkansas is a huge win for Kentucky

I think it's actually a huge win for Kentucky. Kentucky fans like they wanted him gone two weeks ago. Not only that, but it's a huge win for Kentucky for a couple things. One, you don't have to pay him any money... two, all the boosters that had turned on Cal are gonna be all the way back in... and three... Kentucky is 1 billion times bigger than Coach Cal.

I personally guarantee Kentucky will win a national title before Arkansas

I'll do my what's the Cavs owners name? Dan Gilbert. Sense. Personally guarantee it. Right. Personally guarantee... I just think Kentucky will be good. I think they'll be, they'll be fine immediately.

Caitlin Clark is a bust because she can't win the big one

Are we sure Caitlin Clark is actually good. Ooh Bust can't win the can't win the big one.

The obsession with velocity is destroying MLB pitchers' arms

Everyone's obsessed with velocity... everyone just looking at the numbers being like, you gotta throw a hundred, you gotta throw a hundred. And arms are just getting pushed to this max at a early age and everyone's destroying their arms.

The US will be under a massive cyber attack sooner rather than later

I suggest you take out all your money outta your bank and stop using credit cards for the next few months until I can give you the green light again. We will be under a cyber attack sooner rather than later. Just looking out, I'm in communication with the very important person for one of, if not the biggest software companies in the world.

Dan Hurley will be the coaching face of college basketball if he wins the title

Hurley would put himself as the coaching face of college basketball. You will have won each NCAA tournament game if, if you win this game in commanding fashion... He'll win each game by at least 13 points.

Donovan Clingan will make a three-pointer in the National Championship game

Bold prediction for Monday night. Okay. Donovan Clingan makes a three oh... I could see a high ball screen and instead a roll and he slips back and makes and makes Edey pay for going all the way down there.

UConn will beat Purdue 83-70 in the National Championship game

UConn 83 Purdue. 70 83 70.

Villanova must make the tournament next year or Kyle Neptune is in trouble

It is time this upcoming year for Villanova to get back to the big dance floor or else... You can't go a decade of making the NCAA tournament and making runs... then miss it back to back seasons.