Takes

The fullback should be in the Hall of Fame as a position

I think there should be a fullback in the Hall of Fame. I think if you look at Moose Johnson, you look at guys like Sam Gash, you look at, you know, even Corey Schlesinger... I look at it and I'm just like, I just think that there has been, they let red guy, you let punters and stuff in. It should be a fullback, should be in the Hall of Fame.

Dan Snyder must be removed as owner of the Redskins

The nepotism, the racial slurs, the incompetent one-sided negotiations, the the awful trade deals that were getting ourselves into... it's time that we remove Dan Snyder. It's time we get his ass out of the nation's capital.

Mason Rudolph is a 'dumb face' quarterback who will never be a winning starter

Mason Rudolph has a dumb face. I've done my I've done my analysis of him. He's never going to be a winning quarterback.

Freddie Kitchens is a dummy whose bad play-calling cost the Browns a winnable game.

Freddie Kitchens, you're a dummy. Wow. Yeah, you're a dummy. That was weird. dum-dum. That was one of the most... it was very bad play calling forth and nine.

John Elway is an idiot who is ruining his legacy as the Broncos GM.

John Elway is an idiot. John Elway is a smooth idiot. If you're Broncos fan, tweet us your real thoughts about John Elway at this point. Is he at the point where he has soured your memories of John Elway?... You win two Super Bowls, but dude, you stink.

Daniel Jones is electric and is a live version of Eli Manning.

Daniel Jones, electric. Daniel Jones is electric... The difference between Daniel Jones and Eli Manning was so fucking apparent... Daniel Jones, he looks like the difference between an alive person and a dead person.

If you live in the South, you must cancel your wedding if it is scheduled for November 9th.

PSA. If you're getting married on November 9th, and you live anywhere below, let's say Kentucky. You need to cancel your wedding right now. Because your wedding will be cursed.

I am officially done with Marcus Mariota

I am officially hashtag done with Marcus Mariota. Got the hashtag done. Done. I do not want to see Marcus Mariota play any more football. I'm done with him.

The NFL is ruining football by calling too many holding penalties

There are way too many holding calls. I think we can all agree on that. Holding is the new fetch, and I'm sick of the NFL trying to make it happen because every single call is a holding call. It's like the old saying, you could call holding on every play. I feel like someone dared the NFL refs to actually do that this year.

NFL teams should run significantly less on first down

They should not be running as much on first down. They need to be passing the ball more. The floor on completion percentage has risen tremendously. So it's a lot more efficient to throw the football and you're not having as many of those risks that coaches get scared about.

Running the ball on 2nd and 10 is the worst thing a coach can do

They opt to run the ball on second and 10, which is the worst thing that you could do on second down because you're very unlikely to have a successful gain and you might as well just pass twice to try to convert that first down as opposed to run then pass.

Jared Goff's performance is almost entirely tied to Sean McVay's play-calling

I personally didn't think Jared Goff was worth that contract because I thought so much of what he was doing, his performance, was tied to his head coach... Sean McVay is so great [at] projecting fourth Jared Goff to become better.

Uber should have a customer service phone number for when the app fails

These things like Uber... Would it be so terrible that there was a phone number to call if the thing wasn't working? There is no phone number. There is no one out there from Uber that has to respond to anything.

Eli Manning's career outside of his two Super Bowl runs was remarkably average

A remarkably average career outside of those two. If you can spend your entire career... 15 years. If you can go exactly 500 after 15 years of playing football, that's super impressive. It's the Hall of Fame, not the Hall of Average.

Eli Manning is a Hall of Famer because Super Bowl wins carry the most weight

The Super Bowl carries so much weight that I am totally fine with Eli Manning definitely being in the Hall of Fame because of those two runs. And they were incredible runs.

Lorenzo Neal should be in the Pro Football Hall of Fame

Lorenzo Neal, eligible for the Hall of Fame. Go vote for Lorenzo Neal right now. It's been like 10, 15 years since we've had a real fullback get in. Lorenzo Neal should fucking be in the Hall of Fame.

The Jets' season is already over after Sam Darnold's mono diagnosis and Trevor Siemian's injury

The point is the Jets' season is over. Luke Falk is not going to be the guy. I would assume he's not going to be the guy.

The Jaguars would be crazy to trade Jalen Ramsey

I think the Jaguars would be crazy to trade him. Crazy. I mean, he's really, really good. Really, really good.

Complaining on Twitter about your food being stolen is a dickhead move

I'm blaming her [Lizzo] for complaining online about it because that's a dickhead thing to do. As a fellow curvy person, you never want to tweet about your food not being there... I feel like you're just setting yourself up to get dunked on.

The Spurs intentionally turned off the AC during Game 1 of the 2014 NBA Finals

[Big Cat]: Do you think the Spurs intentionally turned off the AC in that final? [Bosh]: Absolutely. Of course. That's like Red Auerbach was known. If you're in Boston, the fire things that come off or whatever... I mean, he never denied it, right? But yeah, if I'm them, I'm trying to win.

If a man finds an outfit that works, he should wear it every time

If you're a guy and you find something that works, you run that play until it doesn't work anymore. He got a girlfriend who feels secure enough in the relationship to introduce him to her family. That shit's working.

Anthony Lynn is an idiot for going into a game without a healthy kicker

Anthony Lynn, you're a fucking idiot. Because Anthony Lynn went into this game without a kicker and had his punter kick field goals, and he missed them both.

Josh Allen is the new recipient of the running quarterback torch from Cam Newton

I'm doing a torch update. torch being passed from Cam Newton to Josh Allen [as the best running quarterback].

Ben Roethlisberger is at the end of the road

Big Ben is, I would say, at the end of the road. Is it fair to say? If it is the UCL, if it is the Tommy John thing... then there's no chance he'd be able to play.

Dan Snyder should sell the Redskins to save his legacy as a fan

Dan Snyder, sell the team. You're a guy that grew up rooting for the [Redskins]... Right now, your legacy is going to be the person who destroyed the thing you love the most in life. If you sell the team, then you have a chance to be known as the person who saved the thing that you grew up loving the most.

I don't think Mitchell Trubisky stinks

I know everyone's going to say, well, Mitch stinks. Listen, I don't think he stinks. I think they need to just figure out a way to win with using the things that he's good at.

Cam Newton is broken and doesn't look right physically or mentally

Cam Newton is broken. He just doesn't look right. Every receiver, he either missed the throw or put it where they shouldn't be thrown. He would just simple passes. They were not thrown in the right position. And the whole night, it felt like the Panthers should have won that game. They didn't win that game because Cam Newton is broken. His soul is injured. His body's injured. His soul is injured. He is not right.

Thursday Night Football is always good regardless of the game quality

Everyone who says Thursday night football sucks fuck you. It's football. It happens every single year. They're like this is Thursday night football this is atrocious you really want to watch this oh yes i do i want to watch it every thursday if there was not thursday night football i'd have nothing to look forward to on thursday this is thursday night football i don't care if it's bad i really don't i just want to watch football

Trevor Siemian is not a significant downgrade from the current version of Sam Darnold

Trevor Siemian. Not terrible. Northwestern guy. He's not terrible. Trevor Siemian is not good, but he's also not terrible. He's not a huge, huge downgrade over Sam Darnold. Of what Sam Darnold currently is.

Washington State's mascot Butch T. Cougar beats an elephant in a fight if it's a guy in a costume

Well, if they get a real elephant, we're in trouble. If it's a real genuine elephant, we're in trouble. Can't say I've seen the elephant mascot [Alabama], or at least I don't recall. But if it's a guy in a costume, I'm going to go with the elusiveness of Butch.

Butch T. Cougar beats the Notre Dame Leprechaun unless the Leprechaun is actually magic

That leprechaun better actually be magic because otherwise I'm going to go with Butch.

The Chicago Cubs are the most maddening and frustrating team I've ever watched

My fire fest is the Chicago cups. They're the most maddening team, frustrating team I've ever watched. They just want to toy with everyone's hearts and they win one game, lose one game, lose two games. Don't score for a week. Then they look awesome... I am at the point where I'm just I don't even know what I want anymore.

Joe Flacco shouldn't be a starting quarterback in the NFL anymore

Joe Flacco stinks. He's bad. He shouldn't be a starting quarterback in the NFL anymore. John Elway likes him because he's tall and he throws... He still throws a nice looking ball, but it's just nothing else is good.

The NFL moving the Raiders out of Oakland is absolute bullshit

What the NFL is doing to the Raiders is absolute bullshit. I'm going to miss Oakland fans so, so much. Watching the black hole... the Raiders fans... just every single shot, every single camera shot to the crowd is art. It really is.

Bill O'Brien is the most mediocre coach in the NFL

Bill O'Brien sucks. That guy, he's got to be the most mediocre coach who's been around forever.

The '69' joke is starting to fade away

I was actually just talking about that on the ride here... me and Goon were driving up, and we were like, yo, 69? Isn't that – it's kind of like in the past... 69 jokes kind of faded away, which they kind of have. I totally 100% agree.

Tom Brady has a 'special power' that tells him who will be open on every play

I feel like Tom has like this special power and he like he like knows who's going to be open that play... just from all the practice, just from reading the guys being around them... that's what makes him so special and that's why he can get anyone open because he knows exactly where they're going to be.

I always thought Nick Foles was going to be a huge bust in Jacksonville

To be completely honest, my excitement about the Nick Foles era was completely fake. It was fake. I thought that he was going to be a bust. I thought that he was going to be a huge bust in Jacksonville where everything was perfect for him in the Eagle system.

Whenever Mike Vrabel is underestimated, bet on him

I am now making a new rule. Whenever Mike Vrabel is underestimated, bet on him. I feel like this happens every single time the Titans, we're like, the Titans stink, their offense is boring, and Marcus Mariota isn't the guy. They did it last year when they played the Patriots.

The key to Kirk Cousins' success is not letting him play quarterback

They figured out the key to Kirk Cousins. Don't let him actually play quarterback. He only threw 10 passes. Less is more with him... Actually, the key for Kirk Cousins is to make sure that the quarterback doesn't play quarterback.

The Cowboys shouldn't sign Dak Prescott to an extension right now while he's playing for a contract

Dak Prescott's going to make a shitload of money. And I actually think if you're Jerry Jones, don't sign him right now because he's playing for a contract.

We owe Mike Tomlin an apology for how he handled Antonio Brown

In all of this, in all the Antonio Brown madness and the Raiders and all that stuff, I think we owe Mike Tomlin an apology. I think he actually dealt with Antonio Brown the way that you have to deal with a receiver that talented and kind of a little out there just kind of ignored it for a while. Don't sweat the small stuff.

Texas is officially 'not back' because their field looks like baby diarrhea

Somebody pointed out that the color situation on the broadcast cameras change at Texas depending on what network is running the game... It changes depending on how back Texas is... I was like, they're not back because that field looks like baby diarrhea. Officially not back.

The Bears' offense was a 'fucking joke' against the Packers

The Bears were a fucking joke tonight. Yeah. They were a joke. How's that make you ten penalties? 407 yards the offense looked like shit. The defense was awesome. Couldn't turn the ball over which would have been nice but like They were joke. You can't have that first and 40. Graphic. That's a fucking joke that is aim action game.

Mike Mayock and Jon Gruden are 100% to blame for the Antonio Brown situation

I have a take on this no one to blame. But Mike Mayock and Jon Gruden are 100% to blame Mike Mayock you brought this headcase in Antonio Brown has proven time and time again that he's a dickhead. He has done nothing to disprove that. ... When he comes and he does exactly what you expected him to do. You cannot be surprised.

Donovan McNabb should be a Hall of Famer

I think that Donovan McNabb should be a Hall of Famer. I mean going against him every single year. ... He found ways of run the ball found ways to throw to get the ball down the field. I think that he is a Hall of Fame.

Tony Romo would be a Hall of Famer if he had won one championship

I feel like Tony Romo was a guy [that] if he had his Peak was gonna hit one Championship. [He'd] been [in the Hall of Fame]. Yeah. I probably agree.

Nobody can ever truly achieve a first down because of Zeno's paradox

If you really want to get philosophical ... Nobody can ever truly achieve a first down because in order to get ten yards you first have to go five yards. And then you have to get five yards. You have to go two and a half yards and so you will never actually make it all the way to a down.

The Mets' season is officially over after their 7-run ninth-inning collapse

My hot seat is Mets... They blow a 7-run lead in the ninth... it's clearly over.

Eli Manning deserves to start for the Giants and shouldn't be benched for the rookie yet

I'm gonna say Eli [over Daniel Jones]... I think he deserves... after the way he was benched two years ago, I think he deserves... One Last [run]. I don't know if you want to throw the rookie in right away.