Takes

Bert 'Be Home' Blyleven is my best nickname ever

Bert Blyleven cause that's 'Be Home' Blyleven. Because you don't have to see... a kid and you heard from your parents 'be home by 11.' And as a parent you've told your kid 'be home by 11.' You don't have to be a genius to figure these out. That's probably the best.

The MLB season will inevitably be delayed due to lack of progress in labor meetings

The MLB and the Major League Baseball Players Association made little progress in their latest meeting, and a delay to the upcoming season feels inevitable.

Barry Bonds is the best baseball player of all time and should be the first person re-inducted into the Hall of Fame

Barry Bonds is a Hall of Famer. He's the best baseball player of all time. You could say that Barry Bonds should be the first—if you were to get rid of everybody in the Hall of Fame, Barry Bonds should be the first person re-inducted.

Babe Ruth would not even be a Double-A player in today's game

I saw a video, someone found a video of like 19-whatever the fuck he was born, he had a shitty swing. He looked slow and fat. If he was in today's day and age, he wouldn't even fucking be in AA. Who the fuck out of him put down field stands that I'm taking away his pinstripes. I'd probably strike him out.

Rob Manfred understands the MLB lockout is bad for business

Rob Manfred said, we understand it's bad for the business. So I'm going to probably take Rob Manfred's side because he said it right there in the article... that he understands this is bad for business.

The Astros should blow up the train tracks at Minute Maid Park

If you're the Houston Astros, you have to blow up that train station. You have to blow up those tracks because there have been so many iconic home runs that have found their way onto or through those train tracks in the history of your franchise in the biggest possible moments that you've had. You've got to blow that fucking thing up.

The Red Sox would have beaten the Braves if they made the World Series

Absolutely. Absolutely. Congratulations to the Boston Red Sox. Thank you. 2021 World Series champions.

The Atlanta Braves will win the World Series on Tuesday night

Congratulations to the Atlanta Braves for winning the world series on Tuesday night. Your job is first reported by Pardon My Take.

The Braves will not win the World Series without Charlie Morton

Charlie Morton breaking his leg, unbelievable performance fact that he kept pitching... It's going to be very tough for the Braves to win this world series without their number one. And that sucks. I do not think the Braves are gonna be able to survive without Charlie Morton.

The Astros and their fans will use a World Series win to claim they never needed to cheat

At stake is the Astros and their fan base being able to basically tell everyone that it wasn't cheating that got them the World Series. They're just a really good team... If they win this one, they can say, well, we were the best team on the first one as well.

The Braves will win the World Series in six games

Braves in six.

The Braves will win the World Series in five games

Braves in five.

The Astros will win the World Series in seven games

Houston in seven.

The Braves vs. Astros World Series will not interest a national audience

I feel bad the sport of the MLB. Cause like, let's be honest, Braves Astros. Doesn't really get the needle moving for a national audience.

The Braves are going to kill the Dodgers tonight in Game 5 of the NLCS

And then we're taking me before the Braves Dodgers game. This will be all time Atlanta curse slash big cat mush. But I think the Braves are gonna kill the Dodgers tonight.

The Red Sox are the best team in baseball and will win the World Series

It's just crazy that the red Sox are just going to win the world series again... They're not that good. They're not that good. Oh, but now they're just the best team in baseball. Yeah. They're like killing the Astros.

The Red Sox are a team of destiny and are going to the World Series

Red Sox, Team of Destiny. I think they're going deep in Socktober. They're going to the World Series. They have something about them that is going to... I don't know what it is.

The Red Sox are going to win the World Series

I mean, the Red Sox, I think they're going to win the World Series at this point. I think everything that happens... doesn't it feel like they have those weird vibes going now?

I really thought this was the Cardinals' year in the World Series

It sucks because Cardinals were actually my pick to win the World Series, so I feel bad about that. I really did think it was their year.

The Yankees will beat the Red Sox 5-4 in the 2021 Wild Card game

I'm going to go Yankees 5-4... The Powerball number that was drawn in Boston was 1-9-7-8, 1978. 1978, the Red Sox blew like a 20-game lead over the Yankees... Yankees win 5-4. Yankees go on to win the World Series over the Dodgers. That's what's happening this year.

Garrett Cole will be chased from the Wild Card game after only two innings

Garrett Cole getting chased after two innings would be great. Schwarber going yard off Cole, hitting the ball 500 feet.

Joe West is a baseball great and deserves appreciation

Joe West is what we need. He's an all-time great. Joe West is baseball. And if you don't like Joe West, you got a dump in your pants.

Mets fans are really mad at Francisco Lindor, not Javier Báez

Javi Baez is actually not the one that I don't. I don't think Mets fans are actually mad at Harvey because Harvey is a rental. This is all Francisco Lindor. He signed a 10 year, 300 plus million dollar contract. He's ABI by his best friend. He's been doing the thumbs down. That's the guy that I think Mets fans are truly mad at.

I could easily hit home runs off Little League World Series pitchers

I'd love to fucking just Jack home runs off these little kids. This guy throws Gavin Weir could strike me out. Yes... But if you go up against one of the guys that's throwing 70 miles an hour, I would absolutely be able to take a lefty. I could go yard off a lefty that's throwing 70 miles an hour.

Aroldis Chapman is the sweatiest man in New York sports history

I mean, if [Aroldis] Chapman, like, if that's your closer, I can't who sweat, who's a sweaty or man Aroldis Chapman or Patrick Ewing and the history of New York sports cause a role does Chapman. He is able to accomplish Patrick Ewing, like levels of sweat in a much shorter periods.

High-fiving the opposing pitcher after hitting a home run is over the line

The high five of the opposing pitcher is over the line and I don't support it. The pitcher runs up to home plate, high fives the batter as he's running around... That's too much for me.

Tony La Russa will win MLB Manager of the Year

He's gonna win manager of the year. It's going to be so funny when that happens and everyone's going to be [pissed].

Major League Baseball made a mistake by having an outfield fence at the Field of Dreams game

I think if they play this game in Iowa, they should not have an outfield fence... It should just be the corn. If there's like a grounder that would bounce into the wall, they have to run into the corn and try to grab the ball... that's probably the biggest mistake that Major League Baseball has made this week.

Trading Anthony Rizzo and Chris Bryant is the correct business move but emotionally crushing for Cubs fans

There's the business side of baseball, which I fully understand. And then there's the sentimental, your heart, the guys you root for the guys you love. I understand the baseball side of it because they need to trade guys when they don't know if they're going to be here at the end of the year, and you've got to rebuild, but goddamn does it suck.

Dodgers fans don't deserve Max Scherzer and Trea Turner because they haven't endured the bad times

You get jealous when they go and they put on another man's uniform and they were playing for another team and you see the other fans starting to root for them. And you're like, no, no, that's my guy. I feel like I'm getting cucked by another fan base. Like the entire city LA getting Trea Turner and Max Scherzer, it's a bad feeling, but I feel like they don't deserve them yet. They didn't go through the bad times of those guys.

The New York Yankees should fire Aaron Boone

I think we should fire him. ... You let him throw the third wild pitch? Like the first two, like take him out. Like the guy definitely was not in any position to be on that mound.

Miami Marlins are the most edible team name in professional sports

I was actually I went through all the teams and I was like, what is just the most edible thing? And I think it's the Miami Marlins. I would take the Marlins. I would eat them Marlyn. And I think that's something people actually eat. I believe so. I, they look delicious.

The Home Run Derby has become way too complicated with clocks and Statcast data

The only reason I care about [the Home Run Derby rules] is because they took what was quite literally the simplest competition in sports, which is hit ball over fence... and then they put a clock in it. They added extra time based on a Statcast. They started measuring exit velocity. Timeouts should never be incorporated into the Home Run Derby. It's a very simple process.

Shohei Ohtani needs to get out of the first round for the fans

Shohei Ohtani though, like, come on, we all turned in for you. And that was, he was ripping doubles and that's about it. Like I know he went to the extra time, but like, come on, man. You have to get out of the first round for the people.

Banning the shift would be awesome for baseball

He's considering banning the shift in the next year, which I think that'd be awesome to do.

I will participate in a Home Run Derby eventually

It's a career-long bet. He never said like next Home Run Derby, you just said ever win a Home Run... At some point before it's all said and done, I got at least seven more years left. So at some point, at some point we're going to get out there. I hope.

A normal person would never get a hit off Jacob deGrom even in 1,000 at-bats

If you did one at-bat for a thousand days, I would say zero [chance of a hit]. Eventually, at you just be standing there and you just be pure guessing on time. The thing with [deGrom] is like, this ball goes like this... and then yeah. I mean, he throws 95-mile sliders and they look like fastballs till you go to swing at it.

I will spend $20,000 on a guys' trip for PMT if I hit 20 home runs in the second half

All right. I like that. Okay. Yeah. Just the guys... 20 home runs? A lot of home runs in the second [half]. 20 for 20. If you hit 20 home runs, we'll do a Brewster's millions, but it's $20,000 weekend where Christian just spends it on us.

The 2004 Red Sox were so confident they would beat anyone after the Yankees series

This club got so confident out of beating the Yankees four straight. And at that time that American League East made you better than anybody else, because they were the best division in baseball by a decent step... Unless we were going to play the Yankees again in seven or another AL East team, that team was going to dominate whoever they played in. And it did.

Base running is the most difficult thing to do in baseball besides hitting

I know that it is the most... it's the closest to being a player as a coach. You are because you have to react as a base runner... Base running, everything changes every pitch and you are involved every pitch and you have to react off of nine people, not just the pitch in one person. There are more mistakes than anything else.

Shohei Ohtani is the next Babe Ruth and exactly what baseball needs

Shohei Ohtani... he's doing it all. So he's in the Home Run Derby... then he's going to pitch in the All-Star game. And he's going DH in the All-Star game. And this guy, like this is what baseball needs. ... I'm pumped for Shohei Ohtani to be the next Babe Ruth.

Rob Manfred should refuse to drug test Shohei Ohtani for the good of the sport

Rob Manfred, do not piss test Shohei Ohtani whatever you do. I don't care what he's on right now. The only way you could fuck this up is if you stuck a little test strip into a stream of urine and then you just were just a big bummer for America.

There will be a chain of custody issue with the ejected pitcher's hermetically sealed glove

My prediction, there's going to be a chain of custody issue that comes into play with the glove. The pitcher's going to peel it. He's going to get off. And Rob Manfred still won't have a head.

NC State are the real national champions of college baseball

NC State got screwed. Wolfpack are my national champions. They actually did a parade, and they had everyone come to the stadium. They said, we're the national champs. If UCF can do it, why can't NC State?

Facing Jacob deGrom is like going into a test knowing you're going to fail

Yeah, it was a major suck. He shoved it last night. It's like going into a test knowing you're going to fail, like, there's nothing you can do. He's just going to overpower you, and you're going to walk back to the dugout saying, I don't know what I'm doing out here. ... The first pitch I barely even saw.

I would compete in the Home Run Derby if asked

If you were asked to do the home run derby, will you do it? Oh, heck yeah. Okay, so there we go. Perfect. Patrick Wisdom says that he would do the home run derby.

MLB is stupid for cracking down on 'sticky stuff' in the middle of a season

My whole point is you should fix it, but don't fix it in the middle of the season only after it becomes public because you feel like a fool for letting it go on and having it be an open secret for so long. ... Just because they got exposed, they're going to swing the pendulum of justice so hard. ... It's so stupid.

Triple plays should replace no-hitters because they are cooler.

Triple plays should replace no-hitters because they're cooler than no-hitters.

Defensive teams should score a run if they turn a triple play.

Actually, I think you should be able to get a run for a triple play. On defense, you should be able to score a run if you get a triple play... give us what the fans want, and that's defensive runs.

MLB is incompetent for banning sticky substances in the middle of the season

The spider attack controversy that they knew about forever and decided, hey, we're going to now start punishing people. They went zero tolerance policy... Tyler Glasnow... is basically saying he got injured because of it... Good job, MLB. You really fucking did it again, you idiots.