Takes

Anthony Rizzo's home run made everyone forget about his vaccination status

Anthony Rizzo was under fire on Friday because he didn't get vaccinated. But then he had like one of those 16-pitch at-bats where he had a home run... pretty much all is forgiven. And nobody's going to bring up the vaccination stuff after an at-bat like that.

The Houston Astros weren't just banging on garbage cans—they were using NASA technology

If the Astros got this technology from NASA that was going to steal these signs and relay them to the dugout on internet wifi... believe me guys, they wouldn't be banging on a garbage drum and give the hitter signal. It had to be very high-tech guys.

Gerrit Cole should have just lied about using Spider Tack

Garrett Cole, here's a little PR I want to run for you. It's called lying. You just have to lie. And if you just lie, what will happen is people will print your lie. And then people will read that and be like, oh, Garrett Cole doesn't use spider tack. And then the story's over.

Throwing no-hitters is 'choogy' and uncool now

I actually think that throwing no-hitters have gotten, it's like choogy now. Yeah. It's like kind of overdone. It's lame. seriously, like no hitters are lame now. no, these are not cool and guys strike out too much.

Society needs guys like Tony La Russa to protect unwritten rules

I just want to remind people, because I saw the public outcry against Tony La Russa, and I get it, but I want to remind people, If you chase off every single guy who is holding up the unwritten rules, eventually society will crumble. You need the old guy yelling at clouds. You need the Tony La Russa being like, that was Bush League for his own team.

Tony La Russa could win AL Manager of the Year

I'm also very excited for Tony. The White Sox are very good, and so Tony La Russa, he could win AL manager of the year. Which would be so funny.

Shohei Ohtani is a rare talent we must appreciate

Shohei Ohtani is one of those rare talents where I think you just got to sit back and be like, holy fuck, I can't believe this guy's doing this. ... Shohei is getting caught up [to Ronald Acuna].

Mike Trout is the greatest baseball hitter in the history of the sport

He is the greatest player I've ever seen. I was kind of arguing with my dad. I was telling him he might be the best hitter in the history of baseball and he didn't agree with me... Yes, he is the greatest of at least our era.

Baseball celebrations have gone too far in regular season games

For me, since I have played before, I will say I do think the celebrations have gone too far... I want to talk about on Twitter, but I don't really tweet anymore. It's just too much. Like the Tatis stuff... I like the 'let the kids play' type stuff, but it's also, I'm going to be in the minority in this... doing it in like a day game in Cincinnati in April, it seems like Game 7 of the World Series, it's a little much.

The best way to handle a veteran player who needs to retire is to fake an injury and put them on the IL

That's a very easy answer, and it happened to me once in my career. You just put him on the DL. That's all you do, or the IL, whatever. You throw him on there... You know, you got foot soreness and IL and then transfer them to the 60-day and you kind of forget about them and then, you know, maybe bring them back in September.

I like seven-inning doubleheaders and the extra-innings runner on second base rule

I liked the seven inning game. I liked the new rule of starting on second. I know that a lot of people don't like it. I think it's better just because there's nothing more than games going like 16 innings.

Pitchers who get upset about batters celebrating home runs are 'soft'

[Trevor Bauer] said, I like it. Pitchers who have that done to them and react by throwing at people or getting upset and hitting people or whatever, I think it's pretty soft. If you give up a homer, a guy should celebrate it... I'm all for it, and I think it's important that the game moves in that direction.

There are more complete-game one-hitters than no-hitters in MLB history

I'll bet that there's more. [Complete game one-hitters]. I'm not a math guy, but I'm rolling with math on this one.

We are in the golden age of fans eating shit in the stands at baseball games.

I think we are in a golden age that we have to appreciate right this second with spaced out seating to just see awesome videos of people eating shit because think about it usually there's fans so you're not going to go for a ball right... Now it's just selling out.

The Dodgers are significantly overvalued by bettors and oddsmakers

Dodgers have been favored in 96 straight games dating back to 2019 season finale versus the Nationals. They've been favored in 134 of the last 136 games. That's stupid. That actually is not respect the Dodgers. It means that people respect the Dodgers too much. Way too much. That tells me that they're overvalued.

J-Lo should buy the New York Mets as an all-time flex on A-Rod

You know what would be an all-time flex if J-Lo went out and she bought the New York Mets? If she invested in it.

You should be allowed to do anything to break up a no-hitter, but you must accept getting hit by a pitch the next day

My opinion on no hitters and perfect games, I think you should get to do anything to try to break it up, but you also should get to throw it at their head the next day.

Roger Maris is the real home run king

[The asterisk] represents like the real home run king in my estimation. ... [Mark McGwire] apologized to [Maris's widow] for the shame that he brought to that record and breaking Roger's record and it being so well known that he was juiced the whole time.

Ronald Acuña Jr. is officially the face of baseball

My cool throne is baseball because we do officially—I'm ready to call it—Ronald Acuña fully the face of baseball already. I just think Ronald Acuña, like, did you see what he did? He beat out the very routine infield hit... scores tagging up from third on a pop-up to the second baseman.

Betting against the Pittsburgh Pirates every single day is a winning formula

I'm just going to bet against the Pirates every single day. Yeah, they're bad. Every day, bet against the Pirates... I'm just going to bet literally every single game against the Pirates and hope for the best this year.

Shohei Ohtani is the modern-day Babe Ruth

Shohei Ohtani is fucking electric. He throws one-on-one in the first inning, and then he hits a fucking ball... bomb in the bottom of the first... he's like the modern day Babe Ruth.

I am going to be a major Major League Baseball fan this year

I've decided to own a fantasy baseball team in a $0 a year league on ESPN with random people. I am going to be a major league baseball fan this year. Just like of the entire league. Just of the stats.

More than 80% of Major League pitchers doctor the baseball in some way

What percentage of non-athletics pitchers in general do you think are doctoring the ball in some way, shape, or form? I would say probably somewhere in the north of 80%... In terms of guys that just like that would use pine tar or something of that nature.

Fernando Tatis Jr. is at risk for a regression year as the league adjusts to him

Is there a chance he [Fernando Tatis Jr.] might not have a great season because people figure him out and it's a quote-unquote sophomore slump even though it's his third year? And is there a chance that happens and we maybe got a little bit ahead of ourselves with the hype?

The Oakland Athletics can go deeper in the playoffs this season than they did last year

There's no reason that the Oakland A's, there's no reason that the Oakland A's can't make a run deeper into the postseason than they did last year... Matt Olsen very well could lead the league in home runs. Baseball. Fuck the league. Baseball. He very well could lead baseball in home runs.

Returning fans will make the 2021 season a miserable 'Integrity Tour' for the Astros

The Astros tour that happened last year... It's going to be different this year, man. It's going to be different this year because I don't care that it's 5,000, 10,000 fans, whatever. They're going to hear it, and they didn't hear it last year... We need to do a better job... of reminding people that the Astros did not get their tour last year.

The Dodgers and White Sox are the strongest candidates to reach the World Series

I believe the Dodgers are going to be there. I believe the White Sox are a team that is being strongly considered. I just, I feel like if they can handle business in their division, I like, man, I just like how they're built.

Baseball suffered the most from having no fans in attendance

I'm very excited about baseball season because baseball, I think, was the sport that suffered the most not having fans in attendance. It didn't feel real with nobody in the stands. There's something about going to a baseball game in the middle of the day in the summertime.

The Chicago Cubs prospect Jesus Camargo was likely a front for a drug cartel

Jesus Camargo was arrested after police found 21 pounds of meth in his team equipment bag... Is this something that's an organizational thing where he was assigned to do that? I wouldn't put it past Ricketts to make money any which way. It would not shock me. It'd actually be good for baseball if the Chicago Cubs were just straight up like the Juarez cartel.

The defensive shift has ruined baseball

I'll do it. I'll say it. The shift has ruined baseball. Let's be fucking Peter Gammons on it for a second... The shift has ruined baseball.

Baseball is the only All-Star game that actually works

I really don't understand like the all star games. They just don't. Baseball is really the only all star game that really actually works because you can't not throw hard. It's one on one. It's just like no one's even playing.

Throwing a no-hitter on LSD is the most impressive athletic feat of all time

He should try doing it on LSD like Doc Ellis did. If you want to talk about the most impressive athletic feats of all time, I'd say throwing a no-hitter on LSD is probably number one and number two.

Tommy Pham is only alive because he has too much muscle to be killed by a knife

Doctors told Tommy Pham after he was stabbed that if he wasn't so muscular, he would maybe be dead or paralyzed, which is the greatest flex of all time. Being like, if I was a weak fucking scrawny bitch boy, I'd be dead. But instead, I'm an alpha male with a shitload of muscles so I can handle a stabbing.

The blood on Curt Schilling's sock in the 2004 ALCS was fake paint

My conspiracy is the Curt Schilling sock because there's actually some smoke to that. There's some evidence that the blood on the sock was not actually blood... I do think that it's a shitload of paint that got put back there to make Curt Schilling look like he was pitching his absolute balls off.

Fernando Tatis Jr. will be a Yankee in four or five years if the Padres don't win a title

Well, I mean, the Padres, they obviously were an electric team in the shortened season last year. Slam Diego? Yeah, Slam Diego. So if they don't win a title in what? The first four or five? Then he's a Yankee.

The Mets should have brought up Tim Tebow just to sell tickets

My prediction was that the Mets should bring him up because they weren't selling any tickets, and they should have brought him up several times to the big leagues because Tim Tebow puts asses in seats. That's just a fact. People would go out and watch Tim Tebow strike out three times before they would go out and watch the Mets win 30% of their games at home.

Barry Bonds belongs in the Hall of Fame

Barry Bonds. Of course. ... there are probably 10 in the Hall of Fame right now that use PEDs. A couple I injected myself. I won't mention who they are.

Jose Canseco is not a real fighter; I have seen him hide in the dugout during brawls

Jose is not a fighter. I see personally drill him. Drill him. And half of the team was in the middle of the field when we turned around. Jose is still in the dugout. Jose is not a fighter. Jose just wanted you to show him respect and love when he was playing.

Tony La Russa will bring necessary clubhouse leadership to the White Sox

I think Tony is a guy, if those guys listen to Tony La Russa and go after the way Tony go or prepare you to win, I think this ball club is going to have a lot of success.

Barry Bonds is the greatest baseball player of all time

Tom Verducci filling out a baseball Hall of Fame ballot and leaving the greatest baseball player of all time, Barry Bonds, off of it.

Baseball Hall of Fame voting should be left to the fans

Leave it up to the fans. Let the fans vote. You buried it. Maybe because you've convinced yourself over the years that you're so important that everybody should look up to you because you get to check a piece of paper.

The Houston Astros were flat-out cheating, not just looking for an edge

To have some guy on a computer and a button sitting in the video room and seeing what the catcher's putting down—I mean, that's, there's no place for that in the game. That's, you know, that's cheating. That's cheating. That's not looking for an edge. That's flat-out cheating. And, you know, I was pretty disgusted with it. I'm not going to lie to you.

Barry Bonds was easy to pitch to because the best strategy was just walking him

Barry Bonds, he was the easiest guy in the league to pitch to. I mean, because you throw him fastballs away, and if it mattered at all, you just walked him. So he was like, no stress. That dude was so easy to pitch to. It's his fault for being as good as he was.

The Padres will always finish second to the Dodgers, even with an all-star team

I know this makes no sense, but you could put an all-star team on the Padres and I would just assume that they would finish second.

Baseball was actually my best sport

I always feel like baseball is actually my best sport... if I really had focused on baseball, you know, out of high school, I was going to be a top pick out of high school... I never really got to fully blossom fully in my baseball career... out of high school and stuff that baseball was actually my best sport.

Pulling Blake Snell from the World Series was a mistake driven by numbers over gut

I think he [Kevin Cash] went with the numbers and didn't go with his gut... Blake Snell, no pitcher really should want to come out unless they injure themselves... he wasn't close to being done.

Theo Epstein will be the next MLB Commissioner

I actually think he'll be the next commissioner. He should be the next commissioner. I think Manfred's got to be nervous because Theo Epstein's a fucking genius, and everything he does turns into being great.

Kevin Cash let his computer ruin the World Series by pulling Blake Snell in Game 6

The game was a Kevin Cash versus computer and he let his computer fuck him in the face and the Rays died by sabermetrics and congrats to the Dodgers... Blake Snell was 73 pitches, zero runs into the game and he pulled him after a single... The computer says we've got to go to the bullpen. I'm gonna freak out I'm a nerd I've never realized that the game is played with emotion and humans and not on a spreadsheet.

The Washington Nationals are still the current regular full-season World Series champions

I'd also like to say that the Washington Nationals are still current regular full season World Series champions that is for the record that I've gone to game seven. What the fuck? What happened?

Clayton Kershaw should be the World Series MVP

Clayton Kershaw World Series MVP, why not? I'm hoping that well—no, he's not going to pitch on Tuesday. I feel like they'll give it to him, right?