Takes

The Chicago Cubs have one more World Series in them

I still think this team [Cubs] has one World Series in them, one more World Series in them. But this fucking sucks.

PMT is 99% responsible for my second half performance

[What percentage of credit for my performance in the second half?] Like 99% probably.

No one will ever hit .400 in MLB again

No. No one will ever hit .400 or even come close to hitting .400... over the course of a full season ever again. There's just too many defensive shifts and there's so much data on hitters and pitchers... those days of come and gone in baseball.

The Red Sox would rather play the Yankees than the A's in the playoffs

If you're the Boston Red Sox, I think you would rather play the Yankees... the A's just represent an air of the unknown. Billy Bean doing his weird shit every few years... you just haven't seen these guys with the repetition that you have seen the arms for the New York Yankees.

The Cleveland Indians will win the 2018 World Series

I think it very well could be the Cleveland Indians from the American League... and the Dodgers... I think it's going to be the Cleveland Indians.

Bryce Harper will sign with the Phillies

To be honest with you, I think Philadelphia... Philadelphia's trying to win a World Series the next few years.

The Red Sox middle relief is their biggest postseason concern

I'm a little concerned, to be honest with you, about the middle reliever. You know, I think we need to approach the opposition better when it comes down to it... once Sale got out of the game in the 6 or 7, those inning and a half, I want to make sure that we are covered.

I would like to pitch one more year in Major League Baseball

If we make it to next year, I'd like to get one more year in.

Joe Maddon gave an Urban Meyer-esque answer regarding Addison Russell's abuse allegations

That's an Urban Meyer-esque answer, basically saying my internet doesn't work and my brain doesn't work and I forgot that I should probably read about my accusations that my players committed domestic abuse. Whether it's true or not, bad answer, Joe Maddon.

Christian Yelich will win the MLB MVP

It's Christian Yelich since appearing on Pardon My Take in July. He's first in batting average, tied for first in home runs, first in runs, first in RBIs, and first in slugging percentage. Many people are saying he's going to be the MVP.

Trevor Bauer is the dumbest player in Major League Baseball

What it basically amounts to is Trevor Bauer is the dumbest player in Major League Baseball, possibly sports... Trevor Bauer got spooked by a fake tweet in 2011 that Obama was going to take his fighting necklaces and confiscate them.

The championship window for this Nationals group is closed

I think the window we're talking championship window. It's probably closed on the [Nationals] for this group. ... the Nats are dead. They're done. Put a stake in them. Probably should have traded Bryce Harper.

Bryce Harper will be in pinstripes next year

Yeah, there's nothing you can do. So [Bryce Harper] will be in pinstripes next year. Whichever pinstripes, we don't know. Could be Phillies pinstripes.

The current Dodgers have the best team in baseball and should be back in the World Series

I think that our team, our team should be in the World Series again because we have the best team today. And they're going to show now that the time has come where we really have to go.

Ted Williams is the greatest hitter in baseball history

Who's the best hitter you've ever seen in your life? Ted Williams. ... This guy could hit like nobody I've ever seen. I'm telling you, he was amazing.

No baseball player will ever hit .400 again unless they cheat

Do you think anybody's going to hit 400 again? No. No. Only way they'll hit 400 is a cheat. ... Nobody hit 400.

Modern baseball players are too distracted by video games like Fortnite

Yeah, they're playing their Fortnite and video games. ... That's what's happening to the players today. They're too much involved with the games.

Major League Baseball should have teams play on a Little League field for one night

I don't understand why Major League Baseball, to capture the imagination of America for one night – doesn't have the MLB teams play on a Little League field. ... The infield will make regulation. The fence will be 200 feet. ... tell me that wouldn't be the greatest thing ever.

A-Rod moving to third base makes him an all-time sidekick

My next one is going to be A-Rod. Move to third base. Before he ever won anything.

Major League Baseball umpires are on the hot seat and we need electronic strike zones

My other hot seat is umps. So Ben Zobrist got tossed in the Cubs-Brewers game today, and on the way out, he said to umpire Phil Cuzzi... That's why we want electronic strike zones. And I think this is going to be the moment where we get this debate going again, and umps are now going to be on the hot seat because they fuck up a couple times a year, like, egregiously.

The Montgomery Biscuits is a top-tier minor league team name

I got to go Montgomery Biscuits. The best part about it is the tongue is a pat of butter.

St. Louis Cardinals fans are the most knowledgeable fans in baseball

Best baseball fans, probably knowledgeable and also cool to their team, like forgiving and they weren't assholes, were St. Louis Cardinals fans. They know the game. They know shit like you don't make the first or the third out at third base. They support players that are in a slump. They don't do like that stupid Yankee thing where they boo Derek Jeter.

The Nationals should have traded Bryce Harper at the 2018 MLB trade deadline.

As a [Nationals] fan, I guess I can say I'm a [Nationals] fan now, yeah, Natitude. As one who possesses Natitude, I think they probably should have traded him. My guess is they just got a bunch of shitty offers for him because he sucks this year, no offense Bryce.

Yankee fans holding a candlelight vigil for Aaron Judge's broken wrist is outrageous

This is outrageous for a fucking broken wrist. I think he [Aaron Judge] just got hit in the wrist and a little bone came off... I don't think Jose Fernandez got this type of tribute.

Braves announcer Joe Simpson is the ultimate 'old man yells at cloud' for complaining about batting practice T-shirts

Getting upset about guys taking batting practice in T-shirts... this is maybe my favorite like old man yells at cloud mixed with baseball... Joe Simpson, suck our dicks, dude. You'll never hear this.

Modern baseball and stat heads are ruining starting pitching

modern baseball is ruining starting pitching. Like, you see guys starting relievers now. Stat heads have killed starting pitching... if they expand rosters it's over there's not going to be starting pitching anymore it's just going to be a bunch of relievers.

Derek Jeter is such a fierce competitor that if he lost a bet to you, he would pay you entirely in pennies

He was such a competitor that if he lost, he would pay you in pennies... it would be like $100 on something stupid... he would literally have a bag of pennies the next day. And it wasn't like a dollar. It was like $100. That's a lot of pennies.

Gary Sanchez should have his pinstripes taken away for his lazy play against the Rays

He removed his pinstripes, said Gary Sanchez should have his pinstripes taken away... El Gary is supposed to be the people talking Hall of Fame after his first year... he should just show up to the next home game with the road jersey and be like, here you go, boss. Here are my pinstripes.

Tim Tebow would definitely hit a home run if he were ever called up to the Major Leagues

If you think Tim Tebow would not have hit a home run in the major leagues, you do not know Tim Tebow, my friend. All the guy does is miracles. That's all he does.

The Red Sox will win the World Series this year

You're going to guarantee the Red Sox World Series this year? [PFT] Yeah. [David Ortiz] Oh, heard here first... First reported. After first reported, I call the Red Sox World Series champ.

The Oakland A's will make the Wild Card in 2018

The Oakland A's will happen to creep into that Wild Card spot in the AL. The Oakland A's will be playing meaningful and potential postseason baseball come the finish of... late September.

Unwritten rules are necessary to provide policing in baseball

For the most part, what I believe unwritten rules do are provide a sort of policing that players on the whole can either understand at the minimum, even if they're not on board with. They kind of have an idea of why this is happening. Why am I getting drilled right now?

Mike Trout is the most boring athlete of all time

Mike Trout is the most boring athlete of all time. He's also the best baseball player currently. And Rob Manfred came out and said it's Mike Trout's fault because he's so boring.

Bryce Harper will not be a National next year.

We commonly agree that, yes, Bryce Harper is no longer going to be a National next year.

Bryce Harper's Home Run Derby performance raised his value from $300 million to $450 million.

Colin Cowherd actually said that Bryce Harper, based on the home run derby, made $150 million last night. He's going to go from a $300 million guy to a $450 million guy because all the owners in baseball are going to lick their lips and be like, I want a piece of that ass.

Yadier Molina will be the next player-manager for the St. Louis Cardinals.

Yadier's going to be the new player manager. That's what my sources are telling me.

Giancarlo Stanton and I would still be on the Marlins if Jose Fernandez hadn't passed away.

I'd still be there. Stanton would still be there. We'd all still be there this year if that [Jose Fernandez's passing] didn't happen. This would have been his last year before free agency so we would have been gearing up making a playoff push and we had a ton of talent on those teams.

Mike Trout should get a mural of LeBron James' 'Welcome to LA' mural tattooed on his neck to improve his fame.

He should put, like, the LeBron James Welcome to L.A. mural on his neck. Yes, and then people will finally be like, oh, Anaheim is also in the L.A. market. And then he'll get swarmed by people trying to deface the mural on his neck. Yes. And so everybody will know what he looks like.

People who get offended by bat flips in baseball are silly

People getting offended by bat flips are so silly. I fucking love this. I think this might be a straw man now. I think we've gotten to the point where... now I think we might just be arguing against no one.

Mike Matheny is a 'dumb-dumb brains' for his management and team culture issues

Thoughts and prayers to Mike Matheny. Dumb-dumb brains is what I have been calling him over the years. So he got fired mid- I think that probably had a lot to do with his firing. Dumb-dumb brains. Once you get labeled as dumb-dumb brains, you can't come back.

Yadier Molina's career-high home run pace at age 35 is suspicious

Yadier Molina, 35 years old, on pace for the most home runs in his career. Very interesting. And the seams have been raised, so it's actually harder to hit home runs. Very interesting.

The MLB should put Tim Tebow in the Home Run Derby to boost ratings

Let Tebow hit in the home run derby in the All-Star game... the bottom line is, you want a ratings bonanza, get Tim Tebow in the fucking home run derby.

The Mets should call up Tim Tebow immediately

Come on, Mets, just bring Tebow up this year. You're not going to do anything else... Tebow Tuesdays. I like it. With the Mets.

Baseball should remove the catcher position for the first two strikes with no one on base

My idea was to just remove the catcher and put the catcher in the infield or the outfield against a batter when there's nobody on base for the first two strikes. Yeah, the umpire gets hit a few times with some fastballs or whatever, but you don't need a catcher. Like who cares if the game's delayed a little bit?

MLB is stupid for deleting the Terry Collins viral 'Ass in the Jackpot' video

They finally had a video where people were like, this is awesome. This is fun. ... You should actually start doing that and show just umps and managers yelling at each other about asses in the jackpot. They did the exact opposite because they're MLB. They pulled it.

A winning pitcher hugging a batter after a strikeout is a disgusting display of pity

This is disgusting. I would put one in that pitcher's ear hole next time he got up... That's a more disgusting move than pimping a home run. That's showing up your opponent more. Go up to him and be like, 'Hey, I'm going to give you a big hug because you can't handle this big loss.'

Hank is correct: MLB baseball seams are 9% bigger than in previous years

I saw an article in, I think it was The Athletic, that they tested baseballs. And the biggest difference between baseballs from, I think it was this year or last year, and say 2013 or 14, was the seams were 9% bigger. Hank is right. Hank is actually right.

The Arizona Diamondbacks will play the Boston Red Sox in the World Series

D-Backs, Red Sox.

Clayton Kershaw is not finished as an elite pitcher

Neither [done or finished]. Come on. I'm a Kershaw fan, even though I work for the D-backs... I never count that guy out. He works too hard.

The Yankees' protest against ESPN's scheduling is a power move using Aaron Boone's inside knowledge

It's also a power move because you know Aaron Boone knows the inside deal with ESPN, so he knows the leverage he has.