Takes

I almost got a tattoo of Javier Baez on the back of my neck after seeing his slide against the Blue Jays.

Javi Baez had such a good slide for the Cubs to win an extra inning... In that time, I almost got myself an El Mago tattoo. ... Maybe on the back of my neck like his MLB tattoo.

Major League Baseball should arm umpires with tasers to defend themselves against players.

What if we just gave tasers to umps? Oh my god. Yes, let's arm umpires. Yes. I'm 100% on board with arming umpires. ... We need to start arming them so they can defend themselves.

Aaron Judge's 37-game strikeout streak is linked to the 37 pinstripes on the Yankees uniform.

He struck out 37 consecutive games in a row. ... There are 37 pinstripes on the Yankee uniform. ... Illuminati. So just grab a screen grab of his uniform and then just make a triangle in red.

Bryce Harper injured himself because he was too focused on adjusting his hair for the cameras

The real culprit in this situation, I don't know if you saw, but as he was stepping on the base, Bryce Harper was more concerned with adjusting his hair. The hair flopped out, and he put his hand up there to try to straighten his hair out, look good for the cameras. Guess what? You should have been paying attention to your knee.

The St. Louis Cardinals will win the World Series because of the 'rally kitten'

I'm telling you right now, I've seen this fucking story a million times. That rally kitten, cat, whatever the fuck it was. The Cardinals are going to win the World Series. This is Cardinals Dark Magic just came out in the form of a cat... all because of a stupid fucking kitten.

Bryce Harper is currently the face of baseball

The face right now you would like to think would be, in my opinion, it's Bryce Harper. Unfortunately, there's not one that you can latch on to... Mike Trout is the football fan face of baseball.

The Home Run Derby can mechanically ruin a hitter's swing

I believe there are some things to it mechanically as well. Guys get into a groove mechanically and are able to repeat and put on this certain launch angle, and then shit changes when you get back into the ballgame and you're facing change-ups with depth. You're facing sliders that are bouncing.

The Dodgers will represent the National League in the 2017 World Series

Right now, I think you have to like the Dodgers and what they're doing. I feel like the Nationals could compete, but we're talking about the ultimate dance here, so I'm going to take the Dodgers from the National League.

19% of current MLB players use steroids

I'm going to say... 19% [of MLB players use steroids]. They have a drug testing problem and they have a penalization problem. Chemists are starting to get one step ahead and start maintaining that one step ahead of the drug testing.

The Dodgers have already won the World Series after the trade deadline

The winners and losers of the trade deadline, the Dodgers have won it all. Just give them the trophy right now. You [get] Yu Darvish. Yeah. And then they also are going to get another trade when Clayton Kershaw comes back.

Bryce Harper will eventually sign with the Philadelphia Phillies

If you were to ask me straight up, [Harper goes to] Philadelphia. Philadelphia... Because it's 212 feet to right field, 279 to center, and 175 feet to left. So he's thinking Hall of Fame... Where can I hit 700 home runs? Philadelphia.

Manny Machado will end up playing for the New York Yankees

I think Machado ends up with the Yankees, and I think Harper goes to Philadelphia.

Being a great clubhouse guy means having no ego and not intimidating teammates

I'll tell you what makes a great locker room guy: immediately when you're hung like the light switch in the off position. Got it. So I think that immediately lowers a lot of stuff... When you care about guys and truly care about them, you want guys to do well.

The Yankees win the World Series if Sonny Gray remains an ace

The Yankees win the World Series if your boy Sonny Gray stays at number one.

Barry Bonds and Roger Clemens definitely belong in the Hall of Fame

Barry Bonds? Yes. I think yes. Roger Clemens? Yes.

The Nationals have the most potent offense in baseball

Shout out to future hall of famer Dan Haren because on this same podcast on Wednesday he said the nationals have the most potent offense in baseball boom so next day [they hit 8 home runs].

David Ross is the face of baseball because of Dancing with the Stars

One guy that his retirement went so opposite of mine that it kind of annoys me now is David Ross... He was the face of baseball when it was the Dancing with the Stars. Buster Olney or Ken Rosenthal were saying he's the face of baseball because he's what most people would recognize.

Pitching inside is the safest way to attack Aaron Judge

With those guys, like the big guys like [Aaron Judge], I think keeping the ball inside is safer because if you throw it out over the middle, there's the chance to hit it right back up the middle right at you. So keeping it inside and hope they put it on the ground.

The Diamondbacks will defeat the Astros in the 2017 World Series

I'll say Diamondbacks versus Astros then... Diamondbacks [win].

Clayton Kershaw and Max Scherzer are the best pitchers in baseball

Him [Kershaw] and Scherzer are the best ones. [Kershaw] is the best pitcher in baseball. I'm worried about his back, though. This is the third year in a row he's gone on the DL for his back.

Once a pitcher hurts their back, they are screwed long-term

It's unfortunate. Once you hurt your back, you're screwed. Trust me. [Kershaw] tried to change his workout... and I don't think it helped.

Yu Darvish is the best trade target available among top pitchers

I would take Darvish. I like Darvish. He's got great stuff. I know the Dodgers and Cubs are looking at both those guys, but I mean, they're all really good, but I'm a big fan of Yu Darvish. I like his stuff. I know Verlander's got more... control, but I'm a big Darvish guy.

Clayton Kershaw is 'hurt' but not 'injured' and will play through the pain

I'm going to go with hurt because he'll be back. He'll just ignore the pain. ... He has that special like lizard part of his brain that he can just activate where it just blocks all of his pain sensors and he can just get back in there.

I could make the pros in five years as a knuckleball pitcher with seclusion and a personal chef

I said if you put me in a cabin in the middle of the woods with a personal chef and a knuckleball specialist, I could be in the pros within five years. I think with some training, seclusion, and just a lot more training, I could make it to the double A's and then, you know, who knows what happens from there.

The Aaron Judge slump is caused by participating in the Home Run Derby

The Aaron Judge, did he fuck up his swing, is fully back. He's like one for 14 right now. I think we called that before the home run derby even started, right?

The MLB baseballs are wound tighter this season causing more home runs

I think the balls are wound a little tighter this year, no doubt. I think pitchers are throwing harder and guys are stronger, so therefore the ball's just going to go further.

Aaron Judge is the face of baseball right now

With Mike Trout being hurt, Mike Trout being on the West Coast, the New York market is just crazy about baseball. ... it's hard to say [Judge] is not the face of baseball right now.

Aaron Judge will eventually move to first base to save his career

Eventually he'll probably want to because you know your knees and your feet will get worn down over a long season... eventually he'll want to move to first base because it will save his career a little bit.

Switch hitters have to re-learn how to hit every single spring training

I was two completely different hitters. I don't exaggerate when I say this... Every year in spring training, I had to learn how to hit again. I literally would come to spring training, the first few games, I would look like I never played baseball.

The MLB All-Star Game should matter for home-field advantage

I now this is this is going to be like people were like wow sick brag you went to the home run derby i have never been wowed by home runs like i was... but i would prefer for [the All-Star Game] to matter than sit there and be like, oh, who gives a shit? 2-1 game. No one's really trying that hard.

Winning the Home Run Derby will mess up Aaron Judge's swing

I'm going Aaron Judge's swing. Because everyone knows the home run derby, whoever wins it, it messes up their swing. It absolutely does... He was on track to win Rookie of the Year, maybe Triple Crown, but watch out. I already saw chitter chatter on Twitter that watched out for his swing.

The MLB should determine World Series home field by interleague play record

What they should do is whichever AL NL, whoever has a better record in interleague play. Boom. Problem solved. There's a little National League versus American League pride now.

The Houston Astros and LA Dodgers are on a crash course for the 2017 World Series

Probably the Astros from Houston. I think the Astros are really good. I think the Dodgers are really good. I think they're on a crash course for the fall classic.

The Marlins fake their attendance numbers using Wi-Fi logins

I bet the Marlins do their attendance based on how many people log into the Wi-Fi every night. It kept on kicking us out like every 10 minutes, and then it would just come right back on. I bet the Marlins count it as like 50 people... every single person counts for like 15.

Clayton Kershaw is the 'asshole' of Major League Baseball

For Clayton Kershaw, he's just like the – would you consider him an asshole?... every pitcher, if they're going to be a really good pitcher, they need to have a streak of being an asshole. Yeah, so we'll call Clayton the asshole of Major League Baseball.

Catchers and calling the game are more important than hitting or throwing

Number one is catching and calling a game no matter what. You have to be able to call a game, know the right pitch, know your pitching staff, know when to call and what to call at certain times... throwing would have to be last, and probably hitting and then throwing is last.

Shoeless Joe Jackson belongs in the Hall of Fame

You think Joe Jackson should be a Hall of Famer?... Yes, I do... He had a pretty good World Series for someone trying to throw it.

Tim Tebow should 'go for it' in baseball even if he doesn't make it

Why not? Go for it. I mean, hey, if someone wants to give you a job to play professional sports and you want to try it, why would you say no?... If you don't make it, you don't make it, and you can always go back to ESPN and do the SEC.

St. Louis Cardinals fans are the classiest in baseball, followed by the White Sox

Rank the classiest fan bases... Well, St. Louis is number one. You could be 0 for 100, and they'll tell you you're going to get a hit tomorrow, even though you know you're not going to... For me, the White Sox, too, probably. Braves, three.

Groundskeeper 'The Freeze' should be an all-time pinch runner in the All-Star Game

The freeze is hot, right? Hilarious... So pinch runner, all-time runner, the freeze. So he just stands behind the catcher, and as soon as the ball's in play, he's running.

The 2017 Cubs are fine and will win the NL Central

The Cubs are fine until they finish 81-81 and probably win the Central. I have decided I'm going to keep telling myself the Cubs are fine.

Bryce Harper will sign with the Cubs

Bryce Harper wants to play in pinstripes. He's going to look good in pinstripes. As first reported by Pardon My Take. And his dog's name is Wrigley, so just connect a few dots.

Tim Tebow will be in the Major Leagues later this year

The Mets have such bad injuries that [Tim] Tebow is just going to be on the Mets. He's going to be in the major leagues later on this year.

Cody Bellinger is definitely on steroids

Cody Bellinger, Los Angeles Dodgers phenom. He just hit his 21st home run of the season... I think if he stays on this pace, he's going to hit like 58 home runs or something, huh? ... That's kind of what Cody's doing with steroids. Because you're not allowed to use them at all. They test you all the time.

Tim Tebow just needs to have sex to fix his baseball issues

Tim Tebow just needs to have sex. It's gotten to that point, Tim. That's too much aggression. I mean, a bat going into the first five rows, that happens. A bat going into the second deck. That's a guy who needs to have some sex. Just come once.

The 2017 Yankees are fully back

The Yankees are fully back. Pinstripes for everyone. Aaron Judge hit three home runs on Sunday. His 21st of the year. Also the longest home run of the year... They have the best run differential in the league.

MLB drug tests me more often because I'm a short guy hitting home runs

They like to come and test me all the time when I hit home runs because they don't really believe a short little guy can hit homers. So I'm kind of surprised they haven't came yet, but I'm sure they will soon.

College baseball coaches and football strength coaches are the same species of person

College baseball coaches and high school baseball coaches are under the same phylum as football strength coaches. They're very similar. They're very similar species... College baseball coaches definitely still spit dip in their players' faces and have weird sayings and call them all pussies.

Bryce Harper is leaning towards signing with the Cubs in free agency

Peter Gammons reported that Bryce Harper is actually leaning towards the Cubs... Might I remind you, two quick things connect the dots. Bruce's dog is named Wrigley. And he played baseball with Kris Bryant. So he's friends with him. Do the math.

Derek Jeter's face is starting to look like a baseball glove

He's slowly becoming a member of the Fat Face Club in retirement. That face, it's starting to get basketball shaped a little bit... His face looks like a baseball glove now.