Takes

The worse Bill Belichick looks, the better the Patriots play

The more I actually review these outfits, it's just the worse he looks, the better they play. It actually makes sense. He's the opposite of look good, play good.

Hurdling over a center during a field goal is legal as long as there is no contact

So now you're getting these guys that are getting the running start and going over the top, and if they don't touch anybody, then it's legal. It's legal to hurdle. I just don't know what they could necessarily do other than to say that you can't jump over an opponent, and I just don't see them doing that.

The NFL has a 'goaltending' rule to prevent players from batting field goals away from under the goalpost

But, you know, there's such a foul in the NFL, which people don't really know about... goaltending. They used to put R.C. Owens, I think it was, underneath the goalposts at Kezar Stadium in San Francisco. And he would try to jump up and bat the ball to keep it from going over the upright. And the league said, that doesn't seem fair. And so they actually said that you couldn't.

Harry Douglas's low hit on Chris Harris Jr. was not illegal or dirty

I say dirty from my standpoint is based upon whether it was illegal or not. And it's not illegal. I mean, he's in front. He's blocking low. It's a run up the middle. I don't think it's illegal at all, and I don't think the league does either.

Carson Palmer's NFL career is dead

[Psychic Laura says 'Palmer'] Carson Palmer's career is dead. That actually makes a lot of sense. I barely even know.

Aaron Rodgers is officially back and the Packers are the team nobody wants to play in January

Aaron Rodgers is officially back. He did his whole thing where everyone talked about how [he] was awful, and then he's rattled off three games that have been great, and the Packers are right back in the thick of things, and they are officially the don't-want-to-play-these-guys-in-January team.

The Detroit Lions are in trouble because Matthew Stafford's finger injury is a season-killer

The Lions are back because something really good happened to them today, and they're in the catbird seat of the NFC North. But then in a win, they also got really bad news as Matthew Stafford dislocated his middle finger on his throwing hand and severed a bunch of ligaments. So they're kind of fucked.

Marc Trestman was a genius offensive coordinator but not a head coach

Trestman was a great offensive coordinator, he just wasn't a head coach... you can just tell by the way the guy is wired. He's an offensive-minded genius, and he should just be in charge of anything that falls under the offensive branch. When you're trying to talk to D-linemen and linebackers, who are just a different group of individuals, then you got to have a different way of going about it.

Derek Carr is a soft Cali boy who chokes in the cold

Derek Carr, not [a cold-weather quarterback]. No, in fact, he's a cold-weather choker. He played, what, at Fresno State? Cali boy. Soft. Can't trust the soft Cali boys.

I grew up a 49ers fan and could never get on board with Tim Rattay because they were terrible with him

I guess not a fan of was Tim Rattay... He was the Niners quarterback when I was... or one of them, one of the many when I was growing up. And I was a big Niner fan, and they were terrible with him. I could never get on board with him ever.

Jeff Fisher is as big of a 'football guy' as they come

As big of a football guy as I come... I mean, that's his whole deal. I mean, he's there all day, and obviously he's been a head coach for a long time, been in football longer than a lot of head coaches in the league.

The Patriots will be fine without Rob Gronkowski because Martellus Bennett is a very talented tight end

The good news for the Patriots is they do have [Martellus] Bennett, right? And Bennett is a really good tight end. The Patriots, yeah, they'll take a step back, but it's not the end of the world.

Aaron Rodgers isn't washed; the Packers' defensive injuries are the real problem

I don't think [Rodgers] was ever gone. I mean, their defense kind of sucks. So that's not really helping his cause when he's throwing for 300 yards and three touchdowns and they still lost. I don't really get that whole narrative. They've got a lot of injuries, especially on defense.

Jay Cutler will always leave fans wanting more with flashes of greatness before he inevitably self-implodes.

That's the cool thing about Cutler as a Packers fan and player. It was like he's going to leave you like – he's going to leave those Bears fans wanting more and like, oh, look at this. Look at this flash of greatness. And then he'll totally just self-implode.

Matt Barkley is a terrible quarterback

Let's face it folks, Matt Charles Barkley, the round mound of intentional ground, is terrible. Just terrible. Terrible, terrible. Terrible, terrible, terrible.

John Gruden is the ultimate coaching search leverage tool to help candidates negotiate higher salaries

John Gruden is like the fail-proof coaching rumor. When a team or a college can't leverage their coaching search against anyone, they're like, well, John Gruden's interested... He's always going to come back if a team needs him to negotiate against someone else.

The yellow first down line on TV is not an official line

People forget that the yellow line on the field isn't official. So people actually forgot that this weekend in the Ohio State-Michigan game. What? Great game by the refs forgot it as a matter of fact so they just said oh it looks like across the yellow line first down first down

I'm taking the Lions to beat the Vikings on Thanksgiving

I'm going to take the Lions because I took the Vikings on the Pick'em podcast. That's how you keep yourself even there.

I'm taking the Steelers to beat the Colts on Thanksgiving

I got the Vikings, I got the R-words, and I have the Steelers.

I officially called the Browns being mathematically eliminated from the playoffs back in August

I actually broke that news back in August. The second they announced RG3 as their starting quarterback... I said, okay, they've just clinched last place in the AFC. They've clinched the first draft pick, and they're mathematically eliminated right now.

Ben McAdoo is a watered-down fraud trying too hard to sound like a real football guy

Ben McAdoo seems like he's trying real hard as a first-year head coach to be a football guy. I think he's overextending himself a little bit. He sounds like a fraud. He's like a watered-down football guy. If this was like Coughlin doing this, then I would absolutely accept this is a football guy.

Jacksonville cannot beat teams that are named after big cats

Jacksonville has lost seven straight games to teams that are named after big cats, just like the Jaguars. So it's one of those situations where Superman can beat anybody, but he can't beat Kryptonite because he's from Kryptonite.

The Raiders will beat the Texans in Mexico City as the 'Don Julio Shot of the Week'

And then the Raiders in Mexico City. Hey, what do you say we make that our shot of the week? Don Julio, Mexico tequila. O-Cart Julio. O-Culio. O-Culio shot of the week. Darkheart shot of the week.

The Redskins will beat the Packers in Week 11

And I'm going to walk right into it, and it's going to snatch me up, and I'm taking the Redskins... So I'm going Redskins.

The Patriots will blow out the 49ers in Week 11

Hank, I agree with you on the Patriots. I think they're going to kill the 49ers.

I am effectively the emergency quarterback for the Rams and could manage the game if needed

I still am [the emergency quarterback]. So we only dress two on game day, and I guess if things were to go crazy, they could put me in there to securely hand the ball off to our running backs.

At age 39, Tom Brady is still the best quarterback in the NFL.

Tom Brady's 39. He's the best quarterback in the league.

Football is officially back and here to stay.

The whole sport of football. It's been a whole long season. Everyone's shitting on it, saying it's only got so much time, 25 years before it's gone forever. This weekend was a perfect example. It's back, and it's here to stay.

The Detroit Lions officially beat the bye week after everyone else in the NFC North lost.

The lions beat the bye week because every team lost except the lions. That's right. So that snaps their 30-year consecutive losing streak against the bye week.

Every NFL team that passed on Dak Prescott will be draft shamed forever

Dak Prescott has been named the starter. He was drafted 135... You could have had Dak Prescott. And people will remind you every single day... Everyone gets draft shamed now that Dak Prescott is officially the starter and a superstar.

A unified hatred of being a Browns fan is the only thing that can pull the nation together

The most healing thing might be to sit down and all watch the Browns because we're all experiencing relief that at least we're not Browns fans. That is the one thing that can pull our nation together, our unified hatred of potentially being a Browns fan.

NFL officials have a sweet system where poor performance leads to more pay and training

My cool throne is NFL officials, and the reason why is because everybody's complaining about them, and the NFL officials have such a sweet system set up that the answer to poor NFL officiating is to make them full-time employees. So everyone's saying, hey, what are these guys doing out here just being part-time? Let's pay them more.

NFL ratings are down because the league is in a transition period for superstar quarterbacks

One is it seems to be a league a little bit in transition, right? So like Peyton Manning is no longer, obviously no longer playing Brady missed the first four weeks. There's not really, there's just not a ton of like high profile must see quarterbacks slash figures... Carson Wentz and Dak are good, but just not quite the same people that draw in, like, the average viewer.

The Seahawks' strategy is to force referees to call pass interference every single time until they stop calling it

The Seahawks do this. This is what they do. They basically make the refs call calls in big moments in the game... They basically say we're going to grab and hold and have pass interference and force the refs to call it.

Jeff Fisher only gets fired if the Rams have a real collapse this season

I would say it would take... This year, it would take a real collapse. What the hell does that mean? You know, it would have to be like... We no longer have faith in this person... to direct this team toward winning.

The Raiders are officially back.

The Raiders. The Raiders are officially back. And it's fun. The Raiders are like Notre Dame or maybe even the Yankees where everything's more fun when they're back.

The Dolphins offensive line is fixed and the Jets are bad

I'm going to go with the Dolphins. I think their offensive line is fixed and going to play well, and I think the Jets are frauds. Not even frauds. They're just bad.

The Titans will lose to the Chargers because they spent too much emotion on their Color Rush game

I don't like the Titans. They're coming off an emotional color rush game against the Jaguars, a rivalry match, so I think that there was a lot of emotion spent in that game that they're not going to be able to pull out.

Pete Carroll still believes he made the right decision passing the ball in Super Bowl XLIX

He still thinks he made the right decision. His argument is they did the same thing earlier in the season that nobody remembers, but it worked out... [he said] sometimes you make the right decision, and it doesn't work out your way.

Jay Cutler is on the Cool Throne for the foreseeable future in Chicago

Well, considering the fact that Brian Hoyer is out for the year, Connor Shaw is out for the year, Matt Barkley, who knew that he was in the NFL until he came in for a couple plays, I think Jay Cutler is cool throne for a while here. Finally, some continuity at quarterback for Chicago.

The Raiders are officially back as the 'Bad Boy' team of the NFL

I have the Bad Boy Raiders are back. The team of the 70s. Silver and black... They set a record for most penalties in a game... Al Davis bad boys are in town.

The Cowboys will stick with Dak Prescott as long as he continues to win games

If Dak Prescott continues to win games, then the decision is you roll with the hot hand... I think they are going to stick with Prescott as long as he keeps doing well.

The Vikings will eventually find a spectacular way to blow their season

I know what's going to happen. They're going to find a way to blow it, and maybe in a spectacular fashion... Either way, they're going to find a way to blow it. It's either going to be the offensive line that crumbles... or it's going to be Blair Walsh missing another field goal.

Ryan Fitzpatrick's best PR move is having Geno Smith as his backup

I think he has the best PR 101 built in already, and his backup is Geno Smith. So the second they see the alternative, they're like, okay, Ryan, we forgive you for everything.

Matt Barkley only has an NFL job because he is 6'3" and looks good in shorts

Matt Barkley is still in the nfl proving my theory that if you're like six three played at a big time college and look good in shorts someone will give you a job

Aaron Rodgers is currently playing the worst football of his career

He's playing so poorly right now. Packer fans definitely don't want to hear it, but he is playing the worst ball he's played in his career, and it's pretty much everything that's failing him. Everything. His footwork, his mechanics, his ability to not look at the rush, pre-reads, post-reads, everything.

Dak Prescott has to stay as the starting quarterback of the Dallas Cowboys

Dak Prescott has to stay as the starting quarterback of the Dallas Cowboys. Tony Romo waits in the wings, but is reminded yet again that Dak lives matter in the Big D. Cowboys button up the Packers like a creepy cardigan 30-16.

The Carolina Panthers' season is over

The Carolina Panthers season is over. They make a batch of bathtub Ted Ginn Jr. and the Panthers season continues to tank array.

When Ben Roethlisberger tries to play through injury, he actually ends up hurting the Steelers

Ben's a tough motherfucker. But at the end of the day, he always hurts his team. He was awful today. He threw two interceptions. He was 19 for 34, and they lost to the Dolphins.

The Patriots will kill the Bengals in Week 6

I have the Patriots. Larry didn't pick that, but I think they're going to kill the Bengals.