Takes

The Browns will beat the Packers in Week 14

I'm going to lock back on you. I'm going to take the Browns. ... Oh, fuck. Your last name's Lockwood. That makes your locks. Double lock. ... I'm locked up. All you listeners out there, go with Hank.

The Jaguars will beat the Seahawks and prove they are for real

I'm just going to call it right now. The Jaguars are going to beat the Seahawks at home. And then afterwards, you know what the big talk of the town is going to be? ... These Jags are for real.

The Chiefs are a lock to cover -10.5 against the Giants because Andy Reid never loses coming off a bye

I am taking the Chiefs. Minus 10.5 on the road against the Giants. ... Anytime you have the opportunity to bet on a 10.5-point road favorite, you have to take it. ... Also, Andy Reid coming off of a bye week. We all know about that. Always wins. Always wins big.

The Chargers will be the best team to not make the playoffs this season

I'm taking the Chargers, minus four, the best team to not make the playoffs. ... I stand by that. They have an unbelievable pass rush. Phil Rivers, they almost win every single game. They're going to be the best team that doesn't make the playoffs.

The Packers will run Brett Hundley 45 times on RPOs against the Bears

The Packers ran one RPO where Brett Hundley kept the ball and ran on Monday Night Football, and it worked for like 10 yards. They're going to do that like 45 times. And they're going to be like, oh, Brett Hundley can run a little, so we'll just run the ball.

The Buccaneers are on the verge of quitting on Dirk Koetter

I think the Bucs are pretty close to quitting on their coach. Dirk Koetter with his weird librarian glasses and a fake name and his Brillo pad hair.

I'm taking the Giants +3.5 at home against the Rams

I'm taking the Giants at home, plus three and a half against our man's Jared Goff. This is just one of those situations where you take the worst team you can find if they're home dogs.

I'm taking the Redskins +7 against the Seahawks

I'm going to go with the R-Words. The Washington R-Words. It looks like a trap to me, but I am also a sucker. I like to just walk into those traps and get clanked up by the bear traps... Seahawks. Plus seven.

I'm taking the Broncos +8 on the road against the Eagles

I'm going with the Denver Broncos. Plus eight in Philadelphia. That's one of those games where you just look at it and you're like, this is the dumbest pick ever, so that's why it might win.

The Chargers' game against New England is a trap game for the Patriots

I'm going with the Chargers... on the road against New England. This is a trap game for New England. I don't really know what trap game means, but when you say it's a trap game, you sound smart.

The Bills are a max bet -2.5 against the Raiders

Bills minus two and a half against the Raiders. How does that make sense? In Buffalo, the Raiders have to go all the way to, and the Bills are coming off a bye... I'm taking the Bills, max bet.

I'm taking the Packers +4.5 at home against the Saints

I'm taking the Packers. Ooh, okay, I like that. Plus four and a half at home. Everyone loves the Saints. The Saints... Be careful, my friends.

I'm taking the Eagles at home against the Redskins

I'm going to go with the Eagles at home against the R-Words. Ooh, Monday night.

Cam Newton stinks again

Cam Newton stinks again. Well, that's not entirely true. Okay. He kind of stinks. He likes to go up and down. I feel like when Cam, when everyone's like, ooh, Cam's putting it all together. He's like, hey, guys, watch this. Hey, hold my avocado. Watch this. Because he's a millennial. He's going to fucking just throw three interceptions and look like trash.

Mitchell Trubisky and the Bears will cover +6.5 against the Ravens

Taking our boy, Mitchell. Mitchell Trubisky. Plus six and a half... The Bears, are we sure they're bad with Mitchell Trubisky? This is a breakout game. They've covered the spread.

The 49ers will cover +10.5 against the Redskins

I learned my lesson. I'm not going to take any D.C. teams, so I'm taking the 49ers to cover double digits [against the Redskins]. They're due.

The Steelers will cover +4.5 against the Chiefs

I'm going to do the rat line of the week, the wonky game of the week. I'm taking the Steelers plus 4.5 [against the Chiefs]. It makes no sense... Vegas doesn't know what to do about that.

I love the Packers moneyline and spread against the Cowboys

Love, love, love the Packers. Plus two. I love Moneyline. I love them straight up... Love the spread, love the money line.

I love the 49ers as +1.5 road dogs against the Colts

My pick, I'm taking the 49ers as Road Dogs plus 1.5 over Indy. That's my team... Love the Niners. Love betting on them. Love Shanahan. Yep. I mostly just love betting against Chuck Pagano in his permanent hot seat.

The Cleveland Browns will win at least two games this season

Could the Browns go two and 14? The Browns could... they could win two games... I'm going to cross my mind on the Will They Win 4 games, but two games? Still could do it.

Lock of the Week: Ravens +3 at home against the Steelers

I'm going to go with the Baltimore Ravens. Home dogs. Plus three. ... If I know Joe Flacco, and I know him pretty well, this is one of the weeks that he comes out and he has like three touchdowns and 320 yards.

Lock of the Week: Rams +6 and outright win vs. Cowboys

I like the Los Angeles Rams, plus six. I think they're going to win that game outright. [They are playing] the Cowboys.

Lock of the Week: Jaguars -3 vs. Jets

I'm going to go with the Jaguars. Minus three. In New York. ... I think Blake Bortles, there's no way he can regress. I think he finally took the step forward and he'll never take a step back again.

The Saints will cover the spread (+7) against the Patriots

I have the New Orleans Saints covering at plus seven against the New England Patriots. That's a lot of points to give up at home in the Bayou.

The Bears will cover the spread (+7) against the Buccaneers in the Mike Glennon revenge game

My pick is the Chicago Bears, plus seven. The Mike Glennon revenge game. He's going to Tampa Bay. How can you not?

Grape Gatorade is the best value bet for the Super Bowl Gatorade bath

What color will the Gatorade be? I love this bet. When they pour it on the coach. Grape. Go grape. It's always tremendous value. It's a big underdog. ...

The National Anthem for Super Bowl LI will be under two minutes and fifteen seconds

I got the under 2:15 [on the National Anthem]. I did a little research... Lady Antebellum did it [two years ago] and it was only two minutes.

Tom Brady will complain his way into a roughing the passer penalty in the Super Bowl

Will there be a roughing the passer penalty? Yes is plus 120. Oh, I like that. Tom Brady will cry his way to one at least. Yeah, if you breathe on him...

The Steelers will cover the +5.5 spread and the Falcons will beat the Packers to advance to the Super Bowl

I'm taking the Steelers and the Falcons. I like the [Steelers] five and a half. I think that's enough. I think this game is going to come down to last possession type of game.

Tom Savage is a one-week wonder

I think Tom Savage is a one-week wonder.

The Vikings' trade for Sam Bradford was a dumb move

I always told you guys that Sam Bradford trade was a fucking dumb move. The Titans and the Lions. Let's check the tape on that one. Yeah, we'll check the tape maybe after New Year's.

Everyone should bet the over on the 2016 Boca Raton Bowl

Also, let's all bet the over for fun. Just together... Yeah, we're going to hammer the over. Hammer it. Big time.

The Buccaneers might actually be the best team in the NFC South

Are we sure the Bucs are also good? [PFT Commenter]: We're not sure that the Bucs aren't the best team in the NFC South. And then you've got to look at the Falcons.

RG3 will bring the Browns to the promised land

I got the Browns, RG3, bringing them to promised land.

This week in the NFL will be a 'wonky' week where crazy things happen

I think there's gonna be a wonky week. It's one of those weeks where it's just like crazy things happen I just have a feeling... I just I feel like this is gonna be a wonky week.

Vegas is going to make a huge profit in Week 13 at the expense of home underdogs

This is the week that Vegas really sticks it to people. And I think that it's going to come at the expense of a lot of home dogs.

You shouldn't bet your life savings on any single game this weekend; spread it out

I don't feel comfortable betting all my life savings on one game, I would spread it out.

I'm taking the Lions to beat the Vikings on Thanksgiving

I'm going to take the Lions because I took the Vikings on the Pick'em podcast. That's how you keep yourself even there.

I'm taking the Steelers to beat the Colts on Thanksgiving

I got the Vikings, I got the R-words, and I have the Steelers.

The Raiders will beat the Texans in Mexico City as the 'Don Julio Shot of the Week'

And then the Raiders in Mexico City. Hey, what do you say we make that our shot of the week? Don Julio, Mexico tequila. O-Cart Julio. O-Culio. O-Culio shot of the week. Darkheart shot of the week.

The Redskins will beat the Packers in Week 11

And I'm going to walk right into it, and it's going to snatch me up, and I'm taking the Redskins... So I'm going Redskins.

The Patriots will blow out the 49ers in Week 11

Hank, I agree with you on the Patriots. I think they're going to kill the 49ers.

The Jaguars will have a bounce-back week and beat the Texans

I'm going with the Jaguars, too. I think this is their bounce back week. They're at home. I'm going to be jagging off hard on Sunday.

The Steelers will win by two touchdowns against the Cowboys if they have any pride

That Steelers game is actually one of those. Like if the Steelers are any good and have any pride, they win by two touchdowns against the Cowboys.

The Dolphins offensive line is fixed and the Jets are bad

I'm going to go with the Dolphins. I think their offensive line is fixed and going to play well, and I think the Jets are frauds. Not even frauds. They're just bad.

The Titans will lose to the Chargers because they spent too much emotion on their Color Rush game

I don't like the Titans. They're coming off an emotional color rush game against the Jaguars, a rivalry match, so I think that there was a lot of emotion spent in that game that they're not going to be able to pull out.

The Patriots will kill the Bengals in Week 6

I have the Patriots. Larry didn't pick that, but I think they're going to kill the Bengals.

The Browns will cover the spread against the Patriots in Week 5

So I did not take the Cardinals. So you're a Larry Fitzgerald this week? I am a big-time Larry Fitzgerald. I'm swimming with the Fitzgerald. But you didn't take the Cardinals. I didn't take the Cardinals. So instead of that, I'm going to take the Browns against the Patriots. I'm going to have them covering.

The Patriots covering against the Browns is the easiest bet of all time

Patriots. Yeah, we know you're going to take the Patriots. It's not even bias aside. All bias aside, you can take my bias, put it to the side of me. The Patriots is still the easiest bet of all time.

The Patriots are idiots for betting on themselves against the Browns

I knew that everybody in America was going to be taking the Patriots, so that's why I went with the Browns. I wanted to take the Patriots, so I'll give you that. It's not because you're a Pats fan. It's because you're an idiot that you're betting on the Patriots.