Takes

The sun was switched out 40 years ago for a new, worse sun

I found guys... that think that actually this is a different sun that was, that we switched the sun out like 40 years ago and it's the new sun and it's worse for you... I gotta do some more research on the new sun guys.

I still believe I can dunk a basketball by January 1st.

I still think I can do it. I need to lose some weight... I still need like five inches. I'm 180 pounds. I was like 171 pounds in July. So I need to lose some weight basically.

The US will be under a massive cyber attack soon, and everyone should withdraw their cash

I suggest you take out all your money outta your bank and stop using credit cards for the next few months until I can give you the green light again. We will be under a cyber attack sooner rather than later... I'm in communication with the very important person for one of, if not the biggest software companies in the world... I met a guy on a plane... He's a higher end for a major major software company... he just pretty much said like, I know too much, but I don't at the same time.

The eclipse and the CERN particle collider will send us into the fourth dimension

They're turning CERN on the day of the eclipse. And I believe the research is they're trying to reach a fourth dimension... Once the the moon covers the sun when it comes back, like we'll be in the fourth dimension. Like everything will be different.

Flaco the Owl was likely murdered and didn't just die from a building collision

It says he didn't break any bones, but he sustained massive hemorrhaging inside his body. This seems like somebody else had a hand in it. We need to check the flight logs. Was Flaco on the list? This Owl probably had information that would've led to the arrest and subsequent conviction of Hillary Clinton.

I can hit 8 out of 10 free throws easily.

Someone said, how many free throws would you make out of 10? I was like, in my day, I was a prolific free throw shooter... I can easily hit 8 outta 10. Might have been a little ambitious. [I went] four out 10 the first time.

The PMT podcast will be 'sexy as shit' and have Super Bowl abs by February 2023

This podcast, it's gonna be fucking sexy as shit. Yeah. By the end of January we're getting Super Bowl abs. I'm going Buns of Anarchy... All are welcome to join Buns of Anarchy.

I am driving from Massachusetts to Arizona for the Arizona Bowl

I swear to God [I'm driving]... from Massachusetts... possibly [driving with a friend moving out there]... let's do it. Let's drive to Arizona.

Earth is spinning faster and it is going to break our technology

Earth is back. There was an article that came out last Friday that said that the earth is now spending faster than it has before. Specifically on June 29th, midnight arrived 1.59 milliseconds sooner than expected. It is gonna fuck up technology.

Bigfoot is currently in the state of Ohio

My last who's back is big foot. There's been pictures of a big foot sighting... I've tracked it down to Ohio. There was some Bama people claiming that they found them in Bama... but I just want to correct it and let you know that Bigfoot is currently in Ohio.

Forearm tattoos make you faster

They also forearm tattoo on the guy that won the a hundred meter dash [Marcell Jacobs] this year. Forearm tattoos make you faster. Absolutely.

Nut tapping is the new concussion and we need an E60 on it

I think that we should [stand up against dick punchers], because in the case of this, it's the coward's way out. I wish Bob Lee was still alive because we should have an entire E60 about nut tapping. It's one of the biggest health scares that we've had in professional sports. It's the new concussion.

The hosts are starting a strict 'no carbs' diet for February

Tomorrow, we're starting our diets. ... No carbs for the month of February. ... If you see a carb in my mouth, slap it out. Serious. Except for Saturdays. Those are cheat days.

2021 will be the year of hard bodies

Hard bodies in 2021. What does that mean? We're just going to get hard. Hell yeah. By the end of 2021, you will be able to bounce a quarter off my abs and ass. We're the next generation of being hard.

Global dimming will cause a short-term increase in global warming this summer

There's something called global dimming which is the effect that aerosol and all those little particles have... It actually protects us a little bit from the sun's rays and makes the earth a little bit cooler because we put so much shit into the atmosphere now that all that's dipping down. It's actually going to increase the short-term effect of global warming, so we're doubly fucked.

The US government should try dropping icebergs or Air Force planes to reverse hurricane wind patterns

Hurricane innovation is fully back... Why don't the Navy come and drop ice in the warm water so it can't get going as fast? Flying the Air Force at the hurricane to reverse the wind patterns... we should solve it.

I could catch a fish with my bare hands in an Alaskan river in one day

I said, hey, coach [Jeff Fisher], do you think that I could catch a fish with my bare hands in an Alaskan river? And he said, absolutely... One day. One Alaskan day. Catch it out of the water, kill it, eat it.

The Area 51 storming petition is an alien or government setup

This is a setup, though, don't you think? ... The government is trying to get rid of all the people that are like crazy and do theories online. Or is the setup that the aliens have set this up and they're trying to eliminate everyone who believes in aliens.

The Olympics should be held every year in Las Vegas since no other city wants them

They should do the Olympics every year. What the fuck? Just do it in Vegas. Because no city wants it. Just do it in Vegas every year.

The Super Wolf Blood Moon is a sign of the apocalypse, and all hell is going to break loose on January 22nd.

Obviously these apocalyptic signs in the heavens are pointing to a catastrophic event that is just on the horizon... on January 22nd, all hell's going to break loose. If you're listening to this, we're dead.

I will carry heavy objects between my desk and the studio all year to get 'boulders for shoulders'

The new office, it's probably about 100 feet from our desk to our studio. We should just carry something super heavy, so you have to carry it back and forth. You bring it in, then you've got to bring it back... we're going to start carrying random shit around.

I will learn how to do an ollie on a skateboard in 2019

I would love to do an ollie... I'd love to learn how to skateboard just a little bit. I watched Mid90s the other day. Awesome movie. But I'd love to learn how to skateboard just a little bit.

I'm going to lose 15 pounds in January

I'm going to lose 15 pounds in January. Are you really? That's the goal? Yeah. That's your baseline goal? I was just saying that. That was really... I tried to sneak attack you guys on that one.

I will get a haircut that is just a very long mullet with lightning bolts on the side

I'm going to get a haircut this year... Would it be acceptable if I got a haircut and just turned into a mullet? Like a really fucking long mullet? Lightning bolts to the side.

Washington D.C. sports is a dynasty that will never lose another championship again

Washington, D.C. is back big time. Wayne Rooney... man of the match. The Capitals re-signed Tom Wilson... that's a dynasty. The Redskins won the offseason again... they're a dynasty at this point. The Washington Valor won the Arena Bowl... so Washington, D.C. sports will never lose another championship again.

I am officially winning all my bets this year

This is the year I'm going to win all my bets. So it happens every year right before March Madness. I tell myself, give myself a little pep talk, but I think this is going to be the year.

I will lose 15 pounds and weigh 225 by my birthday

I think I weigh about 240-ish... and I'm going to try to get to like 225 by my birthday. [February]. First, like, seven pounds come off by just me, like, not eating breakfast. So take a big dump, don't eat breakfast, boom.

Icing Bros will inevitably make a comeback

I'm going to call it right now. Icing Bros is going to come back. That's going to suck. Take a knee and chug. That was a tough summer of 2008 or 9, whatever it was.

Bees aren't actually dying at an alarming rate

And people keep saying that they're dying at an alarming rate like you did. But I don't think that they are. I'm woke on the whole bee thing, the whole bee scare of 2016.

I would predict no babies are born nine months after March Madness starts

I would predict that there are like no babies born nine months after the start of March Madness because no guy out there is [finding success]... This is the weekend that a guy drinks too many beers, eats nachos, and then farts a lot and falls asleep on the couch.