Takes

The sun was switched out 40 years ago for a new, worse sun

I found guys... that think that actually this is a different sun that was, that we switched the sun out like 40 years ago and it's the new sun and it's worse for you... I gotta do some more research on the new sun guys.

The US will be under a massive cyber attack sooner rather than later

I suggest you take out all your money outta your bank and stop using credit cards for the next few months until I can give you the green light again. We will be under a cyber attack sooner rather than later. Just looking out, I'm in communication with the very important person for one of, if not the biggest software companies in the world.

The eclipse and the CERN particle collider will send us into the fourth dimension

They're turning CERN on the day of the eclipse. And I believe the research is they're trying to reach a fourth dimension... Once the the moon covers the sun when it comes back, like we'll be in the fourth dimension. Like everything will be different.

Flaco the Owl was likely murdered and didn't just die from a building collision

It says he didn't break any bones, but he sustained massive hemorrhaging inside his body. This seems like somebody else had a hand in it. We need to check the flight logs. Was Flaco on the list? This Owl probably had information that would've led to the arrest and subsequent conviction of Hillary Clinton.

I can hit 8 out of 10 free throws easily

Someone said, how many free throws would you make out of 10? I was like, in my day, I was a prolific free throw shooter... I can easily hit 8 outta 10. Might have been a little ambitious. I went four out of 10 the first time.

Bigfoot is currently in the state of Ohio

My last who's back is big foot. There's been pictures of a big foot sighting... I've tracked it down to Ohio. There was some Bama people claiming that they found them in Bama... but I just want to correct it and let you know that Bigfoot is currently in Ohio.

The object in the Alaska sky was a UFO shot out of the sky by the government

Many are saying that it might've been a UFO that was shot out of the street that they don't want us to know about. But the government is saying it was just a contrail. I think it has a lot to do with it. Something's going on.

The hosts are starting a strict 'no carbs' diet for February

Tomorrow, we're starting our diets. ... No carbs for the month of February. ... If you see a carb in my mouth, slap it out. Serious. Except for Saturdays. Those are cheat days.

2021 will be the year of hard bodies

Hard bodies in 2021. What does that mean? We're just going to get hard. Hell yeah. By the end of 2021, you will be able to bounce a quarter off my abs and ass. We're the next generation of being hard.

Going to space isn't impressive because we've already done it a lot

I think it's cool that we've done it 100,000 times already... We went to the moon in the 60s. Technology has advanced a long way. We're not going to learn anything new from Elon Musk going to the moon. It's just for him to pat himself on the back.

Global dimming will cause a short-term increase in global warming this summer

There's something called global dimming which is the effect that aerosol and all those little particles have... It actually protects us a little bit from the sun's rays and makes the earth a little bit cooler because we put so much shit into the atmosphere now that all that's dipping down. It's actually going to increase the short-term effect of global warming, so we're doubly fucked.

I could catch a fish with my bare hands in an Alaskan river in one day

I said, hey, coach [Jeff Fisher], do you think that I could catch a fish with my bare hands in an Alaskan river? And he said, absolutely... One day. One Alaskan day. Catch it out of the water, kill it, eat it.

The Area 51 storming petition is an alien or government setup

This is a setup, though, don't you think? ... The government is trying to get rid of all the people that are like crazy and do theories online. Or is the setup that the aliens have set this up and they're trying to eliminate everyone who believes in aliens.

The Olympics should be held every year in Las Vegas

They should do the Olympics every year... Just do it in Vegas every year. Because no city wants it. Just do it in Vegas every year.

Loneliness is healthier if you smoke 15 cigarettes a day to make friends

loneliness has the same effect on morality as smoking 15 cigarettes a day... so if you're lonely, just smoke a bunch of cigarettes and you'll actually be healthier [because you'll make friends outside].

I will lose 15 pounds and weigh 225 by my birthday

I think I weigh about 240-ish... and I'm going to try to get to like 225 by my birthday. [February]. First, like, seven pounds come off by just me, like, not eating breakfast. So take a big dump, don't eat breakfast, boom.

Icing Bros will inevitably make a comeback

I'm going to call it right now. Icing Bros is going to come back. That's going to suck. Take a knee and chug. That was a tough summer of 2008 or 9, whatever it was.

Bees aren't actually dying at an alarming rate

And people keep saying that they're dying at an alarming rate like you did. But I don't think that they are. I'm woke on the whole bee thing, the whole bee scare of 2016.