Takes

Anne Hathaway has a fixation for scouting gritty athletes like OG Anunoby and Danny Woodhead

Anne Hathaway is back. And if you look at the stats. A guy Riggs posted about this OG Anunoby ran into Anne Hathaway Courtside. He was jumping outta bounds to save a ball. Since that moment he's been, he's had 24.3 points per game. Now Anne Hathaway is leaning into it. So she's like posting pictures of OG Anunoby on her Instagram. The one other obscure ish athlete that she's developed a fixation for over her career was Danny Woodhead. She's a massive Danny Woodhead fan.

Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce will get engaged followed by a bad album

My preemptive take of the year is that Taylor Swift and Travis [Kelce] are going to get engaged. And then she's going to put out a terrible album. Because she's happy and she doesn't have any boyfriends to complain about. And then all her fans are going to start to hate her because her music sucks because she's happy with her personal life.

Dudefest 2024 is going to happen and it will be a major success

We are in the works of, and it's gonna be a Barstool Sports joint. PMT will be big behind it. Jersey Jerry started it. Dudefest. We're doing it. Dudefest 1.0 is not gonna—think about like Elio's Ice Icon. It's kinda like that. It's gonna rock.

Kane and The Undertaker are actually half-brothers

Kane and Undertaker [are] siblings... Paul Bearer fucked Undertaker's mom and had Kane. ... This is all the truth.

Tom Brady will have a weird retirement filled with plastic surgery

He's going to have a very weird retirement. He's going to be plastic surgery dating like random chicks all the time. The TV 12... he's going to do some weird shit. There's nobody that's ever had just a touch of plastic surgery.

Straight audiences will enjoy 'Bros' because it is a funny R-rated comedy, regardless of the gay lead characters

What you realize is one of the things straight people love about the movie is that in addition to it being really funny, I hope it is a peak behind the curtain at a culture that you think you know about... one of the straight guys in the audience, they asked him, 'What did you think of that?' And he said, 'I kind of felt like I was watching Jackass... it was so fucking funny I didn't care.' I actually thought that was amazing.

I am the Neil Armstrong of Pac-Man

I was the first one to do a perfect score [in Pac-Man]. And what's absolutely gorgeous about that is other people can do it. Friends can play, we can learn. We can teach. We can have fun. They can do it. But they're simply repeating what I already did. So it's fun being Neil Armstrong.

Alex Rodriguez and Jennifer Lopez will continue to 'break up' and get back together just so Alex can keep getting the engagement photo high

I think A-Rod realized that once you get the engagement photo, that's really the height of any relationship in 2021. When you post the Instagram of the ring, the proposal on the beach, it's all downhill after that... I feel like A-Rod's going to maybe take the ring back, and then he'll re-propose again. That works. In a couple months' time.

Rebranding Mr. Potato Head to 'Potato Head' is neutering the toy

They changed him today. They massacred my boy. Hasbro is... they neutered him. Yeah, they're giving him a spud, a gender-neutral new name. Just Potato Head.

The window for Tiger King Halloween costumes has officially closed

I think the idea that Tiger King Halloween costumes were going to be all the rage, that ship has sailed. Tiger King feels like it was 10 years ago.

Damian and Giannina from Love Is Blind will actually stay together

I actually was happy to hear that they were still together because as weird as this sounds I actually think they're the most like regular couple... I think they're actually going to make it.

All technological innovation starts with porn

The fact that everyone was so horny and trying to access [the Pamela Anderson tape] all over the internet actually made the internet faster... We came up with technological advances to try to acquire a higher quality version... All innovation starts with porn.

Jennifer Lopez will start the halftime show with 'Jenny from the Block'

Jennifer from the Block. Put it in the bank. I think she's headlining.

Jon Snow will kill Daenerys Targaryen and the dragon

I've said that Jon Snow's going to kill Dany... I think Jon Snow's going to kill Dany and kill the dragon. Because he's going to be like, we can't have dragons in this world. Look what they did to King's Landing.

The Dothraki are still alive in Game of Thrones because we didn't see them die on screen

What if the Dothraki are all alive and they knew that it was a bad battle strategy... We never saw them die. The one thing I know about Game of Thrones, as an expert who's watched the summary twice, if you don't see the person die, you can't be sure they're dead.

Stephen A. Smith is horny all the time

Stephen A. Smith addressing his horniness... He's now clarified he's only horny some of the hours. He said a couple hours a day... He responded to someone saying, 'Sexy photo too. Evidently, you're trying to get yourself in trouble,' winky face. He's fucking horny. Dude is horny.

The Oscars are better without a host

No host is the future. Way better. No stupid gimmicks, you know, when they deliver pizzas or do the selfies or whatever the fuck happens when you run out of bits two hours into the Oscars.

2018 is the 'Year of the Blake' because Griffin and Bortles are back

Cool Throne, I have Blake. Blake's. Plural. Both of our Blake's. Blake Griffin, 50 Burger... and Blake Bortles, named starter. So we're back. It's been a big year for Blakes.

Dustin Johnson and Paulina Gretzky are officially on the rocks

Polina Gretzky... has scrubbed her entire Instagram of all Dustin Johnson pictures... Which leads many to believe that they are on the rocks. Yeah... I think people that grew up with Instagram, that's just standard operating procedure. Once it's official, once you break up, heaven forbid you get into another relationship and there's still pictures.

Millennials are killing breasts because they are desensitized by the internet

Millennials are killing boobs. So boobs are on the hot seat. ... Hooters is going through some down times. ... It's actually just because millennials aren't going to the restaurants anymore because they don't like boobs. ... By the time you're 18, you're like a seasoned veteran.

War for the Planet of the Apes will be one of the best pictures of the year

Planet of the Apes, going to be one of my best pictures of the year.

Janet Jackson is selfish for canceling her tour to have a family

She cancels her fucking show because she says she wants to have a family, and she wants to concentrate on that with her husband. ... Selfish. She cancels her show for some dick. ... Not only did she cancel her show, she didn't refund her fans the tickets that they bought.