Takes

The Phillies fan who yelled at the man over a home run ball should be banned for life from Citizens Bank Park

I think she should be banned for rest of Citizens Bank Park... She should be banned from Citizens Bank Park... she almost fought somebody over a home run ball.

Ryan Clark is a 'piece of shit' for berating Peter Schrager

My who's back of the week is our guy Peter Schrager... Ryan Clark's a piece of shit. I'll just say that... he just like berated Peter Schrager for having a take on a take show because he didn't play the game... Ryan Clark, come on, man.

The Eagles are the best team in the NFL right now

But they are the best team in the NFL. They won the Super Bowl. They're also the only team that's 1-0.

My worst-case scenario for the Commanders is Jayden Daniels suffering a major knee injury

My worst case scenario because it does, I think about this every Sunday. Is Jayden Daniels' knee exploding? Oh, I think I think about it way too much every time he gets hit. I think about it.

Travis Kelce is more name than game at this stage of his career

Kelsey, the football player isn't the same as he used to be. Let's be real... he's more name than game than he is been in the past.

The 90s Cowboys would have won five straight Super Bowls if Jimmy Johnson stayed

We often talk about we would've could've won five straight, [with Jimmy Johnson] but it didn't happen that way.

The Cowboys family dynamic, not just skill, is what's missing for a Super Bowl run

They've always had the skill. It's just I need the collective will. Those three years we went 12 and 5, we had a good enough team... They had the skill, it was just not the collective will when we got to the playoffs. Hopefully that comes together.

George Pickens will be a phenomenal talent for the Cowboys playing with Dak Prescott

Phenomenal talent [George Pickens]... imagine what he must feel like Right now with a Dak Prescott at quarterback. Yeah.

Every college football game should be played on campus because neutral site games lack 'juice'

This is why every single game should be played on campus because it was awesome. And I hate like the Syracuse, Tennessee game being played in Atlanta just had no juice. South Carolina, Virginia Tech, no juice. Play every game on campus. That's what makes the sport so much fun.

Northwestern's athletic department are 'scumbag pieces of shit' for refusing Tulane's request to honor Hurricane Katrina victims

What the fuck, Northwestern, you fucking scumbag pieces of shit. Did you guys see this story? Tulane wanted to wear their all white jerseys in honoring the 20th anniversary of the hurricane Katrina... Northwestern said, no... You can't be a bigger dick than to be like, no, you can't wear these uniforms to honor Katrina.

Putting a 'C' on an NFL player's chest is overrated

Listen, putting a C on somebody's chest is overrated. And that's what Max has always told you.

Luis Suarez's passion for soccer is so high that he's still spitting on staff members in MLS games

I kind of admire Luis Suarez's passion in that he's still so fired up for soccer that he's spitting on an old guy in a Seattle Miami MLS game... that passion's never gone away. He just blacks out. I think that's why he's not retired from soccer.

LeBron James is only playing another season to avoid retiring in the same year as Chris Paul

I think the only reason he is not gonna play, or he is gonna play another year is 'cause Chris Paul's gonna retire. He doesn't wanna retire the same year as Chris Paul because Chris Paul would overshadow his retirement.

Alabama's players looked out of shape and lacked the necessary effort in their loss to Florida State

The most surprising thing... they didn't play with a lot of effort, they almost reminded me of guys that weren't in shape. Like they were loafing. They didn't run to the ball. It was like they just didn't care... the thing that made Alabama really good, which was the attention to detail, the effort, they didn't have.

Ben Johnson is a 'true culture changer' who the Bears desperately needed

Ben Johnson, from everything that I've watched, read Training Camp, he is a true culture changer. And the Bears needed that in the worst way possible.

I bet Caleb Williams went back to painting his nails to get back to the basics

Caleb Williams is my one to watch. There was an article that came out in ESPN today about why he stopped painting his nails last season and the fact that he is back to painting his nails now. He needs to get back to basics. It's like the peacock—the basics here are painting your nails.

Keegan Bradley not picking himself for the Ryder Cup is better for the team

Keegan wanted to pick himself, but he's taking, it's, it's, it was the right move, I guess to not pick himself for the team. It's better for the team and everyone can kind of rally around... you gotta win one for the captain.

Will Howard will look much better at Ohio State because of the elite wide receivers around him

I think of how Will Howard looked at Kansas State and then I think of how Will Howard looked at Ohio State. Right. Looked a lot different when you have all those guys to throw to... great receivers can elevate a mediocre quarterback.

South Carolina is the biggest fraud in the SEC

I don't really believe in Florida and I don't believe in South Carolina to the level of the pe I think South Carolina is the biggest fraud in the SEC.

Terry McLaurin's 'hold in' only worked because he didn't miss mental reps and stayed in shape

I like to think that Terry is a consummate pro... they were just giving him all the assignments, the playbook, all that stuff he was doing mental reps. He's gonna be in shape.

Trey Hendrickson's contract raise is a win-win for both the player and the Bengals

I think there's a win-win. You get more money for this year. You still get to be a free agent next year and maybe cash in one more time. And the Bengals... don't have to worry about it in the coming years.

A Taylor Swift divorce album would result in incredible music

I want them to be happily married forever. A divorce album would rock... I'm saying if it happened, there would be incredible music. Right. Don't want it happen.

Winning the Ryder Cup as a playing captain would make Keegan Bradley an all-time legend, perhaps better than winning a major

If he wins as the playing captain, you're an all time legend. All time... Winning as a playing captain might be better than winning a major. I think I could see that being the truth.

Starting Dorian Thompson-Robinson proves Kevin Stefanski isn't racist

I actually think that Kevin Stefanski starting DTR [Dorian Thompson-Robinson] in actual NFL football games is concrete evidence of him not being racist. Correct. And it's like case closed.

Above-ground pools are 'very good' and belong in the Hall of Very Good

Our second pick is going to be above ground pools. ... They're very good. They're very fun. I've had a fun time in an aboveground. ... So much better than no pool.

Canada is a 'Hall of Very Good' country, but not a top-three country

Our next pick is gonna be Canada as a country, which is very good. Not Hall of Fame country... They're just very good. Seems pretty good... But have they ever been in history, a top three country? No. No. And that's okay. They're like the Scottie Pippen of countries.

Titty fucking is 'very good' but not 'Hall of Fame' level

We want to take titty fucking. Yeah. It's very good. ... It's not Hall of fame. Hall of Fame is sex. ... If you're titty fucking in an above ground pool in Canada, you're having a very good time. Yeah.

Dak Prescott, Josh Allen, and Lamar Jackson have the most pressure in the NFL

I think there's a ton of pressure on Dak Prescott. He's making 60 million a year... how can you not say there's pressure on Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson to finally close the gap with the chiefs and finally deliver it.

The Harrison Phillips trade is a great addition for the Jets' defensive depth

Harrison Phillips got traded to the Jets. It's actually a nice, nice trade for the Jets. More defensive line depth.

Shohei Ohtani should be eliminated from MVP consideration after giving up five runs to the Rockies

Shohei [Ohtani] got rocked and he got hit by a line drive... he hit into a triple play, five runs against the Rockies. Those two things should eliminate you from the MVP.

Paige Bueckers will be better than Caitlin Clark in the WNBA

I said when she was a senior or her last year at UConn. She's gonna be better than Caitlin Clark... I think she's a better team player than Caitlin Clark. I think that she's a better winner than Caitlin Clark.

Zelda: Ocarina of Time is the best video game ever made

We are gonna go Zelda: Ocarina of Time... widely known as the best game ever... It's like known as being the best game ever.

I am not drafting Justin Fields in fantasy football this season

Anything with Justin Fields, it's just not happening. We can't with Justin Fields this season. I'm so sorry. [He] has the ability to rush but a quarterback also has to have the ability to pass the ball as well.

I am staying away from drafting Kyle Pitts in fantasy football this year

Staying away from the Falcons... Kyle Pitts lets us down every year. I'm not falling for it again. I know I'm supposed to be open to the universe except Kyle Pitts. I'm not open to the universe of Kyle Pitts.

Giving the Super Bowl to another country is disgusting

The Super Bowl is the most important thing we do as a country. We, we create the Super Bowl every year. We have a season, a football season that creates the Super Bowl. To give that to another country is disgusting. I'm disgusted with you.

Number 47 is a terrible number for a BYU quarterback

Bear's a bad start. You can't. You put harder earned money on a team and you see a quarterback coming out wearing number 47. Terrible number for a quarterback.

Nick Mullen is the funniest guy of all time

Nick [Mullen] was a genius. He was the funniest guy of all time. No, I mean, it was incredible. It was so funny.

The Democratic Party is desperate for a podcast 'answer' because they offer no real substance

They're fucking desperate. If it's me from Cumtown, they don't have shit, dude. They think they lost because they didn't have a good enough podcast? They're fucking idiots because they offered nothing. Maybe they lost because they're like 'yeah, you can't have healthcare, but we painted a rainbow crosswalk'.

Obama calls 'bullshit fouls' in pickup basketball

I heard from someone that's hooped with him [Obama]... I heard that He calls bullshit fouls... In pickup. It is Mark against his person. No, absolutely... Weak ass fouls and pick up basketball.

Being an American soccer fan is the 'worst kind of guy you could be'

Being an American soccer fan is like, it's the, it's just the worst kind of guy you could be. Really? It's just the most [lame]. I live in Brooklyn, and I like footy. Like, it's just like shut up, you know.

LeBron winning in the bubble didn't feel the same as a real title

When we won, won in the bubble. I've said this before, but like, I like looked into my heart like 30 seconds later I was like, it doesn't feel the same with him [LeBron]. Yeah. It really doesn't feel the same with him.

Corner camping is a legitimate and awesome strategy in Call of Duty

I think that's awesome. Yeah, it's great. You find a good spot where you kill... corner camping. I ended up winning. It was great.

The UFC should implement a rule requiring submissions after prolonged ground control

I just think that if you take someone down for 25 minutes and wrestle them, you should have to submit them... If you wrestle someone for 25 minutes, you have to submit them. Or else it's impressively boring.

I care about the PGA Tour playoffs and nothing else in golf

I'm a playoffs only guy in the PGA tour. Otherwise [Scottie Scheffler's] got nothing... if he doesn't win the finals, he's got nothing.

MLB realignment and getting rid of the American and National Leagues would be a mistake

Shut the fuck up. Get the fuck out of my clubhouse, Rob [Manfred]... I actually think they should do the opposite. They should get rid of Interleague play... Dial it back, but don't get rid of the leagues. That would be a mistake.

The NBA's plan to push West Coast games to 11 PM Eastern is a bad move compared to MLB's regional focus

The NBA is actually doing the reverse. You see that they're doing a like, coast to coast where they're gonna push back the West Coast games to 11:00 PM Eastern time... I don't know and maybe the Mets and Yankees would be in the same division [in MLB], which that, that would, I feel like that would be a mistake.

Expanding the College Football Playoff to 24 or 28 teams is way too many

I was fine with 12. I do think there's seasons when you can have those teams from that six to eight range where, hey, they're peaking at the right time. 24? No thank you. This would suck.

I refuse to support the global expansion of the NFL because I only care about American fans

I honestly don't care if, if, if other countries watch football or not, like this whole, like global expansion of football, do not care. I watch football with my friends in America. I don't give a fuck what they watch over there.

The 2019 LSU Tigers are the best college football team of all time

With Joe [Burrow], I think we could beat anybody. It's gotta be won on the field. Now they've had some other great teams, but I do believe with Joe and the team that we had, we could've beat anybody we played that year... I'd put the LSU team in front of everybody.

The 'Mega Bed' changed my life

I initially scoffed it because it was a long day of travel. I was tired. It was late. But then the next day I was like, you know what Zac, we got a mega bed. You were right. We mega Beded... mega bed changed my life.