Takes

Above-ground pools are 'very good' and belong in the Hall of Very Good

Our second pick is going to be above ground pools. ... They're very good. They're very fun. I've had a fun time in an aboveground. ... So much better than no pool.

Titty fucking is 'very good' but not 'Hall of Fame' level

We want to take titty fucking. Yeah. It's very good. ... It's not Hall of fame. Hall of Fame is sex. ... If you're titty fucking in an above ground pool in Canada, you're having a very good time. Yeah.

Zelda: Ocarina of Time is the best video game ever made

We are gonna go Zelda: Ocarina of Time... widely known as the best game ever... It's like known as being the best game ever.

The Stanley Cup tumbler craze is overhyped because it is just a cup

We're gonna take Stanley cups, drinkware, the big fucking Stanley Cups that everyone goes crazy about. All the women love it. Don't understand the hypes... It's literally just a cup... they're almost like beanie babies, like the newer version of Beanie Babies where people collect different colors.

Soccer is the most boring popular sport in the world

Soccer? Don't under don't understand. It's the most popular sport in the world. Yep. By far. Yep. And I watch a game and it seems so fucking boring. Like I get the moment that you get the goal is very fun. But every other moment in between it is like, when are they gonna fucking do something?

Taylor Swift Easter Eggs are stupid and overhyped

We're gonna take Taylor Swift Easter Eggs. Not Taylor Swift. The music, we understand the music... I, for the life of me do not understand when Taylor Swift just like matches a couple numbers... and everyone fucking goes full investigative journalism mode... it's fucking stupid.

The Mona Lisa is an ugly, shitty, overhyped painting

We don't understand the hype of the Mona Lisa whatsoever. It's a fucking chick. And she's ugly. I don't get it... It's a fucking painting. It's so dumb. It's so hyped... It's a shitty painting. If you put that up in my house, it'd be like, take it down. She's ugly.

The hype around being an adult is unmerited; everyone rushes to grow up for no reason

Being an adult, I don't understand the hype on like being an adult. Everyone. You're as growing up. Everyone was like, I can't wait to get older, get older, get older. And I'm like, why are we rushing these things?... I don't get the hype on everyone wanting to age so quickly... I just, not all the aspects are the best.

AI is overhyped and will likely ruin everyone's life

I don't get the hype on ai. I feel like at best it's gonna just like, ruin everyone's life. Except for like a few people who will make all the money... I don't get why anyone is like pro ai... this could be really bad for everyone.

I can't wait to use a handicapped parking spot when I'm old

Handicapped parking. I can't wait to fucking do it... Primo spots. Oh, I always pass it. I'm like, obviously don't want, I'm very thankful to be able... but if you're old, that's a good, that's a good deal.

Riding a bike as an adult is overrated compared to being good at golf

Guess what? Riding a bike. Overrated When you become adult. Golf is way more useful. Like I would trade being able to ride a bike for being able to golf well instantly.

Quitting a job you hate is the best feeling in the world

Our last pick, we're gonna take quitting. No better feeling. Quitting is so satisfying. It's the best feeling. If you ever quit a job you don't like, best fucking feeling in the world.

Olive Garden is absolutely disgusting Italian food.

Olive Garden is absolutely fucking disgusting. If it's a true Italian... It's Italian, but it's a grape. But it's a good pick. It's a good for the graphic. It's a great pick. Unlimited bread, but in real life. Unlimited blows. No, that's ly are awesome. The pasta is good. The so is good. The pasta is probably about 20 minutes overcooked.

Nobody cares about the NBA All-Star Game

NBA All Star Game. Do not care. Do not care at all. Fun to complain about, but it's just, it's the do not care at all. No one cares.

Disney World with kids is the absolute worst place in the world to be violently hungover

Disney World with kids would be hell on earth. Because then you actually actively have to parent and chase them around and worry about where they're being and stand in lines and eat gross food. I actually don't think that there's, I've never been to Disney World as a kid or an adult, but I think that might be the worst place in the world.

Construction workers are the groundwork of civilization and deserve more credit

So much infrastructure to the entire, everything that we do. This building, all of our homes, all, all of the establishments we go to. I mean, it's everywhere. The groundwork of civilization, all the construction workers is deserve so much credit.

Jesus is the chillest bro of all time because he took a three-day nap

He's just the chillest guy of all time. Turn the other cheek. Try to, you know, bring world peace to the world. Dude, bro. Took a three day nap. How chill is that?

It is embarrassing for a grown man to wear a bike helmet

You just can't, you just look like a fucking fool and you look like an idiot. Especially when you get off the bike and you're like, walking without the bike.

Memorial Day is the best weekend of the year

Memorial Day weekend's the best is the best weekend of the year. Hank knows start of the summer.

October is the clear 1.1 pick for best sports month

I'll take October first... October's one one... October's so good. October has, I've become everything. I've become more of an October boy.

Boobs are officially back in style and the undisputed 1-1 pick for soft things

I'm going boobs. Correct. Boobs are back now. Sydney Sweeney brought boobs back for a while... And I'm glad that they are. Yes. Very soft.

Dealing with Hank in the morning is tougher than childbirth

Dealing with Hank when he wakes up in the morning. That's very tough. Yeah. Probably tougher than childbirth. If you actually have to do it. Like if childbirth verse, like if you're like, Hey, every day you have to just wake up Hank, I'd take childbirth.

I miss the ability to drink heavily without getting hangovers

Drinking without getting hungover. Right. Like I just used to like not get hangovers. And that's, and that's basically what I'm saying.

Nutty Bars are a top-tier snack pick

Gonna go with Nutty Bars. Love them. Love them. Yeah. You know that You'll get my vote on that. It's a solid pick.

Doritos are the best snack

I will go with Doritos. Cool Ranch Doritos are my favorite. Doritos are the best. They really are the best.

You would choose pizza over donuts for the rest of your life because you can't eat donuts every day

If it's pizza or donuts for the rest of your life, you'd have to take pizza. Like, I'm just being honest, like I love donuts, but you can't eat donuts every day. You could eat pizza almost every day.

Pie is vastly superior to cake as a dessert

I'm more of a pie guy than I'm a cake guy. I think pie clears cake all day. Birthday cake. Pretty decent pie. Vastly superior.

A bowl is a perfect delivery vessel because you never have a bad meal served in one

There's nothing really that you have a bad bowl of. You know what I mean? When you're getting, when you're getting a bowl out, you're getting just good. It's like soup, ice cream. Cereal. A bowl delivers great things.

Waffles are superior to pancakes in every way

I'm going to go waffles. Love waffles. Superior to pancakes in every way. Waffles versatile. You can go sweet... or you can go savory. The nooks and crannies make it.

Breakfast burritos are better than breakfast tacos outside of Austin

In Austin, you are correct [that tacos are better]. But the rest of the country breakfast burrito is always better than a breakfast taco. Where have you had a good breakfast taco outside of Austin? Breakfast tacos are good, but they're like a, they're a treat for like certain parts of the country.

Cold pizza is an elite breakfast food

I think it's an elite breakfast: cold slice of pizza. So good. It's zero calorie. Tastes great. Just put a little hot sauce on it. Yeah, it's great. I love, I love having pizza for breakfast.

Patrick Mahomes is the 'animal' I would most like to be

I would like to be Patrick Mahomes. Humans are animals. Scientifically, they are, they literally are animals. If you could pick any animal to be, Patrick Mahomes would be a pretty fucking sick animal to be.

Pineapple absolutely belongs on pizza

I fucking love pineapple on pizza. I love pineapple with, with barbecue chicken on a pizza... At what point did it become a thing where people are like, pineapple doesn't belong on pizza?

MVP Baseball 2005 is the greatest baseball game ever created

MVP Baseball 2005 was the greatest baseball player—was MVP Baseball? Yeah. The greatest baseball game. I think '04 as well was very good... those two versions were so, so elite.

A Chicken Club sandwich is much better than a Turkey Club

I'm gonna go with chicken club. Much better than a Turkey club. Oh, much better.

Pimento cheese is an overrated sandwich filling

I think pimento cheese is overrated... The problem with pimento cheese is there's absolutely no crunch or hard factor in there. It's just soft. Just soft.

Lobster meat is definitely meat because it is a crustacean

Lobster meat is considered meat because it is a crustacean and a type of seafood. ... [To Max] You grew up in a dumb household [if you think fish isn't meat].

CrossFit is the ultimate hobby that consumes a person's life and language

CrossFit. It consumes your life. You have to start recruiting other people to go to CrossFit. You put stickers all over your cars, stickers on your laptops... The one that they, they speak in CrossFit language. Yeah. And they, they ask each other constantly. How'd you do on the workout of the day?

Swifties are the number one hobby that becomes an entire personality

Obviously my one one or I guess one two Swifties. I mean, they're the cra they're the number one. Yeah. Right now they're the number one. Yeah. That is their hobby. That becomes their entire personality. Swifties If. you If you see a swifty online. That's all they want to talk about is Swifties.

Disney Adults are the weirdest people in the world

Disney adults. They're the weirdest people in the, the world now... There's a lot of people out there that get married at Disney World. Yeah. Get propose at Disney World. Yeah. They dress up as Disney characters. And I actually think... Disney adults, their hobby becomes their personality traits because the rest of the world no longer accepts 'em.

Donald Trump's 2016 Republican debate performance is a first-ballot Hall of Fame ass-kicking

The one that we, no one's gonna pick, but I do actually think it is a 1-1. It is Trump and the Republican debates. Trump versus all the other Republicans. He just fucking smoked him. He ended all their careers. Ted Cruz, your wife's ugly. Marco Rubio's got a small penis. He just great school bullied them all. It was a total ass kicking.

Kanye West's 'College Trilogy' is the best pound-for-pound album trilogy in history

To separate the art from the artist Right. And understand that these are maybe the three like pound for pound best albums out there... It is Kanye West College Dropout Late Registration. Graduation. They call it the College trilogy.

The Godfather Part III is so bad that it ruins the whole movie trilogy

Godfather three... one and two are so good... The Tri literally just say the Godfather of three doesn't exist. It like they try to make it so it's not a trilogy... The trilogy then sinks the whole trilogy within itself. That's not, that is incorrect.

Trilogies generally fail because the third installment almost always sucks

I think what we learned here is Trilogies low key suck. Yeah. Like I think we just learned that. 'cause that was a struggle to get that... except for the Father Son. Holy Ghost. Yeah. Shout out God.

Blow jobs are stressful and awkward

I find them to be—it's a lot of pressure. What am I supposed to say? I just feel like it's really a lot of pressure on me... then I just feel like I'm supposed to be making noises or something... if I had to sum up blow jobs in one word, I would say stressful.

Beating a video game is something that is only fun once

Beating a video game. Once you [beat it], you can't go back and beat another video... like yes you can, [but] it's not as fun. If you beat Goldeneye and you go back and you know all the secrets and stuff, it does not have that same allure. The first time you beat Goldeneye, you think that you are God.

Titty fucking is only fun to do once

I think guys, if you guys, the one person will agree with me... It is the man. We're doing it. Drum roll: titty fucking. It's simply fun [only] once. That is something that like you're in middle school, you dream about and then you do it and it's like, this isn't that fun. I've literally only done it once 'cause I was like, I don't need to do this shit.

Throwing a house party in high school is only fun the first time

Throwing a house party in high school. When parents aren't there. It's fun the first time you might get away with it. You might not, but you still had that one time. But then you can't really do it again. Or if you do it again, it gets out of hand. Your first one's a banger people, the bar's gonna be so high for the future ones that like you can only go downhill.

Michael Jordan is the GOAT of basketball, shoes, and coolness

And it's Michael Jordan. Easy. Okay. Easy pick. Mike, mj, the goat. He's the goat in basketball. He's the goat in shoes. He's the goat in coolness. He's the goat.

LeBron James is on the Mt. Rushmore of GOATs

We're going with LeBron James... I like our list. It's a team effort. I value, I value my teammates picks.