Takes

Individualism is a relatively new and terrifying concept for human beings

We've never been more connected... And the reason podcasts, I think, are so huge is because people are desperate for conversation... We're built to live in tribes... The idea of individualism is comparatively new and terrifying. It just doesn't work for human beings. We feel incredibly alienated.

LeBron James' career scoring milestone feels hollow on a terrible Lakers team

Obviously LeBron's career is unassailable at this point... But don't you think it felt a little hollow, the fact that he's doing it on a terrible Lakers team? If it happened in Cleveland, it would have been a lot bigger of a moment in my mind.

Kyrie Irving's weird behavior is just a quarter-life crisis

My take on this is that Kyrie Irving, he's 26 years old, and I think this is actually a very relatable thing. Stars are just like us. The quarter-life crisis. Kyrie Irving's going through his quarter-life crisis. Everyone hits that point in your mid to late 20s where you're like, what's the meaning of life?

Tom Brady is definitively the best quarterback of all time

The best quarterback of all time would be Tom Brady. That would be my opinion. Well, I would back it up with facts. The facts are he's won six Super Bowls. I do have two sources that have confirmed that Tom Brady is the best quarterback of all time. My left eye and my right eye.

Jason Witten returning to the Cowboys was the best move for him personally

Honestly, this was the best thing for him to do. Now, the people that didn't like him as a broadcaster, they're happy. Dallas is thrilled. It was a great move on his part.

Ketchup tastes better when it is refrigerated

I think ketchup tastes better when it's refrigerated. Yeah, but you don't need to [refrigerate it]. That's kind of one of those weird things.

Lamar Jackson needs to hit at least a 60% completion rate for success

What does success look like for [Lamar Jackson] next year? I'd say it's minimum 60% completion rate because we're going to be throwing the ball downfield, so it's not going to be a dink and dunk offense.

Kyler Murray is now draftable because he measured at 5'10"

So 5'10", I like him now. He is draftable. He moved up my big board. He is still undraftable for John Elway, like eight inches too short.

Peyton Manning's low eyes-to-forehead ratio would make him great in the booth

I actually think [Peyton Manning] would be very, very good in the booth. You talk about a guy with low eyes. He sets the record for lowest eyes to forehead ratio.

The Indianapolis airport bathroom is a 7.5 out of 10

I thought my stall was fantastic... handicap stall has its own sink. Lack of urinals is a problem. There's only three... overall PFT, I would give it 7.5.

The word 'thick' is officially cancelled because Trey Wingo used it

My hot seat this week is thick. ... I'm actually canceling thick. Because Trey Wingo, he caught wind of it. ... the fact that Trey used a double C, it was like watching Darren Rovell kill 69 jokes in real time.

The Washington Capitals have a 20% chance of repeating as Stanley Cup champions

Pittsburgh did it for the first time in like 20 years... I'm going to say 20%. They're a good team, right? ... I just think that it's tough because guys are exhausted and they've ripped it up extra hard.

Rebounding is more about hard work and film study than just effort

I think it's more hard work than anything. I think you have to look at film. You've got to look at people. You've just got to go out there and just put everything on the line. As far as scoring, that's easy.

The Oscars are better without a host

No host is the future. Way better. No stupid gimmicks, you know, when they deliver pizzas or do the selfies or whatever the fuck happens when you run out of bits two hours into the Oscars.

Eating out of bowls is superior to eating off plates

Bowls are way, way better than plates. Would we all agree? There's nothing that you can eat out of a plate that you can't also eat out of a bowl. Everything's getting put in a bowl these days. America is hung up on bowl culture.

Zion Williamson will return for the NCAA Tournament

I think Zion should sit and then come back for the tournament and, in the words of Billy McFarland, just fuck it, let's be legends.

Being hungry is much better than being thirsty

I would rather be hungry than thirsty because I feel like if you are properly hydrated, like you're okay. You can survive for a very long time... I love being hungry because it means I haven't eaten, so I'm feeling kind of skinny.

Be wary of any new league that promises more football

As much as we love football, we did warn you. We warned you after the first weekend that as much as we love seeing extra football... We've been hurt before. The XFL did not last very long. Whenever someone promises you more football, just be wary.

The Rams will beat the Patriots in Super Bowl LIII

I take the Rams over the Patriots. Yes, I do... I am technically copping out because those who make predictions or are forced to, when you make a preseason prediction that actually turns out to be spot on—I now have the cover of saying, well, I predicted it before the season, so I can't give up now.

Bryce Harper is going to sign with the Philadelphia Phillies

Bryce Harper, it's alleged that he's going to be signing with the Phillies any day now... I think he's going to be a Philly.

Oldest player dunking should be a new All-Star Weekend contest

We should, to make the dunk contest better, before the dunk contest, they should do a contest, oldest guy that can dunk. So oldest NBA player that can still dunk... I want to know who all the retired guys have gotten fat.

MLB is the only All-Star game that still gets the juices flowing

I feel like MLB is the only All-Star game that really gets the juices flowing now... at least still you can't half-ass baseball. A pitcher is still going to throw their stuff. Pro Bowl, NHL, NBA, everyone's just going through the motions.

An NFL starting quarterback is the apex predator of the sports world

If you have the choice of being an NFL quarterback or an outfielder, maybe an outfielder for the Oakland A's, it's not really a choice. And it's like you're it's the national brand of being a national hero versus being maybe at your absolute peak... starting quarterbacks in the NFL are the top, they're apex predators in the sports world.

The French Bulldog or the Toy Poodle are the favorites to win Westminster Best in Show

Tonight, if you're watching, look at the non-sporting group. There's two really big-time winning dogs right now. There's a really pretty French Bulldog... Racking up the dubs. And then in the toy group, there's a little toy, white toy poodle... watch it move. It flies around the ring like a big dog.

The AAF outrating the NBA proves America loves football over everything else

We [the AAF] outrated the NBA game, the primetime NBA game, showing that America loves football over everything else, which we already know and we agree with.

Tom Brady is a prisoner of his own success because of his extreme superstitions

Tom Brady's success is so successful and won so many Super Bowls, how many little things like this do you think he does in a day-to-day basis where he's like, well, it's helped me get to where I'm at? He's basically stuck in the most superstitious life of all time... He's permanently stuck upside down because he keeps winning Super Bowls... He's a prisoner of his own success.

Deshaun Watson is a much better pocket passer than people realize

I think he's a good pocket passer. I think that that's one thing that people, when you think of [Deshaun Watson], you immediately think of a guy that can move around and get away from pressure, but he is good in the pocket.

I will likely lose weight when I retire because I only eat this much to maintain my size

I think I'll lose weight [when I retire]... because I don't necessarily love eating as much as I do. I know I have to. So it's much more now of just eating to keep the weight on and keep the muscle on. But when I'm done, I'll probably eat three regular meals a day and not get crazy with it.

The Sixers are 'all in' on winning a championship this year

The Sixers are all in. They traded Markelle Fultz. They traded for Tobias Harris. They're all in. They're trying to win a championship this year.

I wanted the Patriots to win another Super Bowl now because Tom Brady's window is closing

I would say the Patriots just because Brady's window is closing. So the more he can get in before he retires, the better.

Super Bowl 48 was a worse game than Super Bowl 53

I would say the worst Super Bowl that I've ever watched is probably the Denver-Seahawks Super Bowl. But that was just because it was a blowout from the very start.

Vic Fangio is a good hire for the Broncos

I really think that Fangio is a good hire for the Broncos. Oh, yeah, absolutely. We haven't really talked about it that much.

Some great coordinators are simply not meant to be head coaches

There are certain guys who were just assistant coaches... Just because you're good at being a defensive coordinator doesn't mean you can be a head coach... certain guys are meant to be a head coach, certain guys are not.

The Rams would win if both teams played a perfect game because they have more talent

I'm stuck with the same thought over and over. The Rams are the more talented team. But the Patriots, at the end of the day, it's still Brady and Belichick. If they both play perfect games, I think the Rams will win because they have more talent overall.

Official Score Prediction: Rams 24, Patriots 20

My official pick is 24 to 20... Rams 24, Patriots 20.

Picking the Patriots is the 'integrity' pick to avoid gambling embarrassment

The first thing you want to do is obviously pick a winner. The second thing you want to do is make sure you don't get embarrassed. So I guess my official pick would be the Patriots because I feel like when you get to the end of the game, it will be embarrassing if you have the Rams and the Patriots do what they've always done.

The Monday after the Super Bowl should be a federal holiday

We all are in agreement, obviously, that the Monday after the Super Bowl should be a federal holiday. Correct. Move President's Day. Abraham Lincoln's dead. He won't care. I promise. He probably would have been a big football fan.

Todd Gurley lacks commitment to his potential pet cats

He's been engaged to getting a cat for way too long. People are starting to ask questions, Todd. They're saying, is this wedding ever going to happen? Lack of commitment from Todd Gurley.

The Brooklyn Nets are improved and will make the playoffs

An okay team, but last year they had a few issues, is the Brooklyn Nets. I think they've improved a lot this year. And if they keep doing well, they should be able to make the playoffs.

Everyone must watch the Super Bowl

You can't not watch the Super Bowl. Like, you can't... In two weeks' time, you're going to want that football back. Don't take it for granted.

The Pro Bowl has reached a point where it is more fun to joke about than to actually watch

I think it's reached a point where it stinks so bad that it's more fun to joke about the Pro Bowl.

Aaron Donald is the perfect football player and the baddest dude in the NFL

This kid's the perfect football player. Perfect. It's like they made him in a Petri dish... In my opinion, he's the baddest dude in the NFL as far as just being a badass.

The NFL should host the Super Bowl in Miami, New Orleans, or Vegas every single year

You'll also get one or two people saying the Super Bowl should be in Miami or New Orleans every year. Which I agree. Every year. I actually agree with that. 100% agree.

I successfully recruited Carmelo Anthony to the Chicago Bulls

It took five years, but I have gotten Carmelo Anthony to the Chicago Bulls. Congratulations. Thank you. We're going to wave him, and he's never going to play for the Bulls. But I did recruit him in the summer of 2014... last laugh, me.

The Netflix Fyre Fest documentary is more entertaining than the Hulu version

The Hulu one has the advantage because the whole mastermind of the Fyre Festival, Billy McFarland, is in it... I find the Netflix one, though, more entertaining. I think it's because it may have been the footage or the editing which really tells you something because they don't even have the guy in it.

Andy Reid's clock management in overtime was baffling and classic Andy Reid

I still don't understand Andy Reid, and I don't want to blame, you know, do the timeout thing, but you have three timeouts in overtime that can't end in a tie... And he let his defense just die out there without calling one timeout, whether it be at a third and ten, whether it be when the Patriots get to the goal line. It was baffling to see... That happened. I guess it wasn't really baffling because that's Andy Reid.

I'm taking the under 56 in the Patriots-Chiefs game

I'm going to take the under, 56... I like the under because I also think the Patriots are going to basically say, Patrick Mahomes, go ahead, beat us. Not with Tyreek Hill going down with an 80-yard touchdown. Beat us completing passes over and over down the field.

Naming an airport after someone is actually a terrible honor

The fact that the greatest honor is to be named after an airport sucks... Because everybody hates going there. It's the worst place to go to. And you're like, oh, great. This airport's named after you? Awesome. This sucks.

Prelated is the new word for wishing someone an early birthday

When you want to wish someone a happy early birthday, say happy prelated. Because his birthday is Saturday... People are with people whose birthdays are like the next day, next week, whatever, and you don't want to say happy early birthday.

A cold Filet-O-Fish is one of the most unappetizing things on Earth.

I can't think of too many things less appetizing than like a cold filet of fish. Yeah, excuse me, McFish. Don't put the filet of fish out there. That's a big time mistake.