Takes

Serena Williams did more for tennis than Tiger Woods did for golf

She did more than Tiger Woods did for golf.

The Ravens will win the Super Bowl

I see a play like that. I'm like, Raven Super Bowl. Yes I have. I have the Ravens for the Super Bowl. I've bought into the hype. It won't burn me at all.

55 degrees is the ideal sleeping temperature

On the road. If, if I can get it. I mean, normally the lowest you can get is 55. Right. In a hotel. Right. But I got it at 55. ... man, if I could, I would [go into the forties].

Polar bears are 'huge pussies' compared to grizzly bears

Polar bears are huge pussies. They actually, every time they meet grizzly bears in the wild, they like run away. 'cause grizzly bears are about that action. They scrap harder than polar bears. It's because their population densities are higher. So they see other grizzly bears and fight them more.

I am officially a Northwestern fan solely to spite Darren Rovell

I think I'm officially gonna be a Northwestern fan. That's gonna be my Big 10 school. But I just wanna be a Northwestern fan to be, to annoy Darren Rovell... I wanna be more of a Northwestern fan than Darren Rovell is. I'll support you. I will, I will a hundred percent root for you. I'll bet on you. I'll watch all your games. But just know that I'm also trying to piss off Darren Rovell as much as I can.

Bill Belichick's greatness is bull crap without Tom Brady

LeSean McCoy calls the idea of Bill Belichick's greatness bull crap. It's what I had to say.

Mike McDaniel is the best up-and-coming coach in the league over Kyle Shanahan

Mike McDaniel's probably the best up and coming coach in the league. Like if you're in a futures franchise draft, Mike McDaniel's probably going first [over Kyle Shanahan].

Saquon Barkley is a scab for accepting a deal and undermining the running back market

Is Saquon Barkley a scab? It seems like he went back. He went to the Zoom call and he said, 'this sucks.' And then they were like, 'how about less than a three-bedroom house?' and he's like, 'sure.' And then Saquon Barkley unemphasized from the group chat. That's my price to turn my back on the entire position.

Joe Biden's dog Commander is just Major Biden with a different name

Joe Biden got a new German Shepherd. It has also bitten four people. There's no, that's Major Biden. I'm saying they didn't kick out Major. They just were like, 'yeah, we sent Major away. We got a new dog. Looks exactly like Major.' He just went on and just started biting everyone again.

I'm officially off the Rory McIlroy train

I'm off Rory officially. Okay. All right. Well it's, I'm officially off Rory now. It's gonna be 10 years going into the next season, right? Yeah. It's been 10 years. He'll never win a major Championship.

Rory McIlroy's focus on the FedEx Cup is 'loser talk'

[Rory] said, I don't think that way. I think about trying to go and win a fourth FedEx here in a couple weeks. Go try and win a fifth race to Dubai. Go and win a fifth rider cup. I just keep looking forward that my friends is loser talk. FedEx Cup means nothing.

The NFL franchise tag should be a flat $50 million and not count against the cap

It's either there should be no franchise tag or they should make the franchise tag not punitive to the cap, but it ha you have to pay the person 50 million for any position... It's essentially like, we can't figure out a deal. We want you so bad. Here's so much money that you won't be upset about it.

NFL teams should not be allowed to wear throwback uniforms from a city they moved away from

The Houston Oilers are back. The Tennessee Titans unveiled their throwback uniforms... if you move your team to a different city, you can take those colors. I get that. But you can never actually put on the Houston Oilers... uniform... You're neither Houston nor Oilers. And they're iconic. They're great... It sucks. It sucks.

Jordan Love is going to stink

He's gonna stink. So I I gotta warn you, Joe, I have, I, I'm moving into a new house soon and I have a bigger tv, So I am going to make the greatest big head Joe Buck pictures I've ever made.

Offensive line culture requires 'weird fat guy' behavior to build a good team

Offensive linemen just have a different culture... you need weird fat guy shit to make your team good.

Dirt bikes are the only effective way to escape Los Angeles when society collapses

If something goes sideways in LA and there's riots in the streets... you only have the freeways out and those can lock down quickly. So how do you get out? Well, dirt bikes. Dirt bikes is the answer.

Running backs should not be eligible for the NFL Draft and should be free agents immediately

Running Backs should not be eligible to be drafted. Make them, let them be free agents. Because it is just a matter of fact that running Backs, they wear down faster. That's just the nature of the position. Why don't we let running Backs just be free agents right away?

Shohei Ohtani's viral bat flip against the Yankees was awkward and forced

I'll stand by this take. I didn't think it was a good flip. He looked awkward. It looked like an awkward bat flip. Everyone was freaking out about it. I thought he looked awkward. It didn't look natural. It looked like he forced that bat flip.

Bill Belichick is officially on the hot seat with the New England Patriots

My Hot Seat is Bill Belichick. Literally. There's a report out... from Tom Curran... he said 'You talk about avoiding the Hot Seat Rich, he's on the Hot Seat and he's been there at different levels of warmth since 2019.'

Rory McIlroy will not win a major in a 10-year span

It's now 10 years since this guy won a major Championship... at some point he's gonna win one of these, he's gonna stumble. I am rooting against Rory McIlroy because if he loses this, that's now 10 years since this guy won a major Championship, which is wild.

Rory McIlroy will miss the cut at the Open Championship

I have a hot take. I think he's going to miss the cut. Yeah, I think everything, because the last time they played here [Royal Liverpool] was the last time he won a major... it's almost too much of a storybook ending and I think he's just going to come out and blow up.

Zach Wilson is still the future of the Jets

I still think that [Zach Wilson] has the physical capabilities to be, you know, an amazing Mahomes quarterback. The man can make any throw on the field. I mean, his head, you know, he's young. He's confused... but the man can make some amazing throws and I hope Aaron Rodgers gets his head right.

If Mario Cristobal can't turn Miami football around, it can't be done

I said this from the time he got the job. If [Mario Cristobal] can't turn Miami back into what we all remember Miami, it just can't be done. It just can't be done.

The Home Run Derby should replace the kids in the outfield with fat, drunk adults who we can laugh at for getting hit

I'd rather, if it weren't kids out there, why not just get a bunch of fat like college 20 to 30 year old kids, guys drunk as hell. Fat, like sloppy fat, just falling on their face, getting hit with balls, all that stuff. Cuz then we can laugh as a country, we can laugh at them.

Joey Chestnut is the greatest American of all time and saved the 4th of July

Joey Chestnut being the greatest American of all time and saving, literally saving the 4th of July for America. ... if we did a new Mount Rushmore of Greatest Americans of all time, it's Joey Chestnut [and no one] else.

You can eat for free at restaurants by pretending to be a waiter taking away leftovers

I think we could just eat for free if we just show up to really nice restaurants and we just go to like, people who are just finishing being like, can I take this for you? And then just walk out. ... I handed him my food. Like it was nobody's business being like, this guy will come back with a bag and Yeah. I, I think I found a way that if, if we ever fall on hard times, we can just live off of that.

I felt ghosts in the pool house at George Kittle's home

It was very creepy. And I had never dealt with anything like that before. ... I like just like couldn't like, I had to like, keep focusing on this thing in the co like there was something else in the room. ... I felt that something was in the room with me. And it was the the freakiest thing.

I pee in 100% of the pools I have ever been in

I piss in every pool I've ever been in. Yep. A hundred percent. Yep. All the time. ... Every pool I've ever been in, in my entire life. Every pool I've pissed in.

The missing children in the D&D campaign deserve their fate for exploring dangerous caves.

The child needs a lesson. You shouldn't go explore caves plug.

The theory that Portland should treat Dame Lillard 'correctly' to attract future free agents is the dumbest theory in the world

The the theory that the Blazers should treat Dame correctly so that they could get future free agents is the dumbest theory in the world. They're not gonna get future free agents. They should get whatever they can get.

Big Ben Roethlisberger could still play in the NFL right now

Big Ben... He definitely could. He definitely could [still play]. Yeah. Yeah. He definitely could. Yeah.

Aaron Rodgers will have an incredible MVP-caliber season with the Jets

I think [Rodgers] is gonna have an incredible, incredible season. No, he's going to play with a chip on his shoulder. I've seen him. I know this guy better than anyone else. He is going to be awesome this year... I think he will be top three MVP voting... I truly believe he's going to have like a special year because that's what he does. He's been dead a million times and then he ripped off back to back MVPs. He's so pissed off. He's gonna think everyone thinks he's washed. He's gonna have an awesome year.

Aaron Rodgers is washed and the Jets will finish under .500

No. Disagree, washed... I think they're not gonna be above 500. He's washed... I think he wants to have a fuck you tour, but I don't think it's gonna happen.

Deshaun Watson will have a better season than Aaron Rodgers in 2023

Deshaun Watson will have a better season than Aaron Rodgers. I agree... I'm predicting this year is gonna be like last year. Russell Wilson going to Denver. Yeah. Everybody was like, oh, he's reuniting with Nathaniel Hackett. It's gonna be great. Guess what, Aaron Rodgers. Okay. Big name switching teams.

Attempting to drink all 21 cocktails on a menu during a vacation is a legendary way to die

My cool throne is travel because there's a headline in the New York Post today. Man dies after trying to drink all 21 cocktails on menu during family vacation in Jamaica. That rocks... Dude's rock. That guy traveled his balls off... I mean that's, that's an all time way to go out.

I will officially declare Damian Lillard a 'turncoat with no loyalty' the moment he is traded

The only, the only comment I have is when [Lillard] does end up getting traded, I'm just gonna be like, what a turncoat. No loyalty. And just do that and just go, go on that angle. So I I'm I'm just out on the entire storyline as it stands.

A team that missed the playoffs last year will play in the World Series this year

My take is a team that didn't make the playoffs last year is going to appear in the World Series. We have a lot of new blood. If you look at the standings This year... the Rangers are 47 and 30... and the Diamondbacks are in first place over the Dodgers. So there's gonna be a lot of fresh faces in the playoffs This year.

The Grizzlies will be the toughest team in the league with Marcus Smart, Steven Adams, and Ja Morant

One thing I do know about the Grizzlies though is they're gonna have the top team not to be fucked with in terms of just beating the shit outta you. They got Marcus Smart, they got Steven Adams and they have Ja Morant who will shoot you on the same team.

Trent Williams is the best football player in the NFL

In my opinion, he's [Trent Williams] the best football player in the NFL. Like it's him, Aaron Donald, and I like Nick Bosa is pretty close. Mahomes is up there. But like I think Trent Williams is like by far on a playing field by himself.

Wes Anderson is a boring filmmaker

My Hot Seat is Wes Anderson, the filmmaker. ... I think he's boring. Does anybody else think he's boring? ... They're all kind of one movie. ... It's very filmmaker move to come out and be like, he refuses, he's disgusted at the thought of people even trying to do what he does.

The passengers on the missing Titanic submarine are likely already dead

They're dead. This is one of those situations that it's captivated the internet because they keep being like, they have 50 hours of oxygen... they died. It's probably better that they died almost instantly. I would imagine they did. You don't, something bad happened and the sub broke and they died.

Wembanyama is not as good a prospect as LeBron was because of injury risk

Anybody who says [Wembanyama] is the best, like he's better than LeBron as a prospect, I would completely disagree just because LeBron body-wise was NBA ready. ... He's going to get hurt. It would be shocking if he doesn't have somebody roll into his legs at some point. ... I just don't think the human body is supposed to move like a created player in an NBA video game.

Brandon Miller's involvement in the Alabama shooting won't affect his draft stock

I think there's concern up until they watch the tape, you know, to be realistic about it. ... I just haven't heard anybody say because not that many teams are even in the mix. ... I think we all know with sports... it felt like it kind of went away a little bit too. ... His shot making at that size and what you think you'd be able to do defensively... he's exactly what you want in today's NBA.

If Rory McIlroy doesn't win the Open Championship this year, the narrative will become that he will never win another major.

I think if he doesn't win the open championship this year, then I think start of next season, Rory [McIlroy] will never win a major championship. It goes back to that conversation.

The Green Bay Packers are in trouble because Jordan Love is a moron.

Jordan Love posted a video today... he said Happy Father's Day to all Bears fans out there. Jordan Love is a fucking moron. So Jordan love basically called Bears fans his dad. And it was like the first moment that I've had in a very long time where I was like, Ooh, I think things might be changing... The Packers are in trouble.

Anyone named Kyle is likely crazy and not to be messed with.

Anyone named Kyle. Don't fuck with them. Kyle's, Kyle's are fucking crazy. Kyle's got... the sickest sound system in his car. Your parents tell you not to hang out with Kyle's. You don't want to. Yeah, because he'll get you in trouble.

I have probably walked by at least six serial killers in my lifetime

Number of serial killers walked by. I think it's over three people. Holy shit, six. I like that because then it's like, holy shit.

Michael Jordan was a better value pick at number three than Jokic was at 41

I still think Michael Jordan not being picked first overall and what he did becoming the best player of all time. That's a better value pick at three.

D3 football is better at molding young men than D1 football

So D3 football is actually better than D1 football... In terms of molding young men probably. Because I would end up, if I tried walking on a D1, I'd see D1 parties and be like, oh shit, why am I doing this?

I am going to win the US Open this weekend

[PFT: Are you gonna win?] Brooks Koepka: I mean, that's why I'm on here. Yeah.