Takes

Duke would have won the National Championship by 50 points if they had reached the final.

I think if Duke plays in the championship game, they win by 50. Easily. That was a wasted opportunity.

College basketball is now 'pay to win' and that's unsustainable

It's a pay to win tournament. Like basketball is ruined. Unsustainable. Yeah, that's the new word that I keep hearing.

Geno Auriemma is the biggest baby ever for his reaction to the 2026 Final Four loss

I don't think there's ever been a bigger baby ever than Geno. Everything he tried to say in the press conference was just immediately refuted to be false — Dawn Staley didn't shake my hand at the beginning of the game. Yes, she did. Sarah Strong got her jersey ripped. No, she ripped it herself.

Dawn Staley's post-loss quote — 'I can swallow the loss because we lost to a really good human being' — is the biggest loser quote ever heard

That is maybe the biggest loser quote that I've ever heard. And she's a great coach. 'I can swallow the loss because we lost to a really good human being and a good team.' She's still thinking about Geno.

Duke is not a true blue blood because they only won with one coach

I actually saw a really good take today... they actually said that Duke's not a blue blood because a true blue blood is winning championships with multiple coaches. Duke just had one coach. Kentucky's won with multiple. That's the definition of Blue Blood is it's the organization that carries it, not just the coach.

Danny Hurley will be the best bald coach in sports history if he wins a third championship

I think that would make Danny Hurley the best bald coach in sports history. The only other option could be Red Auerbach, but he wasn't bald for his entire career. I think right now he's already on the Mount Rushmore of bald head coaches. But if he wins a third, that puts you in rarefied air.

Duke players suffered severe concussions from the UNC court-storming earlier in the season

I think it's also important to remember that Duke likely had several players that were suffering from severe concussions after the storming of the court that UNC had against them... it's sad that they were forced to continue playing for the rest of the season after such a violent act happened to 'em.

Jon Scheyer might be on the hot seat after another tournament failure

Jon Scheyer might be on the hot seat. I don't know how you don't call a timeout. It's the time. I don't know how you don't like, that's like day, literally day one of camp is like, all right, let's run some, some out of bounds end of game situations.

Nate Oats needs to teach his players to never let the police look through their phones

Let the Aden Holloway situation be a reminder to everybody that you don't have to let the police look through your phone. I actually point the finger at Nate Oats for this, because Nate Oats, you gotta do a better job of explaining the first through fifth amendments to your players. Given the history that you've had... day one you should have a, get the guys from Morgan & Morgan to come in and be like, 'Do not talk to the police if you're in trouble. Shut the fuck up.'

Fouling when up by two points late in a game is a terrible strategy

Todd Golden said in the press conference they were trying to foul up two... That's insane. Foul up two's crazy. You know how crazy he is? Steven Che thinks it's a good idea. Fouling up two does not make any sense... Play defense! How about that? The, that my groundbreaking end of game scenario that I would coach in that situation would be: play defense.

NFL players should not be confident in their union representation with JC Tretter as NFLPA head

He's a moron. So it looks like Roger Goodell now has his doofus set up as they go into the next CBA. If I was an NFL player, I would not be too confident about my representation right now.

High Point is not a real school; it is a four-year post-high school vacation

High Point isn't a real school. It's vacation. It's vacation use four years of post high school vacation... Students in Madison right now still have another like, solid month and a half of Winter. High Point is going and eating ice cream and in their shorts and flip flops and having steaks.

The 'Rollover Over' bet: Bet the over on Texas vs NC State and roll the winnings into the next round over

The I mean I lose. Yeah. Good one dude. I lose a lot. This is the rollover over though Texas NC State are playing in Dayton over whatever we win on that BYU versus the winner of that game over the rollover. Over double over. You take the winnings and you roll over. Yeah. To another over. I I there there's no defense.

Timothée Chalamet can't win the big one after losing another Oscar

Timothy Chalamet. Yeah. Did not win... he's now in that like, can he win the big one? It's, it's I think it's his third time. Nothing. Can't win the big one. Nothing to show.

Ludvig Åberg is a choker who can't win on Sundays under pressure

Ludvig Åberg. Can't win the big one. Yeah. Big time. Can't win the big one. Another choke. Choke to the masters... He stinks on Sundays. I don't know what it is about him... just when he gets under pressure he just melts down.

I am rooting for the Dominican Republic over Team USA in the WBC because they are more electric

The Dominican team is electric and I like to be entertained when I'm watching sports. This tournament's for entertainment. I want to watch more games with the Dominican Republic team. I want more. I'm rooting for the USA correctly, but I respect the hell out of the Dominican team.

The Washington Wizards are the ones who deserve credit for Bam Adebayo's 83 points

My take is that 83 should mostly be given credit to the Washington Wizards. It should be like the Wizards allowed one man to score 83 points against them on this day. The Wizards showing up to cities and playing basketball games should not be tolerated by those cities.

I need to get into a car accident that totals my car so I have an excuse to buy a new one

I need to get in an accident that totals this car so that I have no choice but to get a new car. I want to get a sick car. That way I don't even have a choice.

A joint bachelor/bachelorette party is a 'pre-crime' indicating a lack of trust

If you do a joint bachelor bachelorette party, you just, that's pre-crime. That's the most insane thing possible. It's, it's, it's not, it's bad, bad behavior. It's, it's, that means you just don't trust each other.

Winning a Thunder NBA championship and appearing on the Pardon My Take book cover are more significant than winning the NBA Cup or the 2020 Bubble title

I think it goes: Thunder championship, book cover, NBA Cup second place, NBA Cup third place, and then the bubble championship. [74 in Tahoe] is up above the cup games. People gotta talk about it more.

The half marathon is a joke of a race that isn't a 'real' accomplishment

Half marathon's gotta be the lamest thing to break. Call it a 10,000, what is it? 10,000 meters. Half marathon is bullshit. Make it a full marathon or make it a 10K. It's just a joke. It is a joke of a race. In principle it is a joke.

Team USA would have lost the gold medal game if they listened to Aaron Judge's speech

That was one of the worst speeches of all time. If they're, why don't put that out. If you're world ba baseball classic, don't put that out. I think they're trying to get a little bit of the buzz from the Olympics team. USA would've lost the gold medal game if, if if someone stood up and gave Aaron Judge's speech.

Rams fans should be worried because Puka Nacua is focused on everything but football right now

My Hot Seat this week is gonna be Rams fans. ... Puka might be focused on everything but football right now. He's on an elite bachelor run. ... I just feel when you're on this kind of heater, I think it, it's gonna transcend and he, this is gonna bleed into the regular season football.

White Boy Summer will be canceled if Chet Hanks remains stuck in Colombia

Chet Hanks is stuck in Colombia right now... now he can't get back to the United States because they won't let him back in. There's no greater American than Chet Hanks. And we're in danger of having white boy summer canceled this year if Chet's still stuck in Colombia.

Big game hunting and winter survival should be added as Winter Olympic sports

I do agree with big game hunting [as an Olympic sport], that would rock dudes. It's like you go out in the wilderness and then you just have to weigh like, how much bear did you come back with? The Olympic sport of just watching dudes in the middle of the woods who can start a fire faster. I'd watch that.

Hockey is only America's fourth most important sport and we still beat Canada

I choose to win with class. Does it hurt for Canada that I graciously said hockey is our fourth like the fourth sport we're best at? We're football, baseball, basketball... and then hockey. I love hockey, but it's our fourth most important sport. And Canada, Canada's everything. And we fucking beat you. And we have the gold.

Norway shouldn't count in the Winter Olympic medal standings because they invented all the sports

Norway's like the friend that's like, 'Hey, do you want to come to my house and play all my video games and I'll beat you at all of them?' That's what Norway does. If you take out Norway, which you should, we [the US] dominated these Olympics.

Connor McDavid's specialty is winning individual MVPs while losing championships

Connor McDavid winning MVP of the entire Olympics in another losing effort. That's just what he does now. It is funny that this is now twice McDavid has won MVP in a losing effort. That's his thing. That is officially his thing. Anytime I play in a big game, I'm gonna be the best player. Not that I'm gonna win it, but the best player out there.

The skeleton is a joke of a sport that anyone could do with three years of training

The skeleton is a joke. [Max: I think that's actually like proven fact that the average amount of person to take, they have three years experience.] When I watch the Best Loser win by a fraction of a second, I'm like, well that guy just decided to do luge. 99.9% of the world just doesn't do luge.

I am done with all international NFL games because the Bad Bunny halftime show was so bad

The halftime performance was bad. I don't obviously really care about the halftime performance... I hope they never do international games [again]. That was the thing that turned [me].

Lindsey Vonn crashes every single time she is hyped up to ski.

I basically, every time they say, 'Hey, Lindsey Vonn's about to ski'... she's gonna crash. I woke up and they were like, 'Hey Lindsey Vonn competed this morning and she crashed.'

Bill Belichick not being a first-ballot Hall of Famer is an embarrassment

Bill Belichick not making into the Hall of Fame first ballot... It's an embarrassment. This is based on your career and your accolades and what you've done. This isn't a personality contest.

Curt Cignetti is the best person to be hired for any job in human history

I think Kurt Cignetti is the best person to be hired for any job ever. The only one that you could maybe make an argument right now would be the athletic director at Indiana [Scott Dolson] who hired him.

Winning a national championship at Indiana is worth four titles at Alabama

Winning a national championship in Indiana is like probably worth four at Alabama. Yeah. So if [Curt Cignetti] wins one more, he already has passed Nick Saban.

TV companies are intentionally degrading the quality of old game broadcasts to sell 4K TVs

I think somebody's going back and making the feeds worse... If you try to watch a game that's from the year 2009. Yeah. Online. Yeah. It, it looks like it was shot in a, a basement camcorder situation... I swear to God, when we watch football in 2009, it looked good on tv. It didn't look like that.

The new Commanders stadium rendering is worth three wins a year alone.

This stadium, just looking at it, max, I think that this stadium is worth three wins a year. Yeah. The stadium alone.

The football gods cursed Mike McDaniel for not breaking the NFL single-game scoring record

Mike McDaniel chose not to go for the NFL record at the end of the game [against the Broncos in 2023]. Did not kick a field goal. I believe the football gods cursed him after that moment. The Dolphins went 23 and 25 after that.

Mike McDaniel was cursed by the football gods for not breaking the NFL scoring record against the Broncos

2023 Dolphins scored 70 points. Mike McDaniel chose not to go for the NFL record at the end of the game. Did not kick a field goal. I believe the football gods cursed him after that moment. The Dolphins went 23 and 25 after that. The Broncos went 32 and 16 after that moment.

I would have been a top 10 draft pick if my last name was easier to pronounce

Maybe a few years younger, maybe a couple letters off the last name. It might be, might be a little bit richer. So I don't, I don't know... once you learn it, it's kinda hard to forget it.

It is hypocritical for LeBron James to complain about playing on Christmas after doing it for 20 years

LeBron's been playing on Christmas for 20 years. Like, what are you talking about? Now, you're upset? I should [mention] though... Christmas Day [games] are ruined now because they don't play defense in the league.

Boxing is officially dead as a sport

Boxing's dead. It's currently dead. It might get brought back to life bad, but it's a bad spot. But boxing, boxing as we know is dead.

Joe Burrow is using a 'Jedi mind trick' to get the Bengals to trade him without asking directly

I think what [Burrow] is trying to do is make the Bengals decide to trade him so that he doesn't have to say, I want to be traded and get them to recognize he's not happy... I think he's trying to do the Jedi mind trick to get them to trade him without him having to ask for it.

I am officially a 'Quin de Aragua' guy and want to see Quinn Ewers start for the Dolphins

Why not play Quinn Ewers? ... I am intrigued. I'm questioning whether or not I wanna see Quinn Ewers play. ... I think I am a Quinn Ewers guy. ... Quin de Aragua. There's a Venezuelan Street gang... Tren de Aragua. Exactly. ... This is a South American version of the Straub Boys.

The Raiders are the worst team in the NFL

The Raiders are the worst team in the league. I agree. I know. I do not think that there's a debate for it. They're one of the worst teams like ever. It's crazy watching 'em play.

Bo Nix and the Broncos are the best team in football when Nix is playing well

I think they're the best team in football with Good Bo. Yeah. With the way Bo Nix is playing right now. If this Bo Nix shows up in the playoffs, everyone is in trouble.

AI technology is failing because it doesn't justify its investment costs

I think AI is in hot water. I feel like this is, we're we're in a good spot as humanity right now where AI has not been making enough money to justify all the investment. ... We might beat the robots.

I would rather have the Eagles lose in the first round than miss the playoffs

I want to get a first round blowout so that next year could be Super Bowl... Preferably by the Bucs, but I don't think it is possible to play the Bucs in the first round.

Shedeur Sanders isn't actually controversial; the polarization is driven entirely by external conversations about him.

The most controversial parts of Shedeur Sanders are actually not Shedeur Sanders. It's what other people say about Shedeur Sanders. ... As a guy goes, I don't think that Shedeur is the reason—it's everybody else talking about [him].

Matthew Stafford's 31 career pick-sixes is actually a complimentary stat

Matthew Stafford has 31 [pick-sixes]. Brett Favre has 32. And you're like, 'Ooh, that's a bad stat.' And then you realize... that means you're very, very good because you played long enough that it didn't actually matter. It's actually kind of a compliment that the rest of your game is so good that 31 pick-sixes are completely irrelevant.

The 2026 World Cup draw will be rigged in favor of the United States.

The World Cup draw is tomorrow. ... I think this is gonna be the most rigged draw ever for the United States. And I put together my, this is my pick for our group: USA, Iran, South Africa, New Zealand.