Takes

Scottie Scheffler struggles at the Open because he wants a fair golf course

Scotty does not like it when it's quote unquote unfair. I mean that is the one weird thing about Scotty, like he wants a great shot rewarded and that's just not what links golf's about. This is the one he has not played great at. For Scotty it's trying to lean a little bit more into that world versus 'why is it in that pot bunker?'

Tommy Fleetwood is the 'Gonzaga' of professional golf

I kind of feel like Tommy Fleetwood's Gonzaga basketball is kind of my call. Very good, very talented number one seed a lot of the time... obviously has the talent on the floor but doesn't get it done. That's kind of who Tommy Fleetwood has become... do it now or you're never gonna get it done.

I want the Brewers' pitcher Brody Brecht to be the biggest bust in MLB history after he was selected over Ranger Suárez

I now hate this guy. I now want this guy to be the biggest bust in MLB history. Ranger Suárez has a 1.94 in 13 games... How do you possibly look at that and be like, this guy is more deserving than Ranger Suárez?

I'm counting Novak Djokovic's Wimbledon loss as his 25th major because Jannik Sinner is a cheater

I'm counting this as Novak Djokovic's 25th major because he played [Sinner] better than Alcaraz played [Sinner]. And [Sinner] is a sinner and he's a cheater. So therefore Ipso Facto Djokovic is the goat 25th major Grand Slam championship.

LeBron James will not be playing for the Lakers next season

I don't think LeBron's playing for the Lakers next year... It also makes sense because they have [Anthony Davis], they have to start building the team around [him]. LeBron deserves any way that he wants to go out because of what he's done... but if you're the Lakers, you can't just let him like hold you hostage for the last couple years of his career.

The World Series of Poker should embrace its bad boy William Kass to save the game from 'robot' players

The World Series of Poker is gonna do the opposite thing that they should do. They should embrace this guy because these type of people... you need personalities. You need people that are aggravating. You don't need people who are robots who are playing by an algorithm and just going through it.

Opening Counter-Strike skin cases is officially back

My who's back of the week is going to be Counterstrike cases specifically opening them... They went CS:GO case unboxings, $590,000 in cases they unboxed. Unprecedented territory is what we're approaching there.

Disney World with kids is the absolute worst place in the world to be violently hungover

Disney World with kids would be hell on earth. Because then you actually actively have to parent and chase them around and worry about where they're being and stand in lines and eat gross food. I actually don't think that there's, I've never been to Disney World as a kid or an adult, but I think that might be the worst place in the world.

I consider myself a top 10 quarterback in the NFL

I mean, I think, I think I should be top 10 quarterback... where I'm at in my career year five, like it's time to time to go and start winning consistently and, and be not just that team where it's like, you know, you're always like, no one really takes you seriously.

Dabo Swinney is a master motivator but not the most 'cerebral' X's and O's coach

He's not like the biggest, he understands the game, he's not a huge X's and O's guys, but he's like motivator vision... he would make you believe like you could do anything. Like our team, we'd be like, dude, we're gonna like, it didn't matter who we're playing, like we're gonna kill these dudes.

I will donate and shave my hair if I win a Super Bowl

I would be thrilled to cut my hair [if I won a Super Bowl]. I'll match. If you do it, I'll match. We all cut our hair. All three of you?... We're circling back to that. I'm interested. I would be thrilled to cut my hair.

First dates should always start with drinks as a 'solos match' before committing to more

I was thinking we, we could run, we could run drinks if she's open to that. I like that Max, easy. Just happy hour. A few drinks. Nothing crazy. Maybe just one drink. We'll start with one drink. And then if it's good, then you go two.

Announcing you are writing a book is the funnest part of writing a book

Announcing that you're writing a book is the funnest part of writing a book. Oh yeah. Now we gotta write a book. We've ended up canceling the books at the last minute several times, which always feels great to do.

Our 10th anniversary book will be the dumbest book ever created

It's gonna be the dumbest book ever created. And it's not gonna be... like, I don't wanna, we're not gonna write like a a tell all that's like super serious. It's gonna be stupid. ... We want it to be dumb. We wanna be stupid.

The Oklahoma City Thunder will keep drafting role players and only pay their three stars

I think what [the Thunder's] plan is, and it might work, is that they have so many draft picks. They'll just keep drafting and not paying those guys and then pay their three guys. And hope the role players like, hey, you're gonna, you're gonna play well if you get drafted, get paid very little money. But you get to play with three really good players.

A quarterback should not have an eight-pack because it means they spend too much time on core work

I, in fact, I would prefer if my quarterback didn't have like an eight pack. It's way too much time working on your core. ... Still good quarterback. I, in fact, I would prefer if my quarterback didn't have like an eight pack.

Patrick Mahomes having a 'dad bod' is beneficial for Chiefs fans to feel hated

That could actually be great for a Kansas City Chiefs fan because the last five, six years, you've just had to invent reasons why people hate the Kansas City Chiefs and why people doubt you. Now you actually have people making fun of your quarterback.

Construction workers are the groundwork of civilization and deserve more credit

So much infrastructure to the entire, everything that we do. This building, all of our homes, all, all of the establishments we go to. I mean, it's everywhere. The groundwork of civilization, all the construction workers is deserve so much credit.

Hockey players are the best athletes to hang out with because they are the most chill

Hockey players are my, some of my favorite athletes especially to hang out with and to play golf. ... they're the funnest people to hang out with because they're the most chill. They're so fun Canadian hockey players... they're just sweet people. Kind people until they're not.

Howie Roseman is the greatest GM in all of sports

And then of course Howie Roseman, the greatest GM in all of sports, navigate their relationship with the players because it's tricky.

The next season of Always Sunny in Philadelphia will be the funniest one in a decade

I think that this season that's coming out today or tomorrow is the funniest season, maybe the funniest season we've ever done. That's a pretty high bar, but definitely the funniest of the last like, decade.

You are naturally less funny the better shape you are in

the better shape you are in, the less funny you are just naturally. ... Unless you tell your friends in the show, I did this for you. And the friends are like, what the fuck are you talking about? Why? And he did it just to like impress them, but they're not impressed by it.

Sports fandom is forged in tragedy, not triumph

it's about fandom... and really what it's about is about community and a community forged in tragedy because there can be only one at the end of each year in any, in every and any sport. And so there's something really beautifully human about that, that, that we are not forged in triumph. We're forged in tragedy.

Silver medals are worse than bronze medals

I lost the gold... You either win the gold, lose the gold or win the bronze. ... I think silver's worse than bronze. ... you gotta win to get the bronze right. You're elated, right? Like you got a medal. And I was devastated that I lost the gold.

Hank could easily be a five handicap in golf if he played more

I think he could easily, he's got a gorgeous golf swing. So like, I think he could be a five handicap. No problem. You just gotta, he's just gotta play. He's gotta let him play more.

Novak Djokovic is the greatest tennis player of all time

Novak is [the GOAT]. Yes. ... Novak is just because it's like, Roger won, Roger won one French... Novak has won a few French and like, I mean he's won I think 12 Australian opens. I mean, just incredible. And I played the three of them a bunch and I never beat Novak.

Novak Djokovic will win Wimbledon 2025 but it will be his last major title

I think Novak wins this. Yes. I really do. I think this is, I think this is the last thing. He gets to 25 majors and I think this is the last one he wins. I don't think he can win like a hardcore, he, he can't win the French and then... I don't think like with Sinner and Alcaraz... I don't think he can win a slam outside of Wimbledon anymore.

The Pacific Time Zone is the worst time zone for sports

I hate Pacific Time zone. It sucks. Everything's just two nights in a row. ... I've pulled up like we have long days and I, I like, I'll pull up the Cubs game being like, I'm gonna watch the Cubs game in my hotel room. And they're just like, oh, they're down eight. Nothing. It's the eighth inning.

Klay Thompson playing with Luka Doncic will be like Lob City

I will say this about Klay Thompson. It does feel like if it doesn't work with Luca, he's gonna be in a i, I don't know what, where it would work, because that's just Lob City form.

Jesus is the chillest bro of all time because he took a three-day nap

He's just the chillest guy of all time. Turn the other cheek. Try to, you know, bring world peace to the world. Dude, bro. Took a three day nap. How chill is that?

CONCACAF is rigged to ensure the United States doesn't win the Gold Cup

I join the chorus of those who were saying CONCACAF rigged. They don't want to see the United States win the Gold Cup. They'd much rather have it be Mexico.

The United States might actually just suck at soccer

So if [Pochettino] loses it's the, we might suck at soccer. Yeah, we might suck at soccer. Okay. I've been saying that.

Lamar Jackson is a dream rotation choice to smoke weed with

You gotta put Lamar [Jackson] in the top tier, right? For sure. Lamar is absolutely the top tier of that. A hundred percent.

I will officially retire from broadcasting in two and a half years

Two and a half years, and then I'll be done. I won't be working, yeah. I won't. I'll be strictly Sandler movies and that's it.

I turned down hosting The Price Is Right despite a $10 million offer

I get a call out the blue and said, 'Hey, we're interested in having you host Price is Right.' And they said, Bob Barker signed off on you... I just didn't think I could do it well enough. It was $10 million a year [in 1999].

Garrett Nussmeier will win the Heisman Trophy

Garrett Nussmeier to win the Heisman. They'll have to vote for [him]... You'll win that bet.

I am not an intercourse guy

Not much of an, not much of an intercourse guy.

Watching sports on the couch is better than being at the games

Honestly, getting to watch games on your couch is way better than being at the games usually anyways. sitting on your couch at home with your own snacks and your own food, it's awesome.

The Gallagher brothers will break up before the Oasis reunion tour finishes

I would be disappointed if they didn't break up during the tour. That means that they've changed. And I want the same Oasis.

Joey Chestnut is a top five athlete of all time

I really do think that Joey Chestnut might be the greatest athlete of all time. I actually like broke it down... however you slice it, he's like top five athlete of all time.

Joey Chestnut, Usain Bolt, and Tiger Woods are the three greatest athletes of all time

It's Joey Chestnut, Usain Bolt and it's Tiger Woods. Yeah. That's it for me.

The Philadelphia 76ers will win the 2026 NBA Finals

I'm gonna match and double. I'm gonna say they're gonna win the finals. They're gonna win a chip. Love it.

Joey Chestnut would beat Usain Bolt in a mile race if they both had to eat a hot dog first

Usain Bolt has literally never run a mile in his entire life... I think it switches at a mile. I think Joey Chestnut beats him.

Brian Steele is the greatest defense attorney of all time

Brian Steele might just be the greatest defense attorney of all time... he has beat racketeering charges for his clients for the second time... Young Thug... Sean Combs.

LeBron James is actively trying to work his way back to the Cleveland Cavaliers

I don't know, is LeBron, is he trying to work his way back to Cleveland? I think that would be good. Yeah. I would like to see it... he's doing this on purpose to get everyone talking about it and then he's gonna do it. I think he's gonna do it.

Firing Nationals GM Mike Rizzo because of the team's record is nonsensical due to budget constraints

Firing a GM because you didn't give him enough money to spend on good food... That's like divorcing your wife because you got fat.

Trey Turner not receiving an MLB All-Star reserve spot is a snub

Trey Turner leads league in hits and he didn't even get a reserve spot... say what? Christopher Sanchez should have been in over MacKenzie Gore. That makes no sense.

If Christian Yelich wins the Home Run Derby, Pardon My Take is officially over

If Christian competes in the home run derby and wins the home run derby... you know that your job would be, you wouldn't have a job. Why? Because the show would end. The last scene of this show would be us eating each other's ass. We can't come back from that. It'd be over.

It is embarrassing for a grown man to wear a bike helmet

You just can't, you just look like a fucking fool and you look like an idiot. Especially when you get off the bike and you're like, walking without the bike.

Josh Allen is the best quarterback in the NFL

I think Josh Allen should be one. I had Josh Allen one, Patrick Mahomes two, Lamar three.