Takes

The state of Arizona is right to end Daylight Savings Time

I don't care about the daylight savings technicality... why we do it. I'm pretty sure the state of Arizona ended it. ... I just don't understand why farmers need to have us bent over a barrel for them. I'm sick of it. Agreed. It's very depressing.

Michigan will win the college basketball national championship

I'm pretty sure Gonzaga's a favorite. Fucking Gonzaga. They're never going to win shit. [Big Cat: Who do you have winning all?] Michigan.

Gonzaga will never win a national championship in college basketball

Fucking Gonzaga. They're never going to win shit.

Mike White secured a 10-year NFL career by having one great game and then getting immediately injured

When you're a backup quarterback in the NFL, the best thing you can do is have an awesome game and then immediately get injured and secure your like status as an NFL quarterback for 10 years. Mike White—I'll remember Mike White.

I am officially back in on Carson Wentz

I'm back in on Carson Wentz. How can you not be after this performance? I do have a question, though... Why are the Colts not sitting Carson Wentz in the second half of blowouts?

A team can have a winning culture while still losing games

Can you have a winning football culture without actually winning football games? Yes. I think you can. It's tough to pull off... There's that year where you can change the culture by losing close games. The Lions kind of had a little bit of that at the start of the year.

Aaron Rodgers should be in jail for life for lying about being immunized

Aaron Rodgers should be in jail. All those that agree say aye... I just have a very cut and dry take that Aaron Rodgers should be in jail for life. Regardless of what he's done... jail until the COVID pandemic is completely over.

Trevor Siemian should not be a 6.5-point favorite and the Falcons will win outright

I think that Trevor Siemian should not be a 6.5 point favorite. I think the Falcons are going to win the game outright. Therefore, I'm taking the Saints minus 6.5 [as a fade].

The Raiders are a lock to cover as long as Rich Bisaccia is in the foxhole

I'm going to go with the Raiders, minus three. They're playing the Giants on the road. Rich Bisaccia, foxhole... I'm not leaving his foxhole until he does something to kick me out. And so far, all he's done is cover the spread.

Tom Brady killed the Chiefs dynasty before it even started

The Chiefs are so bad... Tom Brady killed the Chiefs. I think not enough people are talking about it. He ended their dynasty. It wasn't really a dynasty, though... He snuffed out, he traveled back in time, baby Hitler'd the Chiefs dynasty.

Kamaru Usman will go down as the GOAT if he stays on his current trajectory

I just think Usman, he's the pound-for-pound best fighter in the world right now. And I think he's going to probably end up going down as the GOAT, man, if he keeps on this trajectory. I mean, he's lapping these guys right now.

Ariel Helwani is a pussy and a crybaby victim

He's just one of those fucking, he's a pussy, and he's a fucking, just a big fucking crybaby victim... We have the toughest sport in the world being covered by the biggest pussies in the world.

Preliminary UFC fighters make as much as $750,000 per fight

A guy who isn't even... he's on the prelims, never been a world champion... is making $750,000. Prelim fighter... never been a world champion, is making $750,000.

Conor McGregor is still one of the top ten best fighters in the world

Conor McGregor... he's still one of the top ten guys in the world. I mean, he's still one of the top ten best guys in the world... Conor coming back is a headliner.

UFC's Yas Island is a real island, not a fake one

You know why it's called Yaz Island? Because it's a fucking island, okay? ... It's absolutely an island.

The CAA banning James Madison from postseason tournaments is total fraud

The Colonial Athletic Association is a bunch of frauds, and they banned James Madison University from their postseason tournaments because JMU is leaving to go to the Sun Belt... they're taking the monetary thing out on the students... it's bullshit.

The Astros should blow up the train tracks at Minute Maid Park

If you're the Houston Astros, you have to blow up that train station. You have to blow up those tracks because there have been so many iconic home runs that have found their way onto or through those train tracks in the history of your franchise in the biggest possible moments that you've had. You've got to blow that fucking thing up.

The Braves have already won free agency because Ronald Acuna Jr. will be back next year

The Braves already have won free agency. Ronald Acuna [Jr.] will be back next year. That's right. Greatest free agent signing you can have. Absolutely.

The Red Sox would have beaten the Braves if they made the World Series

Absolutely. Absolutely. [The Red Sox would have beaten the Braves].

Patrick Mahomes is no longer capable of making a normal throw

I think they do it to keep Patrick Mahomes entertained because he's so good when he's just throwing the ball. But now it seems like he's become incapable of making a normal throw, where even the normal throws that he has, he does the different arm angles. He does the underhand. He does the left-handed stuff. Just play football, and you guys will be fine. I promise.

Punting against the Chiefs is the new blueprint to beat them because they are broken

Now I'm saying to myself, the Chiefs, I guess, are so broken and different now that you can punt and just expect to get the ball back enough that you will win the game. [The Giants] almost did beat them. That might be the blueprint now.

Travis Kelce is declining and it changes the Chiefs' entire team dynamic

Travis Kelce, just put in your tickler file. He still looks kind of the same, but he also is 32. And his numbers have not looked great the last few weeks. I don't think he's over the hill. But... Like, the Chiefs are predicated on Tyreek Hill and Travis Kelce both being monsters. If he went from 100% Travis Kelce to 85% Travis Kelce, I think it changes the dynamic of their team. I think we're in the neighborhood of 90% Travis Kelce right now.

Mitch Trubisky would win too many games for the Washington Football Team

The football team, we don't need to win any more games. At this point, he [Trubisky] would win us too many games, and then we would not be able to draft another quarterback. So it's pretty depressing to think about where I am as a fan, that I was over the moon thinking about that possibility.

Odell Beckham Jr. stinks right now

Anyone who's watched any of the Browns games could probably tell you that Odell Beckham [Jr.] stinks right now. I think he's still got something good inside him somewhere, right? Because he's still Odell Beckham. But it seems like he can't even catch the ball now.

The CFP committee has effectively eliminated Cincinnati before the season's end

The college football committee has essentially eliminated Cincinnati before they even get to the stretch run. Because not only were they ranked sixth, but they also didn't rank Houston or SMU... zero good games that Cincinnati can win the rest of the way. So they basically have made it impossible.

The ACC should not be a Power 5 conference in football when Clemson is bad

The ACC is so down, they don't have wins against ranked teams. I don't think the ACC should be a Power 5 conference in football. When Clemson's bad, it hurts. I really don't. It hurts.

The Celtics need to make a trade or blow it up

My hot seat is the Celtics... Absolute kind of dumpster fire early on in the season. I don't know. I think they could use a trade. I think they have... Blow it up. Not blow it up, but like, you know, a tweak tweak.

NBA scoring is down primarily because of the new 'James Harden' foul rules

I also think the scoring has a lot to do with the James Harden rules that they're not calling the same. They're actually calling the game the way it probably should be called and not if you jump into someone, it's a foul no matter what.

Never trust anyone who owns a monkey or a snake as a pet

Never trust anyone who owns a monkey or a snake as a pet. They're not trustworthy... A monkey is just, it's basically you buy a monkey, it sits in your house, and it's just you set the timer for when it decides it wants to rip your face off. That's all it is.

Scottie Pippen is a very unhappy human being

My main takeaway from everything that I've heard from Scottie [Pippen] so far recently, he's just a very unhappy human being.

Kyrie Irving is refusing the vaccine as part of a viral marketing scheme for the new Matrix movie

My cool throne is Kyrie Irving, because I'm pretty sure he's not getting vaccinated for an entire like prolonged ad for the new Matrix thing that's coming out in December... I think he's not getting vaccinated as part of a viral marketing scheme for the new Matrix.

Sam Ehlinger will replace Carson Wentz as the Colts' starter

My hot seat is Carson Wentz. Brett Hundley was recently released from the Colts, and Sam Ehlinger was promoted to QB2... Who knows if Carson Wentz gets benched, Sam Ehlinger comes in.

The Georgia Bulldogs are winning the national championship

Yeah, I'm already checking out my ring size. Like, they're going to give me a national championship ring. Why not?

I would rather be on 'Team Brooksy' than Bryson DeChambeau

Oh, my gosh, man. Brooksy all day... because Brooks puts on this thing where he thinks he's a Superman, but he is such a teddy bear behind the scenes. Yes, he is. He's a beautiful man.

The U.S. got out of Afghanistan because we were losing

We were losing. It wasn't going great. Cost a lot of money.

Urban Meyer didn't actually finger that woman; his hand just brushed against the denim

There's two schools of thought on buttfingering, really. First up, it didn't go inside the denim. If you really zoom in, the denim never dents. So it was more like a brushing. It was a grace. It was a flyby. It was kind of the foreplay at the bar.

Almost having sex is better than actually having sex

I am a long-standing believer that almost fucking is better than fucking. Because you can go home, and one, you didn't cheat... Two, you can go home and get the late-night piece of pizza and be like, man, I would have fucked. And it would have been awesome. Still got it.

I would never want Kirk Cousins to be the quarterback of the Bears

I just don't want [Kirk Cousins] on the Bears. It's not a rule that just because the Bears don't have quarterbacks, I can't criticize other quarterbacks.

The Cowboys are good enough to overcome an injury to anyone on the team except for Kellen Moore

I think what tonight proved is that the Cowboys are good enough to overcome an injury to anyone on the team, except for maybe Kellen Moore.

The Atlanta Braves will win the World Series on Tuesday night

Congratulations to the Atlanta Braves for winning the world series on Tuesday night. Your job is first reported by Pardon My Take.

Mike White is the present, but Zach Wilson is still the future of the Jets

[Mike White] is the present. Zach Wilson is the future. What I think is going to happen is now they have more tape on Mike White... but I think today was a great example of what the jets could be consistently going forward with Mike White, with a competent quarterback at the helm.

Being a backup quarterback is the best job in the world

I think being a backup quarterback is the best job there is. It would be so much fucking fun... hold the fuck out of the clipboard.

I am officially out again 100% on Carson Wentz

The problem is when he makes a bad play like that one, it's like staring into Satan's butthole and you're like, I've never seen anything this ugly before in my life. It's terrible. I think now I'm officially out again, 100% on Carson Wentz.

Justin Fields is a really good quarterback when he's actually allowed to use his legs

Fields is a really good quarterback when he can use his legs. So just don't keep them in the pocket all the time, Matt Nagy.

Deebo Samuel will likely break Jerry Rice's 49ers single-season receiving record

Deebo Samuel is electric and Deebo Samuel is most likely if he stays healthy, going to break Jerry Rice's 49ers single-season record.

The only winnable game left on the Lions' schedule is Thanksgiving against the Bears

I'm just personally worried because I think the only game that the Lions probably could win is Thanksgiving day against the Bears.

I am all aboard the Patriots playoff train

I'm all aboard the playoff training now. Okay. Mac Jones was airing it out. They kind of opened up the offense a little bit. It wasn't just dunking and dinking.

The Chargers will win 10 to 12 games but I'm not taking them seriously as contenders

I think that they're going to end up with probably 10, 11, maybe even 12 wins... I just don't think they're going to, I think they're not, I'm not taking them for real in the AFC.

Trevor Lawrence is showing bust-like tendencies

I'm not going to say [Trevor Lawrence] is a bust just yet, but he's showing me bust-like tendencies. I can't really judge anything in this system and the whole Urban [Meyer] environment.

Chase Young is officially on thin ice

I'll put it this way. [Chase Young] is on thin ice with me. The Washington football team is more or less straw... He doesn't seem like he's rushing the quarterback at all. He stands straight up a lot.