Takes

Carson Wentz should fake a knee injury to preserve his career and sit out the rest of the season

If I were Carson Wentz, I would just fake an injury right now. I'd take the coward's way out... and be like, oh, my knee, it hurts. Oh, I have COVID. Oh, I got to sit out. And just... be like, next year we'll start fresh... just do a full flush, fake knee injury.

World Chase Tag is a superior concept to Parkour and should be an Olympic sport

I want a sport where if you tag a guy, there you go. Where there's a winner and there's a loser... It's basically parkour, but with an element of tag. That's an Olympic sport... This sport, this tag sport, is ten times the sport of handball.

The Packers lost the game because they allowed David Montgomery to have a 57-yard run

David Montgomery ripped off a run that the Bears haven't had that type of run in like five years... Everyone stops David Montgomery, and the Packers couldn't, so you do the math... The Packers lost this game if you just go off that which is what I'm gonna go off.

Bill Belichick is doing his best coaching job ever in 2020

Remember I told you this take a few weeks ago? I do think it's coming. Is this Bill Belichick's best coaching job? It might be. This actually is Bill Belichick's best coaching job.

I would have 'form tackled' Derrick Henry if we played against each other

I told him that had he and I played against each other, I would have formed tackled him... When I really told him that he would have never done me like Josh Norman. Because we would have never got in that situation.

If I were guarding Tyreek Hill one-on-one, he would have zero catches and zero yards

No, no, no. You can't even ask me that. I'm primed. He doesn't beat you deep. Tyreek Hill, zero catches, zero yards. I got three jackets in the closet, and I didn't buy either of them.

I would fuck up Jake Paul in a fight 100%

I will fuck up Jake Paul 100%. He's small. He's 5'7 at the tallest. I looked at a picture of him next to Dave Portnoy, and they were the exact same height... I have a bigger reach than Jake Paul. I would totally be able to pick him out from the outside.

Michigan basketball is energized by the failures of the football program

Michigan's football season [will be more disappointing]. Michigan football sucking powers the basketball program. I really think there's something to that. The worse the football program does, the more people shit on Harbaugh by saying Michigan is a basketball school now, which is good because you're saying that to shit on Harbaugh, but what's happening is a real-life narrative is building that Michigan really is a really good basketball school.

UConn is a blue-blood mid-major

UConn is the only blue-blood mid-major we have in college basketball. I think that's what's so unique about them. They are simultaneously a blue blood, but also a mid-major.

No NFL quarterback wearing a visor will ever win a Super Bowl

My second hot take was, I don't think that quarterbacks with visors will win a Super Bowl ever. Has a quarterback with a visor won a Super Bowl ever?

Matt Patricia is the 'dumbest rocket scientist' in the world

I think that Matt Patricia is, without a doubt, the dumbest rocket science on the face of the earth right now.

Camo Crocs are sick and making a comeback

Camo Crocs are sick. Crocs might be making a comeback.

The Ravens are frauds

Week 10 in the books. The Ravens are frauds. Confirmed.

I would draft a punter first overall as an NFL GM

If I were a GM for an NFL franchise, I think I would draft a punter first overall. Because these punters, like when Johnny Hecker does his thing for the Rams... That's how you make up for being an inferior team.

The Giants are better without Saquon Barkley

So what you're basically saying is that the Giants are better without Saquon Barkley. Yes. I forgot he existed. I legit, before you said that word, holy shit... with those two guys' [Gallman/Morris] skill sets, it's actually a plus improvement over losing Saquon Barkley.

Russell Wilson is only playing poorly because he's secretely hurt

Is Russell Wilson hurt? He's got to be hurt, Big Cat. He's got to be hurt. He was in the middle of an MVP season. He's got to be hurt. If you don't know, Russell Wilson is one of the – there's certain athletes that are so beloved that the only way they can ever be bad is if they're hurt... they're like, well, he must be hurt.

The Tennessee Titans are frauds

We have to talk about the Tennessee Titans being frauds and having the worst special teams of all time. Fraudulent football team.

Tom Brady has 'sundowning' dementia and can't play well at night

Is there a chance Tom Brady just too old to play at night? ...another telltale sign of dementia is called sundowning where the closer that it gets to dusk the lower capacity our brain functions at... I do believe that Tom Brady battling through his dementia is better in the one o'clock time slot.

Michigan football is no longer relevant

It's not even fun anymore because the Michigan smarm and like we matter and Michigan's important—you don't matter... Michigan has not performed in that way at all that we had hoped with Harbaugh, but the relevance is absolutely seller.

John Rahm's viral skipping shot at the Masters might be doctored

John Rahm hit a shot that walked on water at Augusta... I think that the Masters needs some more Buzz around it because it's not being held at the traditional time. I think that maybe there might be some monkey business afoot here somebody who's better at the internet than me look at the footage and tell me if you think that it's doctored at all.

The Seahawks are frauds because their defense cannot be trusted

The Seahawks who I think they're frauds. I think they are... they definitely are the biggest frauds. Your defense just can't can't be trusted whatsoever and I again I still think there are... they're not going to figure it out.

Kliff Kingsbury coached chickenshit football by kicking a late field goal against Miami

Coach of the Year Kliff Kingsbury. What the fuck are you doing? What is Kliff Kingsbury doing that was chickenshit football... He kicks the field goal to try to tie the game and give the ball back to Tua who then could easily go back down the field and win the game... I don't know why the fuck he did that that was chickenshit football.

You are a pussy if you put a case on your phone

No case gang for life. You're a pussy if you put a case on your phone. No, my phone works... Every time I touch this phone metal on skin baby and every time I drop it, it's adrenaline coursing through my veins... I was no case gang for life.

Aaron Rodgers has a baby face and is going through a mental breakdown similar to Britney Spears shaving her head

Rogers he he also shaved. I don't know if you noticed that he's like a little baby face out there... it's like when Britney Spears shaved her head when she was having a nervous breakdown some people do that. They just have know what I'm going to cut my bangs... Rogers going through a mental crisis right now.

Ryan Tannehill is a great quarterback, but he still actually stinks

Ryan Tannehill still stinks. I don't have anything beyond my eyes that told me that he still deserves not to be honest my guts right. It's my guts that are telling me that he still stinks. I just I still don't trust him. I've never trusted Ryan Tannehill... he is just been delaying the stinking.

Daniel Jones is JaMarcus Russell 2.0 because of his turnover rate

Daniel Jones and JaMarcus Russell had the same player in terms of turnovers... I will bring you know what I want. I will bring that exact same energy starting this weekend Daniel Jones. I'm going to run with that but is he is JaMarcus Russell 2.0.

The Saints could destroy the NFL's monopoly by suing over salary cap interference

If the Saints sue the NFL being like, 'Hey, you're interfering with the free market. We should be able to pay people whatever we want.' Then that case goes to like the Supreme Court. NFL loses its monopoly. The Saints could blow up the NFL if they want.

The Patriots vs. Bills game was one of the best games Bill Belichick has ever coached

That's actually here's ready for this one. That's one of the best games Bill Belichick's ever coached you like that was a wonderful game... because their roster sucks so bad and the fact that they were within three points.

The Baltimore Ravens are frauds because Lamar Jackson can't throw consistently against elite teams

As I've thought from day one when I've started the Ravens are frauds and again, it's not that they're bad team. There are very very good team when I say the word fraud I'm doing it because because they have Championship aspirations... until I see it from Lamar Jackson in terms of passing the ball consistently... the NFL like to be in Upper Echelon team, you have to your quarterback has to be able to throw have that type of game.

Matt Nagy has an extremely low football IQ

I feel bad for Matt Nagy because in his head he was doing something insanely smart... So that is something that a smart person would do. So his idea of what a smart person is is so far from actually being what a smart person really is. That I don't think it's his fault. I think he's I think he's just got extremely low IQ.

The Browns are a better team without Odell Beckham Jr.

We are right in the middle of the takes of the Browns better without Odell Beckham. I don't even know if it's not any I think that they kind of are... Baker is a better quarterback without Odell Beckham. Yes. Yes. They try to force the ball to O'Dell and now Baker doesn't have to worry about that and he can spread the ball around.

The Seahawks defense is soft

I'm going to say that I think that the the Seahawks defense I'm going to use the S word. I think they're soft. I'll link their sauce sauce. Yeah. Yeah. I'm sorry, you know, what's terrible, you know, I'm doing right now. I'm giving side I to I'm throwing shade. Yeah all the s words for Seattle's defense know they're really I think that the Niners come out and just absolutely take their soul from them.

Gardner Minshew intentionally injured his own hand to get a medical redshirt year

Do we think the Gardner Minshew maybe smash his own hand like he told us absolutely so that isn't the played for the Jaguars anymore. Absolutely... he on our show told us the story about how he smashed his own hand with it with the hammer after getting really really drunk so that he could what was it so we could read surely you want. Yeah. I wanted to the medical register. Maybe he's been seeking Redshirt this season possibly

Kevin Cash let his computer ruin the World Series by pulling Blake Snell in Game 6

The game was a Kevin Cash versus computer and he let his computer fuck him in the face and the Rays died by sabermetrics and congrats to the Dodgers... Blake Snell was 73 pitches, zero runs into the game and he pulled him after a single... The computer says we've got to go to the bullpen. I'm gonna freak out I'm a nerd I've never realized that the game is played with emotion and humans and not on a spreadsheet.

DK Metcalf is the fastest human being to ever step foot on grass

DK Metcalf is the fastest human being alive. Like I—he's very fast but he's not faster than Usain Bolt, but I think he might be... [Metcalf] is the fastest human being to ever step foot on grass.

Cam Newton's struggles are a side effect of 'foggy brain' from COVID-19

One of the side effects of Corona is having, you know, foggy brain. He's got the long 'Rona. He's got the long cocoa Big Cat... he's look where he's been throwing weird when he throws, it just doesn't look—it looks strange.

John Wall playing cards during an interview is more disrespectful than what Jeffrey Toobin did

I don't know that I agree with that because I think that when he [John Wall] know I don't... he was saying that the two guys that were doing the interview? I'm gonna fucking beat you guys and I can do what I want... jacking off on a zoom call work bad got moderately bad playing Spades during an interview with field Yates. Death penalty.

Every team in the NFC East should try to get Ryan Fitzpatrick

Any one of these... anyone in the NFC East should try to get Ryan Fitzpatrick. The reason is pretty simple. You can maybe win the division at 6-10. Seven and nine, you're a lock. And all you need to do is like hope that the Fitzmagic times up perfectly at the start of the playoffs.

Clemson could beat the Jets if the Jets had mono

Do you think that Clemson could beat the Jets if they all had mono? Yeah, I agree. [If] Trevor Lawrence has mono and just straight up against Alabama... If Clemson like kills both all the quarterbacks that are listed for the game then they have a chance.

The Colts would be better with Ryan Fitzpatrick than Philip Rivers

I have a take that's going to hurt my own myself, but I think the Colts would be better with Ryan Fitzpatrick. That would be wild wouldn't it? That would be wild now we're now that you said it it kind of makes sense.

Adam Gase's ability to stay employed is commendable

I actually am going to zag on everyone and say like I I applaud Adam gase for getting this far in life. Yeah, it's incredible what he has done... It is a great lesson for everyone out there get yourself next to someone great and have everyone else think that you had something to do with it. And you're set for life.

Peyton Manning is definitely using HGH

Billy football spotted that he's got the Omaha Beach... Omaha Beach nipples... possible HGH. ... He's obviously taking always multiple nipples like a pig. ... Definitely juicing, definitely realizing I feel like a lot of retired guys just start juicing because they could never do it during their career.

Andy Dalton is a better quarterback than Dak Prescott because his limitations force the team to play better

I'm going to let's just take it one step further and say that Andy Dalton is a better quarterback than Dak Prescott. ... he's better because he's worse. So the team has to play more cohesively and I have to scheme for Andy Dalton. I can't just coast on Dak's talent anymore.

The 'Doggface' Fleetwood Mac cranberry juice video was a corporate plant

I think that he is Probably a plant. I think that this is mostly done... a combo stunt done by Fleetwood Mac and Gary Graham berry juice—big cranberry—and the fact that he has not been canceled that tells me that tattoo on the Subspace. Probably not real. He's probably an actor.

LeBron James is the second-best player to be born in Akron, Ohio

[LeBron] is the second best player to be born in Akron, Ohio behind Steph Curry, correct? That's our compliments of LeBron.

Defenders are hesitant to hit Patrick Mahomes hard because he is so well-liked

I have a take that I'm working on. It's not ready yet. But essentially if people want to help me with this trying to find some film I think Defenders are not hitting Mahomes as hard as they possibly can because no one wants to be the guy that hurts Mahomes. It feels like when he starts running there are times in a game where he'll scramble. And he'll like they'll almost all agree to give up the play at the same time.

I am being scammed by an Airbnb host for $40,000 in pool damages

I'm being investigated for $40,000 worth of damages by Airbnb... the homeowner has contacted me saying that I caused $40,000 worth of [damage to] the pool... They say that I didn't keep the pool at the correct level and that the motor and the pump broke down... I think she's scamming me... I didn't even cause a penny worth of damage.

The Lakers might be better without LeBron James based on his plus-minus

LeBron James -2. We're not cherry-picking that, that's an actual stat. Are the Lakers better without LeBron? That's what many are asking. I don't know, if you put in Rondo instead of LeBron, he's a +8, they probably win by a hundred.

Asteroids are frauds and won't actually hit Earth

Asteroids do something, they're all talk no walk... Asteroids you're on my shit list and you're frauds. If it shows up to Earth it will probably fuck me up but you're frauds.

Justin Herbert won't be a true franchise quarterback until he cleans up his skin

Justin Herbert is he's got a he's got a clean up his skin. Okay. Yeah. That's all Noxzema franchise quarterback. That's all. Once he does that I'll be like, you know what I like this guy. It's just kind of a franchise quarterback then just clean up the face a little bit.