Takes

In a baseball brawl, if you call a pitcher out and they charge the mound, you are obligated to fight them yourself

I think that that's bullshit. If you call a guy and you say come over and the guy starts running at you to fight you have to fight that guy. You can't rely on your spry young players to like catch the guy and intercept them on the way in and let them fight them. You initiated the fight you got to finish it.

Derrick Rose's new Yeezy shoes look like a cartoon fish skeleton

The ye ziddi roses... It looks like a fish in a cartoon after they eat it. Pretty much... like a herringbone that's been sucked dry by a cartoon cat.

Under Armour shoe designers get their design inspiration from the $10 shoe aisle at Walmart

I think the Under Armour shoe designer just goes to Walmart and sees like all the, you know, the $10 shoes you can buy at Walmart and the star berries are there... and says cool, I'm just going to model all my shoes off of this.

The genius of Jackass is its wholesomeness and lack of mean-spiritedness toward third parties

There's also finally something I believe actually pretty wholesome about the fact that and there's nothing mean-spirited and what we're doing... we're Reckless or we do terrible things to ourselves and to each other, but we're never cruel to third parties or to anybody else. So, you know, It's weird to say Jackass is wholesome but I think it does apply.

The true genius of Jackass is the genuine friendship and laughter between the cast

I think it is also just friendship like you guys always came across as, yeah, you'd fight or there be fucked up things you do to each other, but you'd always make each other laugh and when you make each other laugh it like kind of fills the room of like, oh my God, they're having a great time.

I didn't need drugs or alcohol to do stunts because I am just a sober attention whore

I just learned that you take away the drugs and the alcohol from the waste an attention whore and then you get a sober attention whore and that's like really that's all there is to it. I never took painkillers for pain and I never did stunts because I was loaded. I just am an attention whore.

Any stunt is automatically cooler if the person doing it is on fire

My rule was always like no matter what you do, it's cooler if you're on fire. I was always on fire so that sold out a ton of footage.

TMZ's journalistic integrity is solid because they don't get stories wrong

I've always had a pretty good relationship with TMZ. And that's where I get my news, you know? It's not anybody smoke anybody says the TMZ is like tabloid trash because doing there and their journalistic integrity is so solid. Yeah, you know, they don't get anything wrong.

Jackass 4 will be a hit because the first week of production was explosive

We were one week into production where when she got shut down, but that's actually a good thing because that week was so barking explosive... in that one week we proved ourselves... there's full confidence for me that it's going to be a hit.

I will take the immediate gratification of playoff hockey over a top draft pick every single time

I know you could have gotten the first overall pick, but you know, what, would you rather have like a week and a half? Oh a combination of misery and pain and maybe a couple glimpses of Awesomeness now or You rather wait for years to maybe have a good player. I would take the immediate gratification every single time.

Damian Lillard's loyalty gives him the right to call out Paul George for switching teams

And then Dame obviously said Paul George like you keep, you know, switching teams. You don't want the hard work, which if you're Damian Lillard you get to say that argument because you are you have it in for the Trailblazers your entire life. You get to make that argument.

Draymond Green's $50,000 fine for recruiting Devin Booker was worth it

Draymond get fined $50,000 for saying Devin Booker needs to get out of the Phoenix on the set of TNT. Well, so people are saying that there shouldn't be these tampering laws anymore like $50,000 of Draymond Green is absolutely nothing. It's actually probably worth it in terms of just the message that he was sending to Booker.

The seeds from China are 'murder gourds' designed to destroy American pumpkins and cancel Halloween

He planted him seeds and a gourd pops out. Personally I think that the gourd was... going to try to harm American gourds with some sort of disease or murder gourds. And guess what's a very American gourd? Pumpkin. Trying to cancel Halloween exactly.

I am going to make a comeback in college football

I've actually been having very vivid dreams of playing football lately... I went camping over the weekend... I really just started... I think I'm gonna make a comeback. I'm not sure how that's gonna happen.

Jon Gruden faking a COVID-19 diagnosis to teach the Raiders a lesson is the ultimate football guy move

Jon Gruden expect the unexpected guys, and he holds a zoom meeting and he has I think it was a special teams coach announces that... coach Gruden is in the hospital. He's dealing with coronavirus and all his players like oh my god... and they're like ha just kidding gotcha... take this seriously. Let's all learn a lesson from this. It was an all-time football guy move.

Bill Belichick might opt out of the 2020 season to sabotage Josh McDaniels and tank for Trevor Lawrence

My big-time stay woke on this is that Bill Belichick, he might opt out if coaches can opt out... he's got so many players on defense that are out, right? If Bill Belichick opts out McDaniels probably takes over, right? They go 4-12. All of a sudden no one wants to sign Josh McDaniels to a head coaching contract next year. He keeps the team together maybe gets Trevor Lawrence.

The MLB will successfully implement a 'virtual bubble' by banning players from going out to dinner

The MLB is trying to get to a virtual bubble. They have new rules that basically... if you get caught doing these things you can't play anymore. Yep. They actually did that. So, thanks for listening, Rob Manfred.

There are more NBA teams that 'nobody wants to play' in the 2020 playoffs than ever before

Right now off the top my head. There are more teams that nobody wants to play in the playoffs in the NBA at this point than there have ever been... No one wants to play Toronto... the Heat... Oklahoma City... the Blazers... the Rockets.

Philip Rivers is definitely a Hall of Fame player

I miss tilt on man. He's he's a stud and I mean he was just very underrated to me. I mean he is just I think he's all the same player and you know, everybody wants to debate that but I think he is I mean, he's a stud and just the things that he does in the background that I got to see just firsthand.

The 2017-2018 Chargers were the best team to ever miss the NFL playoffs

What year was it? 2018? I declare the Chargers the best team to not make the playoffs. That's true... start 0-4 that year... I kept on saying like don't let the Chargers get in the playoffs and everyone laughed at me.

The NFL team that handles COVID-19 protocols the best will be one of the best teams at the end of the year

I think the team that handles COVID the best right now is going to be, you know, one of the best teams at the end of the day. So we're trying to attack that in a way and approached the protocols right and do everything right.

The Chargers will go 16-0 and win every game this year

What is your record going to be this year? 16 and O's the goal right whenever game but we're gonna take it week by week... [Big Cat: 16-0 is what I heard guarantee] Hey man you gotta go home with confidence. I mean, if you don't go into the game thinking you're going to win, you know, then I think every team goes in thinking they're gonna win.

Usain Bolt being the 'fastest man on the planet' is the most untouchable athletic title in sports

Usain Bolt. He's another one. I mean to me like fastest man on the planet and heavyweight champion of the world. Those are two like Untouchable things... we can sit around and debate, you know is Tom [Brady] the greatest of all time... but when you're like the fastest man on the planet, that's kind of untouchable.

Elite athletes like Tom Brady and LeBron James possess a 'sick' mental edge that makes them feel like it's them against the world

There's this sort of maniacal that's consistent. I mean, that's LeBron that's like all of these people just like... this maniacal devotion and this Edge and it's always like a little bit of Me versus everyone... it's like, no, nobody believes in me. It's me against the world. And so there's also something just like sick in the mind with these athletes.

The failure in Game 5 of the 2012 Eastern Conference Finals is what catapulted LeBron James' future success

LeBron, the game he talks about is in 2012, Game 6 of the Eastern Conference Finals... but he's like it was because of that [Game 5] game and all every... it was the failure that sort of catapulted the success. And so that's another consistent thing you see with the greatest.

Alex Guerrero and the TB12 bodywork are essential reasons why Tom Brady has been able to play so long

I've been around Tom a lot the last three or four years and Alex [Guerrero] is a huge part of his daily life... I do think it's a big part... the statistics show that well guys don't keep playing this no matter how talented they are. I mean Tom's not the most talented guy and he'll be the first to say it. So there have been many more talented guys have not played as long as he has.

Kobe Bryant had the most 'rockstar quality' and charisma of any athlete

Kobe was a rockstar. Like I've never really been around anyone like that... it was like, oh yeah, we should ask for more money because this guy just had a sort of Charisma... Kobe had the sort of rock star like you used to fly... in a helicopter like it was like hanging out with Batman.

LeBron James being a genuinely good person makes him a harder athlete to hate

My thing about LeBron LeBron is... what that guy stands for what you've done... I have a big my he's a that's the thing that kills me because I like hate LeBron, but I know he's such a good guy which drives me insane that drives me insane... I want him to be like I want something like yeah, he's a real asshole.

Sachin Tendulkar is the greatest athlete on the planet in terms of cultural impact

I asked you for the biggest Alpha... and Sachin Tendulkar... In a country of over a billion people of every Faith on the planet, there's one God and it's the Master Blaster. Sachin is he's everything. He's LeBron plus Tom plus Usain Bolt times a million in terms of what he means to that country.

The Bryson DeChambeau vs. Brooks Koepka rivalry is exactly what golf needs to be interesting

I'm fine with this. I'm glad that there's a rivalry in golf. We needed something like this. The Tiger-Phil just doesn't do it for me... today was actually one of the first times that I've been watching golf and I've been more excited to watch somebody else besides Tiger.

Devin Booker is officially 'a dude' because of how he celebrated his game-winner

I'm on board the Devin Booker train just watching his body language after he made the shot. He basically went to sleep... a person that reacts like that, that guy is a dude.

The NCAA should run the March Madness tournament in a bubble right now

Why aren't we just doing the NCAA tournament right now? Like if someone... go, yeah. Hey, whoever wants to win the presidential election just pay for it. Like that would be pretty good. How about him in a bubble? And let's just do the NCAA tournament.

The hockey ice in Toronto is significantly worse than the ice in Edmonton

Can someone explain to me going back to hockey the difference between the ice in Edmonton and the ice in Toronto because the Toronto ice sucks... Toronto ice is super choppy. It's like iced soup.

If Ron Artest were in the NBA bubble, he would treat the empty gym like the office in 'Office Space' and start smashing equipment.

My other high weird idea was how crazy would it be if Ron Artest was still playing in the NBA that he would go nuts... because there are no fans for him to go into the stands and he just treats it like 'Office Space' and starts smashing equipment.

Golfers should have uniforms or 'shirsies' so fans can support them without having to spend 20 weeks in the gym to look like Brooks Koepka.

Why don't golfers have uniforms like a shirsy that the fans can wear? If I want to go out and support Brooks Koepka, I have to spend like 20 weeks in the gym and get swole as shit for people to know that I'm a supporter. Why don't we make uniforms or shirsies for golfers?

The NFL and its doctors will eventually just lie about players' COVID-19 statuses to ensure the season gets played.

I'm just confident that football after doing it for so many years, they'll just all lie about it. All the doctors, all the [teams] will just lie about it. And yeah, I mean, I guess that's the wrong thing to do. But I'm also not going to choose anyone of lying buying group.

Gardner Minshew is effectively the vaccine for COVID-19

My hot seat is the coronavirus. That's right. It's back on the hot seat because we've discovered a vaccine. And that's just being Gardner Minshew. Yeah. So Gardner Minshew tested positive and he said that the virus took one look at him and turn the other way.

The Rock buying the XFL is a staged WWE-style feud with Vince McMahon

I think that this is work. I think that I think that this is WWE. A situation where the rock but McMahon's baby from underneath them. And now it's going to be like a WWE style Feud which is what the XFL should be in the first place.

The urge for a glass of milk to wash down cookies is an unstoppable force that justifies breaking MLB bubble protocols.

If you get it in your head that you need a glass of milk, you have to go get a glass of milk. If you get in your head that you're thirsty and you need milk to wash down Oreos, guess what you're going to do? Come hell or high water, you're going to go get some fucking milk.

Big Ben Roethlisberger loves being the most injured person in the world

Big Ben is on my cool Throne because Big Ben no one likes to tell you how injured they are as much as Big Ben... from what I understand not three [ligaments], so he's flexing about who's three torn ligaments in his elbow.

Lakers fans are effectively oppressed because they haven't been to the playoffs in five years.

Lakers fans, because after they clinched the number one seed Kyle Kuzma tweeted 'real Laker fans remember the losing seasons.' They haven't been to the playoffs for five years... It was tough to go from Kobe and Shaq to just Kobe to just LeBron to LeBron and AD. A lot of lean years in there.

It was time for me to own my own podcast network rather than just being a contractor for other companies.

My contract with the Ringer was up. I've been there for three years and for Tommy [Alter] and I, we just wanted to own the podcast. I figured I had been doing podcasts for four years and I felt like it was time for me to actually own the podcast and build out a little podcast network.

The basketball in the NBA bubble is surprisingly high-level and the players are in great shape despite the layoff.

I'm actually pleasantly surprised, maybe even a little bit shocked, at how in shape everybody has been. The shot making has been unbelievable... It's just been high-level basketball. It's been amazing. It's been incredible.

It is inevitable that Power 5 football and basketball players will be financially compensated

It's inevitable now, it's inevitable that power 5 football and basketball players are going to be compensated in some form. It's inevitable, right? It's going to happen and... not a not just saying from the like this obviously, you know, the the NCAA I think is going to allow players to use their likeness starting after next season.

NBA players are not amateurs and the 1930s model of amateurism is dead

To argue for amateurism Based On A system that was set up in the 1930s and 1940s prior to billion dollar TV contracts and ticket sales and Merchandising is crazy. Amateurism does not exist in high-level college basketball and high-level college football.

College sports boosters should be allowed to pay players openly because the market would naturally correct itself once donors tire of busts.

I honestly think that they should just put it all above board and be like boosters can pay players... rich people don't like to just hand their money away. So when they make a mistake on paying an 18 year old kid and the kid doesn't pan out, they're going to think twice about the next kid and it will correct... it will kind of come back down to earth.

I was only an 'asshole' at Duke because I was a 19-year-old who didn't know how to handle the cycle of hate from fans.

The only reason I played the game in the first place was to be an asshole... I was fucking 19 years old and I had to deal with this, and you know, at that age you're unsure of yourself. I would see the hate, I would feel the hate, I would hear the hate, and then I would react to that, and then my reaction would garner more hate. That cycle just kept repeating itself.

Reading a Twitter fight between Clay Travis and Darren Rovell is worse than a 20-year prison sentence

If you're like, hey, you have to go to prison for the next 20 years or you have to spend the next two days reading their [Clay Travis and Darren Rovell] back and forth. I choose prison. Yeah, it's like the most popular nerd verse the least popular not nerd.

You should definitely plant mystery seeds sent from China even if the government says not to

I saw the story over the weekend and I get the US government was saying do not plant seeds that come ship to you from China. Fuck that. If I get mystery seeds. The first thing I'm going to do is plant those.

Serious golf guys who travel to Scotland won't cheat on their wives, but business golf guys will

What from you from your perspective... the business golf guys will [cheat]. The like I'm just going to play a few rounds here and there, that guy will cheat on you. The I want to go to Scotland and all I want to do is play golf at one golf... that's his form of cheating on me.