Takes

College sports boosters should be allowed to pay players openly because the market would naturally correct itself once donors tire of busts.

I honestly think that they should just put it all above board and be like boosters can pay players... rich people don't like to just hand their money away. So when they make a mistake on paying an 18 year old kid and the kid doesn't pan out, they're going to think twice about the next kid and it will correct... it will kind of come back down to earth.

I was only an 'asshole' at Duke because I was a 19-year-old who didn't know how to handle the cycle of hate from fans.

The only reason I played the game in the first place was to be an asshole... I was fucking 19 years old and I had to deal with this, and you know, at that age you're unsure of yourself. I would see the hate, I would feel the hate, I would hear the hate, and then I would react to that, and then my reaction would garner more hate. That cycle just kept repeating itself.

Reading a Twitter fight between Clay Travis and Darren Rovell is worse than a 20-year prison sentence

If you're like, hey, you have to go to prison for the next 20 years or you have to spend the next two days reading their [Clay Travis and Darren Rovell] back and forth. I choose prison. Yeah, it's like the most popular nerd verse the least popular not nerd.

You should definitely plant mystery seeds sent from China even if the government says not to

I saw the story over the weekend and I get the US government was saying do not plant seeds that come ship to you from China. Fuck that. If I get mystery seeds. The first thing I'm going to do is plant those.

Serious golf guys who travel to Scotland won't cheat on their wives, but business golf guys will

What from you from your perspective... the business golf guys will [cheat]. The like I'm just going to play a few rounds here and there, that guy will cheat on you. The I want to go to Scotland and all I want to do is play golf at one golf... that's his form of cheating on me.

I am officially an ex-NFL kicker because I was once offered an NFL-adjacent tryout.

I'm going to claim that because I was offered a tryout, I'm now an ex-NFL kicker.

The Cubs should be awarded the World Series title if they are the only team to remain COVID-free

I feel like every single team has had positives actually except for the Cubs. Shout out the Cubs. They should probably win it if the Cubs are the only team that don't get a Corona positive, do they win the title? Yes, right?

Rob Manfred has been a total debacle in handling MLB's return

Rob Manfred being like I'm gonna threaten you guys if you don't start following the rules, we're going to cancel the league... he just has to be Rob Manfred has to go to bed every single night... he pulls out his Roger Goodell voodoo doll and starts poking it with pins being like, please fuck this up Goodell, please fuck this up because if you fuck this up, no one will give a shit.

NFL players will lie about having COVID just to keep playing

The one thing that I think the NFL still has going for it is that pretty much every single player is just going to lie when they have coronavirus. I think there will be a whole team that's sick and we just won't know about it.

Alex Caruso has become 'overratedly underrated'

He has become, I wrote this down when I was watching the game, he started out being underrated but then he was so underrated that he became overrated but now it's swung back and now he's like overratedly underrated. So now he's underrated again.

The Pelicans not playing Zion Williamson more minutes is failing the whole reason they were invited

The Pelicans not realizing the whole reason they were invited was to get Zion in the playoffs and playing him 29 minutes over two games... we wanted to watch Zion. Yeah, he's a little heavy but we still wanted to watch him and you played him 29 minutes in two games... the Pelicans are not going to play ball.

Mike Glennon is the perfect quarterback for people to use in Kaepernick comparison tweets

Every year we have to have at least one quarterback that's the perfect person for half of Twitter to quote tweet and be like Colin Kaepernick isn't on an NFL team but this person. Yes, Mike Glennon is like the perfect person to focus our attention on there.

The Blazers have a great chance to ruin the party and make the NBA playoffs

We feel like we have a great chance a situation where we get to play games and have a chance to make the playoffs... We like to ruin the party here for everyone... We look forward to trying to get into this playoff.

NBA players will shoot as well or better in the bubble due to lack of travel and fresh legs

I think guys will shoot the same or better because some people that can shoot actually worked on their games... No travel, everybody's more fresh because you have four months off... I would expect guys to be really locked in.

The Browns can make the playoffs as a wildcard at 9-7

Can we go 1970 getting in as the wild card? Because I feel like we can get into the playoffs with our talent... I think now going through a full season, OBJ is healthy, Baker's locked in... We have the pieces.

Aaron Rodgers will leave the Packers in a few years just like Brett Favre

I think that if he does play this year and he plays well, it's going to be the Brett Favre thing. They're going to give him two more years... And then after a couple seasons, he'll go somewhere else.

Aaron Rodgers would rather play for Mike McCarthy in Dallas than Matt LaFleur in Green Bay

Aaron Rodgers right now... he would rather I think play for Mike McCarthy right now than Matt LaFleur. Yes, who can say what you want about Mike McCarthy, but he never acquired a good quarterback to play behind them... Matt LaFleur doesn't have all that background with Rodgers and he doesn't know how to treat him.

Mets GM Brodie Van Wagenen intentionally leaked that Yoenis Cespedes was missing to spite him

He knew that Cespedes packed up his shit and left because he was opting out but he used to be Cespedes's Agent and so he's pissed that Yoenis ended up signing with Roc Nation. And so now he's like feeding all this shit into the media... first thought if somebody just ditches the Mets you don't immediately suspect that they're dead.

The movements in the new Madden are too jerky and unrealistic

The new Madden sucks... the movements my eyes cannot understand the movements. They are all herky-jerky. I don't understand how the players move in that game. It's too hard to play because the kids grow up playing those games that have higher frame rates... these games have gotten too realistic. Give me some glitches. Give me some weird shit.

Hank thought the word superlatives was super relatives

Hank thought the words superlatives was super relatives.

Everything is an ingredient and every meal needs beer

Billy has three rules as a cook. Rule number one is they're all ingredients. That's his saying when you say Billy what the fuck are you doing right now that smells and looks terribly says they're all ingredients. Dude. Number two is let the meat talk. So that means just don't put any seasoning on any meat just Talk and number three is every meal cooked needs beer. So that Billy can drink it.

The 2020 NBA bubble would never have happened without Rudy Gobert's positive test

How crazy is it to think back to March that Rudy Gobert testing positive probably led to this bubble being created. We probably would never have Bubble life... the the Butterfly effect from that one test. The ripples will be felt for centuries.

The 2020 NBA season only counts if LeBron James wins it

Does the season count? Yeah, not as LeBron wins, correct. Good answer, great answer.

The Houston Astros have to expect to be hit by pitches for a while

But if there were someone to get beaned in the head to be the Astros... the Astros also have to kind of expect if bad things are going to probably happen to him for a little bit of time.

Patrick Mahomes should be number one on the NFL Top 100

I like Aaron Donald's the guy that you put ahead of Patrick Mahomes to remind everybody that you watch football. They watch the tapes like well Aaron Donald's really the best player. Yeah, which he's awesome. Don't get me wrong, but I don't And then Russell Wilson also very good player, but come on Patrick Mahomes is coming out. Like what more does a guy need to do? Nothing? He's our number-one.

Kyle Shanahan is a wizard who can predict exactly when defenders will hold based on the formation

I said the dude's a wizard. [Kyle Shanahan] said that like when he installed the play on Thursday for a third down play. He has looked when they get misformed like we're in this formation and this guy covers you he always holds so just push him inside and break out. He's gonna hold you and I was like, all right, sounds good. And then it happened.

90% of football is played above the shoulders; the mental side separates elite players

The Joker tattoo for me football. I think it's like 10% your physical abilities because everyone in the NFL is like an All-American football player. They're all the best high school football player best player on their team. And so what can Elevate you to the next level is, you know, I think 90% of the game is played above your shoulders just in your head like the mental side of it.

I would run a faster 40-yard dash time today than I did at the NFL Combine

I know for a fact, I'd run a faster time right now for sure not even close. I think most... I hit puberty like age 23, I swear and so like I could definitely run faster now.

I prefer being a heel over a face because it's easier to tell a visual story of overcoming a predator

I like being a heel more. I think it's easier for me. I can tell that visual story of we've all understand that it's in our it's in our DNA our genetics we Understand overcoming larger predators and you know David versus Goliath all the stories that we've heard. So when I have that much size, it can influence that pressure.

John Cena, The Undertaker, and Kane are the three toughest wrestlers I've ever seen

There's three guys that come to mind. One is Undertaker, two is Kane, and the other one is John Cena. I've seen John Cena wrestle with a torn cornea. I've seen him he had neck surgery in Pittsburgh at 11 a.m. At 5 p.m. He came by the arena to say Hi to everyone... it's another level that guys like that set the bar to.

I will eat one hot dog every hour for 24 hours during the grit stream

Big Cat's going to be eating a hot dog one hot dog every single hour. I will go back and forth between buns. I will probably more buns and last but there will definitely be some hours that I Rod... I want to eat 24 hot dogs.

I will drink one beer every hour for 24 hours during the grit stream

I have to drink a beer at the top of every hour one deer per hour. I'm still a little bit nervous about that. I don't think I've ever drank 24 beers over that long of a period of time before.

I would only take a few hours of hanging out with Billy Football before I'd want to kill him

Remember that when you were a kid and you'd have like one sleepover with your best friend... it was the best night ever. And then by the end of the second night you just wanted to kill them. It's going to be like that [with Billy] except in the second hour.

I thought the Mets would be the first team to have a massive COVID outbreak

I would have bet my ball sack it was going to be the Mets that would have all their players infected in every other team be fine. So that's actually saying what about my ball sack? Yeah... I'm shocked that it's the Marlins.

Bill Belichick might be stashing impact starters on a 'shadow team' via COVID opt-outs

I think that the Patriots might be putting together like a shadow team. Just getting through camp and he's got all these guys that he knows wants to be impact starters. He's like, they're gonna be my shadow team. They're going to stay healthy and then I'm going to bring them in... That's just me being too woke because Belichick is always up to something.

Derek Jeter should be punished for the Marlins' COVID outbreak by being forced to play for the team

I say you punish Derek Jeter. You make Derek Jeter go out there and he plays. Tell me you wouldn't watch a game with the Marlins if it was just like Derek Jeter, Gary Sheffield, all the old Marlins superstars getting out there and just whipping on every pitch.

LeBron James has played statistically worse on Tuesday nights since the start of the 'Taco Tuesday' era

He did a statistical analysis of every single LeBron James game played on a Tuesday night... he found out that pre Taco Tuesday he had win percentage that was 4% higher than normal. In the Taco Tuesday era, it's minus 2 percent. So he's doing statistically way way worse on Tuesday nights because he's eating so many tacos or maybe he's waiting to eat them till after the game and that's all he can look forward to.

Aaron Rodgers used tequila to cope with the Jordan Love draft pick

Aaron Rodgers... he said that when he found out that Jordan love got drafted he used some tequila to cope. So problem drinking. I thought he said that he likes Scotch. Yeah, so he's problem Joe. He's mixing his liquor shop and he was like, I need the hard stuff. I'm going to the tequila.

Kirk Cousins is the most consistent 'Dad' in the NFL because he wears socks with thong sandals

Kirk Cousins... he wears socks with his sandals and gives himself a toe-edgy. For Kirk Cousins, we always bash him, but he's consistent. That is a man who uses tinfoil on his grill for steaks, that is a man who is as corny as possible. I'm happy that he is consistent in what he wears.

Ben Roethlisberger looks significantly skinnier heading into the 2020 season

He's actually called 'Slim Ben' now. As you guys know, he lost some weight and that's probably the better for him and better for our team. I'm super excited for what he's bringing to the table.

USC's biggest problem is that they aren't recruiting well enough in the trenches

I think we just got to recruit better. The biggest part is we got to go down south and get those big guys who's going to be in the trenches. We're going to have the athletes, we're going to have the skill players... our biggest problem is I think we could be better in the trenches.

The Steelers will finish the 2020 season 13-3

I'm going with the Thirteen and three thirteen and three even better.

NFL team scouts and players have a mutual lack of respect for each other's talent evaluation

Between players and scouting department, players think scouts suck, and scouts tell players to stick to playing. There's always like that division of who can judge talent because as a player, you're like 'I fucking do this' and then you got the scouts who judge you and people in the media who try and place you in a box.

Living a results-oriented life will lead to failure because you'll be moved by external factors

If you live in a results-oriented world you're going to fail because you're going to be moved by external factors all the time. People are going to label you and you're going to buy into it because all you gave a shit about is what results are being said to you... it's all about the fucking process.

I am officially opting in to play the 2020 NFL season

I am officially opting into the 2020 season. Yes, my doors opened. My phone's open everyone knows where to find a mentor named going in the circuit and we got you.

Viagra is an effective pre-workout supplement for getting a pump

And sildenafil is for a pump. It just gets your veins... sildenafil is the active ingredient Viagra, but it's sick for pump.

Aliens come from the center of the Earth, not outer space

Honestly, there's aliens of courting the government but I don't think the aliens come from outer space. I actually think that they come from within the center of the Earth... they are beings at the center of the earth that are coming to the surface.

The 60-game MLB season 'on pace' stats are going to be electric

The on pace oh I for the 60 Game season is going to be electric. It sucks though, because not as many people are doing the on pace tweets... like Bryce Harper's on pace for 350 RBIs.

MLB players will fight more this year because they can hear trash talk in empty stadiums

I think there might be more tempers flaring because you can hear every slight every you remark that is said in an empty Stadium. I really want the broadcast to turn off the pumpkin crowd noise when there's a manager argument with the Umpire.

Adam Silver should put a strip club inside the NBA bubble

I blame Adam Silver because Adam Silver should have a strip club inside the bubble. There should be a strip club. Yes. These are these are NBA players with needs and that among these are casual lap dances and Delicious lemon pepper barbecue wings.