Takes

The Bucks are going to walk to the NBA Finals

Like I'm saying, the Bucks are going to just walk to the finals this year. I'm very consistent on that.

Knicks fans should buy tickets to every James Dolan concert to keep him away from the team

If you're a Knicks fan, you should buy tickets to every single show in every city and just have him go on a worldwide tour... Just keep him away from home as much as possible. Make him the next Kiss.

Steph Curry gets the least criticism of any superstar in sports for playing poorly

Watching [Steph Curry] play and watching him shoot and get hot is awesome. But there is not one single superstar that I've ever seen in any sport that gets less shit for sucking than Steph Curry.

Joel Embiid has a bad immune system and is sick every playoffs

Joel Embiid, what is wrong with him?... Wired, just having a really bad immune system and being sick all playoffs.

It doesn't matter if your team wins or loses, as long as you don't get embarrassed

In the long scheme of things, if you're a sports fan, it doesn't really matter if your team wins or loses. It just matters that you don't get embarrassed... Don't be the butt of everyone's joke.

The US Select team was created because my 2004 Olympic team was so embarrassing

Argentina happened... I felt like what better way to be ambassadors than to let another country win... That actually started the process of USA [Basketball Select Team]... they're like, okay, enough of these riff raffs.

Kevin Durant is the most unguardable human being ever created

What I'm saying is that when you look at all these guys [MJ, Shaq, Kobe, LeBron]... [Durant] does things at such an efficient level and at such a high rate. He's a seven-foot two-guard. He shoots 90% from the free-throw line. He's shooting 50% from three right now... if you had to create a basketball player, I think the two guys that you would create are probably Bron and KD for very different reasons.

Kevin Durant turned Steph Curry into Scottie Pippen

We all know how great Steph is, but how good are you when you show up to a team with a two-time MVP and you immediately turn him into Pippen? And he's in the prime of his career.

To fix the Lakers, the front office needs to be cleared and someone should be stolen from the Spurs

I would change everyone that's in my front office, and then I would go and steal someone from the Spurs... There needs a lot more checks and balances. I think even Jeanie Buss needs somebody that can tell her no or can go in there and win an argument. And it doesn't have to be someone that she's friends with for 20 years.

Houston will win Game 3 against the Warriors, or they will get swept

I'm going to say Houston is going to win one game. And if Houston wins one game, the only game they will be able to win was game three. If they don't win game three, obviously they're going to get swept, in my opinion.

Scott Foster is the ideal referee for a road team because he is a 'dickhead' who ignores the home crowd

If I was going into Boston on the road, I want to see Scott Foster. Those kind of dickheads, those assholes, those guys that are kind of just like, 'leave me alone, I have to do my job.' ... If anything, if the home team or the home crowd starts acting like jerks, they will actually go the other way.

Saquon Barkley will retire early from the NFL because the Giants are so incompetent

I can't wait until Saquon [Barkley] retires like year eight because he's like, fuck this shit. I'm Barry Sanders in this.

Daenerys Targaryen is the worst dragon owner of all time

Daenerys is the worst leader of all time... she gets her fucking dragons killed every single turn. She's the worst dragon owner of all time. Honestly. Like, they would come and take those dragons away. Be like, you are not fit to own a dragon because everywhere you go, the dragon gets killed. fly them up in the stratosphere dude they can't hit them up there she's so stupid.

The Trail Blazers have the best home-court advantage in the NBA playoffs

The Trailblazers, I would contend, yeah, I'm going to say it, they probably have the best home court advantage in the playoffs.

I would cut D'Angelo Russell for being a 'bad decision maker' after his weed arrest

The stupidity is, like, way worse than the crime... Bad decision maker. Honestly, just put it in your pocket. I'd cut him.

Kevin Durant vs. Michael Jordan is a legitimate debate

People are saying—I'm not saying. People are saying should the debate be Kevin Durant versus Michael Jordan... I kind of agree.

A 3-1 Finals record is more impressive than 3-6 when comparing Kevin Durant and LeBron James

And what would LeBron James be? Three and six? [PFT: Three and six.] It feels like three and one better than three and six. We could go all day, folks. We could cherry pick all day.

LeBron James will never return to the NBA playoffs

And LeBron never goes back to the playoffs. [PFT: It would be tough to overlook.] It would be tough to overlook.

LeBron James' best years are behind him

LeBron's best years are behind him.

I will never cord-cut because streaming sports is too unreliable

I have so many boxes... my cable bill is like probably $400 a month. I watched a bowl game with [a friend] two years ago... It buffered so many fucking times. I had money on the game, and I was sitting there like, what is happening right now? I could never cord cut.

Brad Marchand should not have been suspended for his 'rabbit punch' on Scott Harrington

I was going to puke if he got suspended. That is not a suspension. Stanley Cup playoffs, a little punch in the back of the head while the guy's on his knees... it was not suspension worthy.

NBA players and fans are soft for cheering an injury comeback that NHL players do routinely

I saw that asshole from the Cavs [Kevin Love]... broke his nose and came back with a fucking mask on and got a standing ovation. Are you shitting me? Ryan Malone on Pittsburgh... got a slap shot directly in the face... shoved a couple tampons out there and came back, no mask, no standing ovation for him.

The St. Louis Blues have a 100% chance to win the Stanley Cup

They're a really good team. And it'd be one of the coolest stories ever. Last place, January 3rd... I mean, they got a lot of good weapons there... So there's a chance 100% that they could get the Cup.

Maximum Security's Florida Derby win was 'phony' because he wasn't pressured

Let's make Maximum Security into the villain... there should be kind of an asterisk by his last win in the Florida Derby because the competition in that race just basically handed him the race... Everybody else just decided to take back, and all of a sudden this horse is just cruising.

Game Winner is the best of Bob Baffert's three Kentucky Derby contenders

Game winner, trained by Bob Baffert... I think he's the logical horse. Game winner to me is the best one of the three. He's 0 for 2 this year, but he should have won both those races. I think he's coming up to the race in good fashion.

Win-Win-Win and By My Standards are the best long shots in the Kentucky Derby

Win-win-win and a horse named By My Standards, who won the Louisiana Derby... anywhere from 18 to 25 to 1. That's about the price win-win-win is going to be, too. I think [Win-win-win] is set up to run a pretty good race.

Bet against Bellafina in the Kentucky Oaks because she doesn't like the track at Churchill Downs

The favorite in the Oaks is going to be a horse named Bellafina... The only bad race Bellafina has ever had in her life was... here at Churchill Downs. She doesn't look very good [this week]... for a horse to have those negatives and to be the favorite, I think it's a good horse to bet against.

The person who stole Jeff Fisher's credit cards should get a seven to nine year prison sentence

If you're a piece of shit that stole Jeff Fisher's credit card, just please give him back... I'm not going to make the joke, but many people have probably said that's a pretty hefty prison sentence. That's like seven to nine years.

I'm 'killing' Walgreens because of their partnership with Elizabeth Holmes and Theranos

I'm going to kill Walgreens because they partnered up with Theranos. And they took people's blood and screwed it up. [Big Cat: But she was pretty convincing.] She was. I don't blame Walgreens... [Big Cat: I would get duped too.] Okay. I'm still killing Walgreens.

The Dothraki are still alive in Game of Thrones because we didn't see them die on screen

What if the Dothraki are all alive and they knew that it was a bad battle strategy... We never saw them die. The one thing I know about Game of Thrones, as an expert who's watched the summary twice, if you don't see the person die, you can't be sure they're dead.

Daenerys Targaryen and Jon Snow will eventually fight each other

Dany's the worst. I fucking hate her. Khaleesi sucks... She's going to fight Jon Snow... They are going to fight. Dany cannot take anyone else outshining her.

Theon Greyjoy is still alive and will survive his apparent death in Game of Thrones

Theon's alive. Well, if you go by my reasoning of if you don't get shot directly in the heart or directly in the brain on a TV show or movie, you end up surviving. [Big Cat: It took a spike through his body.] Through his appendix. You don't even need—it's right through his body.

Draymond Green will eventually earn a one-game suspension during these playoffs

Draymond [Green] got another technical tonight. So he's on his way to earning a one-game suspension at some point during these playoffs.

The Rockets will win at least one game in Houston against the Warriors

Are we thinking sweep? No. No. No chance. They're going to take at least one. I just wanted to throw it out there. At least one in Houston.

Kyrie Irving will not play as poorly for the rest of the Bucks series as he did in Game 2

Kyrie [Irving] will not play that bad for the rest of the series. I'm okay with that because that means, I mean, it's not like you don't have a shitty...

The Bucks are unbeatable and will dominate the Eastern Conference

But as I've said, these Bucks are unbeatable in this playoff. They are going to dominate the East. Clearly the best team.

The Warriors and Rockets would both easily beat the Celtics in a series

I think either team could beat the Celtics... any of the three teams, the Warriors, the Warriors, or the Rockets, I think match up very well against the Celtics.

Tuukka Rask is statistically one of the best goaltenders of all time

Statistically, [Tuukka Rask] one of the best goalies of all time.

The new Sonic the Hedgehog movie looks incredible and will be the movie event of the millennium

The Sonic the Hedgehog trailer was just released, and it looks incredible. It is going to be the movie event of the millennium, I'm very confident in saying.

An asteroid hitting Earth would be a better way for humanity to end than climate change

Thinking about what the alternative is, is just cooking ourselves alive in the next 200 years. Asteroid, not that bad... I just want the asteroid to hit us. Boom, done.

NBA arena decibel readers are fraudulent and inflated by 30 decibels

A lot of people have started to download their own decibel readers on their phones, going to games, comparing them against what the scoreboard's showing. And guess what? Turns out it's like 30 decibels quieter than they're showing.

The NBA essentially made defense illegal in 2004 by outlawing hand-checking

In 2004, after the Pistons beat Kobe and the Lakers, what does the NBA do? They make defense illegal, essentially, by outlawing hand-checking and defense of three seconds.

Teams should be allowed to draw their own custom three-point lines on their home courts

Imagine if the Heat could draw their own line or the Warriors are playing at home, and they have one line. Then they go to Houston, and there's a different line... it gives a home field advantage. It's fun for the fans. So I think that would be interesting because right now, dudes, the shot is too easy for too many guys.

James Harden is the most analytically correct basketball player in history

[James Harden] deserves a lot of credit for being the most analytically correct player our league has ever seen... The shots he takes are the right ones. The shots he doesn't take are the wrong ones.

The NBA should allow defensive goaltending on three-pointers to decrease shooting efficiency

Allowing goaltending on threes is probably the biggest stoner ideas I have. Let's make it fun, dudes. Let's make it a little harder for these guys.

The 76ers roster is a collection of pieces that don't fit together at all

The Sixers have a shitload of pieces that don't fit. Nothing. I don't love the geometry of the Sixers as they assemble together.

Ben Simmons will eventually become an average three-point shooter

[Ben Simmons] could use his clutch roommate LeBron as a model because LeBron was a terrible jump shooter his rookie year... Simmons could really pattern some of his pathway to efficiency after LeBron.

The Warriors will win the 2019 NBA Finals

But the Warriors are going to win. I hate to say it. I'm rooting against them just for the narrative, as they say. But they are so good, you guys. The...

LeBron James is still salvageable if the Lakers surround him with shooters

LeBron [James] is definitely salvageable. They need shooters, man... You surround him the same way that Cleveland and Miami did. You don't have to reinvent the wheel here.

Zion Williamson is a bust-proof prospect

The best shots in the league are still near the rim, and he's going to be able to get there. He's a big boy, and he's athletic. He's a bust-proof, in my opinion.