Takes

The Bears are now the class of the NFC

I think that we should [talk about the Bears] because they are now the class of the NFC. I'll just say it. Sean McVay can name every single player that picked him off tonight.

Defense still wins games when the weather gets cold

I'm just going to say it, boys. Once the weather starts getting cold, defense does show up... I think defense still wins games.

The Bears offense is a major worry for January

I will be honest—I have worries about the offense at times. That's all I'll say... Mitch [Trubisky] was coming back from an injury. I don't know if he's 100% healthy. The offense did not click the way that they'll need to click in January.

The NFL will overreact to this defensive week by trying to hire the next Aaron Donald or Khalil Mack

What's going to be so funny, by the way, is going to be the NFL overreacting to one week of really good defensive play... and now they'll be like, you need to go out there and get a defense like that. As opposed to the first 12 weeks when it's like, you've got to get the next Sean McVay... now it's going to be, well, you can just go get Aaron Donald or Khalil Mack. It'll be good.

The Patriots' loss to the Dolphins will motivate them to a championship

It is one of those losses that... shows up in the beginning of a championship DVD. The Pats lost to the Dolphins in heartbreaking fashion. They fucked up their defense. They kind of woke up. They're going to go into the film room. Belichick's going to tear into them, and that's what's going to give them the motivation they need to push through the playoffs.

The Steelers are an absolute mess and no one knows what they are

I think we all can agree no one knows what the Steelers are. They went from a mess at the beginning of the season to one of the best teams in the middle of the season to an absolute mess again at the end of the season. And it's like baffling.

The Cowboys can beat anyone because their defense is elite

The Cowboys are going to win the NFC East. They actually look like a team that could compete with almost anyone because their defense is so good... I think the Cowboys can beat anyone. I mean, when I say that, I know what's going to happen is they definitely can't beat the Saints... but their defense... [they] demolished the Eagles in terms of yards.

The Cowboys trade for Amari Cooper was a ballsy move that worked

The Amari Cooper trade, when we laughed at it and everyone laughed at it, that was a fucking ballsy move, and it has worked out. Amari Cooper has basically re-found himself.

I would have more wins than Hue Jackson if I coached the Browns

I think I would have had more wins [than Hue Jackson] because I simply would have just said to the smart people, do smart things and not been a total asshole to all my players.

Oklahoma should lose the 'Oklahoma Drill' name because they aren't smash-mouth anymore

At what point do we discuss... removing the label Oklahoma from Oklahoma drill. Because they haven't done that in like 50 years.

Alabama will kill Kyler Murray and Oklahoma in the playoffs

They will kill Kyler Murray when they play... There's nothing like an Alabama team that feels slighted in any way, and this is just perfect.

SantaCon is awesome if you're in your early 20s

If you're in your early 20s, SantaCon and all-day drinking events, they're so much fun... When you get older, it's the last thing I'd ever want to do... Seriously, I really do get mad when I see people bashing these things, trying to look cool. It's okay to say I'm too old for it... But fuck, man, there's nothing better than being like 23 years old and saying, I don't really care if I get wasted all day.

I will cut off my pinky if the Texans win the Super Bowl

I already said I was going to cut off my pinky if the fucking Texans win the Super Bowl.

Bear Weather is 100% real

It's like the perfect meatball thing that you can laugh at, like, ha, ha, ha, bare weather... But then when you're in your heart of hearts, you're like, no, no, that's fucking real. Bare weather is 100% real.

The Chicago Bulls are an absolute laughingstock of an organization

The dysfunction at the Bulls organization. They are an absolute laughingstock of an organization... They are the most... It's like the Chiefs used to be with Scott Pioli and that whole crew. And they're such little, little people. They're so scared of any criticism... Gar Foreman is a little fucking loser.

The Cowboys will win the NFC East if they beat the Eagles in Week 14

This is the week that if the Cowboys beat the Eagles, they have basically won the NFC East. And it will be very hard for them to lose it.

The Cowboys will find a way to fuck up their season despite their current success

If there's anything I know about the Cowboys, they'll find a way to fuck it all up.

The Ravens' defense is the first real test for the Chiefs' offense

The Ravens, this is the best team the Ravens are going to play in a while. ... this is the best defense the Chiefs have played in a while. So can the Chiefs play against a good defense in cold weather in December? This is my are-we-sure-they're-good game.

The Chiefs' game against the Ravens is just a tune-up game for Kansas City

I would also call this a tune-up game for KC. ... It's a tune-up game for the reasons that you said, so that we get to finally put to bed... because Kansas City's beaten a lot of teams with shitty defenses.

The Texans will reach the Super Bowl if they secure a first-round bye

If they get a bye, I think they'll go to the Super Bowl. I will be officially nervous if they get a bye because the whole time I've been like, you know what? They have to win three games. There's no way they're going to win three playoff games.

There are 10 NFL teams that would want Joe Flacco to be their starting quarterback next year

There are probably 10 teams that would want Flacco to start for them next year.

Joe Flacco will eventually sign with the Washington Redskins and go 8-8 for three years

He might sign with the [Redskins] and just, like, make the commute from Baltimore... and go 8-8 for the next three years.

Joe Flacco should have beaten the Patriots and would have won two Super Bowls — he's more than borderline elite

I'm getting a little steamed up about Joe Flacco because of what you said, borderline elite. People forget he should have beaten the Patriots. He beats the shit out of the Patriots on the road. He should have beaten them in the playoffs that one year. His tight end dropped the ball. His kicker missed a kick. If they had that game won, they would have won another Super Bowl.

The Panthers should cut Cam Newton if they lose to the Browns

Panthers, by the way... if you lose this, maybe cut Cam Newton. Cut him. Straight up cut him.

Andy Reid was a 'candy ass' for praising the Raiders after beating them

Andy Reid was a candy ass last weekend after they beat the Raiders on the road. He gave him a big pat on the back and said, I love you guys. Great win. ... Andy, I don't think that it was [a good football team].

I'm riding the Mark Sanchez train with the Redskins

I'm riding the Sanchez train. ... Really glad they didn't sign Kaepernick because he didn't fit the style of Mark Sanchez.

Aaron Rodgers will play his best game of the season to prove Mike McCarthy was the problem

I feel like Aaron Rodgers is going to try to ball out so he can say Mike McCarthy was the problem. Absolutely. That is exactly what's going to go on. He's going to play the best game of the season.

Confirming the Titans intentionally put 12 men on the field to stop the clock against the Jets

[PFT Commenter]: Was that on purpose so that you could stop the clock? [Mike Vrabel]: You'll never know. ... [PFT Commenter]: Based on how quickly you answered, I'd say absolutely. That was on purpose. [Mike Vrabel]: I didn't look too pissed off when it happened, did I?

Conor McGregor will never fight in boxing again

In boxing, no, unless it's some sad story 30 years from now. But no, not in boxing.

The UFC is copying the WWE business plan to a T

Vince McMahon is where the UFC, if you watch what WWE has done, the UFC's copying their plan to a tee. So if they make a move, plan on the UFC making the same move.

A reckoning regarding concussions and CTE is coming for the UFC

Oh, my God. Yeah, it's a matter of time. ... There's a lot of those guys who, I won't say names, a lot of famous guys you grew up watching who aren't doing well now. You see them get arrested or not doing well, but it's just a matter of time.

LeBron James is dropping 'I'm washed' hints to pre-excuse not winning a title with the Lakers

LeBron, though, is definitely going to start dropping these hints to pre-excuse not winning another title. He's old. He needs help.

Zion Williamson blocking shots into the crowd is effectively a turnover

But when you block a shot and the ball goes into the crowd, that's a turnover. You might as well be turning the ball over, Hank. Why doesn't he catch the balls instead of blocking them?

Dogs never have bad sneezes because they don't give a shit

You never see a dog have a bad sneeze. Because they don't give a shit. They're cute, and they're cute. They'll sneeze right in your face, and they don't think it's gross.

The Migos rapper Offset is a 'gold digger' in his divorce from Cardi B

Migos rapper stands to make $50 million in a divorce with Cardi B. ... New York law is clear that any asset that is acquired or developed during a marriage is owned 50% by each spouse, and Cardi B's entire brand was developed during her marriage to Offset. ... So he doesn't have to give her 50% of his shit because it was already, like, created.

Urban Meyer will eventually be the head coach at USC

We'll just call him future USC head coach Urban Meyer.

Urban Meyer will absolutely coach again despite his current retirement

He's going to coach again, right? He's absolutely going to coach again. He's going to coach again.

Brian Kelly is on the hot seat because Urban Meyer is now 'lurking' for the Notre Dame job

The hot seat, the loser of this, Brian Kelly. Now, I don't think that Urban Meyer is going to coach at Notre Dame, but you better believe that if next year Notre Dame doesn't play well the entire year, there will be a ton of Urban Meyer. He's just lurking. Basically, if you are a premier program now, you have Urban Meyer lurking over your shoulder.

The fibula is a useless bone like the appendix and you can play football without it

Sucks what happened to Colt McCoy. Broke his leg. Well, not really broke his. It's the fibula. So, I mean, come on. It's the small bone. You can walk around without a fibula. It's like an appendix.

Jay Cutler would be the perfect quarterback for the Washington Redskins

Jay Cutler would actually be the perfect Redskins quarterback. [PFT]: Yeah, he would. Shit, let's do it. I don't care.

I am going to own the Washington Redskins one day

I want to make my intentions very clear that at some point I'm going to own the Washington Redskins. I'm just saying. It's one of those tricks that you read in business books. If you say it enough, no matter how weird it is... everybody will believe you.

The Eagles will not be successful for much longer despite their recent win

The other thing that happened on Monday Night Football, we had the Eagles somehow getting life. And if you look at the rest of their schedule, they will not have life.

The song 'Mo Bamba' is officially dead now that Big Cat is singing it

My Hot Seat is... Mo Bamba. The song. Because Big Cat finally has become aware of it, has been singing it nonstop for the past couple days. So that's pretty much as clear as day sign that it's over.

Our next breaking news scoop is 100% guaranteed to be correct

The next piece of news that we break, 100% guarantee that it's correct. 100%. We are not going to take any more risks. We're going to get back in the winning streak.

Half the internet will hate whatever name the Seattle hockey team chooses

Whatever they're going to name [the Seattle hockey team], prediction, whatever they're going to name it, half the people on the internet are going to be mad. Half the people are going to like it just like their jerseys.

The late 90s Mariners are one of the best teams to never win a World Series

The sad thing is that I found out very quickly the difference between good and great is very small... That's a great – I think that's one of the best teams that's never won... very seldom do you have a team that you have the best pitcher in the game in Randy Johnson, the best player in the game in Ken Griffey Jr., the best pure hitter in the game in Edgar Martinez, and the scariest, baddest motherfucker in Jay Buhner.

Jerry Jones is one of the smartest people I've ever met and a true forward thinker

Jerry's one of the smartest people I've ever met. He's talking about a forward thinker and a guy that can see around corners and a guy that has just the biggest set of balls that I've ever seen. I mean, the guy is just, I love him.

I earned my Yankee pinstripes by the 2009 season

[Speaker 3]: Have you officially, do you think you earned your pinstripes? [A-Rod]: Yes. 100%. Not even a flinch... To 2009.

Curt Schilling and Pedro Martinez are the two best pitchers I ever faced in my career

Here's what I know is he [Curt Schilling] and Pedro Martinez are the best two pitchers that I've ever faced in the major leagues. Now, Pedro, 1999 Pedro, Cy Young, where he was unhittable. And Schilling in 2001 in the World Series, he had some of the greatest stuff I've ever seen.

I hope to get into the Hall of Fame despite my mistakes

Look, I really hope and wish that I get in. But ultimately, that's not my decision. But I do think that I have a great opportunity... if that cost me the Hall of Fame, then I have no one to blame but myself.