Takes

Players should act like they've been there before and avoid bat flipping

I don't like that [bat flipping]... you were considered more of a sportsman. So your entertainment value was in the quality of your sport and how you competed... but I always felt that and maybe it's John Riggins like if you score a touchdown, you know, act like you've been there before.

Jamal Murray won't score 50 points again this season because he offended the basketball gods

The basketball gods are thundering down upon Jamal Murray. He's not going to score 50 points ever this year because he tried that Mickey Mouse stunt [of shooting a late three while up by 10].

Allowing a single player to score 50 points is a bad sign for the Celtics' team defense

It does look bad if somebody's putting up 50 on you. Not a great sign for the Celtics this year. Like, it does say something about team defense if one guy's able to do that against, like, five.

Mike Tomlin's quotes make no sense despite sounding smart

We've never been more right than we were with our Mike Tomlin take on Monday, basically saying every quote from him is just – makes no sense. But it makes enough sense that you walk away being like, oh, that was smart... You take three steps and you start writing it up, and then you're like, wait a second. These words have never been put together.

Le'Veon Bell screwed himself by holding out because it allows the Steelers to transition tag him

The Le'Veon Bell thing... he's screwed himself over because he can now get transition tagged by the Steelers, which means that they can just keep him around for another year... and pay him less.

Clemson is the only team with a chance to beat Alabama this year

The only team I can see maybe beating Alabama is possibly Clemson. But I only say that... because I'm an idiot, and I know Clemson and Alabama haven't played any common opponents, I don't think.

Alabama will finish 2018 undefeated and blow everyone out

Everyone in their record books when Alabama finishes an undefeated season and shit kicks everyone. And we'll be like, wait, you could get Alabama at minus 14 in a game in 2018? And you'd be like, that was really stupid. Why didn't we put a billion dollars on it?

The loss to the Saints was a statement loss for the Rams that showed championship resolve

I think that was a statement loss for the Rams. Okay. Because they basically had everything go wrong in the first half... And the way they came out in the second half, even though they didn't win the game, that was championship resolve.

Literally anyone could play quarterback better than Nathan Peterman

I am starting to feel like this is actually cruel that they keep putting [Peterman] out there. Like, Sean McDermott, what are you doing? You can find anyone, basically anyone, and I mean anyone, that could play quarterback better than Nathan Peterman.

Sam Darnold is bad and investors should sell the stock

Sam Darnold. Trash. He's bad. Sell the stock.

I am sick of John Harbaugh and his obsession with mock turtlenecks

I don't say this lightly, but I'm sick of John Harbaugh's mock turtlenecks. I think that's what the problem is. Find you somebody in this world that loves you as much as John Harbaugh likes wearing mock turtlenecks.

I will cut off the tip of my pinky if the Texans win the Super Bowl

The Texans have won six straight. They started 0-3. We [Done Chained] them. They've got six straight. If they win the Super Bowl, I have to cut off the tip of my pinky, which I actually feel fine. I'm fine.

The Redskins will win the NFC East because the rest of the division sucks

Redskins NFC [East winners] since like week two... and it's not because I think that they're that good of a team. I think the division sucks.

The Eagles will eventually shake off their Super Bowl hangover and wake up

I just think the Eagles are going to come on because that's just, they feel get over their Super Bowl hangover. They're going to get over it. They're going to finally wake up.

Floyd Mayweather is a certified idiot if he agrees to anything other than a boxing match against Tenshin Nasukawa

If it's anything but a boxing match, Floyd Mayweather is a certified idiot. ... That's why I think he's going to get kicked in the face. Yeah, this is all fake.

LeBron James' vote of confidence for Luke Walton is a kiss of death

LeBron getting coaches fired... So he gave Luke Walton a vote of confidence. So you know what that means... Suspect kiss of death. ... You know what that means when LeBron says, no, I like Luke Walton. Yeah, you're done.

Tom Herman's complaints about Will Grier's celebration are hypocritical given his own past behavior

If you remember just a year ago when they were in a bowl game against Missouri and [Herman] was mocking Drew Lock in his gun salute, he was basically showing up the other team. And then when he loses, he's crying to the media and saying that Will Grier was unfair.

Science has not proven what causes CTE or what CTE causes

It probably sparked the book more than anything is when i kept hearing this from the experts... is a pattern we don't know what causes it and we don't know what it causes we have cases where people have played football people who've played sports and people have not played sports and not had concussions and not had history of head trauma.

There is a coordinated plot to destroy the game of football

I don't think there's any question there is [a plot]. When you think about... how many sports do you know where there's legislation to try to ban a particular sport, tackle football? Do you know of any other sport?

Subconcussion is not a scientific term and its use is misleading

You just used it as if it's common knowledge... You used the word subconcussion. They haven't even gone through the proper science steps to qualify that as science. ... It's not scientific and so the point is when you don't do the steps of science... there's so many science papers that talk about the abuse of that word, how it's misleading.

Gold Glove is the dumbest award in sports

Gold Glove is the dumbest reward possible. And I'm not saying that just because Javi Baez didn't win one he should have. It's still the dumbest reward. ... I feel like if you get one gold glove you just end up getting gold gloves for life.

Space Jam 2 is a front for LeBron James to pay free agents extra money outside the salary cap

Couldnt you just offer [a superstar] a role in Space Jam 2 and through your production company pay him, I don't know, $30 million a year? Kevin Durant takes the veteran minimum on the books and... He's got a fake movie. Follow the checks. Follow the money.

Bob Ryan's 'true sports fan' tweet was essentially correct despite the backlash

Everyone hated him for this. I don't think it's – I think he obviously went a little too hard. But the bones of this argument are kind of right. There are people who I think are fans of their teams only. And then there are people who are fans of sports in general. I think that's the better argument.

The Raiders are the worst team in the NFL

The Raiders are the worst team in the league. And that is also considering the fact they beat the Browns. But they are the worst team in the league.

John Gruden will likely be out as Raiders head coach by next year

The good news is you only have nine more years of John Gruden. [But] what year do you think he's going to be out, though? Probably next year.

Nick Mullens will have a job for life as an NFL backup quarterback

Nick Mullens will have a job for life... he basically will have a Chase Daniel career where he can get paid in a million different stops and never play again and be fine.

George Kittle is the second-best tight end in the NFL behind Travis Kelce

George Kittle... now he's probably the second-best tight end behind Travis Kelce in the league. Sick brag on our part. But George, this is us saying, please come on the show now that you're bigger than us.

Adam Thielen will have 147 yards and two touchdowns against the Lions

To me, this feels like an easy Vikings win. And it feels like Adam Thielen putting up like 147 yards, two touchdowns... I'm Thielen 13 targets, 9 catches.

The Saints' 'dome magic' has returned to the Superdome

I want to say the Saints, the dome magic might be coming back... Ever since the ceremony with Drew Brees in the dome, the dome recaptured that magic.

The Houston Texans are a legitimate Super Bowl contender

I've talked myself into the Texans are a legitimate Super Bowl contender.

I would fight Jon Jones again even if he is on performance-enhancing drugs

At the end of the day, he won the fights, and that's all I want to do is win the fights. So if that means fighting him again, even if he's on the stuff, I mean, you have to do it. So, yeah, of course I want to fight him again.

I will submit Derrick Lewis in the second or third round

I'm going to submit the guy. Second, third round... I usually like the submission because what leads to the submission is just domination, like just exhaustion.

Conor McGregor cannot win a rematch against Khabib Nurmagomedov due to the matchup

Matchup-wise, this is just a bad matchup... Khabib doesn't get hit clean right away to get knocked out. He also has the ability to take him down, and also he's in great shape. He's not going to get tired... With Khabib, it didn't seem to have the same effect because Khabib's so big.

I only have two fights remaining in my career: Derrick Lewis and Brock Lesnar

I got two fights. I got this fight [Lewis] and then against Lesnar. That's it.

Bryson DeChambeau is an asshole for deciding to leave the flag pin in while putting

He has decided that this year he will be leaving the pin in when he putts... depending on the coefficient of the restitution of the pin. What an asshole.

Hue Jackson will eventually claim he was fired because he refused to fire Todd Haley

I think at some point in the next several months moving forward here, we're going to hear an interview with Hue Jackson where he says, 'I was fired because I wouldn't fire Todd Haley.'

Jason Witten is clearly over his head and won't have a job at ESPN by the end of the year

I officially, officially feel bad for Jason Witten. He is so clearly over his head... And now I just feel bad because it feels like he's not going to have a job at the end of the year. And this is painful.

Trading for Demaryius Thomas makes the Texans a viable playoff contender

I think this actually makes the Texans a viable playoff contender. Well, okay. Three years ago. I want to caveat it by saying everything that I know about Demaryius Thomas, I stopped learning new things about him after the Super Bowl when they won.

Bill Belichick leaked the Josh Gordon suspension news to find a rat in the organization

Somebody was saying that Bill Belichick smells a rat inside his own nest. And he leaked that information to one person. And he was like, if this makes its way to Ian Rapoport's Twitter account, then I know that it's you, and it breaks my heart, but I know it was you.

Urban Meyer will coach the Packers and Mike McCarthy will coach the Browns

The tip that I got, I think I said it last week, that the dominoes have started to fall. Hugh Jackson gets fired. Urban Meyer goes to coach the Packers. Mike McCarthy gets fired, coaches the Browns because of John Dorsey. And then Bob Stoops comes and coaches Ohio State.

Nebraska will upset Ohio State

Nebraska's been really bad this week. They're fixing for a big upset. If they lost this game, Urban Meyer's out. I think they're going to lose. I think he's out.

Illegal streams for the Tiger vs Phil pay-per-view will lead to a hacking bloodbath

If you are a hacker on the internet, the Tiger and Phil pay-per-view illegal streams will be a field day. Because I would imagine a lot of 50-year-old white dudes trying to find a Twitch stream will end up with a lot of hacking... It's going to be a bloodbath on the internet.

Nathan Peterman will beat the Chicago Bears

Big Cat is on the hot seat... because your Chicago Bears have to play against Nathan Peterman on Sunday. Peterman's back... Nathan Peterman hasn't played his best game yet. And I know that because he wouldn't still be on the roster if he was that bad.

Mike Greenberg's take that fans shouldn't criticize Todd Gurley for kneeling at the goal line is the lamest take of all time

My hot seat is your boy, Mike Greenberg, with the fucking lamest take of all time. He tweeted, if you criticize Todd Gurley for what he did at the end of the Rams-Packers game, you should never be allowed to comment on sports ever again. Get the fuck out of here, Greeny. People gambling on the NFL has paid for a shitload of your salary... People watch because they have an investment in fantasy or gambling and they can bitch about it because that's what we do as sports fans.

Football season is a legitimate legal excuse to postpone jury duty

[The jury duty official] asked me, he's like, so what's your excuse? I was like, well, it's football season and I got a lot of travel and football season. And he's like, okay... so come back after the Super Bowl. Shout out to that guy for taking 'it's football season' as a legitimate excuse for not wanting to be on jury.

The Chicago Bulls didn't get blown out by the Warriors, they simply ran out of time

The Bulls just ran out of time. That was simply what it was. I mean, maybe the Warriors scored 92 points in the first half, and Klay Thompson scored 52 points in 25 minutes, but we don't have to get into that. The point is, the Bulls just ran out of time. That was simply what it was. The Warriors' greatest weapon is the clock.

I have a 50/50 success rate for making good movies

You always go in with the best intentions, and it's never for lack of effort, but they don't always turn out the way you hope. If you think about what gets you into the Hall of Fame in baseball is batting .300. I think I'm probably 50/50 with the movies that turned out to be good and worked versus movies that didn't.

Dodgers fans are fair-weather fans who just jump between whoever is winning in LA

The Dodgers got fair-weather fans. I mean, you talk about guys who will go from the Kings to the Dodgers to the Clippers to the Lakers... it's like enough already.

Bill Belichick is hilarious in real life

I've spent some quality time with Bill... Is he funny in real life? Oh, he's hilarious... I know [him] off the field... he's the best of the best.

Tom Coughlin would have benched Eli Manning by now if he were still running the Giants

Why are they still playing Eli Manning...? Tom Coughlin, if he was still with the Giants, Eli wouldn't be playing. Which I think is crazy, too, because Eli brought them to championships, even though they were bullshit wins... They do [count], but that being said, Eli should get the kind of respect that he deserves from the Giants fans.