Takes

Khabib Nurmagomedov is going to 'work' Conor McGregor

I have a bad feeling that Khabib is going to work him. I'm just going to say I have a bad feeling, a bad premonition. Call it shakiness in my knees. I just feel something bad coming.

The Bears are back

The bears are fucking back, okay? That's number one. The bears are back. The bears are awesome. The bears are good. The bears are great. The bears are back.

Showtime Mahomes is a great nickname and it has to stay

[Patrick Mahomes] is Showtime Mahomes. Jason Witten gave him that name, and I think it's got to stay. It's such a bad nickname.

Jason Witten will be on the Booger Mobile by the end of the season

Bold prediction. Jason Witten's going to be on the Booger Mobile by the end of the season. They should put him both on the Booger Mobile.

The Pittsburgh Steelers are in a lot of trouble

I'm not a Steelers fan. Steelers, they're in trouble. They're in a lot of trouble.

The Buffalo Bills are officially done and eliminated from playoff consideration

I think it's time to hang it [the Dunchain] on the Bills. So now we got the Seahawks, the Texans, and the Bills.

I have bought back into the Wisconsin Badgers as a College Football Playoff contender

I've bought back into the Wisconsin Badgers season. If they beat Michigan and Penn State on the road, there's a pass. And they just got to take care of Ohio State, Big Ten Championship game. A team with only one loss against a very, very good BYU team... how do you leave them out of the college football playoff?

Bud Black did a poor job managing the Rockies in the NL Wild Card game

I actually think that Bud Black didn't do that good of a job. There were some pictures [pitchers] he left in the game where it's like, what is this guy doing?

The Chicago Cubs have one more World Series in them

I still think this team [Cubs] has one World Series in them, one more World Series in them. But this fucking sucks.

It's more fun to root for Clayton Kershaw to choke in the playoffs than to see him succeed

on the other hand, it's so fun to root for Clayton Kershaw to choke in a big situation.

'Showtime Mahomes' is a terrible nickname that does not work

My other hot seat is Patrick Mahomes' nickname. We've got to find a better nickname for that. Showtime. Showtime Mahomes does not work. That just doesn't work. It just doesn't work.

Kliff Kingsbury never developed a personality because he is too good-looking

Kingsbury, he's all hat, no cattle. He's just a good-looking guy, so he never developed a personality, so he gives out shitty nicknames like Showtime.

I could convince Kyrie Irving that Australia doesn't exist in five minutes

I'm convinced that I could convince Kyrie Irving that Australia didn't exist if you gave me five to seven minutes in a room with him.

Candy corn is absolutely delicious and should be a year-round candy

Candy corn is absolutely delicious. I think it should be a year-round candy, and I can't wait to eat it for the next month.

PMT is 99% responsible for my second half performance

[What percentage of credit for my performance in the second half?] Like 99% probably.

No one will ever hit .400 in MLB again

No. No one will ever hit .400 or even come close to hitting .400... over the course of a full season ever again. There's just too many defensive shifts and there's so much data on hitters and pitchers... those days of come and gone in baseball.

The Red Sox would rather play the Yankees than the A's in the playoffs

If you're the Boston Red Sox, I think you would rather play the Yankees... the A's just represent an air of the unknown. Billy Bean doing his weird shit every few years... you just haven't seen these guys with the repetition that you have seen the arms for the New York Yankees.

The biggest risk for the Braves in the playoffs is their youth and young rotation

For the Atlanta Braves, I think the biggest thing to question with them would be their youth. How is the youth going to respond? The young rotation as well.

Clayton Kershaw will pitch great in the NLDS and then struggle in the NLCS

Clayton Kershaw will pitch great in the NLDS, and everyone will say, Clayton Kershaw, monkey off your back. He's a postseason pitcher, and then he'll get to NLCS, and he'll throw a stick [stink].

Brian Snitker is the playoff manager I trust the least

I was going to go with Snitker, Brian Snitker... He's got his work cut out for him. He's steering a young ship. Like I said, he's got to manage a young pitching staff.

I am a proponent of bunting because it applies pressure on the defense

If you were a manager, would you bunt? Yes. You look at it as giving away outs. I look at it through a different lens. I'm applying pressure. Make them make a decision. I'm forcing you to play the game... Pressure.

The Cleveland Indians will win the 2018 World Series

I think it very well could be the Cleveland Indians from the American League... and the Dodgers... I think it's going to be the Cleveland Indians.

Matt Barnes is the one who looks bad in the Kobe flinch video

I was questioning Matt Barnes' toughness because I thought Matt Barnes was cool enough to like put the ball directly in Kobe's face. It turns out he was he was the one being a pussy. Why are we shaming Kobe Bryant for not flinching at a ball that was not thrown at his face? So this is actually a Matt Barnes problem. Matt Barnes is not man enough.

NBA Twitter needs to chill out during October

October is football and baseball. Chill out, NBA Twitter. Let us have a fucking month... Enough, NBA Twitter. You get your time. We're going to all pay attention to you... from like February till essentially July. So just chill out.

The Dolphins continue to be candy-ass frauds who always suck

The Patriots probably are good, and the Dolphins continue to be their candy-ass fraud selves. I'm so sick of the Dolphins. I think we need to put an official disclaimer every year. Like, hey, the Dolphins might start hot. Just remember, they always suck.

The Patriots are officially back

The Patriots look pretty good, I guess... The Patriots are kind of back, I think. This is their annual thing where they make us think that they're done with the dynasty.

The Chicago Bears are the best team in the NFC and will win the Super Bowl

They happen to be playing against the best team in the NFC, future Super Bowl champion Chicago Bears. So you can't really say that Fitzmagic is over. They just were in a buzzsaw situation.

Mitch Trubisky is the best quarterback in the NFL

The order was – Mitch Trubisky is the best quarterback probably in the NFL. Order was restored to how it should be.

Jeff Fisher did a fantastic job as a broadcaster in his debut

Jeff Fisher in the booth, Jets, Jaguars. I listened to a little of it. I thought he did a fantastic job as an unbiased person. I saw a lot of tweets saying that he was not good. I think those people are haters and losers.

The Jaguars are the ultimate up-and-down team that mails it in after big wins

The Jaguars are the ultimate up-and-down team. Every single week. If they have a big win, they will completely mail in the next week. And then off that, I think Doug Marrone just has them on a yo-yo.

Jason Witten is a robot and will never be a good broadcaster

Now that [Tony Romo] realized Jason Witten is a robot and never will be good... [Witten] has obviously been told, 'hey, man, you need to start using emotions like humans do'... in the middle of sentences, he would just start smiling because he was like, 'oh, yeah, I'm supposed to tell people that I'm a human being.'

Every non-soccer sporting event should be settled using penalty kicks

Even any event that's not a soccer event should also be settled using PKs because they're electric.

Conor McGregor will lose to Khabib Nurmagomedov

My Who's Back of the Week is Conor McGregor... maybe because he's going to lose. He is going against Khabib... who wrestled bears as a child.

Aaron Rodgers is surly, malcontent, and uncoachable

They hate each other. They always have hated each other. It's great to watch. Aaron Rodgers, surly, malcontent, uncoachable.

Aaron Rodgers is a system quarterback

Aaron Rodgers, uncoachable. I mean, look at his track record with backup quarterbacks. Aaron Rodgers is a system quarterback. Yes, exactly.

I don't mind if a baseball player is selfish as long as they produce every day

People always talk about being selfish, playing the game. I don't mind if you're selfish. The longest you bring something to the table every day.

Bryce Harper will sign with the Phillies

To be honest with you, I think Philadelphia... Philadelphia's trying to win a World Series the next few years.

The Red Sox middle relief is their biggest postseason concern

I'm a little concerned, to be honest with you, about the middle reliever. You know, I think we need to approach the opposition better when it comes down to it... once Sale got out of the game in the 6 or 7, those inning and a half, I want to make sure that we are covered.

James Franklin made the worst play call of all time against Ohio State

James Franklin had somehow the worst play call off of two timeouts that I've ever seen. The Ohio State-Penn State game... fourth and five, needs it to keep the game alive. He's got three timeouts. He uses two of them to decide what to call and then calls a handoff that went nowhere.

France is not a golf country

Ryder Cup. What a waste of a tournament. France is not a golf country. I agree. France is not a golf country.

The Rams are officially the team to beat in the NFL

I feel so proud of our friend Jared Goff, and the Rams are officially the team to beat. Circle them, put them on the pedestal. They are a fucking juggernaut.

All signs are pointing to a Jared Goff vs. Blake Bortles Super Bowl

All signs are pointing to a Jared Goff-Blake Bortles Super Bowl right now. We're going to have to be in attendance wearing the jersey that Brady Quinn's sister used to wear when Quinn played against A.J. Hawk.

The Bucs vs. Bears game is an elimination game for the playoffs

The Bucs and the Bears, I have dubbed this an elimination game. So the loser will not make the playoffs. The winner will, unless the Bears lose.

The Eagles' offense is not good right now

Offensively, I don't think they're good... they've got Carson Wentz playing on one leg. I don't think he's ready to come back yet. It's the old Robert Griffin all in for week one.

Until proven otherwise, the Dolphins aren't a real NFL team

Until proven otherwise, the Dolphins aren't a real NFL team. [Big Cat]: Until they win this game [against the Patriots]. If they win the 'Are We Sure They're Good' game, they are then good.

I don't think anyone from the NFC East is making the playoffs

I don't think anybody's making the playoffs out of that crap division [NFC East].

Le'Veon Bell should fake a concussion test to get out of playing

He could probably do it. Also, he could just go and get concussed. That's true. That would probably be the easiest thing to do is just fake screwing up your concussion test. Right. Count backwards from seven and just count backwards from two every time.

Buffalo is an even worse team than everyone already thought

Buffalo's not as bad as we thought that they were. I think they might be worse than we thought that they were. And they lost Marshall Newhouse, too, so that's a big factor there.

Josh Rosen will be exposed as a fraud against the Seahawks

My pick's going to be the Seahawks, minus three... the Cardinals. Yeah, Josh Rosen's going to throw like four picks... After this week, he'll be exposed.

Roger Goodell needs to fix the 4:05 PM kickoff time problem

Sneaking this game in at 4.05 and then all the other games at 4.25, you need to fix this fucking problem because it's the game that gets lost every single week. You just forget it starts. I have missed every single 4.05 kickoff. Ever. It starts right in the witching hour.