Takes

The Rams vs. Broncos game will go under 52.5 points due to the snow

My under is going to be Rams-Denver. So it's 52 and a half, but it's going to be in the snow. Snow football... I'm already mad at myself because if I get all worked up for a snow game and then I tune in and it's a flurry or if there's no snow, that's the most disappointed I'll be all year.

Aladdin is the greatest Disney movie of all time

My sleeper is Aladdin, the greatest Disney movie of all time. Yeah, I said it. It's being made into a live-action movie star in Will Smith, The Fresh Prince, which means it's sure to fucking slap.

An elite college team has no chance of beating an NFL team

[PFT: I legitimately think that your 2000 or 2001 team at the University of Miami could have put up a stiff competition against an NFL team.] No, no chance... I've never felt like it would ever even be... even the teams that go 4-12, they're about 12 points away from being 12-4 in the National Football League. They are unbelievably physically talented. The size, the speed, you know, the worst players on the team would be superstars on a collegiate team.

Skydiving is scarier than free solo climbing

Skydiving is actually a good example... I found that pretty scary. I wasn't at all scared [climbing]. Skydiving... it's just so fast and frantic and... there's a lot of stimulus... you're like, Oh my God, I'm falling out of a plane. I think that's scary.

I will likely never free solo at a high level again for the rest of my life

I don't know if I'll always be free-soloing at a high level. In fact, I mean, I doubt I'll be free-soloing at a high level my whole life... if I went the rest of my life without free soloing anything else at a high level, I'm sure I could still lead a happy life.

Von Miller is so fast that you have to make a 'business decision' to avoid him

Newton's first law is when Von Miller is diving at you, make a business decision. I actually fully buy in on the Al Davis, let's just get all the fastest guys... speed kills.

The Red Sox will beat the Astros in 7 games in the ALCS

Hank, are you worried at all about the Red Sox against the Astros? The Astros are a wagon. [Hank:] I think it's going to go seven games where the Red Sox are going to win.

The 2018 World Series will be a Dodgers vs. Astros rematch

I think it's going to be a repeat. Dodgers, Stros. I think the Dodgers are going to – Rich Hill is going to do something. But playoff Kershaw.

Giancarlo Stanton is a bum

Giancarlo Stanton, I'm ready to say he's a bum. No pinstripes for you, Giancarlo. If it were an April game between the Miami Marlins and the Atlanta Braves, I'm sure you would have hit a home run in a big spot.

An 8-8 record will win the NFC East in 2018

However, the NFC East is an absolute dumpster fire. I'm pretty sure 8-8 wins it, and you're playing against the Eagles at home on Thursday night. If you win that game, you now are the favorite to win the NFC East.

The Yankees should fire Aaron Boone because anyone would be better

You probably should fire Aaron Boone, and you will get someone better than him because everyone is better than him. Anyone. Luis Severino bringing him out for the fourth inning in game three on Monday night was maybe the most inexcusable thing I've ever seen a manager do.

Giancarlo Stanton should change his name back to Mike Stanton to fix his hitting performance

Giancarlo Stanton needs to change his name back. That would do him a lot of good.

The Yankees should be stripped of their pinstripes and forced to play in plain white uniforms after losing to the Red Sox

I think the entire Yankees team should actually be forced to play in just all white. No pinstripes for anyone.

Patrick Mahomes will break all of Tom Brady's and Drew Brees' passing records in two years

Patrick Mahomes will pass all theirs [Brees and Brady] in like two years. Yeah, two weeks, I would say.

Jason Witten and Booger McFarland are definitely going to fight

[Big Cat] Do you think Booger McFarland and Jason Witten are going to fight? [PFT Commenter] Yes. I do too. Absolutely. If you listen to the first quarter of that game, it was ridiculous. Like they were going into the next play of the game, still trying to get the last word over each other.

Peyton Manning is not actually funny

Why have we decided that Peyton Manning is funny? Because he's a decent actor for an athlete. Okay, because I'm done with thinking Peyton Manning's funny. It's the same thing every time... SNL where he was throwing the balls at the little kids 15 years ago, and from that point forward, we've been like, that Peyton Manning, he's very funny. But it's not funny.

Khabib Nurmagomedov's dad will punish him more severely than the UFC

His fucking dad is going to kick the shit out of him. And it's so funny that this guy is 30 years old, one of the best UFC fighters of all time, and he's got to go home to Dagestan and get worse sanctions from his father than he will from Dana White.

You have to be "fucked up" to be truly great at anything

You've got to be fucked up to be in this sport. Okay? We're different. Everybody in this sport's different. And, you know, same with football players. You've got to be fucked up to play in the NFL. You've got to be fucked up to be great at anything. You can't be kind of normal and great.

It is better to be the last reporter to break a story and be right than to be the first and be wrong 10% of the time

I'd rather be last and right and everything than first, in a bunch, and wrong 10% of the time. It's just, especially nowadays with people wanting attention and clickbait and all that stuff.

The 17-year longevity of the Brady-Belichick relationship is more impressive than the reported friction between them

Brady and Belichick should do a TED Talk on marriage counseling because what relationship lasts 17 years without hearing a thing? I looked at it totally the other way.

I possess the only existing copy of the Spygate video

The biggest story I ever had was the Spygate video... They destroyed what they thought was everything, and then I have the one remaining one. We aired it on Fox. It was my second week in studio at Fox... I have the only copy in existence.

Mike Vrabel is the NFL coach who would win in a street fight against any other coach

Who do you think could just do the most damage as a coach right now off the street? Put them in a ring together... Vrabel. I would say Vrabel, though. Vrabel's off.

Modern NFL players don't work as hard as the Drew Brees and Tom Brady generation

The way guys come into this league now, they don't work. They don't understand what hard work is the way guys like that [Brees and Brady] did. So it's getting easier for them.

LeBron James should go to jail for giving his kids wine

Hot take, LeBron James should definitely go to jail, and this is the worst parenting move of all time, and I cannot believe that he is poisoning his children. I'm disgusted. I deleted my screensaver of LeBron James in a Lakers uniform, and I'll probably never watch NBA again.

Teaching your kids to enjoy alcohol responsibly makes you a good father

Real take? I don't give a fuck. This is the most common thing ever... It's actually like teaching your kids how to enjoy alcohol responsibly is probably a really good father. So it's not like a novelty when they get to age 17 and they're just like butt funneling mad dogs.

Jon Gruden needs to stop talking to the media because his quotes are either obvious or contradictory

John Gruden just quit talking. He's just got to stop talking dude. He... in his press conference I think on Monday he was asked by a reporter how to get more turnovers and he says it starts with pressuring the quarterback... just shut up. Just come on man.

The 2018 Cleveland Browns are for real

These Browns are for real. Phew! Never meant to make the Ravens cry. I apologize a trillion times. Browns 12, Ravens 9.

Bill O'Brien doesn't know how to coach Deshaun Watson

[Bill O'Brien] doesn't know how to coach Deshaun Watson, that's pretty clear. He was like putting him in shotgun and running the ball in fourth and one on the goal. I don't know what the hell he's doing.

The Falcons are officially a 'Done Chain' candidate

Falcons are definitely a Dunchain candidate. Put the Dunchain right around their neck. [Pete Prisco] The Falcons can't stop anybody. They're pretty much done.

Joe Mixon might be a top three running back in the NFL when healthy

And Joe Mixon might be top three running back. Yeah, I might say that. I'm going to say it.

The Chiefs have zero playoff credibility despite their hot starts

But the Chiefs... I think they've gone – I know they went, what, 5-0 last year? They went 8-0 a couple years ago. I think they went another 5-0. And they've won zero playoff games from all these hot stars.

The clutch gene is a real muscle that can be strengthened

Researchers who study the brains of athletes believe more and more that a so-called clutch gene exists. They've seen enough incremental improvement through brain training that they regarded as a muscle capable of being built and likewise atrophying.

The Chiefs are for real and will win the AFC West

The Chiefs are for real and they will stay there. The rest of that division, I mean, the chargers are okay, but the rest of that division is not very good.

The Browns will be a playoff team in 2019

I don't think they're a playoff team this year. I think they'll push for 8-8 season, and then next year they'll be a playoff team. How about that early prediction? I think the Browns will be a playoff team next year.

NFL scoring will go down as defenses catch up to offensive gimmicks

Look what happened today. You know what happens? Everybody catches up with the gimmicks. The gadget plays. Offense is going to rule. Never again will the defense be able to stop them. Look at today. They started to slow them down today... Scoring will go down. It will not stay the same pace.

Using a fullback is donating a down to the defense

Look, fullbacks, if I needed a blocking back, I'd bring one of my linemen in. Other than that, I'm in one back all the time with three receivers. I don't need a fullback. [Using a fullback] is donating a down. Don't ever hand to him. He can lead the blocking or whatever. Don't hand off to him.

Tony Ferguson must be the next undisputed UFC lightweight title contender

Tony Ferguson is absolutely impossible to deny right now. 11 straight wins at 155 pounds. His next fight has to be for the undisputed UFC lightweight championship, and I can't say that any louder.

I will beat Darren Rovell in a mile run once my back heals

I will beat [Darren Rovell] in a mile, though. He's said anywhere, anytime. So I'm just going to let my back heal up next four or five months, get my core strong. I'm going to show up at his house and just be like, let's go.

Andrew Luck is the heir apparent to Eli Manning as the 'dumb quarterback face' of the NFL

Andrew Luck is going to be the new dumb quarterback face. Eli Manning retired after the 2016 season—we've had that hole in the entire NFL. Where is the Eli Manning face? Where is the dumb quarterback face? Andrew Luck, he is the dumb quarterback face. I think he's a very good quarterback... but he does have a dumb face and it shows up in the worst times when he plays football.

Sam Darnold has the 'large palette' face needed to potentially become the NFL's next 'dumb quarterback face' elite

I think that Sam Darnold might develop into something like this just because he's got the bigger face, so he has a larger palette to work with.

Jameis Winston is a prime candidate to take over the 'Eli Manning mantle' for the funniest quarterback faces

Absolutely, Jameis. 100% Jameis. If he could get just a little bit better at quarterback and play a few more prime times, he absolutely could be that like Eli Manning mantle face.

Josh Gordon will be a 'cheat code' for Tom Brady and the Patriots

Josh Gordon, obviously, he's going to be a cheat code. He's going to be the guy that Brady throws it up to, and he's going to catch it nine times out of ten. I'm going to get sick of it. I'm going to be upset at myself for predicting it and ruining my life in advance.

The Yankees will win their playoff series against the Red Sox

I actually think the Yankees will win this series because you need—the Yankees to be full Yankees. They need that guy who everyone's like, whether even like the Yankees fans would die for him and everyone else universally is like, that guy's the biggest scumbag in the world.

Ben Roethlisberger is 'officially fully broken'

I don't know if we could say Ben [Roethlisberger] at home is a good quarterback right now. He's just, he's broken. He's broken. He is finally officially fully broken. It happened. Ben is broken.

The Jaguars vs. Chiefs Week 5 game is when Patrick Mahomes finally 'comes back down to earth'

The game of the week is easy... the Jaguars versus the Chiefs. Defense versus offense. Mahomes—this is the game that he comes back down to earth.

I'm taking the Jets (-1) at home against the Broncos because people are overrating Denver's performance against the Chiefs

My favorite that I'm taking, I'm taking the Jets at home... minus one against the Broncos. People are going to be saying the Broncos are a good team because they played in prime time and they almost beat... the Chiefs. And then people are going to be hating on the Jets... I'm going to go with the Jets minus one at home.

The Eagles (-3) will beat the Vikings because I think Minnesota stinks

I got Eagles minus three. I think the Vikings stink.

The NFL has the weakest union and contracts because players don't view themselves as businessmen

I think the big issue with people in the NFL in general is that they don't view themselves and we don't view each other as businessmen. And the NFL doesn't view us like businessmen. I think this is why the NFL has the weakest union and the weakest contracts of all major sports is because of how we're viewed and how we view ourselves.

Thursday Night Football is terrible for players in the trenches

I do not take that back, man. It might feel good in the moment, but that Friday, for the people in the trenches—I can't really talk about the corners and the receivers and the quarterbacks—but for the people in the trenches, everybody hurts the next day, man. 1,000% [advantage for the home team] because you don't get a chance to practice.

The Rose Bowl is the greatest venue in all of sports

The Rose Bowl is the greatest stadium to watch a football game of all time. It is the greatest venue in all of sports.