Takes

Steph Curry is too fragile for the NBA and needs to add 30 pounds

The scouts were right. He's too fragile to play in the NBA. Needs to add another 20, 30 pounds to his frame this offseason.

Baseball should crowdsource balls and strikes via Twitter polls during games

You could crowdsource it... A pitch happens and then everybody responds on Twitter. Twitter poll. Strike or no? And then 51% carries the day and you get a strike or ball based on that. And then fans can't get mad at it because they only have themselves to blame.

We should buy a shotgun for the van to survive the Indy 500 Coca-Cola lot

We need to figure that out because it might be worthwhile buying a shotgun for the van... [to deal with] bands of marauders going through there? Like Vikings?

Grit has been co-opted and ruined by Harvard researchers and psychologists

I've seen over the past, like two years, the pussification of grit in America. Like grit has been co-opted by Harvard researchers, by doctors, by psychologists... It's people trying to teach grit. People who have like a silver spoon in their mouths, a doctor in front of their name, trying to tell me what it means to be gritty.

The Cavaliers are Kyrie Irving's team now

I'm going to go out on a limb and say the Cavaliers are Kyrie Irving's team now... Kyrie's awesome. He put up more shots, had more points. I think it's safe to say this is Kyrie Irving's team. And he is the missing ingredient that was not there last year in the finals.

The 'Redskins' name is the only slur that has gotten less offensive over time

That is really the only word then that has gotten less offensive as time goes on. Like name any other slur and it always gets more offensive... I think white people need to kind of pat themselves on the back on this one for making Redskins no longer a racist term.

I only became a Kobe Bryant fan after he became an underdog during his legal scandal

I came back around to Kobe when he became the bad guy and he became the underdog... when the shit hit the fan with him, I wanted to see... [Post-sexual assault] I became a fan of Kobe. That's just like a weird thing with me.

You can get away with almost any crime by claiming you have CTE

If you ever played even a down a football or any kind of contact sport, you can get away with almost any crime just saying you have CTE at this point.

Steph Curry should get a divorce to become likable again because Americans love a broken person

My advice would be get a divorce. Nobody likes the married guy that's having sex with his hot wife all the time. If you're really good at your job, you get a divorce, you get a lot of sympathy from everybody... get everyone on your side immediately.

Retired players should fake-tweet they are returning to the league just to get back into the news cycle

I think more players should start doing this where they just fake tweet that they're coming out of retirement. Just get people talking about him because I didn't even know Jason Campbell was retired... Jeff George should just tweet something racist tomorrow just to get the rush of being like a celebrity again.

I'm officially done with Riley Curry

I'm hashtag done with Riley Curry. i've i've had it that's riley time riley curry okay yeah it was it was cool last year um it was a nice little like diversion from the normal post game press conference now i feel like i feel like she's reading her press clippings a little bit too much and she thinks that she's really cute and she might be really cute but she she knows that she's really cute now and last year she didn't know it she was just being cute so um i'm done with riley curry don't want to see her again

I could knock out Floyd Mayweather in a punch-for-punch fight

Punch for punch. I get three months to train my neck... Punch for punch. I could knock out Floyd Mayweather. People forget Floyd Mayweather is like 140 pounds, and I'm like 230, baby... As long as I can train my neck, that's the only stipulation I get.

Bryce Harper is a coward for taking intentional walks instead of swinging at pitch-outs

I actually think that Bryce Harper is a coward for not swinging at any of those pitches. Say what you want about Vlad Guerrero, but the guy would take a cut at a pitch out. My question is, if Harper doesn't like it so much, why does he put a stop to it and just take a running start and just groove one of the meatballs that's thrown outside?

Dwyane Wade dunking during the Canadian national anthem is the most American thing possible

He was actually dunking during it, which I think is the most American thing that you can do is just be dunking during another country's anthem. But like, isn't there a fine line between being like too courteous to another country and then committing treason? Because if you're really respecting the other anthem, that means that you don't love your own country.

Bartolo Colon is back on steroids because he hit a long home run

My witch hunt is it's pretty obvious. Bartolo Colon is back on steroids after he jacked that dinger like that went to like the 12th row. That was no small dinger. That was like a legit shot.

I want to see a linebacker demolish the special needs kid during feel-good football plays

Does it make me a bad person that when that happens I always want some kid to just like truck stick them? ... I always want the opposing linebacker to just demolish the special needs kid and be like, no free plays on my field.

The Washington Capitals would be better if they were coached by a 'junkie mom' figure

They never should have gotten rid of Bruce Boudreau... because he's a really shitty coach. ... the best analogy I can give is like if you have a mom who's a junkie. A lot of times the eldest siblings will step up their leadership roles and know that they have to look after the team. ... they learn a lot of accountability because they got to cover up for their drunk dad.

Millennials are pussies who lack accountability and positivity

I think that he's right that millennials have no sense of positivity when it comes to adversity. If there's one thing I know about millennials is that they don't like it when they're put in a bad situation. Millennials are pussies. Yeah, exactly.

Leicester City is a fraud if they don't defend their title

If you don't defend your title, you're a fraud. Let's just put our cards on the table here, Leicester City. If you don't defend your title, you're a fraud.

Does LeBron James have the it factor and the clutch gene?

My question is, does LeBron have the it factor? I don't think people are talking about this enough. He's won a couple championships, but the years that he won it, was he really the it guy? Did he really have that clutch gene?

Kickers and punters are not actual people

Kickers are not people. We can get Pat McAfee on here right now. Kickers are not people. I love kickers. Kickers are my boys, but they are not people. They are kickers. Punters... they're in the same boat.

Steroid users should be allowed to use them as long as they don't work out

I think for steroids, you should be able to use them as long as you don't abuse them... If you use steroids, you can't lift any weights. This is the Pardon My Take 'use it, don't abuse it' rule. If you use it, stay out of the gym.

Social media accounts for children should be banned

It's getting to the point in this country where, like, I don't want my children to have social media accounts. I think, like, our country has reached the point where let's just shut it down. Nobody else gets a Twitter account.

The Golden State Warriors offense works better without Steph Curry

Now I'm starting to hear reporters out West saying that the, that the Warriors function in like a more smooth offense. Now that Steph Curry's gone... they're like, you know, there are elements of this offense that work better without them.

The 2015-16 Leicester City team is taking steroids

I think that Leicester City is all taking steroids. There were a 5,001 long shot before the league year started. And now they're probably going to win the English premiership. And the only way that's possible... they're taking steroids, all of them.

You cannot win with an NFL player who has never tried weed

Your draft pick being a weed guy i think that you don't want to have a draft pick who's who's never tried weed everyone has a friend who's never tried weed and he's a loser and like when you pass the joint around you're like fuck this guy's a narc you start thinking about it you can't win with a guy who's never tried weed

LeBron James has been doing steroids since the day he was born

Steph Curry's hurt, Chris Paul's hurt, Blake Griffin's hurt, you know who's never missed the playoff game? LeBron James. But LeBron James has always been huge. ... Always has been doing steroids probably since the day he was born. I've never seen a more clear steroid case in my life than LeBron James.

Capitals goalie Braden Holtby is using Adderall to play well in the playoffs

I don't follow hockey that closely, but I know that there's always one good goalie in the playoffs. And whoever that guy is this year. I want to go Holtby. Braden Holtby. Holtby is using Adderall.

Pardon My Take is responsible for Skip Bayless leaving ESPN

I think the entire Pardon My Take, Pardon the Interruption, First Take fiasco that ever since that happened, ESPN's ratings have been way, way down. Our ratings have been way, way up. So, yeah, I think I think there's a better than zero chance that we contributed to [Skip Bayless's] demise.

Carson Wentz's corny Twitter presence is a major red flag

You got to watch out for guys like this who are just like a little too corny on Twitter. It's like the – it's like – what's it called? Draft Day. Great movie, by the way. What's he hiding?

Anthony Davis is a bum because he can't get a date on Tinder

Anthony Davis? He's a bum. He's a bum right now. Did you see him on the thing with Tinder? He was saying he couldn't get a date. Now let me ask this: does an all-star, a star, a superstar ever not be able to get a date? Anthony Davis is a bum.

The Golden State Warriors are better without Steph Curry

I think the Golden State Warriors are a better basketball team without Steph Curry. Thompson can really shine now.

Officiating in all sports is better than it's ever been

I would, in fact, say that officiating is better than it's ever been. In every sport across the board. Ever. Of all time. The refs are great. Shut the fuck up if you think that they're not.

Jake Arrieta is 'juicing through his eyeballs'

I think Jake Arrieta is a classic case of juicing through his eyeballs. If you look at the facts on Jake Arrieta real quick, he wasn't very good early in his career and now he's super good. What do they all have in common [with A-Rod]? You guessed it: using a lot of steroids.

Stanley Johnson is actually in LeBron James' head by making LeBron think he's crazy

So you're thinking LeBron has probably read this and was like – like laughed it off, like, ha, ha, ha, ha, Stanley Johnson thinks he's in my head. And then there was a quick pause, and he's like, uh – maybe he is. I don't know.

Conor McGregor's retirement is likely a cover for a steroid issue

I don't think people assume steroids enough anymore. And now this is going to be a hot take, but just follow me for a minute. Conor McGregor, he retired because he did steroids, right? Why isn't anyone saying that?

Cal Ripken Jr. used performance-enhancing drugs to maintain his consecutive games streak

I think that we need to bring back steroid accusations because you're absolutely right. So I'll get it started by reiterating my favorite steroid claim of all time, and that's that Cal Ripken Jr. used steroids or performance-enhancing drugs to break that streak.

Johnny Manziel should go to law school and become his own agent

Johnny Manziel is agentless. He should start going to law school, become his own agent, show that he can be a responsible adult. If Johnny Manziel was like yeah I'm starting night school classes law school night school classes tell me people aren't like wow Johnny really got his act together.

Big Cat winning the 50-50 raffle would be one of the last great sports stories out there

Big Cat winning the 50-50 raffle is one of the last great sports stories out there. I'm the guy always paying for the 50-50 raffle because I keep telling myself, Oh man, this will be the time I win.

Matthew Dellavedova could make the roster of most NHL teams

I will say that Matt Dellavedova could probably make the roster of most NHL players, but he's probably the only NBA player that I think could cross over into the other sport.

The NBA's new hustle stats are just a way for Matthew Dellavedova's agent to get him a big payday

Basically it's like—it's Matthew Dellavedova's agent coming up with these stats to try to get Delly a big payday this offseason. Just being in somebody's face for a shot is now a stat.

Every person nicknamed Beef in the world is a good time to hang out with

I think every person nicknamed Beef in the world is a good time to hang out with. Now I'm not saying you want them—when Beef comes to visit you, your wife or girlfriend probably rolls her eyes... but Beef is a great time to party with.

John Gruden would be a serial killer if football didn't exist

If football did not exist, I think that John Gruden would be a serial killer. I don't see any other outlet that he could possibly have besides football where he can be like this meticulous and this passionate and not end up killing at least like a half dozen people.

Kobe Bryant has given people more false confidence than Adolf Hitler

He's trapped a lot of really weak-minded people into believing that if you go around all the time and act like you're the shit... then you're going to be the best person in whatever field that you've chosen. So he's given a lot of false confidence to people, probably more false confidence to people than Adolf Hitler, I would say.

The Dude Perfect show on CMT will be the best show of all time

CMT... Thursday nights, Aaron Rodgers. I don't know when Aaron Rodgers is going to be on, but it's going to be probably the best show of all time. That guy is so cool.

John Madden has been dead for years and the NFL uses fake quotes for PR

The theory of this show is that John Madden has been dead for years and that the NFL just uses fake John Madden quotes for PR.

Pissing rhabdo-colored urine makes you the best possible teammate

That dark shade of brown that's above clear piss. That's if you have rhabdo. That's when you're actually the best teammate. Sacrificing yourself. When your body is deteriorating, your muscle is deteriorating and you're pissing it out.

Concussions might not be real because the science isn't definitive

I don't know if they just all knew magically that concussions were like a real thing, which science is still out on that, by the way. ... And I'm not going to say that concussions are harmful until the NFL tells me. And Roger Goodell is not going to do that.

Janet Jackson is selfish for canceling her tour to have a family

She cancels her fucking show because she says she wants to have a family, and she wants to concentrate on that with her husband. ... Selfish. She cancels her show for some dick. ... Not only did she cancel her show, she didn't refund her fans the tickets that they bought.

The UConn women's basketball team would be a 3-5 point favorite over the Philadelphia 76ers

I think that the – well, yeah, [UConn women] are going to win, and I think that the spread against the Sixers, they'd be like three to five-point favorites, depending if it was in UConn or if it was being played in Philly.