Takes

I wish I had used steroids during my MLB career

I look back now, I go, fuck, I wish I would've done 'em. Yeah. To be honest with you. I wish I would've because I, I don't think I would've, I I think I would've gained velocity. You know, I, I, I think in that aspect, so with my ability to throw strikes, I think it would've made me a lot better.

MLB Commissioner Rob Manfred hates baseball and is trying to mess it up

Rob Manfred. I just, I think he hates baseball. So he's just screwing it up while his tenure's still going. And he's gonna see how much he could fuck it up. So wait, what? What guy? Guy, they had a, they should have booted him years ago.

MLB should fire all analytic guys and get rid of the pitch clock

I would get rid of the clock. Okay. I get, I'd get every analytic guy outta there. All the nerds. Drop 'em off in the middle of the lake and let 'em swim in... they're the guys that are making all, all the, all the calls and everything... a computer doesn't tell you it doesn't have a heartbeat.

Adam Thielen is a sleeper to win the celebrity golf tournament

Adam Thielen and he's, he's a sleeper to win this. I, on on the 10th hole today, he hit, he hit a little iron and he hit about 300 down the middle. I went, oh boy.

I would kill Hitler if I was on the 1936 Olympic team

I think I would wanna be Jesse Owens and just win gold medal Right. in Hitler's face... And I would kill Hitler while I was there. Kill Hitler.

Baseball has the highest amount of celebratory ass slaps in sports

Baseball for sure. Football probably second... baseball, that's how they shake hands.

Bronny James should be required to use 'LeBron James Jr.' in the box score instead of 'B. James'

I really don't like the fact that [Bronny] is going by Bronny. Why not? His name's LeBron James Jr. Just go LeBron James Jr. I don't like calling like it's even in the box score. It's B James. Yeah. I don't like that, bro. I agree with you. The name is LeBron James Jr.

DeMar DeRozan is the 'working man's Steph Curry'

DeMar DeRozan is the working man Steph Curry. [He does it] old fashioned [with twos not threes].

Pete Alonzo is the biggest loser in sports during the Home Run Derby

Pete Alonzo with the home run Derby is the worst. He is the biggest loser in sports when the Home Run Derby comes around. ... He, dude, he gets laser focused. He meditates backstage. He goes into like a little panic room by himself in between rounds and just focuses and visualize home runs. And the home run derby isn't even that fun anymore.

Taxes are optional in Greece

In Greece, taxes are optional. And then their economy just crumbles every like 10, 15 years. They're like, Hey, we should probably start paying taxes. ... I looked, I just, I just Googled that. Yes. Currently more than half of Greek households are exempt from any personal income tax.

The World Series trophy is the worst trophy in sports

There is no worse trophy than the World Series. That trophy stinks. That trophy's just literally like, Hey, how can we make a trophy that looks like it's gonna break at any moment? ... It really is. It's, it's really a blowout when you go from like the Stanley Cup to the World Series. ... The problem with it is, it, it looks cool if it's in a glass container, but to actually celebrate with it, you can't celebrate with it.

The winners of the John Deere Classic always stay in the same rental home in Illinois

For the last three years, each winner of the John Deere Classic has stayed in the same rental home in Illinois. Whoa. It's officially the trophy house. Davis Thompson, SEP Straka, JT Poston.

I am 120% stronger than I was two years ago

[I am] 10, 15 pounds [bigger]. I feel a lot stronger. ... If I was a hundred percent strong two years ago, I am 120% strong now.

NFL players should be allowed to taunt because they are adults getting paid

Why can't, I don't really understand. I think if you're getting paid to play football, you can taunt. I'm all for not taunting in college and high school. But once you get paid to play, I think we should be able to taunt and nobody's gonna get their feelings hurt. Like we're all big boys, we're gonna be okay.

The Bengals' championship window is open as long as I am the quarterback

[Is the window open?] It's always open. If you don't feel like that, then why are you playing football?

Alex Pereira will win his next UFC fight

[Alex Pereira] is very fun to watch. He's going, I think he's gonna win.

Lobster meat is definitely meat because it is a crustacean

Lobster meat is considered meat because it is a crustacean and a type of seafood. ... [To Max] You grew up in a dumb household [if you think fish isn't meat].

Titties are a type of meat

Titties is meat. Great choice. ... They're made out of meat. ... Is it the Mount Rushmore meat that you eat? Fact or fiction. ... I enjoy looking at the meat.

Paul George to the Sixers is destined to end in tragic heartbreak

Paul George is the big ticket in the NBA free agency and this is going to be so, so good when they flame out of the playoffs. I just don't see how this is gonna end in anything but tragic heartbreak for Max.

The Sixers must make the NBA Finals or beat the Celtics within the next two years for the Paul George signing to be a success

It's a two year window to at least make we have to at least make a finals. Make a finals play for. NBA finals beat the Celtics NBA finals. We have to beat the Celtics one of these next two years.

The Denver Nuggets will struggle mid-season because they let Kentavious Caldwell-Pope walk

Stan Kroenke strikes again, KCP going to the Magic and Stan Kroenke unwilling to pay luxury tax and build. I feel like that was a huge, that's one of those ones that we're gonna look at somewhere mid-season and be like, oh shit, the Nuggets just, they're kind of missing a guy. And it's KCP.

Klay Thompson will be rejuvenated and excel in Dallas

I'm buying Klay Thompson stock. I think he's gonna be, I think you're gonna get like a rejuvenated Klay Thompson hitting wide open threes because Luka's gonna take all the pressure off him. I'm buying Klay Thompson. I don't think this is the end of Klay Thompson.

The Jordan Poole contract is the worst in sports history because it destroyed the Warriors' chemistry

I think you could make the argument that the Jordan Poole contract was the worst contract ever given out in all of sports. Not just because of the money given to Jordan Poole, but what it did to the rest of the team. Because that was like Klay watching that. Draymond watching that. It like screwed up the whole vibes of everything.

Duke and John Scheyer failed as a 'Brotherhood' by not stopping the Kyle Filipowski grooming

Duke, do something. I mean, it's, let's proud Duke. Why wouldn't you... they clearly didn't say it strong enough. They cared more about getting points and rebounds out of the guy than his own mental health wellbeing. The brotherhood means nothing. The brotherhood is essentially the brotherhood until you get groomed as a high schooler and then gets snatched up and then have your girlfriend excommunicate your family.

The USMNT must fire Gregg Berhalter now or give up on the 2026 World Cup

Our players didn't play that well, but our coaching stunk. And so now he's gotta be fired. We gotta fire Greg. Now's time. If we're not gonna fire him now, just might as well give up on the World Cup.

The USMNT might just suck at soccer regardless of the coaching

Now I agree that Greg Berhalter should be fired... is there a chance we just suck at soccer? I feel like everyone just tells us that this is the best players that we've ever had. And yet if you look at it, it's like 20 years ago or 30 years ago, we accomplished way more.

The July 4th holiday is ruined by Joey Chestnut's absence from the Nathan's hot dog contest

America's on the Hot Seat because it just dawned on me again that Joey Chestnut's not competing. That fucking sucks. One of the things that makes it the best holidays is just not gonna be there. And I think we all just need to be like ready for it because it's gonna suck beyond belief.

Ryan Mountcastle will have a massive second half because he's over his vertigo

Ryan Mountcastle. He seems to be over the vertigos, but yeah, he does hit a lot of homers. So he's been saving them. He, this is what he told me. He's been saving them for the second half. And I got him having a big second half.

I could have played D1 basketball for Auburn if I had focused on it

I would like to think just my competitive nature that I could have gone and played D1 basketball. If I put as much time and effort as I did into baseball, into basketball, I felt like I had a really good chance at doing that. And being an Auburn fan, I would've loved to go to the Auburn Tigers and play basketball there.

We are going to take Dungeons and Dragons seriously and try to complete the mission this time

We're taking it seriously this time we're gonna try to complete the mission. Tim is electric as always and it's a great, great listen.

I am going to replace Hank as the person who gets killed and fucked in this Dungeons and Dragons adventure

I just know how this is gonna go. I'm just gonna replace Hank is the guy who gets killed and fucked.

Nothing is hotter than asking for consent even when you know you already have it

It was nothing's hotter than asking for consent when you know that you have it. I think a lot of problems. I agree.

It is better to be a good guy with an axe than a good guy without one

Good guy with an axe though. Absolutely. Better than a bad guy with an ax. Would rather be a good guy with an axe than a good guy without wanting to come across.

The Philadelphia Eagles should have saved their 'double eagle' for late in the season instead of starting hot and crashing

I don't wanna double eagle too early like the football team did last year. We gotta a double eagle late in the season.

I am going to kill Max's eagle as soon as possible

I might have texted and said that we gotta kill Max's eagle ASAP.

I earn $150,000 per episode of Pardon My Take

$75,000. But actually that was three years ago. We make 150,000. Literally the truth.

We are definitely going to kill Hank in the next Dungeons and Dragons episode

But I, it was good team building and we're definitely gonna kill him in the the follow up episode. 100%.

The NBA needs to fix how they announce draft-day trades

Do your fucking trades like a normal league. Correct. Do your trades normally don't... Announce them normally... Via, via via. No. Just put a different logo on there. I'm dumb. I can't understand. I I see the first team and then I'm like, oh, there logos everywhere. That must be who this player is getting picked by. Do it normally.

The NBA should not have a two-day draft because they aren't the NFL

NBA I like it. I I love basketball. I I love the NBA. You're not the NFL. You don't get two days. Okay. Like the, the, the first round was already a bunch of French guys and people that we didn't watch play basketball last year. And now you're gonna make us do two days of this.

Jared McCain is the best shooter in the draft, better than Reed Sheppard

He's the best shooter in the draft. He's the best shooter since Steph Curry... There have been two freshmen in NCA history with a 0.611 plus true shooting percentage. Two, two hundred ten three point attempts and 150 plus rebounds. And that's Jared McCain and Steph Curry.

America loses the presidential debate because both candidates are 80 years old

America loses. Alright. We have a country of 360 million people and all we can find is two guys that are fucking 80 years old and America loses.

CrossFit is the ultimate hobby that consumes a person's life and language

CrossFit. It consumes your life. You have to start recruiting other people to go to CrossFit. You put stickers all over your cars, stickers on your laptops... The one that they, they speak in CrossFit language. Yeah. And they, they ask each other constantly. How'd you do on the workout of the day?

Swifties are the number one hobby that becomes an entire personality

Obviously my one one or I guess one two Swifties. I mean, they're the cra they're the number one. Yeah. Right now they're the number one. Yeah. That is their hobby. That becomes their entire personality. Swifties If. you If you see a swifty online. That's all they want to talk about is Swifties.

Disney Adults are the weirdest people in the world

Disney adults. They're the weirdest people in the, the world now... There's a lot of people out there that get married at Disney World. Yeah. Get propose at Disney World. Yeah. They dress up as Disney characters. And I actually think... Disney adults, their hobby becomes their personality traits because the rest of the world no longer accepts 'em.

The Sonos app is terrible and needs to be completely fixed

I got something to say about Sonos. Figure it out guys. Ooh, what's up with this app? Why do I need the app to, to play the, the music? I agree. And if you're gonna require me to have the app to play music, at least make the app good. You know? Yes. I gotta be able to go on my Spotify and just click a speaker. Yep. You can do it with everything else.

The Lakers shouldn't draft Bronny James just for the novelty

I just don't wanna be the team that drafts Bronny just for the novelty... I know, but you know, and it's, it'll be cool for like a game and then it's like, well fuck, did we just ruin our future just to have Bronny?

The world needs straight comedy movies that aren't trying to be serious or deep

I see the movies coming out that are kind of comedies and I watch 'em. I feel like they're mid and lacking in comedy... When you put a comedy on, you drop your guard, right? Yeah. When you put on like The Hangover or some shit... And I'm ready to just immerse in this last year.

Mark Pope is an excellent teacher of basketball and will succeed at Kentucky

Mark Pope is, is a... excellent teacher of basketball. He also has, you know, He was also a terrific basketball player that got the maximum of his abilities because he gave it all... I think the fans are gonna fall in love with Mark. 'Cause the thing about him... It's always about team. It's always about Kentucky.

Kentucky should have guarded me full court and denied every catch

Yeah, like you would think that a guy like, like me or, or him that's, that's really just stroking it like that they would pick him up full pretty much. Like deny every catch and, and just make it tough for him. Like, don't let, don't let him catch the ball. Don't let him get a shot up because you know the result is gonna come from that.

NHL goalies should be pulled from the ice with at least four minutes remaining

I think the goalie should have been pulled with like six minutes left in the period... no, I think they just like four and a half... I think you pulled the goalie super early. Yeah. I I feel like, I don't know, it just, at the end of the game, they didn't get that guy outta there until like a minute, 45, 2 minutes left... it should definitely be more than one minute, 45 seconds. Yeah, it should be like three and a half, four minutes.