Takes

Ezekiel Elliott is going to get 'fat as shit' this off-season while enjoying 'summer vibes'

[Ezekiel Elliott] has been acquired by the summer. Yes, he is. He's playing full-time for summer vibes... he's gonna get fat as shit this off season.

I will officially declare Damian Lillard a 'turncoat with no loyalty' the moment he is traded

The only, the only comment I have is when [Lillard] does end up getting traded, I'm just gonna be like, what a turncoat. No loyalty. And just do that and just go, go on that angle. So I I'm I'm just out on the entire storyline as it stands.

It currently pays to be cheap in MLB because teams with the highest payrolls are all failing

The Mets fucking suck... everyone's pissed off at [Buck Showalter] and it kind of like speaks to a larger trend in Baseball This year, which is that the teams with the highest payrolls, they are all underperforming. Yeah. So you it pays to be cheap in Major League Baseball.

Travis Kelce 'runs soft' and should try running someone over more often

I just think you could be a little more... you could end a couple of those, like run someone over. You could run a little more physical. He thinks you run soft... I think it's because you can, but you don't and that's what... can you just like run someone over like, like, you know, dude?

Luis Arraez chasing a .400 batting average is as electric as a home run chase

Luis Arraez of the Marlins... he was hitting 401 as of Saturday... if he ends up like, I mean hitting 400 would be insane in this day and age. Going down the stretch... those are gonna be electric games to watch. Yes. It'd be still close to 400 every single at bat. That to me is, that to me is almost as good as watching like a home run chase.

I want to win at least two more Super Bowls before retiring

I would say I would hope for at least two more, man. Okay, two more before I hang them up. I got, I think I got three years left on my contract. And I say I'm gonna do it till the wheels fall off... I would hope for two more man. I hope for two more. There's a guy named Rob Gronkowski, this guy too that I keep getting compared to and I would love to, you know. Yeah. Catch up to him.

A team that missed the playoffs last year will play in the World Series this year

My take is a team that didn't make the playoffs last year is going to appear in the World Series. We have a lot of new blood. If you look at the standings This year... the Rangers are 47 and 30... and the Diamondbacks are in first place over the Dodgers. So there's gonna be a lot of fresh faces in the playoffs This year.

Shohei Ohtani is having the greatest baseball season ever and might be the best player to ever live

It's not unfair to say that [Ohtani] is having the best Baseball season in the history of Baseball. And when you look, when you, when you break it down, he might be the best Baseball player to ever step onto a diamond. It's insane.

The Russian Wagner Group rebellion was a PSYOP intended to dupe Ukraine

It was a PSYOP for the market. There was a PSYOP. Okay, Putin's Gucci. He just did that whole thing to make Ukraine think they could take back Bakhmut and then they're gonna do a pincer move on him... They were able to move troops under the guise that they're doing a coup. And now Ukraine thought they were going to Moscow, but now they're just North [of Bakhmut].

Zach Bryan is the best musical artist of my generation

Check out Zach Bryan if you haven't. I think he's the best artist of ever. My generation. My generation.

Being a podcaster is a harder job than being an NFL player

[Is it more challenging being a podcaster or a football player?] Podcaster. Yeah. Hardest job in the fucking world, dude. Honestly, you keep coming out with content that people want to hear.

The NFL RedZone channel is the #1 overall pick in a draft of 'Red Things'

Red zone channel... One-one. It is the one-one. There is no other.

The 'Red Panda' halftime performer is overrated because she misses too many bowls

Overrated. [Red Panda] messes up a lot... also the red panda isn't even a bear.

Jajuan Howard is the new Coach Calipari because he underachieves despite producing lottery picks

Jajuan Howard's the new coach Cal, that is what made me feel really, really old was Jajuan Howard has a son that just got drafted in the NBA... you see a loaded team [Michigan] get picked and you're like, wait, they weren't in the tournament. That's weird.

Jaime Jaquez Jr. is the perfect fit for the Heat culture

Jaime Jaquez to the Heat, like perfect Heat culture. He's going to have a series probably next NBA playoffs where he somehow averages like 25 points a game out of nowhere... he is the perfect Heat culture guy and he will be a very good player in the NBA because he got drafted by the Heat.

Brandon Miller is a genius for claiming Paul George is his GOAT so he wouldn't offend Michael Jordan

I think Brandon Miller is kind of a genius. They interviewed him the other day and he said that his GOAT, his favorite player in NBA history is Paul George. That to me tells me he's thinking two steps ahead because he knew that Charlotte wanted to draft him... He knew that he could not say that it was LeBron James because Michael Jordan is still very much involved in the draft process for Charlotte.

Cam Whitmore at 20 is the best value of the 2023 NBA Draft

Cam Whitmore going 20 is I guess the best value of the Draft. I mean Villanova is the most year in and year out. They get disrespected in the Draft every year and then they outperform their expectations time and time again.

The Grizzlies will be the toughest team in the league with Marcus Smart, Steven Adams, and Ja Morant

One thing I do know about the Grizzlies though is they're gonna have the top team not to be fucked with in terms of just beating the shit outta you. They got Marcus Smart, they got Steven Adams and they have Ja Morant who will shoot you on the same team.

Chris Paul might win a championship as Steph Curry's backup

He is now gonna be Steph Curry's backup... a guy who's had beef with for, I don't know, like six, seven years now and he might win a ring as Steph Curry's backup, which would be just so, so fitting for Chris Paul.

Jordan Poole will average 35 points a game for the Wizards while they win zero games

Getting Jordan Poole on your team to be the man and like, 'Hey Jordan Poole, we're giving you the keys to the car.' These Wizards are gonna go as far as Jordan Poole will take them and Jordan Poole's gonna average 35 points a game and they're gonna win like zero games next year.

The LSU jello shot record at the College World Series will never be broken

Records that will never be broken for Mount Rushmore in the future because the jello shot record will... LSU fans getting to stay in Omaha for another like four or five days... that will never ever be touched.

The Elon Musk versus Mark Zuckerberg fight would be the biggest pay-per-view ever, despite being a bad fight

Dana White said that he would put the fight on and he said it would be the, the highest pay-per-view of all time... And I actually, I probably agree — like it would smash all records and it would probably suck. It would be the worst fight and everyone will tune in to see it.

Mark Zuckerberg would easily tap out Elon Musk in a fight due to his Jiu-Jitsu training

Zuck would just tap him out... Zuck knows Juujitsu and it wouldn't be that good unless Elon's an insane striker and can keep him off him... The learning curve on Juujitsu is like, Zuckerberg's been through like he knows how to swim. Like he knows how to tap a guy out.

Trent Williams is the best football player in the NFL

In my opinion, he's [Trent Williams] the best football player in the NFL. Like it's him, Aaron Donald, and I like Nick Bosa is pretty close. Mahomes is up there. But like I think Trent Williams is like by far on a playing field by himself.

NFL tight ends are significantly underpaid relative to their production compared to wide receivers

Travis Kelce is either first or second behind Devonte Adams of most receiving yards in the last six years. And he pays half of what the best wide receivers are paid. And so that kind of seems like it's just water in the bridge... he plays tight end and you don't really get a lot of attention and stuff.

Brandon Aiyuk would have 1,400 yards and 15 touchdowns if he were a number one option

I think one guy that you guys are gonna love to watch is Aiyuk... if he was in an offense where he was the number one choice and got 12 targets a game, he'd probably have 1400 yards and 15 touchdowns a year. He's fantastic.

Brock Purdy actually is a guy and is more than just a system quarterback

Brock Purdy actually is a guy. Honestly, his first game, Jimmy gets hurt, he comes in and Miami just started to zero blitz us five straight times. To be able to step up in a pocket knowing that you're about to get hit by a blitzing Mike linebacker — that takes some balls. He's got a lot of intangibles... there's certain things you can't really coach.

Iowa will average 15 points per game and win 9 games this season

I think we're [Iowa] gonna score, we're gonna average like 15 a game. Out of the 12 games we're gonna have at least 6 pick sixes, some punt blocks, and that's why we're gonna get over 15... that'll get you guys to nine wins.

Sam LaPorta is the best tight end in the 2023 draft class

I think LaPorta is the best tight end in the draft class. I think the Lions got a complete steal. I liked the other tight ends too, but I spent two weeks training with Sam LaPorta and the way he moves — he's got the dog in him. He's kind of quirky, kind of goofy too, he's gonna fit in well.

Russell Wilson has done more net damage to the Subway brand than Jared

Who do you think is a worst spokesperson for Subway in terms of Sales Jared or Russell Wilson?... I think like the net net damage to the brand. Probably Russell Wilson.

I would not play for the Wizards right now even for $5 million a year

Honestly, would you play for the Wizards if it was 5 million a year? ... I would not. In five years' time, I would love to play for the Wizards, but right now I'm declining.

I would play for the Suns for $1 million to help their salary cap

I already said that I would play for the Sons for $1 [million]. Cause they need, they need cheap rosters. Yeah. 1 million. 1 million.

Brian Cashman would have been fired if his name wasn't Brian Cashman

If Brian Cashman's name wasn't Brian Cashman, he would've been fired already. Right. Brian Cashman's a powerful name. ... I I'm like convinced that like if you're, if you're a Stein runner, you hire Brian Cashman. He's like, well, yeah, he's the cash man. That's what we do here.

Wes Anderson is a boring filmmaker

My Hot Seat is Wes Anderson, the filmmaker. ... I think he's boring. Does anybody else think he's boring? ... They're all kind of one movie. ... It's very filmmaker move to come out and be like, he refuses, he's disgusted at the thought of people even trying to do what he does.

The passengers on the missing Titanic submarine are likely already dead

They're dead. This is one of those situations that it's captivated the internet because they keep being like, they have 50 hours of oxygen... they died. It's probably better that they died almost instantly. I would imagine they did. You don't, something bad happened and the sub broke and they died.

You shouldn't mess with the ocean at all; stay 20 feet from the beach

Just don't fuck with the ocean. ... In general, stay away from more than like 20 feet into the ocean. The beach is fine. Yeah. Beach is good. Everything else bad.

Jordan Love made a massive mistake by making a Father's Day video for Bears fans

My Hot Seat is Packers fans trying to get me to somehow admit that I was wrong about the Jordan Love video. ... Aaron Rodgers never would've done that. You gotta say no. ... As much as I hate Aaron Rodgers, he tortured me, he's fucking owned me... he respected the rivalry. He never gave an inch. Jordan Love you gave an inch. I'm gonna take that inch.

Searching through a golfer's old Twitter likes after they win is 'loser energy'

Tremendous loser behavior by anyone who does this. ... I don't care what side politics you're on If you see someone have the greatest moment of their life and you immediately, like, let's go through his likes and try to figure out what he liked on Twitter. That's loser energy.

To be a true 'Hoss,' you should be clinically obese by BMI standards

I would say that yes. To be a Hoss you should be overweight. ... You should be clinically obese by BMI. ... Your BMI should be outta whack. ... Hosses are more laid back. They lumber.

Only Jokic, Luka, and Giannis are untradeable for the Wembanyama pick

Jokic, you'd hang up. Luka, you'd hang up. Giannis, you'd hang up. Embiid, you'd trade him. Tatum probably [trade him]. Booker... the list is probably like three guys. ... Normally I'd go, well wait, I don't wanna trade a guy who I know has already done it for somebody that I've never seen actually do it. But that's how special Victor is.

Wembanyama is not as good a prospect as LeBron was because of injury risk

Anybody who says [Wembanyama] is the best, like he's better than LeBron as a prospect, I would completely disagree just because LeBron body-wise was NBA ready. ... He's going to get hurt. It would be shocking if he doesn't have somebody roll into his legs at some point. ... I just don't think the human body is supposed to move like a created player in an NBA video game.

Scoot Henderson is the 'dog' version of Chris Paul

I know you guys are gonna love my Scoot Chris Paul comp. Because, you know, we're talking about all first team all dog guys. ... Scoot was like one of the few guys that was like, I'm gonna go at [Wembanyama]. Like he had that mentality and it worked a few times.

Cam Whitmore is the #1 'dog' in the draft class

Cam Whitmore is definitely on that list. Maybe number one overall the Villanova freshman. Watching him play is like every time he gets the ball he is going left and he beats everybody every single time. ... He went hit him so strong. ... This guy's at level 11 energy this early into the game.

James Naji's wingspan and energy make him a legitimate NBA rotation prospect

James Naji... His wingspan however is seven seven and the way, like as soon as he checks in the game... it would be kind of like shit he's in. ... He's very raw, but as soon as he checks in the game, things are just different and it's because of his energy, his size, his strength, and I think he actually has a chance to make a roster here.

I like Olivier-Maxence Prosper and Maxwell Lewis as sleepers in the Draft

I'm gonna give you two Olivier-Maxence Prosper. The kid from Montreal played at Marquette. I like him. And I also like the kid from Pepperdine, Maxwell Lewis who's probably like late first, early second. ... Prosper, he's just so intense that I, I have a hard time believing like that kind of guy... you actually got somebody who's getting a second and third contract here.

Brandon Miller's involvement in the Alabama shooting won't affect his draft stock

I think there's concern up until they watch the tape, you know, to be realistic about it. ... I just haven't heard anybody say because not that many teams are even in the mix. ... I think we all know with sports... it felt like it kind of went away a little bit too. ... His shot making at that size and what you think you'd be able to do defensively... he's exactly what you want in today's NBA.

Pardon My Take will likely end in 5 to 7 years

I would like to do this show for as long as we are still good at it. I could envision in my perfect brain five to seven years from now, we're like, 'Hey, we're really good, but you know, maybe we're fading a little.' And then we walk out on top. ... Once we get to like mid forties... it'll be like a reassessment.

The Los Angeles Country Club was a terrible course for the US Open.

The Big Loser this weekend was the course. That course sucked. I disavowed that course. They should take it off because there was no big game feeling with this course. It was a soft course.

If Rory McIlroy doesn't win the Open Championship this year, the narrative will become that he will never win another major.

I think if he doesn't win the open championship this year, then I think start of next season, Rory [McIlroy] will never win a major championship. It goes back to that conversation.

Hot Ones is an AI-proof show format because robots cannot feel pain or spice.

I actually think that your show might be AI proof because AI can't eat, it can't feel spice. It can't feel pain. Right.