Takes

Anything said at a championship parade should be protected by client-patient confidentiality

Anything you say at a Championship parade should be, that's like, that's client patient confidentiality. You can't, can't hold that against anybody. You're drunk at a parade. You're gonna say what you want.

The Jeremy Grant contract was the straw that broke the camel's back for Damian Lillard

The biggest loser in free agency is Jeremy Grant. Jeremy Grant got 150 million to return to the Trailblazers. Now on paper you're like, wow, that's a great deal. But the contract was the straw that broke the camel's back for Dame. He was like, this is, this is what we're doing in free agency. We're resigning Jeremy Grant. Yeah, fuck you guys. I'm out.

The theory that Portland should treat Dame Lillard 'correctly' to attract future free agents is the dumbest theory in the world

The the theory that the Blazers should treat Dame correctly so that they could get future free agents is the dumbest theory in the world. They're not gonna get future free agents. They should get whatever they can get.

Most NBA franchises are not actual destinations for free agents

I think outside of like four or five franchises in the NBA, there's not a lot of franchises that are like destinations for free agents. That's just how the league works. It's not like there's a lot of cities in the NBA that guys aren't being like lining up to go to.

The Houston Rockets are paying $128 million for Fred VanVleet's 'culture' more than his on-court talent

Houston did a lot of things in free agency and they did the most with VanVleet... Three for 128... He's a culture setter. They're paying for the culture. It is like paying $123 million for m and m's if he was actually good.

NBA players get paid more than NFL players because there are more points in basketball

People who are like 'How come the NFL players don't get this much money unless you're like a quarterback?' Well, because there's more points in basketball so you get paid by the points. It's pretty simple math guys.

The Clippers are just a collection of weirdos grouped like animals in a mason jar

The Clippers should always be just very, very strange basketball players grouped into almost like you put a bunch of different animals inside a mason jar and you make them get along. They've just got like a bunch of weirdos on the Clippers, which is exactly how I like my Clippers.

James Harden will start the season on the Sixers and get traded around Christmas

I think it's gonna be a Kevin Durant kind of situation where he might get traded later in the season. But I don't think anyone's gonna offer what Daryl Morey wants for this year for the Sixers... I think eventually Morey's gonna get something out of it, but I think it's gonna probably be in like, by like around Christmas time.

Every NBA team needs one 'irrationally confident stupid guy' to win

And you also, every single team needs one like irrationally confident stupid guy who thinks that they can stop LeBron in a seven game series. That's not a bad thing to happen. No. Like you want one of those guys, you don't want a whole team of those guys, but you need one of those guys who thinks they're the best player in the world.

Rickie Fowler will remake his famous 'single' Ryder Cup photo by 'tongue wrestling' his wife after winning

If we win the Ryder Cup, I can't wait for [Fowler] to remake that picture where everybody's making out with their wives or girlfriends afterwards... and Ricky's just in the middle just smiling like 'I don't have a face to kiss right now.' I need him with Allison Stokke... full on just tongue wrestling.

I can break the hot dog record of 76 if the weather stays dry

That record of 76, it could go down. The weather's looking a little bit iffy. They're, they're calling for thunderstorms and it, it's been a long time since we've had rain... if it's good condition, I I see a record.

Joey Chestnut belongs on the Mount Rushmore of all-time athletes with Michael Jordan, Tiger Woods, and Secretariat

I'm being serious Joey like I know you're a humble guy and I appreciate that, but when I think of like the greatest athletes of all time, it's like Michael Jordan, Secretariat, Tiger Woods, Joey Chestnut. I think that'd be my Mount Rushmore right there.

Fernando Tatis Jr. is a 'vibes guy' you want in your clubhouse despite the PED suspension

Tatis is a vibes guy. I mean, that's a guy you want. That's a guy. I wanted my clubhouse... Tatis is a vibes guy. I mean, that's a guy you want. That's a guy. I wanted my clubhouse. [PFT: He's always suspended] Nah, he's a great guy.

Cal Raleigh is an 'underachiever' who should have more home runs based on his underlying stats

I'll go with Cal Raleigh from the Seattle Mariners. I'm looking at FanGraphs right now. He has eight home runs, minus three and a half. He should have 11 and a half home runs. So that's a great—he's an underachiever.

North Carolina is one of the most underrated states in the country and is easily a top-three state overall

I actually think North Carolina is one of the most underrated states. It might be in my top three states overall. It's got everything. Got some very cool places. Asheville, awesome city in the mountains... Great beaches. Great golf. Great basketball.

North Carolina is the rightful home of the Wright brothers over Ohio because they actually performed the first flight at Kitty Hawk

For the record, I'm on the side of North Carolina. This is like they did the flight at Kitty Hawk... Ohio's gotta get to the back of the line. It's basically like, oh, their parents had sex in Ohio. They try to count that as a dub.

Shohei Ohtani is the best baseball player to ever live

I think we can say Ohtani's the best baseball player to ever live.

The MLB Fantasy Draft we recorded is the worst thing we've ever done

I think it's without a doubt the worst thing that we've ever done. Yeah. It's just, it's just guys saying names and then most of the names have already been said before.

Cleveland Guardians catcher Bo Naylor is the future of the position in the MLB

Bo Naylor is the future of catchers. Yes.

The Ravens are my Super Bowl pick for this year

I think I'm gonna take the Ravens, but I don't know what their price is right now. I think it's like 22 to one. I think that's gonna be my Super Bowl pick this year.

I'm betting big on Kirk Cousins and the Vikings this year

I went hard on the, on the Vikings. Ooh Vikings. Okay. Feeling a little bad about last year. I'm back. Yeah, I'm back on Kirk Cousins.

The Nuclear Powered Aircraft Carrier is the ultimate piece of heavy machinery

Nuclear powered aircraft carrier... they can just go forever because they got a nuclear reactor on board... China doesn't have an actual [one]... It's why we're the GOAT.

The USGA's ban on the belly putter was a major mistake that cost me money and potential Ryder Cup appearances

I would think a lot of times of how much money this [belly putter ban] cost me or how many Ryder Cups maybe this cost me or majors or whatever... it was a tough time but I now when I look back, it's great cuz I shoved it, you know, screw them and now I feel better than ever.

Michael Jordan is more obsessed with golf than any other human being I've ever met

I've never met anybody that loves golf more than [Michael Jordan]. That's awesome. And like, after these days... he'll do this for three weeks on end. Like he's just, his, everything about him is wired different. Next day I'm like getting up. Meanwhile, he's 60 years old... he's not the same human being I am.

Golf should embrace more Ryder Cup-style atmospheres with partisan crowds and clear villains

I think golf needs to go more in that direction [Ryder Cup atmosphere]. I think it's great. Like even the competition between LIV guys and tour guys. I think it's great. Yeah. It's awesome.

Relationships between American and European golfers genuinely change for the worse after playing in a Ryder Cup

Once you play in a Ryder Cup relationships change with Americans and Europeans. Like guys that you were like, it's not, it's it get on Sunday night, everyone gets together and has drinks and it's fun... but relationships change because of this tournament cuz it's really passionate and it gets intense.

To fix a slice, you should just hit the ball as hard as you can

The biggest misconception is to swing easy and try to like, like if you're like, when I'm at my most nervous, sometimes I swing as hard as I can... especially if you ease into it, you're gonna slice, you're gonna hit it to the right. So if I was you guys, just hit it as hard as you can.

Big Ben Roethlisberger could still play in the NFL right now

Big Ben... He definitely could. He definitely could [still play]. Yeah. Yeah. He definitely could. Yeah.

Kenny Pickett's hands are the perfect size to play in Pittsburgh

I think his hands are perfect. Yeah, I think his hands are perfect. They're nice hands.

James Franklin is a 'weird dude' but the perfect head coach for 18-to-22-year-olds in college

He just had some interesting talks about just, I don't know. Just he's a weird dude. Yeah. But I love him. [He is] a perfect example of a guy who's great at college... when it comes to like 18 to 22 year old kids, he's the perfect coach.

I guarantee the Steelers will go 16-1 this season

Guarantee it 16 and oh... 16 and 1. [Loss in week 17] Because you pull all your starters cuz you have the number one seed locked up. Exactly.

Najee Harris needs to stop trying to hurdle defenders because he's going to keep getting hit in the nuts

I always tell [Najee Harris], I don't know how you jump... I need my feet on the ground the whole time. Like there's a lot of bad things that could happen when you're up [like getting hit in the nuts].

I would never fight a Penn State wrestler because those guys are absolute freaks

I wouldn't fight any of the Penn State wrestlers... there are some freaks. Yeah. They are like Bo Nickal and I'm good. Yeah, he's dude, he's insane.

Melissa McCarthy is one of the most underrated comedic actresses of the last 20 years

Melissa McCarthy's very funny. One of the most underrated comedic actresses of the last 20 years.

I am definitively the best Mount Rushmore drafter in the history of the show

I think I'm easily, you know, I'm a humble guy, but I'm pretty far and away the best Mount Rushmore drafter on this show over the years.

Patrick Mahomes is undisputed 'Him' with no flaws in his game

Patrick Mahomes is him... He is the best quarterback in the league. I'm here to tell you, there are no holes in Patrick Mahomes. He is him. He is an exceptional, accessible quarterback. No, it doesn't hurt my feelings all the time thinking about him in a Bears uniform. He's just that good.

Aaron Rodgers will have an MVP-caliber fuck-you tour with the Jets

I think [Rodgers] is gonna have an incredible, incredible season. No, he's going to play with a chip on his shoulder. I've seen him. I know this guy better than anyone else. He is going to be awesome this year... I think he will be top three MVP voting.

Aaron Rodgers is washed and the Jets will finish under .500

No. Disagree, washed... I think they're not gonna be above 500. He's washed... I think he wants to have a fuck you tour, but I don't think it's gonna happen.

Deshaun Watson will have a better season than Aaron Rodgers in 2023

I don't think [so], I think Aaron Rodgers is gonna have a better season than Lamar... I'm just stating an unbiased fact that I think he's going to have a fuck you tour type of season.

Deshaun Watson will have a better season than Aaron Rodgers in 2023

Deshaun Watson will have a better season than Aaron Rodgers. I agree... I'm predicting this year is gonna be like last year. Russell Wilson going to Denver. Yeah. Everybody was like, oh, he's reuniting with Nathaniel Hackett. It's gonna be great. Guess what, Aaron Rodgers. Okay. Big name switching teams.

CJ Stroud will be the best rookie quarterback in his class

I think CJ Stroud is gonna be the best rookie quarterback.

Mac Jones will lead the Patriots to the playoffs under Bill O'Brien

Mac Jones is is my guy. And Bill O'Brien is his guy... Reunited with Bill O'Brien, you fully believe in it. Yes... Playoffs.

I will eventually own a Taco Bell franchise with PFT and Hank

Let's just, let's agree to it right here. Like a suicide pact, but not suicide. Let's one day own Taco Bell together. I would love that. Would fucking sick.

The Grilled Cheese Burrito is the best item currently on the Taco Bell menu

Best menu item going right now. Grilled cheese burrito... That is the best menu item they have right now... I love the grilled cheese burrito. Yes. It's the foundation.

The Breakfast Crunchwrap is the greatest fast food item in America

Breakfast crunchwrap might be the best fast food menu item in America. It's that good. It is perfect.

Nebraska Football will go undefeated and win the National Championship in 2023

Dude. We're winning it. We're winning it all. National [Championship]. Undefeated. Undefeated. There's, it's not even a possibility that we're gonna lose a game this year.

Golf is better when fans have specific players to root against like Brooks Koepka

Biggest pet peeves about golf is that no matter who wins, we all say yay at the end of it... You rally around one guy, right? And that's what you also need to be able to rally against one guy... Frankie has been going against Brooks for a few years now.

Tiger Woods will win another major championship

I'm standing behind my guy. Tiger Woods wins another major. For sure.

Modern golf has a serious ball problem because courses are becoming too easy

When I watched Keegan Bradley play, I was like, okay, golf does have a ball problem. Yeah, I mean it, it was an embarrassment to the game of golf. They're making the courses too easy. It's the balls actually, right?

Florida's decision to steal bases while leading LSU by 15 runs was a mistake that motivated the Tigers

Things got really bad for LSU when, when Florida started to steal bases when they were up by like 15 runs in the seventh inning. That, to me was a mistake by Florida because you gave LSU something to be really pissed off about going into game three... LSU would have way less to fight about I think their confidence would be down going into game three and they wouldn't be angry.