Takes

The stamina-based Home Run Derby format is inferior to the old 'out-based' format

They've screwed it up. I know what it used to be with the 10 outs. It took forever cuz guys were just taking pitches. But yet again, we have a home run Derby where we just, it's essentially a stamina competition of who can hit the fastest home runs and it has nothing to do with the long ball. I want that back.

Christian Yelich is a coward for choosing to skip the Home Run Derby

Also of note Christian Yelich, that coward did not compete in the Home Run Derby. Don't do that... He's a coward. That's what he is gonna do. He's, I think he's afraid of how much he's gonna love watching me and you tongue punch each other's spark boxes.

The 2023 MLB All-Star jerseys were terrible and the league should let players wear their team uniforms instead

The all-star jerseys were terrible. I don't know what they were doing. They looked so, so bad. It feels like it... it should be easy to not mess this up. I also wouldn't hate it if they... did it where it was just roads and, and home. Like you wore your uniform with your grays with like an emblem on it.

A grilled cheese is better the less effort you put into it

I also think that a grilled cheese is one of those things that it's better the less effort that you put into it. Yeah. Like you can make a gourmet grilled cheese with some of the best cheese in the world. But for my money, if you just take like two slices of Wonder Bread and some craft singles that's perfect.

Chief Aholic is a modern-day Robin Hood who we shouldn't be castigating

Chief Aholic is basically a modern day Robin Hood. Stole from the banks, gave to himself and we're, we're castigating him for it. We're throwing him in jail maybe for the rest of his life. It feels messed up.

The Times Square Margaritaville should be subsidized by the government and saved from closure

Margaritaville should be too big to fail. It should be subsidized by the government. Should be saved. Yeah.

Anyone who says 'I turned out fine' regarding their childhood trauma actually didn't turn out fine

Anyone who says I turned out fine, there you are. Not fine. About anything, anything. It could be like X Y, Z happened to me when I was a kid. I turned out fine. 'I smoked, my father made me smoke cigarettes when I was five years old. Look how I turned out.' I'm fine. Yeah, I'm great.

Urban Meyer would be a great choice for the next Northwestern head coach

I think one thing we can all agree on though is a great choice for the next Northwestern head coach would be Urban Meyer. Ooh, yes. Let's get urban back in the conversation. Not afraid to get his hands dirty. The guy is a molder of young men and let's just get urban back into the Big 10.

The Eagles would beat the Chiefs 10 out of 10 times in the Super Bowl if the field conditions were better

All I can say is it was a great game till the end. You know, if, if the field was better, if we were playing on turf, you know, I'd take us 10 outta 10. But I have to say that.

South Dakota is the 'cool Dakota' while North Dakota is for people who aren't cool

North Dakota is kind of like where people go that aren't cool. And like South Dakota's the cool Dakota. Okay. Really? It's just like Canada didn't want 'em. So like we'll just give 'em North Dakota.

The Eagles could successfully run their 'tush push' quarterback sneak on every single down

I think we could go up and down the field [running the sneak every down]. Yeah. I think Jalen would break more than you would think and probably drop a safety and take it.

Jalen Hurts will throw for more touchdowns and rush for fewer this season

This next year though, we, we've been talking and he doesn't want rushing touchdowns. He's good. He broke the quarterback rush touchdown per year, whatever. So now he's, now he's ready to start throwing 'em.

Jalen Hurts is a top two quarterback in the NFL

I think Jay has to be at the top. Yes. Personally speaking, Jalen's in the top two and depending on what fan base we want to antagonize. But personally speaking, Jaylen's in the top two.

Car time is for listening to podcasts, not for talking

Not for talking. Car time is for listening. When is he supposed to make these business calls in the car? On the golf course? Yeah.

Joey Chestnut is the greatest American of all time and saved the 4th of July

Joey Chestnut being the greatest American of all time and saving, literally saving the 4th of July for America. ... if we did a new Mount Rushmore of Greatest Americans of all time, it's Joey Chestnut [and no one] else.

It would be extremely funny if Victor Wembanyama turned out to be a bust

I know that we're a Victor Wembanyama podcast. We've staked our reputation on it. Everyone will remember this. It would be so fucking funny if he was a bust.

The social media app Threads is boring and already dead because it's too nice

I'm already, it was fun for like two and a half days. ... I don't know what to do with it now because I just don't, there's nothing, it's too nice. ... I think I'm done. I think I'm done with it.

Golf ball manufacturers should put tracking chips in balls to prevent loss

They need to make a fucking golf ball with a chip in it that you can locate on your phone when you lose it in the Woods or in a bush or in tall grass. ... Let's make a golf ball with a chip in it. We we're way overdue for that

You can eat for free at restaurants by pretending to be a waiter taking away leftovers

I think we could just eat for free if we just show up to really nice restaurants and we just go to like, people who are just finishing being like, can I take this for you? And then just walk out. ... I handed him my food. Like it was nobody's business being like, this guy will come back with a bag and Yeah. I, I think I found a way that if, if we ever fall on hard times, we can just live off of that.

The Vegas Sphere is the coolest thing ever and the future of advertising

It's maybe the coolest thing I've ever seen. Like, I feel like it's gonna be everywhere all the time now. Like it's the, it's the future. ... However much it costs to advertise on it is like it's better than a billboard.

Bob Huggins' legal defense that he never actually resigned from West Virginia is "brilliant" and "ironclad"

Bob Huggins is kind of back. ... He's employing a brilliant legal defense right now. He's claiming that he never actually resigned from WVU... that his wife sent an email saying that he was maybe gonna step down and that they ran with that. ... It sounds pretty ironclad.

Jordan Spieth is wearing a cheap $500 Instagram ad suit that hides 'fat and frumpy' bodies

Jordan Spieth has a lot, a lot of money. But I think I have that same suit and I understand what happened. ... I think he's wearing a $500 Instagram suit. ... It's a stretchy material that doesn't iron well. And so it's like, it's like a, it's like almost like a, it's like an Under Armour shirt in a suit form.

"Girl dinner" is just a new name for the way I've been snacking for 20 years

I've been eating girl dinner for the last 20 years of my life. ... Charcuterie bro. Dude, I've been eating girl dinner forever. I just accidentally eat a full sleeve of crackers and a block of cheese while I'm standing in front of my fridge.

Football players who don't play and then transfer are 'snitches' for reporting hazing

No dudes who don't play in transfer are the biggest snitches ever. ... Cuz they're, they're the only ones who's like, there's something wrong with this program. It's not wrong with me. It's the program that's wrong.

Tom Brady is "all natural" and would never date someone with a "fake body" like Kim Kardashian

She's got a fake body and Tom Brady would never do something like that. ... Tom Brady is a real man. He cares about family, brotherhood, love. ... Tom Brady's all natural himself.

Tom Brady is a 'trophy husband' who needs a sugar mama like Kim Kardashian

Tom Brady is a stay-at-home dad. He needs to find another sugar mama to pay his bills because he always likes women who make more than him. That's just the facts. ... He's a trophy husband. ... Now he's looking for someone to take care of him.

The NBA Cup is awesome and gives fans a real reason to care about the regular season in December

My who's back is the NBA cup. It was revealed this weekend. ... I think it's awesome. ... December 9th. I don't think people are circling NBA on their calendar, but now this gives you a reason to do so.

I felt ghosts in the pool house at George Kittle's home

It was very creepy. And I had never dealt with anything like that before. ... I like just like couldn't like, I had to like, keep focusing on this thing in the co like there was something else in the room. ... I felt that something was in the room with me. And it was the the freakiest thing.

In Kyle Shanahan's offense, receivers are open on nearly every play

Guys are open. I mean, there's a lot of guys open on near every play. It just seems like there's a ton of answers. ... knowing that the coordinator's gonna put everyone in the best position possible.

I am officially 'back in' on Sam Darnold

I'm back in on Sam Darnold. I think you're back. 100%. ... Sam Darnold's back. Put it, I I said it. Big Cat Big Cat said it.

Pissing in the snow and writing your name is an elite experience

Peeing in the snow. Pissing in the snow, writing your name in the snow rocks, watching it melt. ... You got your own fire hose.

Shower pisses are elite and I will actually hold a piss just so I can do it in the shower

The shower piss is elite. ... It's like automatic that I pee in the shower. I'll hold a piss to go in the shower. ... It's also kind of badass when you're a little dehydrated and your piss is yellow in the shower.

Shower pisses are gross and I am not a shower piss guy

I'm not a shower piss guy. ... [PFT: How can you not pee in the shower?] I'm not a shower piss guy. ... Shower pisses are so gross.

Peeing on a smoldering campfire to put it out is an elite experience

Peeing onto a smoldering fire... putting out the fire. So putting out your fire rules. ... You got your own fire hose.

I pee in 100% of the pools I have ever been in

I piss in every pool I've ever been in. Yep. A hundred percent. Yep. All the time. ... Every pool I've ever been in, in my entire life. Every pool I've pissed in.

Wonton Don was such a great guest that next time we play D&D, he and Nick should both join us.

Wonton Don was a great fill in. It might just be Nick and Donny next time with us because it was that great. So much fun with him.

Hank will likely catch a stray and be put in a dangerous situation before the D&D session ends.

I think somebody pro, if I, if I were to guess, because there's always gonna be a little bit of blood lust about somebody wanted to kill Hank very much... I think Hank might have caught a stray. Maybe we put Hank in a dangerous situation after I left.

If you see me on the street, I will almost certainly have a D20 on my person to roll for you.

If you come up to me on the street, I will roll a D 20 because I will probably have one on my person. Almost definitely.

I promise not to kill Hank during this D&D session unless he gives me a reason to.

I promise not to kill Hank unless Hank does something that makes me have to kill him, which he might do. ... I'm not gonna attack Hank. I'm not gonna attack anybody that's in my party. But if Hank does something that's like, he really has it coming, it's gonna be tough for me not to.

I am promising that I will truce fully and not attack anyone during this D&D session.

I am promising that I will truce fully. I will not attack anyone. I Wonton try to get as far as we've ever gotten where we don't get sidetracked. ... I am dressed nicely today. ... I Wonton have fun with my friends and then, and just go on a nice adventure together.

The party can always turn on Hank if the mission goes south.

Okay, well, if shit goes south, we can always turn on Hank. As long as it's not me.

Every group of fans that has played this adventure has successfully finished it.

Every one of the a w l groups who has gone through this adventure has gotten to the end and finished it. But I also told them I wasn't sure if you guys would or not.

Using a Bardic Inspiration early in D&D is like using a coaching challenge in the first quarter of an NBA game.

It's like using your challenge in the first quarter. Okay. Even if you can win, win it. But if you win your challenge, you get you, you keep it. I mean three points true. It's three points in the matter. We're not an NBA podcast. Let's, I mean it's NBA, it's final season.

The missing children in the D&D campaign deserve their fate for exploring dangerous caves.

The child needs a lesson. You shouldn't go explore caves plug.

A Warlock is nothing without their spells.

You need your spells. [Hank] is nothing If you don't have spells.

Sending the missing kids to hell was definitely not part of our original rescue mission.

I don't think that our plan was to find these kids and send them to hell. ... I don't think that our plan was to find these kids and send them to hell. It was to [maybe save them].

My Warlock patron is basically just a dealer trying to support his family by taking souls.

He's just going to my dealer's house. Right? ... Maybe he's just trying to support his family and that's the only way he knows how. ... I gotta support the plug.

One teenage hippo can successfully take on three or four ghouls in combat.

I think one hippo can take three GULs or four... I think that's a solid matchup.

I deserve credit for the Necromancer kill because I did the heavy lifting before Hank's final blow.

Stats at the end, that kill would be mine, right? Like I, I was the one who loosened the jar. ... I was the one who did the damage.

I am the Wilt Chamberlain of Dungeons & Dragons based on my performance today.

I'm the Wilt Chamberlain numbers. ... I am the last survivor here, so you get all these experience points survived.