Takes

The Giants are the worst team in the NFL if games were only three quarters long

The Giants are the worst team in the league... the worst team in the league if football games were three quarters long. I think they'd be undefeated [Ravens] and the Giants would be two, seven and two in the first three quarters.

Deshaun Watson will be rusty and the Texans will cover +7

Texans plus seven Dashaun Watson's coming back. He is playing his first game of football since January 3rd, 2021. That's essentially two years. In between football games. That's a long time. It's a long time to not play football. Yes.

Tom Brady is coming back to play for the Patriots next season

I'm kind of, I'm I'm back on Brady. You don't think the reason they left is cuz Giselle. He missed you the entire time. If Brady wants to come back, like that's, that's really all it is. Basically. They have the cap space to do it if they want to, which I'm sure they would. And I'm sure Tom wants to come back.

Aaron Rodgers will likely 'skull fuck' the Bears in Week 13

Aaron Rodgers seems like he's definitely playing and he's being a real dick about everything... he's probably gonna skull fuck me. I might as well make some money off it.

Mike White has a four-interception game coming soon

The only thing I'm worried about was that four pick game last season. It's like, you know, that's there somewhere. You know what I'm saying? You know, it's almost like herpes, you know... You know there's a four pick game coming up with Mike White. We just hope it's not the weekend.

The Browns will make a run now that Deshaun Watson is back

They could make a run. Come on guys. They have a ground game. They have receivers, they have a defense. The one missing piece was [Watson] is coming in.

The Colts will cover +11 against the Cowboys in Week 13

The Colts are gonna cover over Dallas. I don't know, I just think, you know, my book was giving 11 points last I checked and I just think the Cols are gonna cover.

Using prevent defense only prevents you from winning

When you go to prevent defense, the only thing it does, it prevents yourself from winning. So Greg [Berhalter], if you're listening against the Dutch or the Netherlands or the Holland or whatever you want to call 'em, don't park the bus. Keep your foot on the gas. Be free, live free. Have the American spirit flowing through you.

I guarantee a USMNT World Cup championship in 2026

This is mission accomplished. It's a win. Anything else on top of that is gravy. We won the World Cup today by advancing outta the group stage because it was never supposed to be us this year anyways. In 2026, that's when the boys spread their wings and become a butterfly. And that's, I'm guaranteeing personally a United States World Cup championship in 2026.

The current top four teams should stay in the College Football Playoff regardless of conference championship outcomes

What I'm gonna say though is I think it should be the four that are in right now [Georgia, Michigan, TCU, USC]. I think it should be those four. You shouldn't get penalized for playing an extra game while the other people are sitting on their couch. I would love for it to be this four.

If USC loses, Tulane should be put in the College Football Playoff

USC loses put Tulane in. That's what I'm gonna say. Willie Fritz got the boys going.

Ryan Day has set the Ohio State football program back 15 years

Jim Harbaugh said Ryan Day was born on third and thought he had a triple because he took Urban Meyer's machine that dominated Michigan every single year and he basically put it [the program] back 15 years in a matter of two. Like they're back, they're back before trestle. Like it's crazy how that happened so fast.

Spencer Rattler and Bo Nix are both going to be awesome NFL quarterbacks

I think the, the big takeaway from these last two weeks of college football is... I was right originally and I was only wrong about being right too soon. That Spencer Rattler and Bo Nix are both gonna be awesome NFL quarterbacks.

Luke Fickell is the best possible hire for Wisconsin; he is what the program does well on steroids

Luke Fickell... I couldn't be happier. I'm over the moon. I actually think... it can't be a better hire in my mind. Luke Fickell is like what Wisconsin does well on steroids in terms of, he can get the developmental part where it's like three and four, three stars, two stars, three stars, four stars making those guys NFL players.

I don't mind Jeff Saturday's late-game clock management against the Steelers

I'm gonna say something controversial. I don't mind what Jeff Saturday did at the end of the game. I don't mind it because he had three timeouts and if that drive had kept going in, he probably would've used him at that point... He had enough timeouts that he could have if his back was against the wall.

George Pickens is the one wide receiver in the NFL who can catch any ball thrown to him

Can Pickens is good. And that Pickens is probably the one wide receiver that I think could catch any ball throw[n]. He's got the widest catch radius... his catch radius is as wide as an African elephant.

The Rock is becoming unlikable because he is too manufactured and 'too likable'

At this point I regret to inform you that I think I'm out on the Rock... he seems like he's turned his entire life into a living breathing Upworthy headline... the Rock is still like probably one of the more likable people in the world... I saw this and I was like, that's too far. You've lost me The Rock. You've entered the weird online celebrity like John Legend, Chrissy Tegan era of I have to root a little bit against you now. You're too likable.

The Packers are going to kill the Bears on Sunday because Aaron Rodgers owns us

Fuck Aaron Rogers who said he's playing on Sunday. If Justin Fields doesn't play, then I'm really stuck because... the Packers are gonna kill the Bears and then everyone's gonna be like, Aaron Rogers owns you. Which he does.

I will take Liver King back if he admits he used steroids and was just trying to recover from injury

If he just says like, yeah, guys, I'm 50 years old... I needed this stuff to like, you know, come back. Like if he basically does the, I was injured and I wanted to get back with the team real fast. Like, if he does that, I'll take him back. I'll be like, what? Fuck it, dude. Like at least you're honest now.

I prefer to go for two when down by 14 and scoring a touchdown

This is one I've come around on. I think you go for two just because you then know exactly the circumstances that you're kind of going into games with... now you get two opportunities to get those two points. And if you're able to get 'em on the first time, now you obviously know that your six points down with the ability to score and win on that next extra point.

Justin Fields is a special player who is going to be a franchise-changing quarterback for the Bears

I'll tell you what [Justin Fields] is, he's a special player... I think he's gonna be, you know, a a franchise changing quarterback for that organization and something we're gonna have to deal with two times a year for hopefully a long time. If I, I get to be the head coach of this team for a long time, so can't say enough good things about where he's at and his development this year.

Kirk Cousins is currently the 16th best quarterback in the NFL

Personally, I have Kurt Cousins ranked as the 16th best quarterback in the National Football League. Your thoughts?

I've not had a blister on my hands since junior year of high school baseball

Maybe baseball. I used to swing a baseball bat. Maybe I got a blister playing baseball in high school. So junior year of high school.

The modern day alpha male gets away with lies to feel manly

Guys, you know what, the modern day alpha male doesn't have a lot of things that we can do to make us feel manly, but getting away with lies is one of those things.

The Bengals are in the exact same spot they were last year before their Super Bowl run

The Cincinnati Bengals, we talked about it last week. They're sitting basically at the exact same spot they were at last year when they ripped off all those wins and went all the way to the Super Bowl. They go into Nashville, they get in a fist fight with the Titans and come out with a win.

T Higgins is the best number two wide receiver in the NFL

T Higgins is probably the best number two [wide receiver]. He was awesome. And it does feel like he doesn't get any of the pub that Jamar Chase does because Jamar Chase is so incredible.

Taylor Heinicke has proven he is a good quarterback and potentially 'the guy'

Taylor Heinicke at this point has proven, I think that he's a good quarterback. I'm getting close to the point where I'm just ready to, I'm dangerously close to saying he's the guy. I'm very close.

Todd Bowles is a really shitty head coach

Todd Bowles is a really shitty head coach. He stinks. He is so bad. And the Bucks, the Bucks have their problems. They're not a good football team... this game is 100% on Todd Bowles. He coached like a fucking coward. He doesn't know who his quarterback is.

The Tom Brady and Bruce Arians falling out was an FTX-level mistake

I don't know how it all broke down how Tom Brady ended up being, getting Todd Bowles as the head coach... we think that maybe he and Bruce Arians had a falling out and if they did, that was a big mistake. That was a FTX level mistake by him.

Trevor Lawrence has officially arrived

Trevor Lawrence has arrived. If you're a Jaguars fan, this is the game you will have in your head for this. This buys you like three more years of Trevor Lawrence. I mean he was awesome in the fourth quarter. Incredible.

The Bears are a juggernaut at losing and rooting for them to tank for a high draft pick is a cathartic experience.

I don't want the Bears to win this game. Just reversing my entire mindset about the Bears. I was like, I want them to lose this game. And they are incredibly competent at that. They know how to do that very well. It was like the easiest Sunday of my life. ... The Bears are a juggernaut at losing.

Zach Wilson is literally the worst quarterback in the NFL

That's how bad Zach Wilson has been. He's been literally the worst quarterback in the NFL. So if Mike White is B quarterbacking, I think you gotta just keep rolling with him and be like, 'This is our best chance to win.'

Nathaniel Hackett might be the worst NFL head coach ever

I am saying he's the worst coach ever. Nathaniel Hackett would understand, like, we've been very nice. You fucked up a lot... Hey, Nathaniel Hackett, like to show that we're friends, I'm gonna be like, 'Hey dude, you might be the worst coach of all time.'

Russell Wilson needs to go on an Ayahuasca journey to fix his ego

I actually do think that Russell Wilson is the quarterback that needs to do drugs the most... there's no quarterback in the NFL that's more in need of like a nice piping hot glass [ayahuasca] than Russell Wilson is. Ego death. Just yes. Go off into the jungle for the next two months. Leave Sierra behind. She'll be fine and yeah. Just, just stay in a Shaman's tent.

Sam Darnold deserves a tip of the cap for somehow winning games as a starter for Todd Bowles, Adam Gase, Matt Rhule, and Steve Wilks.

Sam Darnold has gotten a win for these four coaches: Todd Bowles, Adam Gase, Matt Rhule, Steve Wilks. That in itself, the fact that Sam Darnold has gotten a quarterback win for those four head coaches deserves like a tip of the cap. Like, wow. Dude, that's impressive.

Jordan Love showed terrible field awareness by failing to run out of bounds during the final drive against the Eagles.

Drop Jordan Love. He's balded. Terrible awareness. He could've run for that. He could've run for that. That's a fact. ... Jordan Love terrible field awareness. That's, I'm gonna mark that right there. Put that in my file. He absolutely could have gotten the side right there.

The Dolphins will be bona fide Super Bowl contenders if they win two of their next three games

They gotta go at 49ers, at Chargers, at Bills... These next three though. If they win two outta three, I don't think, why wouldn't we be saying Dolphins are a true bonafide Super Bowl contender? Why wouldn't we? I think if they win two out of these three, they become like the second or third team that comes outta their [people's] mouths.

The Eagles' special teams is bad enough to cause a catastrophic loss in the playoffs.

Special teams looks bad. Defense looks bad. ... We're the worst kickoff team in the league. They get to the 40 three times a game off kickoff and it makes such a difference. And it's just frustrating to see. [Big Cat adds]: Special teams will always rear its ugly head... it will turn everything in a playoff game.

The 49ers are the scariest team in the NFC

I think they will be the team that all Cowboys, Eagles, Vikings fans will say, 'No, no thank you. Don't wanna play that team.' ... I think they're by far the scariest team.

I am going to physically assault Dennis Allen if I have to watch Andy Dalton start for the Saints for the rest of the season.

I'm not saying that I'm gonna beat the shit outta Dennis Allen, but if I have to watch Andy Dalton for the rest of the season, I'm gonna, I'm gonna punch him. Yeah. I, I'm gonna punch, I'm gonna, I'm going find Dennis Allen. I'm gonna punch him. Yeah. Not his face. I'm gonna give him like a Charlie horse. ... I'm gonna physically assault Dennis Allen.

The Raiders' decision not to pick up the fifth-year option on Josh Jacobs was a massive no-brainer they completely botched.

The one good guy that you've drafted. Correct. You don't give the fifth year to. And Josh Jacobs is... an elite running back and they're not giving him the fifth year. And it feels like this whole season has been like a Josh Jacobs giant middle finger. Fuck you to the Raiders for not paying him. ... This is a no brainer to end all no brainers.

Josh Allen can win you a Super Bowl, Kirk Cousins cannot

Listen, the Vikings are a good team. Josh Allen's ceiling, Kirk Cousins' ceiling, there's a big difference. That's how I view the teams. Josh Allen can win you a Super Bowl. Kirk Cousins cannot.

Micah Parsons might be the best overall football player in the NFL

I think Micah Parsons, when he's activated, is the best defensive player in the NFL... when they turn him loose, it's his league and they just say, 'Okay Micah, your assignment is to just go out there and fuck everything up.' He might be the best football player [in the NFL].

The USA vs England 0-0 draw was the greatest tie of all time and should be known as the 'Miracle on Grass'.

It was the best, the greatest tie of all time. The tie heard around the world. We were calling it the the Miracle on Grass. And it was incredible. ... I traveled halfway around the world with a singular mission to bring home a fucking tie to the United States. We did.

Wisconsin hiring Luke Fickle is a great hire

Wisconsin Badgers. Luke Fickle out of nowhere. Loved the hire. Excited because Wisconsin could not have been more like bottomed out this year. Wisconsin's back. I'm very, very excited.

Stuffing should be an all-year-round food, not just for the holidays

Stuffing should be year round. It should not be limited to the holidays. Big time. I love stuffing. It's maybe my favorite dish. Favorite side dish. It just, I would like to enjoy stuffing occasionally in the autumn, in the spring, in the summertime.

The 49ers are the scariest team in the NFL

The Niners are the scariest team in the NFL. I know. That doesn't mean they're the best. They're the scariest... when they're right and it's more, it's probably more about Kyle Shanahan's system and what, you know, when the blocks are correct and, and everything's working. It's basically feels unstoppable.

The Patriots will beat the Vikings on Thanksgiving because Minnesota was looking ahead

I'm taking Patriots money line... I think this is gonna be a shootout. Two great teams. Vikings, Kirk Cousins elite. They're gonna have a bounce back game after, you know, got a little bit caught off guard. A little bit of a trap game knowing that they had this game coming up on Thanksgiving. Kind of a look ahead and I think Mac Jones gonna ball out again.

The Commanders will get the 7th seed and lose to Kirk Cousins in the playoffs

I realized what's going to happen. [The Commanders] are gonna be the 7th seed. I'm gonna play against Kirk Cousins in the first round and he is gonna whoop the dog shit outta me. Yes. That's what's gonna happen in the playoffs.

The Lions will lose on Thanksgiving because they've lost 15 consecutive games as an underdog on the holiday

The lions by the way have lost 15 consecutive games straight up as an underdog on Thanksgiving. So they're nine point underdogs. So probably not smart to just bet the Bill's money line straight up. But it's been a while.