Takes

Trix Yogurt is an elite-tier snack

TRX Yogurt is elite. The best. No free ads, but that's a good free ads. Do they exist? ... TRX Yogurt was discontinued in 2016... but it's since returned to the market.

Quiche is a superior breakfast food to frittata

I like quiche. I like quiche. I think [it] is superior. Superior to frittata. The pie crust, it's quiche. I like quiche.

Hot honey is one of the best inventions ever

When did Hot Honey become a thing? Because it's basically the best invention. ... What a great addition to everything. Hot honey. Fucking love it.

I ate a peanut butter and jelly sandwich before pretty much every game of my career

I would eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich before the game. I started that in the minor leagues... and I stuck with that even in the big leagues... pretty much every game [for 1,937 games].

Pistachios are a grand slam nut

I would put pistachio on my Mount Rushmore of nuts. ... Peanut is a double off the wall. I enjoy peanuts. But you talk about a grand slam, now we're talking pistachios. ... It might be my favorite nut.

Fever Tree is currently the best ginger beer on the market

I'm actually trying to create my own ginger beer with not as much sugar. I love it so much... You gotta try Fever Tree. That's the best one right now. And then when mine comes out, that will be the best one out.

Nutty Bars are a top-tier snack pick

Gonna go with Nutty Bars. Love them. Love them. Yeah. You know that You'll get my vote on that. It's a solid pick.

Doritos are the best snack

I will go with Doritos. Cool Ranch Doritos are my favorite. Doritos are the best. They really are the best.

You would choose pizza over donuts for the rest of your life because you can't eat donuts every day

If it's pizza or donuts for the rest of your life, you'd have to take pizza. Like, I'm just being honest, like I love donuts, but you can't eat donuts every day. You could eat pizza almost every day.

Waffles are superior to pancakes in every way

I'm going to go waffles. Love waffles. Superior to pancakes in every way. Waffles versatile. You can go sweet... or you can go savory. The nooks and crannies make it.

Frozen yogurt is the Brock Purdy of ice creams

I would say frozen yogurt is the Brock Purdy of ice creams. You can win with it. Where ideally would you take it number one? Probably not. But you get all the great toppings on it and it becomes great.

It is almost impossible to get a bad version of a BLT

I'll go with BLT. Classic. Never fails. Some of these sandwiches, you can get bad versions of them. It's almost impossible to get a bad version of A BLT.

A Chicken Club sandwich is much better than a Turkey Club

I'm gonna go with chicken club. Much better than a Turkey club. Oh, much better.

Chicken wings are the best food and would be my number one overall pick in a food draft

Chicken wings is my favorite. It is the best food. I would take it one, one in a food draft.

Dots Pretzels are the most addictive snack in existence

I've never been addicted to a snack more than this. And it's dangerous. It is crazy.

Korean BBQ is a great restaurant concept because you don't have to do the dishes

Dishes. You don't have to do the dishes. The dishes is what the worst part about cooking at home is... and it will change everything in your brain.

The Taco Bell Cheez-It Crunchwrap will be elite

Let me just say that The Cheez-It Crunchwrap looks elite. Yes. It looks, I without tasting it, I can tell you that's probably on my Mount Rushmore of Taco Bell Foods.

Turkey belongs on Thanksgiving and you shouldn't try to replace it with steak

Turkey on Thanksgiving is what you do. You have to keep doing it. If you start doing steak on Thanksgiving, it now diminishes steak... Let's not try to reinvent the wheel. That's When, you eat Turkey. There's no other time really to eat Turkey. Eat steak all year.

Stuffing is the best Thanksgiving side and should be eaten more often

I want to stand out on a soapbox and pound my chest for stuffing. Oh it's stuffing is the best... we should eat stuffing way more frequently than we do. It's the best.

I only eat chicken tenders and don't like seafood

I have [had shrimp] but seafood's not really. Not really my thing. ... Chicken tenders. ... [Shirley Temples] I can get a Sprite whenever I want, but if I go to a restaurant or something, get a Shirley Temple. Class it up a little bit.

Uncrustables are the perfect meal

It's really the perfect meal, an Uncrustables.

The Grilled Cheese Burrito is the best item currently on the Taco Bell menu

Best menu item going right now. Grilled cheese burrito... That is the best menu item they have right now... I love the grilled cheese burrito. Yes. It's the foundation.

I've eaten way more chicken wings than anybody else in the PMT room

Chicken wings eaten. I bet you I'd be topping this room. I think I've eaten way more chicken wings than anybody else here.

Microwavable dinner is the one food that best represents America

The microwave dinner because the eighties was such a shift... first decade that has two, two parents working. So you have latchkey kids able to let themselves in... a microwave, you put the damn thing in, you press a couple buttons. So a latchkey kid suddenly had agency... it's a direct correlation to where American tastes are at the time.

The chicken salad on wheat is the high-key veteran move at the Augusta media center

Chicken salad on wheat. Chicken salad on wheat is low-key, high-key the go-to. The vets know that. So go chicken salad on the Honey wheat... that's the one you want.

The 'Big Texas' cinnamon roll is a meal substitute that requires calling in sick the next day

The problem is with Big Texas, it is the closest treat that you can have that will like substitute for a meal and a pinch. But you basically have to call in sick the next day. If you're eating a Big Texas for dinner that night.

Fried lobster is the most delicious thing I have ever eaten

I had fried lobster for the first time in my life. That's all I've been thinking about. It was the most delicious thing I've ever ate.

Stuffing should be an all-year-round food, not just for the holidays

Stuffing should be year round. It should not be limited to the holidays. Big time. I love stuffing. It's maybe my favorite dish. Favorite side dish. It just, I would like to enjoy stuffing occasionally in the autumn, in the spring, in the summertime.

Frosted Flakes are a perfectly average and unexciting cereal

I feel like Frosted Flakes is an okay cereal, but it's just never is anyone's like—does anyone get excited about it? They're perfectly average. Unless they're stale at the continental breakfast.

Chinese food is the unquestioned number one overall pick for leftovers

The first pick is the easiest pick in the entire history of Mount Rushmore, Chinese food. Number one, simple. It's so good. Just eat it cold, like some lo mein... beef and broccoli.

Chili is one of the strongest leftover foods because the flavors intensify the second day

Our second one is going to be chili. Chili's one of those things where the flavors get stronger the second day. I think it's a very strong pick.

Thanksgiving leftovers are a top-tier food category people can survive on for days

Thanksgiving leftovers. I mean, people survive off from Thursday to Sunday of whenever Thanksgiving weekend is off of Thanksgiving [food]. It's a pretty easy Mount Rushmore [pick].

Reese's Peanut Butter Cups are the best candy overall

One, one, no brainer. Pick hat knows this favorite candy. I literally had it for breakfast this morning. Reese's.

Peanut Butter M&Ms are better than regular M&Ms

Our third pick, we're gonna go with peanut butter M&Ms... Easy money in the bank. I would take that over regular M&M actually all day, all day. If somebody handed you a bag of regular M&Ms, and one peanut butter, you're taking peanut butter every time.

A Twizzler can be used as a straw for drinking Coke

You know, what's the best part about Twizzlers? If you bite both ends, you can use it as straw. That's true... get a large Coke. Yeah. Longs, Twizzlers bite. Both ends use the Twizzler as a straw for the Coke.

Sour Patch Kids are elite movie snacks

If I go to a movie, I'm getting two snacks... My second snack, always Sour Patch Kids, people, elite movie snacks. They're very, very good.

Pink is the greatest Starburst flavor

Pink one. One's... Pink is the, is the goat. Pink's the only one for me.

Pineapple is a tier-one fruit

Next pick, our next pick is pineapple. Great fruit. Tier one. Pineapple makes everything taste good. It's big and strong.

Twix is the most consistent candy bar because it's everyone's top-four choice

The Twix is the candy bar unlike any other. I don't think anyone has Twix as their number one, but everyone has Twix in their top three or four. It's the most consistent... no one really bashes Twix.

Leftover Thai or Chinese food is best eaten cold directly from the fridge

Thai, Chinese... cold in front of the refrigerator in the morning. It doesn't get any better than that. Thai and Chinese is the correct answer. Cold. Don't heat it up.

The ultimate leftover life hack is the 'Stuffing Waffle'

I like taking my stuffing leftover stuffing and putting into a waffle machine. No batter, just straight stuffing, pressing waffle, and then the turkey over the top of that. The gravy on top of that. And now we're talking.

Steakhouses in Indianapolis are engaged in a spicy cocktail sauce arms race

I noticed the shrimp cocktail sauce was spicier than normal. I think they're trying to compete with St. Elmo's. It's an arms race... St. Elmo's is going to eventually just burn your mouth off and be like, 'here's your bill'.

You must use a meat thermometer to cook a steak correctly

The biggest one for steak is just to use a thermometer. I think people think that like, oh, I'm a cool guy. I can like poke at my steak and I'll know when it's done. It's like, nah, just use a thermometer. Like you're not that good at cooking a steak, all the good places do that anyway.

The best way to eat a cookie is to make it giant with a crispy outside and gooey inside

Instead of making small cookies, I make four gigantic cookies. And then I bake them. And then I make them gooey, and then I eat one... Well, the thing about the big cookie is you can get the outside crispy and then the inside gooey.

To make wild food taste good, just burn the hell out of it

The magic ingredient is burn the hell out of it. You just got to burn the hell out of it... whatever it is, just burn the hell out of it. And it's OK. It kind of baked all that fluid out... just like a burnt sausage.

I am going to release a line of Guy Fieri boozy ice cream soon

I got into this thing of boozy ice cream. So you may keep an eye out. There may be a Guy Fieri boozy ice cream coming out sometime soon. Tell me that would be gangster.

Waffle House is the best night, breakfast, and drunk food in the world

Let's not shame people that eat at waffle house because now if you're a millionaire, you should still be going to waffle house on a regular basis. It is the best night food. It's the best breakfast and it's drunk food. It's great. Waffle house shrunk waffle house is one of America's finest institutions.

Ordering soda without ice is a smart consumer move to get 25% more drink

No ice, I think that's just being a smart consumer. You get more soda that way. I think if you grow up with not a whole lot of money, you know the no ice trick, because you get an extra probably 25% of the drink with it and you don't need the ice.

Flaming cheese (Saganaki) is the best Greek invention because it's like an experience

The flaming saganaki, the flaming cheese. That shit is awesome. It's like going to hibachi. It's like, you clap for it. It's an experience, like, 'oh shit, they lit the cheese on fire!'

The chicken salad on brioche is the best new food item at Augusta National.

That's not the play, though, by the way, fellas. That's not the play. Chicken salad on the brioche. That was new for 2021. I ate about 11 of those today.