Takes

Trix Yogurt is an elite-tier snack

TRX Yogurt is elite. The best. No free ads, but that's a good free ads. Do they exist? ... TRX Yogurt was discontinued in 2016... but it's since returned to the market.

Hot honey is one of the best inventions ever

When did Hot Honey become a thing? Because it's basically the best invention. ... What a great addition to everything. Hot honey. Fucking love it.

I ate a peanut butter and jelly sandwich before pretty much every game of my career

I would eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich before the game. I started that in the minor leagues... and I stuck with that even in the big leagues... pretty much every game [for 1,937 games].

Pistachios are a grand slam nut

I would put pistachio on my Mount Rushmore of nuts. ... Peanut is a double off the wall. I enjoy peanuts. But you talk about a grand slam, now we're talking pistachios. ... It might be my favorite nut.

Fever Tree is currently the best ginger beer on the market

I'm actually trying to create my own ginger beer with not as much sugar. I love it so much... You gotta try Fever Tree. That's the best one right now. And then when mine comes out, that will be the best one out.

Nutty Bars are a top-tier snack pick

Gonna go with Nutty Bars. Love them. Love them. Yeah. You know that You'll get my vote on that. It's a solid pick.

Doritos are the best snack

I will go with Doritos. Cool Ranch Doritos are my favorite. Doritos are the best. They really are the best.

You would choose pizza over donuts for the rest of your life because you can't eat donuts every day

If it's pizza or donuts for the rest of your life, you'd have to take pizza. Like, I'm just being honest, like I love donuts, but you can't eat donuts every day. You could eat pizza almost every day.

Waffles are superior to pancakes in every way

I'm going to go waffles. Love waffles. Superior to pancakes in every way. Waffles versatile. You can go sweet... or you can go savory. The nooks and crannies make it.

Frozen yogurt is the Brock Purdy of ice creams

I would say frozen yogurt is the Brock Purdy of ice creams. You can win with it. Where ideally would you take it number one? Probably not. But you get all the great toppings on it and it becomes great.

A Chicken Club sandwich is much better than a Turkey Club

I'm gonna go with chicken club. Much better than a Turkey club. Oh, much better.

Dots Pretzels are the most addictive snack in existence

I've never been addicted to a snack more than this. And it's dangerous. It is crazy.

The Taco Bell Cheez-It Crunchwrap will be elite

Let me just say that The Cheez-It Crunchwrap looks elite. Yes. It looks, I without tasting it, I can tell you that's probably on my Mount Rushmore of Taco Bell Foods.

Turkey belongs on Thanksgiving and you shouldn't try to replace it with steak

Turkey on Thanksgiving is what you do. You have to keep doing it. If you start doing steak on Thanksgiving, it now diminishes steak... Let's not try to reinvent the wheel. That's When, you eat Turkey. There's no other time really to eat Turkey. Eat steak all year.

Stuffing is the best Thanksgiving side and should be eaten more often

I want to stand out on a soapbox and pound my chest for stuffing. Oh it's stuffing is the best... we should eat stuffing way more frequently than we do. It's the best.

I only eat chicken tenders and don't like seafood

I have [had shrimp] but seafood's not really. Not really my thing. ... Chicken tenders. ... [Shirley Temples] I can get a Sprite whenever I want, but if I go to a restaurant or something, get a Shirley Temple. Class it up a little bit.

Uncrustables are the perfect meal

It's really the perfect meal, an Uncrustables.

The Grilled Cheese Burrito is the best item currently on the Taco Bell menu

Best menu item going right now. Grilled cheese burrito... That is the best menu item they have right now... I love the grilled cheese burrito. Yes. It's the foundation.

I've eaten way more chicken wings than anybody else in the PMT room

Chicken wings eaten. I bet you I'd be topping this room. I think I've eaten way more chicken wings than anybody else here.

Microwavable dinner is the one food that best represents America

The microwave dinner because the eighties was such a shift... first decade that has two, two parents working. So you have latchkey kids able to let themselves in... a microwave, you put the damn thing in, you press a couple buttons. So a latchkey kid suddenly had agency... it's a direct correlation to where American tastes are at the time.

The chicken salad on wheat is the high-key veteran move at the Augusta media center

Chicken salad on wheat. Chicken salad on wheat is low-key, high-key the go-to. The vets know that. So go chicken salad on the Honey wheat... that's the one you want.

Fried lobster is the most delicious thing I have ever eaten

I had fried lobster for the first time in my life. That's all I've been thinking about. It was the most delicious thing I've ever ate.

Frosted Flakes are a perfectly average and unexciting cereal

I feel like Frosted Flakes is an okay cereal, but it's just never is anyone's like—does anyone get excited about it? They're perfectly average. Unless they're stale at the continental breakfast.

Chinese food is the unquestioned number one overall pick for leftovers

The first pick is the easiest pick in the entire history of Mount Rushmore, Chinese food. Number one, simple. It's so good. Just eat it cold, like some lo mein... beef and broccoli.

Reese's Peanut Butter Cups are the best candy overall

One, one, no brainer. Pick hat knows this favorite candy. I literally had it for breakfast this morning. Reese's.

Peanut Butter M&Ms are better than regular M&Ms

Our third pick, we're gonna go with peanut butter M&Ms... Easy money in the bank. I would take that over regular M&M actually all day, all day. If somebody handed you a bag of regular M&Ms, and one peanut butter, you're taking peanut butter every time.

A Twizzler can be used as a straw for drinking Coke

You know, what's the best part about Twizzlers? If you bite both ends, you can use it as straw. That's true... get a large Coke. Yeah. Longs, Twizzlers bite. Both ends use the Twizzler as a straw for the Coke.

Pink is the greatest Starburst flavor

Pink one. One's... Pink is the, is the goat. Pink's the only one for me.

Pineapple is a tier-one fruit

Next pick, our next pick is pineapple. Great fruit. Tier one. Pineapple makes everything taste good. It's big and strong.

Leftover Thai or Chinese food is best eaten cold directly from the fridge

Thai, Chinese... cold in front of the refrigerator in the morning. It doesn't get any better than that. Thai and Chinese is the correct answer. Cold. Don't heat it up.

The ultimate leftover life hack is the 'Stuffing Waffle'

I like taking my stuffing leftover stuffing and putting into a waffle machine. No batter, just straight stuffing, pressing waffle, and then the turkey over the top of that. The gravy on top of that. And now we're talking.

You must use a meat thermometer to cook a steak correctly

The biggest one for steak is just to use a thermometer. I think people think that like, oh, I'm a cool guy. I can like poke at my steak and I'll know when it's done. It's like, nah, just use a thermometer. Like you're not that good at cooking a steak, all the good places do that anyway.

To make wild food taste good, just burn the hell out of it

The magic ingredient is burn the hell out of it. You just got to burn the hell out of it... whatever it is, just burn the hell out of it. And it's OK. It kind of baked all that fluid out... just like a burnt sausage.

Waffle House is the best night, breakfast, and drunk food in the world

Let's not shame people that eat at waffle house because now if you're a millionaire, you should still be going to waffle house on a regular basis. It is the best night food. It's the best breakfast and it's drunk food. It's great. Waffle house shrunk waffle house is one of America's finest institutions.

Ordering soda without ice is a smart consumer move to get 25% more drink

I think that's just being a smart consumer. You get more soda that way. I think it's something with you. I think Europeans don't... you get extra probably 25% of the drink with them and you don't need the waste.

You must eat only white cheese if you want to live to 100

I had a cab driver once from LaGuardia who was like, if you want to live to 100, you got to eat only white cheese. He's like, the minute you eat yellow cheese, you're going to kill yourself... He said it was such authority that I was like, damn. He must be right.

Dippin' Dots is a depreciating asset

I learned a lesson, which is Dippin' Dots is a depreciating asset. Yeah, absolutely. No regrets.

Thin sugar cookies with sprinkles are the superior Christmas cookie

I just like the sugar cookies with the, the like the straight up like the thin sugar cookies with the sprinkles on it that you can eat like a thousand of them.

Using aluminum foil on a grill is a mistake because you lose the 'fire' flavor

I like my steaks to stay juicy... but I've since been told that I need to sacrifice that to be able to get that true grill flavor. That was the last day I used aluminum foil ever. But that was my thought. But apparently it was a flawed thinking.

Every real meal must include meat

I just think you need to have meat if you're eating a meal. There has to be meat. I'm trying to think of what meal I would eat without meat... mac and cheese I think is better without meat, but every single meal is better with meat.

Waffle House is one of America's finest institutions

Waffle House is one of America's finest institutions. ... If you're a millionaire, you should still be going to Waffle House on a regular basis. It is the best night food. It's the best breakfast food.

Tomato juice only tastes good when you are on a flight.

Tomato juice is so gross to pick and anyone who says 'oh, it's not that bad' they're just lying because they like it with vodka... I've noticed that people only drink tomato juice on flights... Tomato juice tastes better on an airplane.

Deviled eggs are gross as a party appetizer

I think deviled eggs are gross to eat like an appetizer form. Like if you're out and you eat a deviled egg, it's like okay have cool egg breath for the rest of the fucking night, dude.

Circus Peanuts are the most trash candy ever invented

My first one is no-brainer: circus peanuts. They suck. Universally regarded as the most trash candy to ever be invented... I think they're just invented so like dads can have candy that they know that their kids won't eat.

Honey Bunches of Oats is the greatest cereal hack for eating sugar disguised as health food

I'm also happy that no one said Honey Bunches of Oats Because that's the greatest like hack of eating healthy, but it's really just sugar cereal agreed that I love Honey Bunches of Oats. It's my whole unit like, oh, yeah. I'm eating healthy here.

Frosted Flakes milk is a top-five milk

Frosted Flakes milk is a top-five milk. I think. Oh, no doubt. No doubt.

Chick-fil-A would beat Popeyes if they released an extra spicy chicken sandwich

Develop an extra spicy chicken sandwich. If you go to market with extra spicy, that'll take all the buzz off Popeyes.

The Popeyes spicy chicken sandwich is one of the best sandwiches ever

Unpopular opinion that Popeye's chicken sandwich is good. I'll die on that hill. No, it's really good. And I need to have another one.

Melted cheese is the ultimate cheese hack for any food

Any type of cheese, if you melt it on top of something, makes it instantly better. I will go with melted. Just melted.

Nacho cheese is better the more unrealistic and neon it looks

I'm going to go with nacho cheese... I love it the more unrealistic the cheese is. Like the more yellow, the like neon yellow color you get with stadium nachos. Love that shit... like the radioactive goo.