Takes

Joe Flacco has cool hair

We've been inundated with so many pictures of Joe Flacco and his cool hair. Reporters out in Denver can't believe that he actually has decent hair.

Mitch Trubisky being the 20th best quarterback in Madden with a 75 rating is fair

Trubisky was ranked the 20th best quarterback with a rating of 75. That's okay.

Russell Wilson is definitely a Hall of Famer

Russell Wilson will be a Hall of Famer. Yes, he's a Hall of Famer.

Footballs were never actually made of pigskin

Wilson football reached out to me about that and they explained that it was never pig skin, it was cow skin... I said, so now I was thinking to myself, now I should just go around and just start saying, like, let's go toss the cow skin around.

Coaches should never have anyone else call for a job for them

I was always brought up to that if I wanted a job, I would never have anyone else call for me. I would always call myself. ... If any other coach would have recommended Sean [McVay], I think he would have had a chance.

Blake Bortles will play in the NFL for a long time

I have a ton of respect for him. ... I wish him the best. I think that he'll do well. I really do. I think he'll play in this league for a long time. I think he'll get another opportunity. I think he'll take advantage of it.

Bill Belichick is the type of coach who would cut off his dick one year too early rather than one year too late.

Belichick's the kind of guy who would cut off his dick one year too early instead of one year too late. That's why he's won all those titles. [Mike] Vrabel is chasing a ghost.

Kicking a soccer ball is incredibly easy compared to kicking a football

I think kicking a soccer ball is incredibly easy compared to kicking a football... It's a different skill set kicking a football from a soccer ball. It's terribly different.

The Steelers locker room culture fell apart because Le'Veon Bell left

The locker room wasn't the locker room until Le'Veon left. Like, Le'Veon is the mediator of everything. He's somebody you want to have in that locker room.

I will retire if Jimmy Clausen is not a successful NFL quarterback

If Jimmy Clausen is not a successful quarterback in the NFL, I'm done. That's it. I'm out... I want eight years.

Dwayne Haskins finally gives Redskins fans something to be excited about

We did draft Haskins, which it gets me excited as a fan. I mean, if we were going into this offseason and camp and preseason without Haskins, look at the rest of the quarterbacks on the team. I mean, I can't get excited about that.

NBC will bring back 'Waiting All Day for Sunday Night' because of a lawsuit

They're being sued for using that song ['Oh, Sunday Night'] because it's too much of a ripoff of another song. I'm thinking they're going to bring back Waiting All Day for Sunday Night. I think they have to go back to the hits, right?

Rob Gronkowski has an 11% chance of returning to the NFL

If I had to guess, this isn't Rob. This is you. Just guessing. I'd say maybe 11% chance [Gronk returns].

Playing for the Patriots is mentally, physically, and emotionally draining

It's mentally, physically and emotionally draining to play for the Patriots. It's not like you have Wednesday, Thursday to kind of get warm. Like we're practicing hard every day. It's tougher for me. Just get out every day and rev up.

Brett Favre would be a better NFL quarterback today because defenders can't touch him

I would actually make the argument that the rules of the game have changed where Brett Favre would probably be a better quarterback right now. Can't touch the quarterback. Just throw the fuck out of the ball downfield and get pass interference.

Aaron Rodgers hates and despises Matt LaFleur

Aaron Rodgers, Matt LaFleur, not off to the best start. And I'm not making like a mountain out of a molehill. I think Aaron Rodgers hates Matt LaFleur. Despises him.

Mike Allstott is a sellout because he is a high school coach who doesn't use a fullback

Mike Allstott, one of my heroes, all-time fullback... is a sellout. He's a high school coach, and he doesn't use a fullback in his offense.

Peyton Manning was good at overthrows, so we should have sent him to visit ISIS

Manning's so good at overthrows. Maybe we should send him to pay a visit to ISIS. Really good joke on my part. About five minutes later [Reilly tweeted]... maybe he should go to the Middle East.

Joe Flacco is statistically the worst starting quarterback of the last five years

Does John Elway realize that Joe Flacco statistically in the last five years is the worst starting quarterback you could have?

I am a 49ers and Michigan fan

Professional football teams would have to be the 49ers. ... I have to be the 49ers. I love Joe Montana. ... [College?] Go blue. Michigan.

Aaron Rodgers chugging a beer poorly has cursed the Packers

Curses are back because ever since Aaron Rodgers didn't chug his beer, which we'll get to in segments, the Bucks didn't win another game and Matt LaFleur tore his Achilles and is going to be coaching out of a cart this spring. Aaron Rodgers cursed their team, 100%.

Odell Beckham Jr. missing OTAs is weird and concerning

Odell Beckham is already upset at the Browns... It is a little weird. It's one of those things that Odell Beckham, I do think he gets lumped into when everyone's like, oh, yeah, the prima donna wide receiver... But it is weird that he's not showing up, and it's like you kind of want your guy to show up.

Games called by Kevin Burkhardt and Charles Davis hit the over more than any other major NFL booth

Charles Davis and Kevin Burkhardt... out of all the major announcing teams, and I'm saying the ones that do 17 to 25 games a year, who do you think had the highest percentage of overs? No, it was Charles Davis and Kevin Burkhardt.

Eli Manning is probably a great French kisser because his mouth stays open all the time

He probably actually is a pretty good French kisser because his mouth just stays open at all times.

The Giants don't operate with urgency; Gettleman isn't on the hot seat despite the Daniel Jones pick

No, because the Giants don't operate that way. Giants have more patience in the GM than any team... GMs. Their GM has always made the picks.

The Giants are bad at collecting accurate intel on other teams' draft boards

The Daniel Jones thing, look, I think the Giants don't do a good job of finding out accurate information that other teams can do... When he [Gettleman] talked about the Redskins and the Broncos, that's not true... I think they could have waited past six [to draft Daniel Jones].

None of the 2019 quarterback prospects except Kyler Murray would have been first-rounders in the 2018 draft

And if you put... Any of those guys in last year's draft, I don't think any of them except Kyler would have been a first-round pick.

Baker Mayfield is a 'gangster' who will control the Browns' big personalities

Baker Mayfield is a gangster. He's not going to handle people trying to, me, me, me, I want the ball. He's going to put it where it needs to go, and he's going to control that locker room. Baker's different, man. He's special.

Rob Gronkowski might return to the NFL in November once the 'training wheels' of retirement come off

I think Gronk, once the training wheels come off, at one point I could see him go, you know what? We're close. I need three games. Like November. Why not?

The NFL should fire all current referees and replace them with Special Ops combat veterans

The nfl to fix its refereeing problem they should just fire all the refs and hire nothing but special ops... Special ops. And teach them how to officiate football games. Is that the reaction time for special ops guys are going to be better than these guys... You put them there together as a team... Plus, they got, you know, bullets are flying. These guys react better.

The Bosa family are made of silk because they are so injury prone

The Bosa family, they're kind of doofies, doofuses, doofi? ... If you did a 23andMe on the Bosa family jeans, it's like 15% Anglo-Saxon and then 85% silk. Torn hamstrings. They're just made out of silk. Their hamstrings are Ming vases.

Daniel Jones is Archie Manning's illegitimate child because they look identical

We've been saying that it's a good possibility that Daniel Jones is Archie Manning's illegitimate child. And that picture that came out yesterday certainly I think lended a lot of credence. I think you could just put those side by side, most people in America would be like, yeah, that guy is somehow related.

Blake Bortles has the leadership and experience to not flinch in big-time games

Jared and [Bortles] have a great relationship and anytime that you can get a guy like Blake where when you meet him... he's one of those guys, he's got a great demeanor where you're like, you know, this guy feels like a quarterback, a leader. Then you hear him a couple days out here just the way he commands a huddle you can see why his teammates believe in him... [He] has been in those types of games, in those atmospheres where you know he's not going to flinch.

I deserved the criticism for my coaching performance in Super Bowl LIII

I'm talking about the criticism of my coaching in the Super Bowl. I deserve it. ... I'd be lying if I said, you know, if things go a little off track, you probably have too many thoughts in your head and you would have a different rhythm. I don't necessarily know if you're working any less hard for the preparation, but, you know, Coach Belichick and the Patriots are, you know, they're the standard right now.

Zach Robinson is going to be a star on the coaching staff

We were able to get a guy on our staff in Zach Robinson, who he has some, you know, traits that remind you of both Matt [LaFleur] and Zac Taylor. And I think this guy's going to be a star. ... He studied as much film as anybody. When you ask, you know, he was putting in every coverage for all the past plays in the league every single week and did a good job for them.

Cliff Kingsbury is 'system hot' and hides behind his sunglasses

I think Cliff is fake hot. I think he's not as hot as advertised. I think he's system hot. He hides behind the sunglasses. He's tall. Yeah, he hides behind the sunglasses like a real coward.

Adam Gase is the most paranoid person in the world and hiring him is a massive mistake

One other high-level evaluator with a different team said that this is the biggest mistake anyone in the NFL has made in years. Gase is crazy. He's the most paranoid person in the world. This will be like Todd Haley on crack.

Kyler Murray is actually much shorter than his listed height

I actually do think that he's short. I think he's shorter than I am... He's like 5'6", 5'7", 5'8"... I do think that Kyler Murray is running away from his true self. I think that he's like 5'8".

The Manning family will have a quarterback in the NFL until the day we die

We're all going to die here. We're going to die before Mannings are out of the NFL. Like there are going to be Mannings in the NFL till the day we die. They're just never, they're going to outlast us as human beings.

I will throw enough touchdowns to win the Super Bowl in 2019

Enough to win the Super Bowl... As many touchdowns as I can throw that helps us find a way to win the Super Bowl, that'd be awesome.

I expect Patrick Mahomes to throw 48 touchdowns in the 2019 season

I'll give a number. I'll say 48.

Roger Goodell will implement an NFL draft lottery by the time Trevor Lawrence is eligible

I was watching the draft lottery, and all I kept thinking about was Roger Goodell is going to make sure that the NFL has some sort of lottery in place by the time Trevor Lawrence becomes eligible because he saw this was an event. This was bigger than the playoff game tonight because it involved so many other franchises.

Bill Belichick manipulated Sean McVay into watching too much film for Super Bowl LIII by praising his dedication.

I believe that Bill Belichick knew that [Sean McVay] was going to go and watch too much film... He's been calling Sean McVay all season long... Telling him stuff and being like, Sean, one thing I really admire about you is your dedication to film study.

The 2019 Browns have high talent but are destined for heartbreak

In my opinion, they definitely have the most talent inside their entire division, if not one of the top two or three in the AFC. And I hope that they do really well, but I've been watching the NFL for long enough to know that when you're certain of something being good, that's when it's going to be bad.

Larry Fitzgerald is a 100% lock for the first-ballot Hall of Fame

There's never been more of a lock for Hall of Fame than Larry Fitzgerald. He will be 100% first vote.

Saquon Barkley will retire early from the NFL because the Giants are so incompetent

I can't wait until Saquon [Barkley] retires like year eight because he's like, fuck this shit. I'm Barry Sanders in this.

Urban Meyer is going through a multi-step plan to return to coaching via a job like USC

Urban Meyer is on step two of the Urban Meyer, I'm going to go get another job. plan why don't we call this segment urban development... Step one: say that you're leaving the game because you're not well... second part: start building the buildings and you do media and you realize you hate media third part you go back to coaching

Raiders and Giants draft grades are an automatic F every year

You can pencil in the Raiders for an F every year. You can pencil in the Giants for an F every year. You can pencil in the Redskins usually for an A every year. And that usually works out pretty well for us.

Al Davis being dead is the only reason DK Metcalf wasn't a top-10 pick

By the way, credit to the entire NFL and the draft process for not picking DK Metcalf top 10, being like, hey, this guy's really good at running in a straight line. He's really jacked, but he can't do anything else that makes you a good receiver. And when I say credit to the NFL, I mean Al Davis is just dead.

The narrative that Josh Rosen is a bad teammate is complete bullshit

The whole Josh Rosen is a terrible teammate, terrible human being is like the biggest runaway narrative of all time. Josh Rosen is a little abrasive. He's a little arrogant. He thinks he's smart... Aaron Rodgers, kind of the same guy... I haven't seen, nobody from the Arizona Cardinals said anything bad about him, right? His teammates seem to really like him.