Takes

The NFL should implement a 'Loony Rule' requiring teams to conduct one absurd head coach interview

Instead of the Rooney Rule, we need a Loony Rule where every single team has to do one crazy out of the box interview. Have Pinto Ron come in with his ketchup and his mustard... I watch Cortez get interviewed for the head coaching job... you'll get something out of that conversation that will help you going forward.

Pete Carroll will be fired during Black Monday

Pete Carroll out for sure. Gotta be gone. I don't even know if they have to tell Pete Carroll. I think they just gotta be like, 'Hey man, we'll see you next year' and then just never send him like when the OTAs are.

Justin Herbert needs to finally win a playoff game to shut up the doubters

I just need Herbert to win a playoff game because every year it's the same fucking shit where it's everyone's hating on Herbert. We need the Chargers to win this shit. I just get my hopes up every year. Fucking 27-nothing lead we fucking blow it.

College coaches will always try to jump to the NFL because it is easier

I do think that college coaches will always try to go to the NFL because it's easier. But Marcus Freeman does feel like he's got a really good thing going on at Notre Dame.

If you care about the Super Bowl halftime show, you're not a football guy

I'll say it. If you have a hot take, a really strong opinion about the Super Bowl halftime show, you're not a fucking football guy. You showed yourself. You're an anti-football pussy. You gotta watch film at halftime. You gotta figure out what to bet in the second half.

London should host a Super Bowl and it would be a cool event for the sport

The British ambassador of the US is pushing for a Super Bowl in London. I am down for it... I just think London would be a cool city for a Super Bowl. Better than San Francisco. It'd be a cool event, fun week.

Jim Irsay was the first NFL owner with the 'balls' to stand up to Dan Snyder

I will never forget the fact that he is the first owner to have the balls to say fuck you to Dan Snyder when Snyder threatened to blackmail every other owner. And he goes, yeah, try me. 'cause everything that I've done is out in the open.

Abdul Carter is a loser for trying to take legendary Giants players' retired numbers

Is Abdul Carter a loser? I it's very weird. A weird tumble guy of all time... to on day one, go into your new company and be like, I want the numbers of the two most famous guys that everybody loves. Right. And, and again, the first one I get it, take your, shoot your shot. The second one... it's weird. He can't go his own way.

Aaron Rodgers will announce his signing with the Steelers on Pat McAfee's live show

The theory is that Aaron Rodgers is waiting for [Pat McAfee's Pittsburgh show] to come out on stage and say I'm going to be a Pittsburgh Steeler to fuck over the mainstream media. Which I would love. That would be awesome... I kind of like every now and then a player stealing it from the insiders and being like, I control my own message.

JJ Watt will come out of retirement to play for the Cincinnati Bengals

JJ Watt is back. He is probably going to come out of retirement to play for the Bengals... I'm rooting for that to happen. I think he would be able to do it.

I'm back on the Patriots bandwagon because of the Mike Vrabel hire

My who's back of the week are the New England Patriots... they signed Mike Vrabel and they're back. They're, they're, they're on the path. The path of glory is back.

Mike Vrabel is a fraud who relied on Prime Derrick Henry

Mike Vrabel is proof that one smart clock management moment in a nationally televised game buys you five to 10 years of NFL media thinking you're a great coach... Prime Derrick Henry is not walking through the Patriots door... He was a Derrick Henry merchant.

The NFL should not change the playoff format to strip division winners of home games

NFL might change the playoff format where division winners get an automatic entry but not necessarily home field in the first round. This would suck. NFL is what makes the NFL great. Winning your division should mean a lot. Don't overreact to one year.

I will cut off the tip of my pinky if the Falcons win the Super Bowl

Falcons are not winning the Super Bowl. Guaranteed. Falcons are not winning the Super Bowl. That's, I I believe it end the season. Tip of the pinky. If the Falcons somehow win this game on Monday night, I have to also have the Rams.

John Gruden is secretly advising the Chiefs and is effectively on their coaching staff

John Gruden was at Chiefs practice today... he was wearing a Chiefs uniform and he was advising Chiefs coaches. Whoa. So I think John Gruden might be secretly on the Chiefs' coaching staff now. He's like Mid-hat right now with the Chiefs.

The Patriots should draft Marvin Harrison Jr. instead of a quarterback

I'm still down for Marvin Harrison Jr. No. One Bailey's Afro set. Yeah. There's plenty of fine quarterbacks out there. You have a franchise wide receiver who's a stud and can actually make things happen with a perfectly fine Jacob Brissett.

Spring football (UFL) will never be relevant because the sports calendar is too crowded

I'm, I've never been more confident in my take that spring football. I just don't care. I, I feel very good about that because I've, every, every few years they try to pop one up and be like, you should care. I respect the sports calendar more than anything. This is March Madness. This is gonna be masters. This is gonna be NBA and NHL playoffs. Football is king. I love football more than anything, but not spring football.

AI and Hawkeye technology for NFL first downs will make the sport less fun

I don't like it at all. ... People are always like, oh, we're we're measuring like this billion dollar industry with a chain and sticks held by old retired guys on the sideline. Yeah. That's part of why it rocks. ... If you put AI into sports and you make robot umps and robot referees, you are depriving men of somewhere between 50 and 75% of the conversations they have with each other. ... What the fuck are we gonna talk about?

Jayden Daniels should and will win the Heisman

Jayden Daniels. Eight touchdowns... against Georgia State... He is now the favorite to win the Heisman... I don't think that you can honestly make a case that it should be anybody except for Jayden Daniels.

Jim Harbaugh will leave Michigan for the NFL after this season

I think that him accepting his punishment is a sign. He might be on the outs, which I'm excited for. Except he might go to the Chargers, which I'm not excited for.

The Texans offense will be much better than people think this year

He's [John Metchie] back in training camp. He looks awesome. ... I'm just saying, I think, I think the Texans on offense this year are gonna be way better than we think. I like Stroud. How do you do that? I'm a Stroud boy.

Travis Kelce is a pussy for fighting Jack Cochrane in training camp

Jack Cochrane's the dude who pissed off Travis Kelce. So shout out that guy for exposing Travis Kelce for being a pussy. ... That was getting into it. 'cause he got hit once just like a little bit after the play and he got pissed off.

The Ravens will win the Super Bowl

I see a play like that. I'm like, Raven Super Bowl. Yes I have. I have the Ravens for the Super Bowl. I've bought into the hype. It won't burn me at all.

NFL teams should not be allowed to wear throwback uniforms from a city they moved away from

The Houston Oilers are back. The Tennessee Titans unveiled their throwback uniforms... if you move your team to a different city, you can take those colors. I get that. But you can never actually put on the Houston Oilers... uniform... You're neither Houston nor Oilers. And they're iconic. They're great... It sucks. It sucks.

There is a 25% chance Dan Snyder does not sell the Commanders

I'm realizing that there's probably like a 25% possibility that he does stick around for the rest of my life. Owns the team... and I'll probably die before he does.

The Green Bay Packers are in trouble because Jordan Love is a moron.

Jordan Love posted a video today... he said Happy Father's Day to all Bears fans out there. Jordan Love is a fucking moron. So Jordan love basically called Bears fans his dad. And it was like the first moment that I've had in a very long time where I was like, Ooh, I think things might be changing... The Packers are in trouble.

The Cowboys will pretend to be in on DeAndre Hopkins before he signs with the Bills

I bet you the Cowboys are going to make their fans believe that they're in the Hopkins running until like the very last second and then he is gonna sound with the bills.

Antonio Brown will dominate the Arena Football League

I think [Antonio Brown] will probably dominate them if I had to guess. He was in the league, what, two years ago? He won a Super Bowl three years ago.

The NFL season opener will be either Eagles vs. Jets or Chiefs vs. Cowboys

I think I'm gonna put my pin in this one. I think it's gonna be the Eagles and the Jets to start the season. Either that or Chiefs Cowboys.

Aaron Rodgers and Zach Wilson being in the same room will fix Wilson's career

Aaron Rodgers... he might be the one guy that's able to fix what are the fuck's happening in Zach Wilson... Aaron Rodgers and Zach Wilson being in the same quarterback room is going to actually help... At least they do Ayahuasca together.

Aaron Rodgers is returning to the Green Bay Packers for the upcoming season

Leroy's first report... Aaron Rodgers is returning to the Green Bay Packers. Fuck. For the upcoming season.

Russell Wilson will be tortured by Rex Ryan's defense in practice

Rex Ryan interviewed for the Denver Broncos' defensive coordinator job. I want this so badly because Russell Wilson would just be tortured by Rex Ryan's defense in practice every week. And it would be so fucking funny.

Matt Nagy will win 2-3 Super Bowls with Patrick Mahomes

Matt Nagy... he's gonna be the offensive coordinator now and then gonna be the heir apparent to Andy Reid. So it's just everything that I've already expected and my worst nightmare. He's gonna win two to three Super Bowls with Patrick Mahomes. That's gonna happen.

I'm going to wish Orlando Brown Jr. into existence as a member of the Chicago Bears

Orlando Brown Jr. tweeted me a picture from the bus... holding Lombardi with a beer... I just replied saying, can't wait to root for you in Chicago next year. So that's one of those ones I'm just gonna wish him into existence so he's a Bear.

The Eagles will win Super Bowl LVII

I mean regardless... I mean you guys [Eagles] are gonna win.

Mike McCarthy taking over play-calling is the beginning of the end for his time in Dallas

Mike McCarthy is saying that he's going to now take on play calling rules. So this is awesome. ... It's also just, it's the beginning of the end. And if it's because when you get this job, they're basically saying, now you have to fucking do this. Yes. And you're gonna, so it's, it is shuffling the, the deck chairs on the Titanic.

The Q-collar technology causes players to make bad on-field decisions

Dalton Schultz today was wearing a... Q-collar. It's supposed to help protect the brain from injury... I have a theory. This technology... it's supposed to constrict certain blood vessels going to your brain... I think these guys are just lightheaded. And it's just, he had a bird brain.

Zach Wilson is officially cleared and the Jets will beat the Steelers

My 'who's back' is Zach Wilson. He's officially back and cleared to play next week against Pittsburgh... a game we can win... Sola said after in the press conference. I broke the fucking news. If anyone else tries to say they broke the news on Sunday... Billy football had it 1:00 AM Monday morning. Facts.

Tom Brady will win Gisele back by winning another Super Bowl

I think you have to take the Bucs for the season because if we know anything about Tom Brady, he's like, I'm gonna win her back by winning another Super Bowl.

Tom Brady looks gaunt following his mystery absence

I'm going to be honest. I think [Tom Brady] looks gaunt like the definition of the word gaunt.

Josh Rosen is putting up terrible stats on purpose as a bit

Josh Rosen... is on the Browns and in classic Josh Rosen fashion, he got in for, I think an entire half. He went seven for 20, for 88 yards. No TDs, no interceptions. I, he has to be doing this on purpose at this point. His stat lines are just so, so predictably exactly what they are every single time... It's a good bit. It really is.

Football is back because the Patriots announced their red throwback jerseys

I saw the Patriots put out that they're gonna come and wear their red throwback jerseys this year. And that was the first time I was like, I think football's back.

Deshaun Watson will be suspended indefinitely for at least one year

Sean was suspended for, for a year, for a year, but also indefinitely. They're going to drop that one on, on Friday. Yup. Yup. Right before 4th of July.

Baker Mayfield will have no choice but to play for the Browns this season

I want to see baker have to play for the Browns this year. I don't think he will. I would be. I don't think he has a choice. I don't know. He's not gonna play football maybe. No. And he would come off looking very soft. If that happened. If he was like, I refuse to play football for you. Cause you were mean to me. No chance he'll play.

The world will end before Dan Snyder sells the Commanders

The fucking world ends before Dan Snyder sells the team. I'm going to, I'm going to take myself out back here.

Drew Brees is going to return to the NFL

Drew Brees... he could be returning to football. He could go back to NBC... usually when someone ends up, they're coming back to play, they're probably going to come back.

It is not Ryan Tannehill's job to mentor Malik Willis

I've got a couple of things to say about this first thing, is it he's right. It's not his job to like teach another man how to take your job. I don't think there's a workplace in America where that's your expectation to train somebody to make you unemployed.

I could beat DK Metcalf in a five-yard dash

I was actually talking to Billy earlier about this. You think I could be DK [Metcalf] to five yard dash? ... You guys don't know how sprinting works... I can just take a step. Yeah. That's your steps as well. You guys don't know how sprinting works.

Dan Snyder's financial theft from other owners will be what finally forces him to sell the team

Dan Snyder... Apparently Snyder was lying about how much money he was getting into his gate. So he was actively stealing from the other owners... if you steal a million dollars from Jed York, they want to kill you. And so it looks like if anything's going to happen, this would be what could bring Dan Snyder down.

Amari Cooper is perpetually not as good as his hype

Amari Cooper is firmly in my mind, a guy who like just is perpetually, not as good as his hype. He's a guy who you will forever want to be a clear cut number one. And he will never be that. So you know what I'm saying? Like, you're always wanting Amari Cooper to be the guy. And I don't think he ever will be the guy. I mean, CD lamb's better than him.