Takes

Tiger Woods loses his 'man card' for needing his dad to teach him how to drink water between beers

Tiger Woods, I'm taking your man card, first of all... Asking your dad to teach you how to drink a beer because you puked at a fricking frat party once? Man card again. How many times can I take this man card?

I am going to break 120 in golf this off-season without cheating

I think this is the off season that I get really into golf... I'm gonna break 120 before, and not by cheating. I'm not gonna cheat except on maybe one water hole I'll cheat on one water hole. But besides that, I'm gonna do it straight up, just clean as can be.

The USGA's ban on the belly putter was a major mistake that cost me money and potential Ryder Cup appearances

I would think a lot of times of how much money this [belly putter ban] cost me or how many Ryder Cups maybe this cost me or majors or whatever... it was a tough time but I now when I look back, it's great cuz I shoved it, you know, screw them and now I feel better than ever.

Rory McIlroy's Masters win extinguished the hater narrative forever

It's a much harder hate. Yeah. We had to retire it. That's what I'm sad about. We had to retire because Rory, no matter what he is now the sixth all time to have the career Grand slam... He beat all the haters. Including us.

Arnold Palmer was never actually a good golfer

I don't think Arnold Palmer was ever actually good. Have you seen that guy swing? Swings like my grandpa. I would kill that guy.

Scotty Scheffler was set up to be arrested by the PGA to boost TV ratings

I have reasons to believe that Scotty was set up to be arrested. If you look at the PGA numbers the day before it was extremely down... They paid a cop to tell Scotty the wrong information. The police department knew what time he'd be coming in and what car he would be in. I believe it was set up for large number of views the next couple days.

You play golf better when you're hungover

That just backs up, I think what a lot of us already know, which is you play golf better when you're hungover. Because you're like, get me the fuck out of the sun. I wanna get home. So you play faster.

John Daly's career has been awesome and if you think otherwise you're a hater

My favorite take is when people say, oh, what a shame, John Daly's career. He really could have had it all. John Daly has had it all. His career actually has been awesome. If you think otherwise, then you're just a hater.

Masters TV coverage is a joke because fans can't watch it all live

Best golf tournament of the year. And we cannot watch all of it live in 2024. It's a joke. Put it all on TV or online. I don't care. But I wanna watch it Thursday morning.

Watching Tom Brady suck at golf during 'The Match' made him more relatable

I think it was interesting to watch superstar athletes like Tom Brady suck at something. I think a lot of people enjoyed watching Tom Brady really stink it up for the first few holes and it kind of made him a little bit more relatable.

I'm actually into watching the LIV Golf tour

I mean, if a fan, like I'm watching it... it's entertaining. I can't, I'm not gonna sit here and say, it's not.

Golf is better when fans have specific players to root against like Brooks Koepka

Biggest pet peeves about golf is that no matter who wins, we all say yay at the end of it... You rally around one guy, right? And that's what you also need to be able to rally against one guy... Frankie has been going against Brooks for a few years now.

Rickie Fowler will remake his famous 'single' Ryder Cup photo by 'tongue wrestling' his wife after winning

If we win the Ryder Cup, I can't wait for [Fowler] to remake that picture where everybody's making out with their wives or girlfriends afterwards... and Ricky's just in the middle just smiling like 'I don't have a face to kiss right now.' I need him with Allison Stokke... full on just tongue wrestling.

In 10 years, PGA players will realize the LIV merger was the moment they started making a lot more money

It's gotta suck to be a PGA tour player today because they were blindsided. [But] in like 10 years they'll probably look back and be like, yeah, we did make a lot more money. They already are making more money because of the PGA having to compete with LIV. They're probably all gonna make a shitload more money now.

Links golf is never fun to watch

it just never seems fun. When I watch it, I'm like, what? This, the wind is always blowing. It's overcast. There's huge bunkers. It just doesn't seem fun.

I don't watch golf when I'm away from the course

I'll be honest, I don't watch it. I don't watch it when I'm away from it... If I was going to watch anything, I'd watch Augusta and all the majors. But other than that, I'd much rather be watching basketball late night.

Bubba Watson is the biggest dick on the PGA Tour (just for fun)

We'll give it to [Bubba Watson] just for fun. He's one of my best friends, but... Just for fun, Bubba Watson's the biggest dick on tour. Got it.

I am officially quitting golf and never want to look at a club again

I quit golf last week after a strenuous round that I played with Henry... I don't know if you guys have ever experienced this, but you get so bad during a round or so bad at something that you just completely mentally break and you're like, I never wanna look at a golf club again.

Professional golf has a major branding problem if the audience prefers watching other athletes play it over the actual pros.

You have a problem with your sport when people would rather watch people from other sports playing your sport. Yeah, the best people at your sport, and it was thrilling and awesome.

Watching amateur golfers is better than watching professional golfers

People love amateur stuff. Whether it's pornography or it's golfers, it's almost better watching people who aren't professionals do it.

Winning tournaments when no one is watching is my MO

I fly way, way, way under the radar. I'm glad this tournament didn't sound like a video game... I saw the Derby yesterday. Everyone's very, very focused on other things other than the golf. And that's, I feel like when I'm the most, most powerful.

Jason Day is a sleeper to watch for a top finish at the Masters

I'll go Jason Day. Jason Day has been trending and his game plays so well at Augusta. Exceptional putter, great pitcher of the golf ball and has kind of gained some distance this year. I would say Jason Day is the name that I'm looking at [to win a second major].

I prefer Rory winning a Masters through a series of chokes and comebacks rather than a comfortable blowout

If Rory was gonna win the career Grand Slam, I wanted to see him push to the brink. So, and he almost went in the water at 11... the fact that Rory was pushed to the brink made me, even as a hater, I had to tip my cap. Like the career achievement... he choked and he unchoked and he choked. And then he got like, the shot of a lifetime on 15.

John Rahm's viral skipping shot at the Masters might be doctored

John Rahm hit a shot that walked on water at Augusta... I think that the Masters needs some more Buzz around it because it's not being held at the traditional time. I think that maybe there might be some monkey business afoot here somebody who's better at the internet than me look at the footage and tell me if you think that it's doctored at all.