Takes

It is better to be good at a shitty job than awful at a good job

I would also say that it's, it's important If, you have a job that you think sucks. It's important to have a job that sucks that you're good at because then you can take pride in, in whatever it's, you do. Like I would much rather be good at my shitty job than be awful at what some people would say would be a good job.

I enjoy being bummed out because it provides an excuse to do nothing

I started realizing that I kind of enjoyed being bummed out because then it gave me an excuse to do nothing, right? Like, Hey, maybe you should start working. Nah, can't dude. Like, I'm just not there. And I started being so comfortable with it that I'm at least glad that I, I I was like, okay, wait a minute. Like, you may not be super happy and get through this, this phase, but this isn't an excuse for everything.

Medieval Times is the best place in the world

Medieval times. Medieval times is the best place in the world. It is so fun. You go there, they give you a Turkey leg the size of your torso, they give you flaggings of ale, they fucking bring you flaggings of ale. Then you get to watch Knight. ... Medieval times is the best place on earth.

The Galapagos Islands is the most unique place on Earth

My favorite vacation, my actual favorite vacation was the Galapagos Islands and Ecuador And. it is, it's the, it's the most unique place on earth that you can go to. ... I jumped in the water, it's perfectly clear and this fucking sea lion starts swimming up to me and he's like trying to get me to play.

Keeneland Racetrack is the Wrigley Field of horse racing

Keland Racetrack in Kentucky is, they only race April and October. It is fucking awesome. It's, it's the Wrigley Field, Fenway Park of race of horse racing. If. you ever want to go for a weekend with your boys? That's, I would put that at the top of the list.

Being able to nap on a couch instantly for 15 minutes is a definitive sign of getting old

The last one, this might be more of a dad thing, but I, I If you put me on a couch, I can nap like almost instantly for 10 minutes, 15 minutes. ... and now I've gotten to that point and it's like, fuck that is me.

Money and power run everything in the world

It's a shitty thing, but it's also how the world works. Money and power just run everything... Money wins. If you haven't figured that out by now, you will someday. Money wins.

I have officially quit vaping cold turkey

The idea of... that being something that people are talking about after a playoff game is annoying enough to provoke me to never do it again. And I've since quit classic McDaniel style cold turkey, just like alcohol.

Getting a hole-in-one is the best thing a man can do

It's like the best thing that a man can do. Yeah. Is get a Hole in one.

I would never take a job that requires waking up at 3:30 AM

I am officially taking my name out of the hat... because of the early wake up time. I actually don't think that there's a single job in the world that I would do if it meant that I had to wake up at three thirty in the morning every day.

I could kill any bird in a fight, including a Great Horned Owl or an Ostrich

I'd fucking smash a baby owl... Fucking kick [a Great Horned Owl] to the moon. Listen, that's any bird dead. I will kill any bird. If you put an ostrich in front of me, I tie its neck into a knot... Choke it out.

I am going to start taking Ozempic to lose weight.

I'm just gonna go on Ozempic. I don't fucking care. I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it and I'm gonna tell everyone to do it and then I'm gonna look hot and then I'll get off of it and then I'll gain it all back. Drop like 25 pounds and then just slowly gain it back.

Arnold Schwarzenegger is the GOAT because he achieved his physique with fewer steroids than modern bodybuilders

Basically Arnold started talking about his steroid use for the first time and talked about his cycle and basically he wasn't on that much steroids compared to a lot of guys today in body building, which just goes to show that he is the goat.

The Russians are radicalizing orcas to attack ships in NATO waters

So the Russians have been training beluga whales to be spies in NATO waters and with all these recent orca attacks are the Russians, radicalizing orcas? ... The orcas haven't been acting like that before.

Swimmers are split between engine-based athletes and coordinated athletes

You still have two different kinds of athletes. You have athletes who probably could have done another sport... and then you have other people that just have an engine... but they can't jump, they can't run, they can't do anything but that [swim].

Orcas will be a major problem for humans in the future

Orcas have been attacking boats off the coast of Spain recently and been training other orcas to do it too. There's gonna be an orca human problem for the future.

It takes bigger balls to bet minus signs than to bet plus signs

A lot of people think that it's actually more courageous. It takes bigger balls to go after a minus sign than it does plus sign. Cuz you gotta lay so much on it... you're putting more money on the line.

Putting on deodorant before going to the gym is a sign that you are cheating on your partner

It's actually, if he were to put on deodorant before going to a gym... that would be a sign he's cheating on you. Be like, why are you putting on deodorant before you're going to get sweaty?

I would rather break my hip than have the hiccups for an entire year

I would absolutely say if you said, Hey, you can break your hip or you can have hiccups for a year. I'd take the broken hip all day, every day. Cause at least you know, like, this is how I can rehab and I know that there's an end in sight.

Having a soul patch makes zero difference to my appearance because my facial hair is already shitty

I have realized that me having a soul patch makes absolutely zero difference because people will just be like, PFT's got shitty facial hair. More news at 11. I've known that I've been face-bald for years.

There will be a massive tick population this year due to the mild winter

We had a very mild winter. There's a lot of ticks. The winter didn't kill the ticks. There's gonna be a lot of ticks. Tick-borne diseases are no joke. Be careful out there. Do tick checks. Get a buddy, get naked.

AI-powered robots will kill us all in less than a year

If you guys watch the episode metalhead [from Black Mirror], that's actually happening in real life... They gave Boston Dynamics robots brains and now they can do whatever they want. Think for themselves. ... I still think we got less than a year left. We're cooked.

BPC-157 is a wonder drug for injury recovery with no downsides

BPC-157 is a wonder drug... inflammation, look, pain relief... no downside. It really is one of the best things you can do... I had an ankle sprain, I would literally put it right in my ankle and three days later it was fine.

Age and gender do not matter in pickleball

I'm telling you, if you play pickleball, you know that age, gender doesn't matter. Everyone plays together. Age is not a thing in pickleball. If you're good, you're good, you can hang.

Soul patches are making a huge comeback this summer

I think the soul patch is the right move. I think soul patches are making a huge comeback. I think one of you guys should lead the charge on that... it's gonna be Soul patch summer.

AI robots will take over and kill everyone within a month

I'm fully convinced, I figured I should just get it on record that probably within like a month, AI is going to build robots, take over the world and we're all gonna die.

I will join the 1,000 pound club naturally within a year

Challenge myself and I'm gonna get hurt. And that's gonna suck... I'm gonna try to do a thousand pound club, Billy... It's deadlift, squat, bench. A thousand pounds... I'm doing it all natural. No, I'm doing it. It's either all natural or can't do.

No one should be judged for their actions when their heart rate is over 150 BPM

No one should be, no one should be judged for their actions when their heart rate's over 150 beats per minute. I agree with that. That that's what I believe.

Eat a banana and white rice before a spicy food challenge to avoid 'ring sting'

Spicy challenge hack. Okay? And this is the truth. Before you do anything spicy, eat a banana and eat a small thing of white rice. The banana is the crucial thing... apparently something about the banana and the potassium encapsulates the capsicum so you have a good exit strategy.

The pull-out method is a 100% effective birth control method

This is why the pull-out method's just, it's the best. So much more effective. It's the best. Yeah. Works a hundred percent. You know where the semen's going? Yeah. Never have a problem pulling out. Yeah. You know. Exactly. You can, every last drop of come is accounted for you pull out.

I will get a tattoo of the lottery ball machine if Hank passes me in total wins by the end of the next football season

If Hank, what did you agree to? If you don't get the lottery ball before the end of next football season, I will get a tattoo of the lottery ball machine. But if I pass you in total victories by the end of next football season, you will get a lottery ball machine [tattoo].

I officially hate t-shirt weather because I am not physically ready for it

My fire fest is, it happens every year... it's t-shirt weather again. And I'm not ready. I'm wearing spanks again. I'm back on the spanks. So this is a temporary, like a bandaid over a gaping, gaping wound... I gotta figure out how to lose like 40 pounds.

Every sports player should be allowed to fight one fan per year

I have the rule that they should enact in all sports. That every player gets to fight one fan once a year. Because that solves that. [Anthony Rendon] gets to fight that guy who called him a pussy, beat his ass. He called him a bitch, beat his ass. And then no one's gonna fuck with the rest of the [players] because he'll be like, wow, Anthony Rendon beat the fuck out him.

I will lose 20 pounds by Memorial Day

Memorial Day. Memorial Day, losing 20 pounds by Memorial Day Max. We've, we've done this before, but we're doing it for real this time... I just want it to be on the record... No, because by doing that, that means it's officially on.

Most remote workers only do about five to six hours of actual hard work per week

The working from home is like you only do half the work. You just basically fuck around all day and then... you can get your job done in like five to six hours of really hard work. That's just a fact. That's how America was built. ... You spent four hours on browsers, you played a bunch of SNES and Yeah. You just dicked around and looked at your fantasy team for 50% of the work week.

Picking someone up from the airport in a big city is a psychotic move

In New York, it's, it's borderline psychotic for somebody to volunteer to pick someone up from an airport... Instead of me paying an Uber fare, can you pay double an Uber fare? Right. To have somebody else drive you to pick me up.

Drinking your own piss once a month provides long-term health benefits

I drink my own piss at least once a month. It's supposed to help long-term health benefits. I haven't been sick yet... when you think about it, your lower digestive system gets a lot of piss going through it. But your upper doesn't really get the taste of that.

Dentists are a scam

Dentists are a scam. You don't have a cavity until somebody tells you you have a cavity. People don't go to the dentist when their teeth are feeling great.

Parents should buy a share of stock that matches every toy they buy their kids

Buy him a little Caterpillar truck, right? Buy him a share in Caterpillar. Ooh. And then show him what that truck is equal to... Buy him a share in maybe Disney and a Disney product that he likes... he's gonna start to understand [finance].

FAU is the best college to go to for the lifestyle

If I had to do college all over again... I think I would go to FAU because of the campus where it's at. You're in Boca Raton... you realize what would be the most fun college experience. It would either be go to a big state school... or just go live in Boca for four years.

If you go to a bar that doesn't have a TV, you are an alcoholic

Honestly, if you go to a bar where there's not a TV, you're an alcoholic.

Expecting to fail is the secret to life

It's actually the secret to life. Expect, expect to fail. And then if you don't totally fail, that's like a huge victory.

Professional athletes should never go live on social media

If you're a professional athlete, you should just never go live anywhere. There's no reason you're live all the time for your job. Right. It's called playing the sport. There's no need to go live. Too much bad shit can happen when you go live.

I will get 10 cats if the Chicago Bears win a Super Bowl

I'll get 10 cats if the Bears win a Super Bowl. Love it. There we go. Well under your guys' watch, you guys can bring us there.

Sloth bears are more vicious than honey badgers

I've been going on a deep dive and rabbit hole on sloth bears. They're the most vicious animal on earth. I think more vicious than a honey badger. They fight tigers and tigers are literally scared of them.

Standing up at bars is the most overrated thing people can do

Standing at a bar for about an hour and a half. That's usually my capacity. And the whole time I was like, this would be sweet if I could sit down... Standing is the most overrated thing people can do.

Snake owners are absolute weirdos and potential serial killers

It's serial killer vibes to be a pro snake... Snakes literally have had the worst rap. Deservedly so in the history of animals... Just get a dog.

Tiger Woods is way overdue to shave his head

I did have one moment that took my breath away that I'd forgotten about when Tiger Woods was wrapping up at St. Andrews... he took his hat off... it is bad. It looks like a chia pet in the Sahara Desert. It's not good... It is way, way overdue for [shaving it].

The East River is full of prehistoric bison bones dumped by a developer

Dirty Water Don... he's found a bone. He found a jawbone of a steppe bison, which is just a prehistoric, gigantic bison. He found the jawbone in the East River. So that means that it is true. There were tons of bones dump there. It means that they're sniffing in the right place.

I would rather be a grumpy, triggered sports fan after a loss than be numb to it

I absolutely let my team's success dictate my mood. I was very upset, grumpy, mad... people should be applauding the fact that I'm a grumpy triggered bitch after my teams lose. Because I could easily just remove myself... but I don't. You'd rather care way too much than be completely numb to it.