Takes

Space exploration isn't interesting until we actually land a human on Mars.

I kind of just don't care until we go to Mars. Call me when we're at Mars. I wanna see us on the moon again. How is that possible that we went on the moon in the sixties and we just never went back on it? Go to Mars or go back on the moon.

I will not mindlessly scroll on my phone unless I am walking on a treadmill pad

The rule I came up for myself with is: if I'm scrolling, I'm strolling. So I'm not gonna let myself just mindlessly scroll through my phone unless I'm on the walking pad. I feel like that's gonna make my steps... easy 12,000 a day.

Inhaled 'Protein Hookah' will revolutionize bro culture

A doctor claims that inhaled protein enters the bloodstream faster and absorb more efficiently. It's kinda like weed. All I'm saying is like keep your eye on this technology. Because it has the opportunity to revolutionize bro culture.

Society has gotten too soft — kids need dodgeball, the SAT, and pressure to build real toughness

The fact that we're not playing dodgeball in gym class, and even there should be some type of standardized tests. What happened to the SAT? Like we've gotten so soft on young people that you don't even have to go through like the pressure and stress of having to prepare for that test, take that test, have to get some type of a number. Or dodgeball in gym class. You don't think that this is gonna make people tougher and more resilient? Greater fortitude, be prepared to handle the things that come up in life, the ability to compete, have to respond from failure, deal with pressure.

Golf carts should replace cars as the primary mode of transportation for non-highway use

What is your thoughts on maybe moving away from cars and really locking in on the golf cart as transportation A to B and only using cars highway use only. So like neighborhoods outside of that. We're just using golf carts on an everyday basis for travel.

Being the designated TV remote guy at a bar is a 10 out of 10 job

Had dinner at a local establishment last night and was informed that someone on staff was the designated TV remote guy to switch between games. No bartending, no waiting tables, just ball. 10 out of 10 job. You don't do this job without immense pride. It's the best job ever.

My coaching style isn't old school, it's the right school

When you say old school, it really does hit a sore spot with me... it's not old school. It's right school. I don't want to do anything old school. I want to do it the right way and the right way's been done for not 20 years, not 40 years, 100 years. You know, you hold people accountable. You play for the name on the front, not the back.

America needs a 'Husbands for Guys' service to handle car mechanics and home repairs

Why there should be a service just guy for hire that he's not a mechanic, but he knows everything about cars. He takes your car into the mechanic shop and just makes sure you don't get banged. We could call it husbands for guys. You keep your pride as a human being and as a man intact.

Adults who wear swim shirts at the pool look like children

If you wear a swim shirt as an adult, you just you look like a child. They shouldn't sell adult swim shirts. I agree. No shirts belong everywhere but in the water.

I am against prenups because marriage should be forever

I'm against prenups. Because if you're getting married, you're never—you're getting married to be together forever. If you really love someone, the money shouldn't matter.

If your relationship is built on the Chili's Triple Dipper, you will make it

If the foundation of your relationship is the Chili's Triple Dipper or bottomless chips and salsa, you're gonna make it. They're not thinking prenups or joint bachelorette parties.

Laser tag is a children's game and it's terrible for adults

Why were you playing laser tag as an adult? Laser tag sucks. It's a children's game. I guarantee you I've played more laser tag in the last five years than any of you guys... every laser tag, the guns don't work. You hit someone and it doesn't register.

Good laser tag exists and it kicks ass

Laser tag kicks ass. There's good laser tag places, there's bad laser tag places. If we set it up right, it would be good. Laser tag done properly kicks ass.

Silver or Bronze in figure skating is more impressive than in a race

I think getting silver or bronze in figure skating is more impressive than silver or bronze in a race. Because silver and bronze in a race is like, yeah, you just weren't the fastest. Like there's only one fastest. But if someone walked in like, I got silver in the 100 meter dash, you're not the fastest. Silver in figure skating? Holy shit, that's impressive.

Trader Joe's is the 'second wife' of grocery stores

Trader Joe's is nice for a fling, but that's not a grocery store you marry. I think it's your second wife. First marriage you go with like a Kroger or a Food Lion... then you get divorced and Trader Joe's has all that stuff that you like. So then you know more your second time around.

Peptides are the play for weight loss and health in 2026

Through some limited extensive research, I think part of my peptides might be the play. All the hot people online are just like, 'these are what you need to do. Take these peptides, you'll lose a bunch of weight.'

The Olympics should have a permanent home in Hammond, Indiana, to avoid wasting money and time zone issues

Just build a permanent Olympics in Hammond, Indiana... every time they do the Olympics, if you look at, you know, Rio and all these places, it just becomes a waste of money... I don't like the Olympics when it's not in our time zone.

My 'dinner simulator' habit of building food orders and not buying them is a sign of good self-control

Instead of going and making myself a snack or making myself food or ordering food, I'll just pull up the apps, Uber Eats... and I'll just like put together an order of what I would order if I were to get something. And then I clear my cart and I go to bed... It's really good self-control.

Every person is a Dungeons and Dragons fan, they just don't know it yet

We all are D&D guys. We all, we just don't know it yet.

Dungeons and Dragons is the universal game of imagination that everyone has already played

I like to say D&D is the game that everyone has played. Even if you only did it when you were a kid and didn't know it was D&D, it is just the game of imagination that we all play. And it's the, it is the universal game in many ways.

Amateur kid mentalists are scarier than the professional ones

There was just a kid at summer camp... last year too showed up was a high school kid and was literally guessing my pin number for my ATM account. If you can do that and other people can do that, that's almost scarier. Like they're just living among us.

Clerics are actually very powerful in this edition of Dungeons and Dragons

Clerics are actually really powerful in this edition, so I don't mind playing them. It's pretty good. Also, when you're the healer kind of means everyone has to be nice to you.

The name 'Six Female Chinese Boy Whisperers' instills fear in opponents

I love that. I love that people hear that name and they go running for the hills... A name that instills fear.

Wolves teach superior values like community and sacrifice compared to human parenting

The wolves taught him [Big Cat] well. It taught him about community, talking about teamwork, sacrifice. Nature being noble, humility, pack above self.

Going to Disney World after winning the Super Bowl is actually a punishment

The Disney world thing that they have to do is just punishment. Sam Darnold and Kenneth Walker being in the teacups right after the game when it's like all you wanna do is party with your boys. That sucks.

Stop comparing your boat to others and just appreciate your own boat

There's a lot of guys looking at your boat... that'd be enough boat for me. I think not to make this about life, but it's, it's just something to remember. There's probably somebody looking at your boat going that's that's good enough for me. I should stop looking at the other boats.

No one ever needs to actually 'check out' of a hotel

I've never checked out of a hotel in my entire life... The most I've ever done is once in a while... put your room key in here when you leave. Other than that... I think I threw it in the trash.

PFT Commenter is done dunking forever - retiring from attempting to dunk

My fire fest. I don't think I'm gonna dunk again. I think I'm gonna have to learn how to play below the rim. So I'm calling it quits on attempting to dunk anymore in my future.

I don't want to get the lottery ball today and I don't want a new machine

We're down, I think we have four more lottery ball guesses on this machine. And then we're getting the new machine. I personally do not want to get it. I don't wanna get it.

Alex Honnold is a 'fucking idiot' for his free solo climbs

He's a fucking idiot. And I hated every second of it... as a person who's terrified of heights watching him get up to those bamboo rings...stood up at the top in the wind forever. Fuck this guy. I can't watch any more of it.

My dream retirement is to hire a pitcher I can hit home runs off of every single day

My dream is to have like a shit load of land and build a baseball field... I wake up on a Tuesday at 9:00 AM, I go down to my baseball field. There's a pitcher down there who's gonna pitch me and I'm just gonna go fucking yard on him over and over and he's gonna be like, 'fuck, I don't have it today.'

I would rather pay DraftKings $40,000 than pay Hank $40,000 for a lost bet.

I would rather pay DraftKings $40,000 than pay [Hank] 40,000. It's the ultimate emotional hedge spot for me. Worst case scenario, I lose my money, but I would gladly pay that much money for the Patriots to lose.

Fasting is the worst thing ever

I realized I was such a bitch. ... Anyone who tries to tell you the fasting is the way to go. It ain't, it ain't the way to go.

Eating hundreds of dollars of candy before starting a diet is a legitimate strategy to bulk up and lose weight faster

This has happened probably, I don't know, 25 times in my life where I am gearing up for a diet and then the couple weeks before I just go so hard in unhealthiness just to bulk up to the point where I can lose weight fast. I am in that phase... the actual order was $225 worth of candy.

Ava Hudson is the best volleyball player I've ever seen

Ava Hudson was insane. She might be the best volleyball player I've ever seen before in my life. And that's saying a lot.

The best way to surprise a girl with a proposal is to do a fake one at a sports game first

The surprise is already over because you already are planning it. ... The only way he could truly surprise you is doing it at a sports game... center court at a mid-tier college basketball game. ... He does a fake proposal to you at a sports game and then he's like 'piss you off! Just kidding!'

Wind turbines should be banned from the ocean because they destroy ecosystems

I'll stand up business on, on wind getting wind turbines out of the ocean. I don't really care one way or the other about the ones on land... I was on a boat off of Block Island and the captain was telling me about how a wind turbine broke and the pieces of the wind turbine were just completely destroying the ecosystem of the ocean.

Solo dates are the superior way to experience the movies

I went on, I guess what someone called solo date the other day. I thought it was okay. I thought it was like a rec, a super normal thing to do... You ever, you ever go to the movies solo? Yes sir. All the time. That's great. I think that's the best way to go to the movies.

I fully condone and respect the thieves who successfully pulled off a heist at the Louvre.

I condone robbing the Louvre. That's, that's, I got nothing but respect. ... It's good to know that like there's still thieves that are planning heists, especially at the Louvre and like making it happen.

Jonathan Taylor is a top-three human being in the entire world

He is a workhorse, and what he's done in the NFL too is awesome to see. And man, his ability speaks volumes and he's even a way better person than he is a player too. Like, no, he is the most genuine human being. [He's a top three human] in my opinion. [In the entire world].

Saudi sports washing is working because everyone eventually accepts the money

Credit to [the Saudis]. They kind of, they're doing a pretty good job. They just, because everyone just is like, 'Yeah, I'll come.' It's working. LeBron, us—if they ask us—everybody... I'll do anything for a hundred million dollars. Anything. It doesn't matter what it is.

Above-ground pools are 'very good' and belong in the Hall of Very Good

Our second pick is going to be above ground pools. ... They're very good. They're very fun. I've had a fun time in an aboveground. ... So much better than no pool.

Canada is a 'Hall of Very Good' country, but not a top-three country

Our next pick is gonna be Canada as a country, which is very good. Not Hall of Fame country... They're just very good. Seems pretty good... But have they ever been in history, a top three country? No. No. And that's okay. They're like the Scottie Pippen of countries.

Titty fucking is 'very good' but not 'Hall of Fame' level

We want to take titty fucking. Yeah. It's very good. ... It's not Hall of fame. Hall of Fame is sex. ... If you're titty fucking in an above ground pool in Canada, you're having a very good time. Yeah.

The 'Mega Bed' changed my life

I initially scoffed it because it was a long day of travel. I was tired. It was late. But then the next day I was like, you know what Zac, we got a mega bed. You were right. We mega Beded... mega bed changed my life.

The Stanley Cup tumbler craze is overhyped because it is just a cup

We're gonna take Stanley cups, drinkware, the big fucking Stanley Cups that everyone goes crazy about. All the women love it. Don't understand the hypes... It's literally just a cup... they're almost like beanie babies, like the newer version of Beanie Babies where people collect different colors.

Cold plunges are a form of performative suffering for wealthy people

It was widely considered like one of the worst parts of our week when like everyone on our team had to do a cold plunge and then out of nowhere it has just become widely known as like the best thing that people are like paying to go do for luxury... life is so easy that they like to do something that makes them feel pain... I heard about this on a podcast.

The hype around being an adult is unmerited; everyone rushes to grow up for no reason

Being an adult, I don't understand the hype on like being an adult. Everyone. You're as growing up. Everyone was like, I can't wait to get older, get older, get older. And I'm like, why are we rushing these things?... I don't get the hype on everyone wanting to age so quickly... I just, not all the aspects are the best.

A cracked or shattered iPhone screen is incredibly sexy

The cracked iPhone. It is so sexy... when her iPhone screen is so shattered that she's got like tiny little cuts and abrasions on her thumb from using it. It's so hot. Hot. I got utterly unusable.

A girl throwing with perfect form is one of the hottest things imaginable

Throwing a perfect spiral. It is so sexy. The Kelsey Plum video... A girl throwing with perfect form is so hot. It's a regular thing... when a girl does it, it's so hot.