Takes

The camera angles for Washington Huskies football and basketball games are the weirdest in sports

The camera angles, both for football and basketball, are the weirdest camera angles ever. The basketball camera angle when you're watching a Washington Huskies game is insane. I don't understand how – I'm a degenerate gambler, so these are the weird things that I notice.

I'm surprised there has never been a Call of Duty branded movie

I'm surprised there's never been a Call of Duty movie, to be perfectly honest. ... I know [there are war movies], but there's not like a Call of Duty branded [one].

The least realistic thing about Entourage is the four guys being together so often

Whenever anybody asked me about the realistic stuff of the show, the thing I always said was the least realistic thing is that four guys would be together this often.

I almost killed off Vinnie Chase in the series finale

I thought about killing Vince to end the show. ... Mark [Wahlberg] sat me down and goes, we're going to make a movie. We're going to make a Broadway show. We're going to make an animated show. You can't fucking kill Vince. So that ultimately was probably the right decision.

Dude Perfect is college life if you never drank or talked to girls

If you ever think like, what would it have been like if we didn't drink? Just watch this Dude Perfect. Like if we just never had a sip of alcohol and didn't talk to girls, what would my college life have been like? Dude Perfect documentary.

The Undertaker vs. Mankind 'Hell in a Cell' included an outer-body experience

I kind of had like an outer-body experience when I threw [Mick Foley] off onto the table is like I could see myself standing up there and I could see Mick Falling and it seemed like it took an eternity for him to hit that table.

Mick Foley is one of the five toughest people in WWE history

[Mick Foley] is definitely top five. That's for sure. Some of the bumps he's taken is this like proof they're off the chart.

The Undertaker and Kane storyline is the greatest in WWE history

I think the the storyline of you and Kane and Paul Bearer is the greatest story line that that has ever been written in the WWE... [Taker responds] it just it just grew and grew... it was so many layers to it.

The Undertaker would walk slower to the ring if he knew the match was going to be bad

A lot of times that would just depend on my opponent. If I was working with somebody that that was pretty limited... I was like man I got to get I'm gonna get my money's worth out of this entrance. So yeah there there were times that I would take a little bit of extra time because I knew the match is going to be horrible.

Game 6 of the 1998 NBA Finals will forever be the most-watched NBA game of all time

That game six of the 98 finals with the shot and MJ finishing his career with the Bulls, that will forever be the most watched NBA game of all time. 35.89 million people were watching that game concurrently... It's going to keep getting more and more fractured. That will be the most watched NBA game of all time.

We should fix the ozone layer by spraying ozone from a giant aerosol can in space like Flex Seal

just put ozone in an aerosol can and spray it up into the sky. I'm pretty sure I solved that. And no one's done it. Like, why not? ... We'll put someone up in a fucking spaceship with a huge aerosol can, and they just spray it on, like Flex Seal for the ozone.

I will sweep PFT 4-0 in our Thursday game

4 o'clock on Thursday. You can see, probably going to be a 4-0 sweep, so make sure you sweep it early because it's going to be over early. ... 4-1 or better. [Or] I'll do a show with no shirt on.

Lacrosse is the sport of the future

My cool throne is lacrosse, sport of the future. Yep. Paul Rabel figured out betting, so they're doing an event in the summer. People are going to be able to bet on it.

Clever comedians will always find a way to thrive despite PC or 'woke' culture

Whenever a new stricture comes along, there's always someone that can then come along and find a cool way around it that actually advances things. ... Now it's the PC woke people trying to tamper everything down. People find clever ways around it. There's always the push and then the push through. ... Our job is to find the clever way around it. The clever way around it is to not throw a temper tantrum.

Episode 7 of The Last Dance was the strongest episode of the entire documentary

I thought Episode 7 was the strongest episode of the entire documentary. It was so, so well done.

Established media columnists in the 90s were no better than modern-day Twitter eggs

It's wild to think that in the mid nineties media, all these people who were given columns were no better than just like some Twitter egg that wanted to like put this shit out there and they got away with it and they still have jobs to this day.

The NFL's Christmas Day game is a direct shot at the NBA

The NFL is now saying, fuck you, NBA. We're not giving you this day for free. They're fighting back, and they will have an NFL game on Christmas Day.

Video games should only be played with a controller, regardless of PC or Console

I play video games with a controller. Like I'll never play video games... [without a controller]. Video games we play with a controller. Yes. I don't want to hear anything different.

Leroy is retiring from the scoop game

I'd like to pivot [Leroy] out of the breaking news game, put him out to stud, put him out to retire... and then use the account to grade the scoops of actual insiders. Leroy serves as the judge.

NCAA athletes have a basic human right to monetize their name, image, and likeness

I just want listen the whole idea that everyone's going to get a salary... is probably not accurate, but I do think just the basic human right of being able to monetize your image likeness and name it something that is attainable for athletes. And that that is the thing I think is most realistic and I want to focus on.

Fans will hate watching sports with no crowds after just two days

Two days into baseball and stadiums... with no fans in the stands and guys sitting like eight seats apart in the bleachers people going to go like this blows. I don't like this everyone hates everything. No one's gonna like it.

Internet 1.0 (less cynicism and sarcasm) is making a comeback

I'm bringing back internet 1.0... We're not trying to fuck with people were just being nice trying to signal boost all the artists out there... less sarcasm less cynicism in the internet and less like everything is the worst and we're all going to die.

Rick Pitino is definitely a guy who has nipple rings

I think the two of them probably have a lot in common as you like Cuomo Rick Pitino has probably a nipple ring guy. Yeah. Oh, yeah big time nipple ring guy if he doesn't have them he loves them.

Mike Francesa is making his content less accessible to the few people still listening

My friend says it was like hey, you know, what's a good idea to make sure that my content is even less accessible to the people? ... It's the MLB model. Yes. If he was smart, he would just start his own Twitter account for his own show. But I guess he's sunk a lot of production costs into doing the mics on app.

The future of sports is video games and closed-set UFC fights

The future of sports is everyone watching video games and then every three weeks or so a closed set where Dana White has people beat the fuck out of each other. That's all we have.

A-Rod probably saved sports and the world by talking to President Trump

A-Rod probably saved sports and the world but I'm not bragging about it... Sports will probably be back before you even know because President Trump called up A-Rod on Friday night.

Dan Orlovsky uses his kids' handprints on footballs to prevent people from trolling him

He is constantly reminding people watching him, hey, if you're going to tweet at me about running out of the back of the end zone, just remember you're doing that to a father of three. His background should just be him like behind the end zone and then to his right should be the end zone... He's just permanently in the back of the end zone when he's on TV.

Jamal Murray should claim he has coronavirus to make people forget his accidental sex tape

PR 101 for him. I don't know what you do. You just actually say you have coronavirus. There you go think that really is the only way out. If you say you have coronavirus people will just feel bad for you and then kind of forget that that happened.

Professional and collegiate sports leagues got addicted to 'cancel culture' during the initial COVID-19 outbreak

I think they got addicted to cancel culture. It just felt very rash to be like everything's canceled forever. I would have almost rather they did just we're going to delay it two weeks and then two weeks later we're going to delay another two weeks until I get to football season. Let us just me asking it throughout the entire summer and give me the hope.

Darren Rovell is legitimately losing his mind

Rovell is kind of a misunderstood but nice guy. I think he's losing it—like he is legit losing his mind. He's on a bender from non-alcoholic beer. This is what happens when you drink like 12 a day for a week straight.

ESPN wants Al Michaels and Peyton Manning together in a Super Bowl booth

ABC Disney they on ESPN... They're trying to get Al Michaels... maybe team up with Sheriff Peyton Manning a peg put them in the booth together and make me TV magic happen Okay, so essentially yeah ESPN is trying to get the perfect booth in their minds of Al Michaels and pei-pei together so they can get in the Super Bowl rotation.

Mr. Portnoy is more valuable in a media trade than Dickie V

I would say. Mr. Portnoy is more valuable than Dickie V at this point... Mr. Portnoy still has like a decade left, at least.

ESPN wanted Tony Romo so the NFL would give them better matchups

I think they were just ESPN was thinking if we get [Romo] in our booth then maybe we'll get like some Steelers Patriots matchups on Monday Night Football figure it out later... having a guy that Roger Goodell likes working for your company will make Roger Goodell just like give you all the business advantages.

Pay-per-view shamers need to get a life

You pay per view shamers. I see you you guys get get a fucking life the people who pre complain about the fight there like I'm not going to buy the fight because probably the last like three rounds and the undercard sucks. It's not about the fight. It is about the fight but it's also about the experience of buying the pay-per-view and being like, holy shit.

All screenwriting books are absolute bullshit

I just said for the fuck of it one day: All screenwriting books are bullshit. All of them. Read screenplays, watch movies, and let those be your guide... if you have to go to a Radisson for a seminar, it's fake. It's fake.

You only learn a commissioner's name if they have fucked up

If you learn a commissioner's name it's because they fucked up at some point. It's like learning the name of an offensive lineman or a referee in football.

U.S. NFL players would dominate Olympic Handball within months

You play a sport that if we decided to stop playing all the other sports, there would be a lot of guys better than what you're doing. ... If we were to take our best NFL players and put them in rugby uniforms... we would be much, much better. ... I'm not saying that I would be a gold medal handballist. I'd be probably a top pro. [Baker] his arm is better than any handballist's arm.

NBA ratings are only down on TV because younger fans are cord-cutters

NBA ratings have taken a little bit of a dip totally different right... cord cutters, right? If your shows on television a nobody watch it... our numbers are down primarily on TNT which doesn't have as much carriage and as much linked to younger audiences... our streaming numbers the really really good.

Michael Wilbon's 'Lordy' tweet was just a way to hide that he was horny online

That Lordy is, I got my pants out. I got my pants off, and I'm cranking it right now. That Lordy means shit. Like, Michael Wilbon was undressed when J-Lo started bouncing her booty around.

Stephen A. Smith will be extra spicy because of his apple cider vinegar cleanse

Stephen A. Smith just announced that he's going on a seven-day apple cider vinegar cleanse... He's going to be on a First Take just with a mouth tasting like all kinds of soy sauce... and he's going to have an empty belly. He's going to be sweating... a hungry dog runs faster.

Gus Johnson is not a good football announcer

I just firing off some takes that I've been sitting on and I got ratioed because I don't think Gus Johnson is a good football announcer. Okay. And people got mad.

Kevin Harlan is the best play-by-play announcer in all sports

Kevin Harlan I actually was thinking about this because he... honestly might be my favorite play-by-play like all sports.

I will fight anyone who is genuinely mad about John Rothstein's texts

If you have a problem with John Rothstein texting good luck and most of the time getting left just completely ignored by the coach, come fight us. I will actually punch somebody... open invite to anyone who is mad about this genuinely mad. If you have to actually be mad, we will fight you.

Mike Greenberg is an unapologetic beta

The beauty of Mike Greenberg is that he is an unapologetic beta and that's why I love him so very deeply... he's someone who's like 'I'm a dork'.

Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert are the Mount Rushmore of Daily Show history

Stewart and Colbert... I think the two that everybody – you bear their fingerprints is either Colbert or Stewart. To me.

Booger McFarland is the new Jason Witten for NFL fan criticism

Jason Witten is on my cool throne because the internet has finally come for Booger McFarland. I think Booger had that nice spot where he came in after Jason Witten, so it was like no one was paying attention for a little bit, and now people are starting to listen to what he says... he's getting roasted. The internet is coming for him.

The word 'Boomer' has jumped the shark

Boomer just the word Boomer has invaded like meme and American culture to a point where like I'm sick of it. It's kind of jumped the shark a little bit. But now it's at one of those things where it's like so mainstream it's like harambee after like two months where I was funny in the beginning.

Mike Francesa definitely farted on air

This is well. There's a two parts that he definitely farted. Number one. That's not a question. He then also in like the last play he had he farted on Tuesday and announced his retirement on Wednesday. That's how quickly it happens.

I would return to WWE for $20 to $25 million

I think the conversation would have to start at somewhere like, I don't know, 20, 25 [million].

WWE intentionally fired me on my wedding day out of malice

It's impossible to think that it [firing] was anything but done maliciously and on purpose... they didn't ruin my day... I talk to Triple H two days before that and he was like, hey, let's talk. I was like, can I talk after my honeymoon? My wife worked there. She asked for the day off to get married. So the idea that they didn't know that that was the date and I was getting married is impossible.