Takes

Joe Burrow is a lock to cover after losing to the Browns

Joe Burrow is four and oh against the spread after losing to the Browns. Cause he always loses the Browns. So he bounces back. So go go with Joe Burrow there. Trust in Joe.

Aaron Rodgers is legitimately bad right now and it is not a fluke

I think that this is like, it's not a fluke that [Aaron Rogers] sucks right now. If he wants to, this is a perfect excuse for him. Just be like, 'Yeah, my thumb is extreme. The doctor said that he is never seen a worse thumb than mine.'

Teams that play the Panthers lose their following game

Do you know that teams that play the Panthers the next week, they're 0-7. Every team that's played the Panthers the following week, they lose their next game... You either you get beaten up by them and you're still sore going to the next game or they're just so bad that you think that this is what NFL football is like.

Cliff Kingsbury is officially a dead man walking at Arizona

It's so clear that Cliff Kingsbury's getting fired. I mean, the minute that Kyler Murray yelled at him on the sideline, like, I don't know. That's, I know they'll say like, 'Oh that's just football. We're just angry.' Doesn't feel that way.

Zach Wilson will be befuddled by the Patriots defense this weekend

I wanna talk about the Patriot's defense because the Patriot's defense I think is going to befuddle. Zach Wilson. Zach Wilson's gonna be befuddled this weekend. And the Jacks, he's gonna be so confused. Belichick knows how to fuck with befuddled quarterbacks.

Kyle Shanahan owns Sean McVay

I assume that was who you're gonna be if you were basic. Yeah, no, I agree with you. But also at some point, I feel like every time this happens... we've known for a while that Shanahan owns McVay. He's eight and four against McVay overall. Straight up.

I'm taking the Rams -10 because the Panthers are in a dark place

I'm taking the Rams. It's a lot of points minus 10, but I feel like the Panthers are just in a dark place right now. I'm not seeing an interim coach bump for them... it's a get back game for Sean McVay.

The Bills will destroy the Steelers and Kenny Pickett in his first start

I am going with the Buffalo Bills. Okay. I think if Mitch [Trubisky] was playing, it's a different story... But it's Kenny Pickett. He's a rookie. He's gonna get destroyed by that defense.

The Giants will cover the +8 spread against the Packers in London

I'm gonna go with the New York Giants. Ooh. Packers have not looked good this year. They haven't. It's they're plus eight. They almost got beat by Patriots. Bailey Zappe. They didn't let 'em throw and they still almost lost the game. I don't think they're gonna win this game by eight points.

The Commanders actually beat the Eagles in three out of four quarters

I went back, I looked at the tape from last week, 24-8 against the Eagles, the Commanders, they actually only lost one quarter. So as we know it's a game a quarter, much like the NBA. And they lost the second quarter 24 to zero. They won the rest of the quarters cumulatively eight to zero. Sounds like the Commanders really beat the Eagles three times out of four to me.

The Jaguars are being overrated due to beating two injured teams

I'm taking the Eagles here just because I think everyone, I like the Jaguars, nice team. But like put it into perspective, they beat a beat up Colts team that they always beat in Jacksonville and then they beat up a very beat up Chargers team. Then have to fly all the way across the country and play an Eagles team that's rolling. I think it's gonna be a little market correction.

The Packers are not that good

The Packers are not that good. Brian Hoyer is due for a win. They'll, no, they won't be in the hungry dog because I'm not putting the Patriots in anymore.

The Bengals are a lock as my 'Game of the Month' against the Jets

Bengals minus five. It's my game of the month on the Jets. I'm terrified of how much I love the Bengals. It is like a panic button game if they lose this game... they have to win this game.

Betting the under on NFL prime-time games is a proven winning strategy

My under I'm gonna do the Broncos Niners under 44 and a half. Tommy gave us a stat. It was something like the last 45 prime time games, it's 30 and 15 to the under. And I was like, oh, that's why I lose all my money. So I'm done. I'm gonna try to ride the wave now.

The Raiders and Derek Carr are on different pages regarding 'how to win'

I think we might have a little bit of Josh McDaniels and Derek Carr on different pages watch... Josh McDaniels says 'you can't win until you learn how not to lose.' But now Derek Carr last week said 'we have to learn how to win.' It feels like they're on different pages. It's a red flag.

The Bears will be frisky and cover +7 against the 49ers

I'm just gonna take the biggest [underdog]. The Bears. Seven points week one is a lot... There's a lot of turmoil in San Francisco. Trey Lance, Jimmy G you don't know what's going on... Seven points is the lot in the NFL.

Nakobe Dean will not be drafted in the first round

There's some medical things with linebackers right now. So I would say Nakobe Dean, who's probably the most productive player on Georgia's defense, the linebacker is not going to get drafted in the first round.

Quay Walker is a lock to be drafted in the first round and will go before Nakobe Dean

Quay Walker is whoa from what I'm hearing, like kind of a lock to be drafted in the first round. And he's a big, he had production, but he was, he's definitely traits over, over production guy.

Lock of the Decade: The opening kickoff of Super Bowl 56 will result in a touchback

This is the lock prop of the century. I don't know how this was my decade literally. I can't comprehend it... opening kickoff to result in a touchback minus 112. I love it. The Bengals win the flip, kick fearsome is going to kick it like out of the stadium.

The Bills vs. Chiefs Over 54.5 is my Game of the Year

I've released my game of the year, the third game of the year, over 54 and a half in [Bills vs. Chiefs]... I haven't lost the game of the year yet... when I say game of the year, I put the chips in the middle. I'm putting, I'm putting the chips in the middle. It's going to be a responsibly large wager for me.

I am betting on the Colts to beat the Cardinals out of spite for the Cardinals' Twitter account

I'm going with the Colts, pick them right now... I'll take them as minus a half... the Cardinals need to lose this game and they have to be forced to tweet about it. Yes. Otherwise I like, whatever, I'll stick with it. I think it's been so long that they're cursed no matter what.

Josh Allen is the quarterback who gets screwed over most by the referees

Number one quarterback in the entire league [for coverage penalties bailing them out]... It's Aaron Rogers by a long shot. Last place in the entirely... Josh Allen it's Josh Allen gets fucked more than any other quarterback in the NFL. And Aaron Rogers gets bailed out all the time.

The Cowboys -4.5 at Washington is a 'rat line' and the Cowboys will cover

This week is a lot of rats. Therefore it's week routine Ratatouille and I'm just going to take them all... My favorite is the Cowboys minus four and a half versus the Washington Football Team.

The Lions will beat the Vikings moneyline this week

I want the Lions to win, but I'm not... I would not touch them with actual money. Nope... I'll take them Moneyline.

The Falcons will beat the Jaguars because bird teams are due to move ahead of cat teams all-time

My favorite is going to be the Atlanta Falcons. ... All time in the NFL, bird teams against cat teams are exactly 500. I think it's 209 to 209 and one. They've tied one game. This is going to be the week that it swings in favor of the bird teams.

I am done with the Seahawks; they are a miserable team of has-beens and losers

I think that the Seahawks are just a miserable football team filled with has-beens and losers. ... I hate watching the Seahawks on television. It's probably way worse in person.

The Cincinnati Bengals will be officially elevated to a good playoff team if they keep it close or beat the Baltimore Ravens

If the Bengals can keep this close or possibly win this game, they are officially elevated to a good team playoff team. Like, and I think they're right there. I think their defensive played very well.

The Cowboys -3.5 at the Patriots is my favorite bet of the week

My favorite favorite is Cowboys, minus three and a half at the Patriots... I like the Cowboys in this one. Patriots are going to have a long Sunday. I've been looking at the rat lines for the last few weeks and just betting the square side of the rat lines. And it's been a pretty successful strategy for me so far.

The Raiders will bounce back with interim coach Rich Bisaccia

I am all in on this Rich Bisaccia guy... Crying about your men and your opportunities, that's football guy stuff. I think they're gonna bounce back here for a couple weeks and it's gonna be a few weeks before they fall back to earth but I think they're gonna get something out of this guy... the Raiders and interim Rich and I'm in. I'm all in.

I am officially 'standing my ground' on the Steelers against the Broncos

My personal stand my ground game where if the Steelers don't win this game, I am done not only with the Steelers this season, but done betting on them, just pretending they don't exist. This is the game that if they have any pulse left, it's a pulse check. If they have any pulse left, they will win this game.

The Bills will beat the Chiefs in their Sunday night revenge game

I do think the Bills are going to win this game because I think the revenge factor and also this is one of those games where it's like, which team do you trust more to get a stop? And I would put that on the Bills.

The Browns vs. Chargers game will be a high-scoring over

My over is going to be Browns at Chargers, 47. I like a lot of points in this game.

The Chiefs will 'clown' the Eagles and make them look like a clown show

My favorite is the Chiefs minus seven against the Eagles. They're going to absolutely clown [them]. No, literally they're going to make the Eagles look like clowns. Mahomes is going to run around like throw some fucking deep bomb.

The Texans +12.5 is way too many points in an NFL game

The Texans... Plus 12 and a half. That's a lot of points in the NFL, especially in week two, especially coming off a win.

The Eagles will be in contention for the NFC East in mid-November

I feel like that's where they're going to be, I don't know, somewhere in that 7-10. 7-9-1 area where there will be a moment where they're competing for the NFC East sometime in mid-November.

Baylor will win the National Championship

I'm going against Joel. I'm going with Baylor. I'm going with our guy Jared [Butler].

Baylor will 'truck' Villanova in the Sweet 16

Baylor's going to truck Villanova. Put it on a board. Put it on a quote board. And I love Villanova... But yeah, Baylor, I've seen that Baylor team. They're going to truck you.

Tom Izzo will choke away the play-in game against Mick Cronin and UCLA

Izzo choked it away... This is the game where Izzo chokes it away at the end. He mismanages something. He might even get ejected in the second half. And our guy Mick Cronin demolishes him.

I am betting the biggest bet of my life on the Buccaneers to win the Super Bowl

You're going biggest bet of your life on the Bucs responsibly? Yep. I packed the vest. That's all you need to know. ... The man of vests is in the building.

The NFL will let Patrick Mahomes play in the AFC Championship regardless of his concussion status

I forgot that Roger Goodell was in charge of the NFL. Yeah. You thought for a second that we actually cared about player safety. Roger Goodell probably would delay the game by week... just to make Patrick Mahomes play... their star player is going to play and they'll find any way to spin it that it wasn't a concussion.

The Dolphins are not for real

Are the Dolphins for real? No. No, they're not.

The Tampa Bay Buccaneers are the most talented team in the NFL

I'm going to go to my deathbed saying this. The Tampa Bay Buccaneers are the most talented team in the NFL.

Matt Patricia is the 'dumbest rocket scientist' in the world

I think that Matt Patricia is, without a doubt, the dumbest rocket science on the face of the earth right now.

The Seahawks defense will start turning a corner and stop being a liability within five weeks

Jamal Adams is going to be back. I think that the Seahawks defense is going to start turning a corner here playing well and it's going to take a little bit of time for people to catch up to it. But like in like three four weeks we're going to be sitting here being like, you know, who's really playing well to Seahawks defense.

Antonio Brown joining the Buccaneers will not end well because he is a 'legit psycho'

I'm calling my shot on this Antonio Brown is a legit psycho. You're hot right now because essentially your shots are... it's not going to end well now it's just not. I'm calling my shot on this Antonio Brown is a legit psycho... Big big-time bad news.

Take the Vikings to cover because the Packers are 0-6 straight up on Daylight Savings weekends

The Packers have lost the six six times in a row on daylight savings we can... I think I won six straight out. I thought it was against the spread. I don't know. What is it Jake find it whatever it is. I'm fall forward happened... you probably going to want to take that stat into your real to your play Barstool app picks.

I love the Panthers to beat the Falcons

Panthers-Falcons, start there. Falcons, this could be the end for Dan Quinn. I have said many times I'm going to respect Teddy Bridgewater more and that's why I love the Panthers in this game.

I am officially out on the Eagles

The Eagles are just, they're so sad. I'm done. I'm done. You're pulling the cord on him? Yeah, right. I can't. I'm thinking that they are the same team that won the Super Bowl and I'm just done, I'm done.

Tyrod Taylor is a 'rebound' quarterback who provides stability but never wins games

He is the epitome of an average Quarterback, but he's somehow worse than average Quarterback... He doesn't make the mistakes that bad quarterbacks make... He just won't do anything... Tyrod is the rebound quarterback. They take right after you get done with a crazy person that just fucked your brains out.

Bill O'Brien general manager should fire Bill O'Brien head coach

Bill O'Brien general manager of the Texans is firing Bill O'Brien head coach of the Texan. I would love to see it... It's the opposite of Bill Parcells when he was in Dallas and said if you're going to ask me cook dinner, then at least let me shop for the groceries.