Takes

The Seahawks are primed to win the Super Bowl because they eliminated the 49ers

Seven of the last eight teams to eliminate the 49ers have gone on to win the Super Bowl. That's kind of crazy. ... The Seahawks are primed to win the Super Bowl 'cause they have eliminated the 49ers.

Drake May is the worst quarterback in the NFL when facing third-and-six.

Drake May is the worst quarterback in the NFL on third and sixth. And it's not close Since, since he got, where did you get this? Since he got into the league... He's 36th in the NFL... five for 18. 27%. The league average, I believe is 40.

Matt Stafford is unreliable when protecting a lead in the second half.

Matt Stafford, when he has a lead at halftime, his record against the spread in the second half. The second half spread 35% of the time, he covers only 35%. Pretty bad.

The Bears have a significant special teams advantage over the Rams in the Divisional Round.

I've meant to say that the one place that the Bears have a significant advantage is special teams. The, the Rams have been kind of like, they got a punt blocked. The kicker's been bad. The Bears, Cairo. Santos has been good.

Caleb Williams is a 'big game' quarterback

The thing I'm actually least worried about is I, I think Caleb Williams is like a big game guy. Like, I think he's gonna be ready for this game... I think he's big game Caleb.

The Jaguars are better than the Bills at everything except for having Josh Allen

The Jaguars are better at everything, but they don't have Josh Allen and Josh Allen. You're totally right. When it gets to the playoffs, it's like stuff doesn't hurt anymore... He's liable to go nuclear.

The Bears vs. Packers Week 16 game is a must-win for Chicago to avoid playoff uncertainty

This one you gotta win because the Bears are most likely gonna make the playoffs if they lose this game. Then it starts to get, Hey, what's going on here? You start looking at the calculations and the 49ers are a game that's coming up next week and then the Lions in week 18. You don't want to get to a spot where the Lions Week 18 becomes a win and get in.

I bet the Chiefs beat the Chargers because it is a massive trap spot for the public

I love the Chiefs in this game and I am saying that from a point of, I'm not someone who's been chasing the Chiefs every single week... This feels like a huge trap. Everyone watched the Chargers win on Monday night. Everyone watched the Chiefs lose on Sunday night. Now the Chargers are getting five and a half points... I think Mahomes is going to maybe do the dink and dunk down the field. I like the Chiefs in this game.

The Seahawks are going to 'kill' and 'fuck up' Philip Rivers in his return

But the Seahawks are probably gonna fuck him up probably... This is a I'm worried about him getting hit. That's the problem... I think the Seahawks are gonna maybe kill him. Seahawks are really fucking good.

The Eagles are not currently trading AJ Brown

Right now, I will tell you 'cause it just was something that I was part of the last few hours. They they are not trading [AJ Brown].

The Lions might be the best team in football

If you throw that [Packers] game out, you would look at this [Lions] team and be like, they might be the best team in football. Yeah. And I would not, I would not argue with you about that.

The Browns will cover the +4.5 spread against the Vikings in London

I like the Browns to keep it within a field goal... the Browns defense obviously is elite top three defense in the NFL. The Vikings are going to blitz the fuck out of Dylan Gabriel. They're gonna confuse him. It's gonna be a lowest scoring game.

Marvin Harrison Jr. will break his first career tackle this week against the Titans

I am on, on tackle breaking watch this week. I think this is the week that Marvin Harrison Jr. breaks his first tackle... Kyler Murray, bad body language. Marvin Harrison, Jr. bad body language... after Sunday... people are gonna start to have that conversation.

The Cleveland Browns have a championship-level defense

The Cleveland Browns have a championship defense right now. Yeah, I would agree.

I'm officially done with the Tennessee Titans

I'm done with the titans done with them. So I'm gonna take the Texans, but I'm done with the Titans. I don't, this game, this game is not exciting to me whatsoever. Titans are two and 14 against the spread in their last 16 games. I just, I have to quit. I have to stop.

The loser of Ravens-Chiefs is going to be a dangerous problem for the rest of the league

I think whoever loses this game is gonna be a problem. I think Loser might get hungrier.

I don't think Carson Wentz is fixable as a quarterback due to his extensive scar tissue

I'm not ready to say that about Cars. I don't, I don't think that Carson Wentz is fixable. Yeah. I think he's got too, too much scar tissue.

Jalen Hurts is a winner who doesn't care about anything but the final result

Jalen Hurts in games that he has started and finished. He's 18 and oh in his last 18 games that he started and finished... The, the Eagles. And he doesn't give a fuck about how they just keep winning.

The Bears-Cowboys matchup is a 'Gateway Game' that will define the rest of Chicago's season

This is a gateway game. If the Bears win this game... don't be shocked if the Bears are five and four or six and three... but if they don't win this game, none of this matters. They're own three and they just suck.

A Bengal tiger would kill a Jaguar in a fight every single time

I just looked at AI and a Bengal would kill a Jaguar like a hundred out of a hundred times. A Jaguar does have one of like the the fiercest bites in the animal kingdom. The problem is the Bengal outweighs the Jaguar by like 200 pounds.

Kyle Shanahan is now the top candidate for the 'Can't Win The Big One' narrative

Kyle Shanahan needs a Super Bowl so badly. It's, it's desperate. It's aged him. Have you seen the before and after? Yeah. It's like he's a president.

Patrick Mahomes is basically lights out in the Divisional Round

He plays in this divisional round and he's basically just, he's, I mean he's undefeated. He lights out. That's just what happens. He is six and oh. He has 1,813 total yards, 16 touchdowns... zero interceptions.

The Chargers will beat the Texans in the Wild Card round

Everything we just have said is just like, you should just take the [under]... I do think the Chargers win. I'm a little nervous about three just because it does feel like it's going to be a low scoring knockdown, drag out fight.

I love the over in the Bills vs. Broncos game

I think I love the over in this game. I love it. Love it, love it. I think that the, I mean the weakness of the bills is their defense has not been great... And Josh Allen has been playing out of his mind and I think that he will not be stopped either.

Joe Mixon is a bust whenever he plays a top-12 rush defense

Kansas City has the seventh ranked rush defense, according to DVOA Joe Mixon rushing... Anytime he's had to play a top 12 rush defense... he has been bust. And if the Texans can't run the ball, I really don't like this offense.

Any quarterback who loses their first Super Bowl appearance never returns to the big game

The curse of Jim Kelly is a curse that just hit the internet... essentially it's any quarterback that goes to a Super Bowl and loses their first one never goes back to the Super Bowl. Jalen Hurts did that... Stan Humphreys, Neil O'Donnell, drew Bledsoe... Joe Burrow. Jalen Hurts. Brock Purdy.

The Lions defense struggles against running quarterbacks

This is the week that the lions all their defensive injuries... This is an elite elite offense. And Aaron Glenn, I know this from experience because Justin Fields used to play well against Lions. Aaron Glenn's defenses don't do well against running quarterbacks. He refuses to do a spy.

The 49ers are just not a good team this year

Are the Niners just bad? Yeah, they're bad. I think they might be just bad. They're just bad this year. Like we just gotta accept the fact that they're just not good.

The Bears should fire Matt Eberflus immediately after a Thanksgiving loss

They should fire him after we get embarrassed by the Lions. Because at this point I know the Bears have never fired a coach in a hundred years history in Midseason at this point. You should honestly tell Caleb like, Hey we fucked up with Shane Waldron and Matt Eberflus our bad. We're firing him right now.

The Lions are the best team in the NFL in every category

I think the Lions... I think they're the best at everything. I really do. I think that they're, they have maybe the best running attack in the NFC... the Lions are better than the Eagles at almost everything.

The Jets' defense does not travel well

Defense doesn't travel... We got smoked by the Cardinals. Graveyard teams.

The Broncos will beat the Falcons

I think the Broncos are going to get off the mat here and respond very well. And I think the Broncos are gonna win this game.

The 49ers' offense is the second best in the NFL even without Christian McCaffrey

The 49ers are getting better on offense. So their offense without Christian McCaffrey for most of the season, they are plus 1.4 net yards per play, which is the second best offense in the NFL.

Harrison Butker being out makes the Bills a favorite over the Chiefs

Harrison Butker's hurt. Harrison Butker is out... Oh that's actually huge. Oh I might be Bills now because that, this does feel like a field goal game here.

The Chargers' defense is legitimately elite

The Chargers are the fourth team in the last 40 years to hold opponents under 21 points in their first nine games of the season. Only been done four times. Defense is legit. Legit.

I'm betting big on the Patriots to cover +6 against the Bears

I'm going to bet this will not be in the Hungry Dog. I'm going to place a large... I'm going to bet Big Patriots plus six. Because then I think the Patriots can keep it close. Cover that.

I'm betting on the Saints because Darren Rizzi's ears make him an interesting interim coach

Darren Rizzi's ears are fucked up. I don't know what the fuck is going on with his ears. No offense to his ears... It looks like he was wearing sunglasses made out of tungsten... I like that he's got bad ears. It makes it more interesting. Yeah, I like him. I'm gonna take the Saints.

The Ravens will beat the Broncos in a focused effort following their loss to the Browns

I think the Ravens are gonna be very focused. Broncos riding high and you see that nine point spread and you're like, oof, that's easy. It's a lot of points. Broncos are, are five and three. How are they nine point underdogs. I agree with you. Like I said, if the Ravens had won last week, I would probably be leaning heavy to the Broncos.

The Lions will defeat the Packers by at least 10 points

I'm excited about this game. I think the lions are gonna roll. 10 plus. Like a, A stomping.

I officially apologize for hating on the Buccaneers

I've retracted my take. I've done some soul searching about the Bucks. I apologize for saying the Bucks aren't very good. It is a hundred percent Chaps bias. I sat with Chaps for an entire game watching him and it just—it sits with you and it really eats away at you.

The game against the Jaguars is a must-win for the Bears

This is a must win for the Bears. You got, this is the meat of your schedule, right? This is the, this is the, you got make some hay time. I'll be a very sad boy if the Bears lose this game.

I will quit on the Titans if they lose to the Colts in Week 6

This will be my, I'm quitting the Titans if they lose this game. But I'm not, I'm not taking the Titans. It is my last, last line in the sand.

AJ Brown will have a huge game against the Browns because they play single high safety

The Browns run a majority of single high safety. Guess who dominates single high safety. AJ Brown. AJ Brown's got feast in this game. All the overs come on.

The Bears season is over if they go worse than 3-2 in their next five games

The Bears next five games... If they go four in one, it's playoffs. If they go three and two, it's maybe playoffs... Anything worse than three and two? It's on to next year.

One of the underdogs will win outright in the Monday Night Football doubleheader

Just pick one of the other, one of the underdogs is gonna win out. Right. That's guaranteed.

One of the quarterbacks in the Vikings-Giants game will be surprisingly good, the other will be terrible

I think one of the two quarterbacks in this game [Vikings vs Giants] will be better than expected this year. But I have zero idea which one it will be. I kind of think it's gonna be Daniel Jones... but I think the other one's gonna be terrible.

Eastern Michigan +2.5 is a lock because UMass should never be favorites

I saw the one that jumped out: Eastern Michigan plus 2.5. UMass football should never be favorites against anyone.

JJ McCarthy is my 5th ranked QB because he's a game-managing system quarterback

JJ McCarthy... is the bottom... He doesn't throw, he didn't see any long balls or all the long balls are wide open. Short throw. Short throws... he's seen the, he, he was a game manager. System quarterback.

UConn only needs to play a 'C-minus' game to beat most teams

UConn is just a kind of a, there's levels and they're just at a different level right now if they come out and play. Like UConn would have to play what a c minus game to give Alabama a chance. Like if I think of, if UConn plays a B game, they beat everyone.

There will be no doinked field goals or extra points in Super Bowl 58

No fucking doinks. Oh no doinks. We're running it back. I got doinked big time last year and I just realized I'm talking about Moody and even his makes are close to being misses. And also last year it was Butker. But he's a good kicker. There's no chance he double doinks. No chance. So what I'm doing is I'm going to have my vengeance on the doink from last year. And I'm going to double my bet this year and go, no doinks.