Takes

The Super Bowl halftime show is for chicks

The Super Bowl halftime show is—is—is for chicks... I don't think the average NFL fan is like, man, I hope this Super Bowl halftime show is awesome. I don't give a fuck.

The US government will confirm the existence of aliens this week

Aliens might drop this week. Like, like there's aliens might drop this week... [The White House] might confirm the existence of aliens as early as this week. And just be ready for the outcome of that.

JMU isn't like Liberty; they will be competitive in the playoff

We're not fucking Liberty, dude. We have sex at James Madison University. It's encouraged, it's mandatory. ... If one of those teams keeps it competitive, they might not change the format too much.

Mike Tomlin and the Steelers are likely to break up after this season

My Hot Seat is Mike Tomlin and the Steelers. Because I actually think that he might, this might be it... they don't change anything. And it's, I mean, TJ Watt said it. I think the bills ran the same play 27 times on Sunday. Yeah. That's insane. It feels like this is finally [the end].

The 'Blob' weather pattern could mean the end of the world

B-Big Cat, We are Earth could be finished. We could be done... There's a world, the blob never goes away... I do wanna say you're right. I was being dramatic there. Blob will go away, but it's sinking its toes right now.

Ja Morant needs a trade to find his joy for basketball again

My Hot Seat is Ja Morant... he's lost his joy. He's beefing with his coaches... last night he just said he's lost his joy... it feels like he needs a trade very badly. Just get him out of there, get him a new place.

The New Orleans Pelicans are 'soft quitting' the season to relocate

The Pelicans are just like soft quitting and gonna probably be in like relocate... they have no promotional calendar for the season... no bobbleheads... they're just soft quitting the Pelicans.

Wisconsin Football is currently the worst program in Power Four football

Wisconsin football just because they're the worst team in college football, Power Four college football. It's an absolute joke what's happened to the program. They haven't scored a touchdown in two games. The culture's broken, the program's broken.

Baker Mayfield's poor performance was due to helium-filled footballs

The rational side of the internet and sports fans understand that this is an inflategate situation. Those balls were getting thrown high for a reason, and I think it might be helium based... I think a back room equipment room job might have went down.

Conor McDavid's team-friendly contract was designed to make him easily tradable to a contender

This seems like it would be very easily tradable. Very, very easily tradable contract. He basically, I mean smart by him. If in a year and a half the Oilers aren't competing and he can go somewhere for a year and a half and it doesn't fuck up some team's cap.

Brandel Chamblee is using bots to generate fake YouTube views for Bryson DeChambeau's content

I put him [Brandel Chamblee] on the Hot Seat because there's just no way Brandel Chamblee is this locked in... but he said, 'I have no doubt that bots are generating a lot of those views.'

Mike McDaniel is in trouble because people are starting to call him 'nerd boy'

My Hot Seat is Mike McDaniel because now it's open season. Rex Ryan called him McGenius... called him said McGenius guy or whatever the hell he is. Nerd boy. Their team has no respect for their coach. They play like that. They're soft... it's over.

The Buccaneers could make a Super Bowl run

My Cool Throne for today is the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Because after watching Baker go over to top to Buca and, you know, Buca didn't get a ton of yards, but he was fighting for every yard that he got. I keep watching clips and I keep, I keep having this thought in the back of my head. Like, we could just, we might, we could just make a run... it could go to the Super Bowl.

Justin Herbert will have a breakout season because he's dating Madison Beer

I agree. I think this is actually Justin Herbert's breakout season. Yeah. Yeah. I like this like getting the hot girlfriend. He's now he's around.

Baker Mayfield will be the #1 player in the NFL Top 100 next year

Baker Mayfield has made it to num number 50 spot on the NFL top 100 list... I not being on the list. So math tells me next year he's number one.

The winning score at the US Open will be over par

Can we bet on the winning golfer to have a, a score that's over par? Yes... I wanna bet on winning score over par. I think this US Open is going to the course. Mm. Officially I've seen enough of the content where now I fear this course.

TJ Watt is unhappy in Pittsburgh and wants to leave

TJ Watt... he's gonna cost a lot of money. I think he's unhappy and I think he wants to go... I could imagine TJ Watt wearing a Green Bay Packers jersey.

Magnus Carlsen is no longer the GOAT of chess because he keeps losing.

I'm gonna say right now, Magnus [Carlsen] not the best. 'cause I have been watching chess religiously for almost 48 hours now. And all I've seen is Magnus lost.

LeBron James will announce that next season is his final year during the NBA Finals

I think there is going to be an announcement... this will be LeBron James last year. And he's gonna make us suffer through an entire year long thing. He might even do it during the NBA finals. I actually wouldn't be shocked if he does it during the NBA finals.

FIFA is not a corrupt organization

Anyone that was pointing a finger at Sep Blatter and saying that FIFA is corrupt... Guess what? You're wrong. He's been officially cleared. Fifa. It turns out plot twist, not corrupt. Everything's above board in FIFA.

Tiger Woods' career as a competitive golfer is over following his Achilles rupture

My Hot Seat is Tiger Woods... I don't know, but it's clutch foot. It's just injury after injury. It's over. It sucks, but it's over. It's probably over.

The HBO show 'Hard Knocks' canceled its North Carolina season because fans were calling it 'Tar Knocks'

Do we think that the hit show 'Tar Knocks'—the naming of it—has maybe ended Hard Knocks at UNC?... Somebody from HBO listened to the show and was like, everyone's gonna be calling it Tar Knocks. We can't have this.

Rob Gronkowski is considering an NFL comeback with the Denver Broncos

Rob Gronkowski is considering a return to the NFL and that he would like to potentially play for the Denver Broncos... I'm told he loves Denver and Quarterback Bo Nix... He's gonna be a Bronco. There's no other way for him to do this than be a Bronco.

Christian McCaffrey might retire due to his Achilles injuries

The walls at Barstool Sports have been saying... Christopher McCaffrey might retire. Double Achilles tendonitis is not good... he's definitely not gonna play this season.

Adam Schefter will become the Ultimate Insider covering both NFL and NBA

Adam Schefter could be a candidate to replace Woj... In this scenario, Schefter would cover both the NFL and NBA as what a source called the Ultimate Insider... there's nothing you can do when someone says, Hey, you wanna be the ultimate insider?

Ben Simmons is officially back to playing at an All-Star level

Ben Simmons reportedly is in camp and or at least training. He says Ben Simmons is back to playing all star talent level basketball. Get ready for this boys big season loading... I think this is the year, this is the year for Ben.

People will stop visiting Orlando entirely if the airport removes its Chili's

I am taking up a new fight. They're changing the Orlando airport and the Chili's is going to be gone in 2025. We're not gonna let this happen... I predict that people are gonna stop visiting Orlando, Florida entirely because of this. There's no amusement found in Orlando [without it].

Matt Kucher was actually taking a stand for faster play by refusing to finish on Sunday

I did see a golf journalist who had a thread breaking down why he might have been doing it... the group in front of 'em was playing super, super slow all day... Kucher was basically standing up for the guy who lost a lead... maybe he was just trying to set an example of like, the guy should have been playing faster in front of them.

You shouldn't stop printing money; you should print even more to solve inflation

You gotta go through the wall. So like when you're like, oh we printed so much money that it doesn't like it's not worth anything. That's when you print even more money. Right. You can't quit printing money. You gotta be committed to printing the money.

The WNBA's momentum will be killed by its four-week Olympic break

My Hot Seat, coincidentally... The WNBA. They won't be playing basketball for four weeks. So imagine if, like the 1988 dunk contest. It was incredible. And then the NBA just didn't happen for four weeks. All the momentum they've gained, just nothing's gonna happen.

LSU should find a way to vacate Nick Saban's wins to be real haters

What I think LSU should do, find something that happened when Nick Saban was there, because Nick Saban is up for eligibility next year. And if they took away his wins at LSU... If you want to be a real hater, you could do that to a coach that left you and then came and coached for your rival.

Zach Wilson is genuinely in the mix for the starting job in Denver

Zach Wilson is currently in the mix for the starting job. What? In Denver. Which is crazy because Sean Peyton, he compared Bo Nix to Peyton Manning and Drew Brees. So imagine how good Zach Wilson has to be to be competing to start over a combination of Peyton Manning and Drew Brees.

Team USA will win every Olympic basketball game by 50 points

USA announced its Olympic roster for 2024 in Paris. And it is stacked. Yeah. They're looking to win every game by 50.

Boeing whistleblower John Barnett did not commit suicide

There was a whistleblower... John Barnett... His body was found the morning of three nine dead. He was allegedly from suicide even though he told his family, if I die, it's not suicide. He was suicided.

Anthony Edwards missing the tip-off is a sign the Timberwolves aren't ready to win a title

Anthony Edwards lost track of time and he missed the tipoff of the Timberwolves game... This is the kind of thing that you point to when it's like, yeah, the Timberwolves are good, but your star player lost track of time.

The 2024 Masters will have an asterisk because Taylor Gooch wasn't invited

Brooks' teammate on Smash Taylor Gooch was interviewed... and he said he's going to be an asterisk. It's just a reality. Taylor Gooch will always remember as the masters that didn't have Taylor Gooch.

You cannot leave an undefeated Florida State out of the College Football Playoff

If Florida State can be kept out if they're undefeated? I don't think you can... They won't leave out an undefeated Florida state. I'm pretty confident. And if they do, like everything's a mockery. Because you, you, it doesn't matter who's starting quarter, if they win all their games in a Power five conference, like you're essentially saying games don't matter.

The Bills will make the Super Bowl and lose to the Cowboys

My overly direct take is that I think the Bills are gonna make the Super Bowl... And then lose to the Cowboys... I think they're gonna rally and and make a deep run.

The Chiefs -2.5 against the Eagles is stealing money

My overly direct take Max is the Chief's minus two and a half tonight stealing money. Patrick Mahomes at home. Andy Reid off of buy can't. All they gotta do is win the game pretty much.

Joe Flacco will lead the Browns to an AFC North title

My overly direct take guys, is that Joe Flacco will lead the Cleveland Browns to an AFC North Division Championship.

Eagles vs. Chiefs on Monday Night Football will be the highest rated game of the season

I'm gonna say Eagles Chiefs Monday Night Football is going to be the highest rated game of the season moving forward. Ooh. Also there's a potential of Taylor appearing. In Prime time standalone. It has to be Super Bowl rematch.

Jerry Jones wants the Cowboys to run the Iowa offense with an all-tight end focus

Jerry Jones went on radio and said something ridiculous... They asked him about getting CeeDee Lamb more involved and Jerry Jones said, 'I don't know about that. I like seeing the ball go to tight ends.' Oh, your star wide receiver? That is a mismatch. Nope. Let's go tight ends. Jerry Jones, he wants to run the Iowa offense.

The future of the Green Bay Packers looks bleak

I'm actually gonna go with the Green Bay Packers. Oh, I like it. Just strictly based on what we saw on Monday night.

James Harden will do something so egregious that he ends up in jail by the end of the week

I think that James Harden will end up in jail by the end of this week. I think he's gonna do something. He's gonna do something so ridiculous that someone in the front office is gonna call the cops on him. Like I think he may just like show up on the court naked.

I won't believe the Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce relationship is real until I see actual proof

The Swifties are at my door... for a clip on Monday that I, I said that I wanted to see until I, until I saw actual p and v, the relationship was not real to me. Let's just be clear, like it's similar to dinosaurs. Dinosaurs aren't real because I never saw them. So if I don't see, if I don't see sex, I don't think anyone's relationship is real in the world.

Baker Mayfield will win NFL Comeback Player of the Year

I put a little future on Baker [Mayfield] Win Comeback Player of the year. And I, for whatever reason, I just think that I, maybe it's that game that he had on, was it Christmas? Yeah. The Christmas game sold me.

Miley Cyrus will perform the sexiest Super Bowl halftime show ever in Las Vegas

Miley's back, she's gonna play at the Super Bowl probably in Allegiant Stadium, which is the sexiest stadium in the world. It's gonna be the most boner inducing halftime show of all time. We can only hope and pray that Justin Timberlake gets out there and there's another Janet Jackson scenario.

The Buccaneers' depth chart 'OR' listing is bad news for Baker Mayfield

My Hot Seat is the Bucks. ... At the quarterback position they have Baker Mayfield or Kyle Trask listed as QB One. ... I feel like this is bad news for Baker. 'cause most people assume that Bake was gonna be QB one, right? ... This is telling me that Baker, they want Baker to be the QB one, but he's stunk in training camp, so they're like, well we can't demote him yet, so we'll just make it an or.

Carson Wentz is a bad backup quarterback

I still think Carson Wentz, even though he is better than a lot of backup quarterbacks, probably doesn't fill the backup quarterback role very well. ... You want your backup quarterback to be able to fill in for like one game. ... Chase Daniel is way better than Carson Wentz at the role of backup.

Northwestern football should be given the death penalty

As a fan of Northwestern, I think they should be given the death penalty. True. I think that as Northwestern goes, we're more than a football team. We're, we're an institution that develops and builds young minds and teaches them to be ethical... death penalty to Northwestern.