Takes

Kliff Kingsbury is an airhead and a bimbo, not a genius

I don't think the Kliff Kingsbury is an offensive genius. No, I think he's a dummy. I think he's a fucking airhead. He's a bimbo. He's a member... he's all looks.

Scott Hanson is a superior RedZone host to Andrew Siciliano

Who do I have to tell go Siciliano? Oh my gosh... I'm taking PFT's gun and shooting Siciliano... why is that? [Scott] Hanson is far superior. He's an animal. He is outstanding what he does.

HP has the worst customer service in the human race

I prepared on my Twitter account this morning thing that says about HP the worst cutting height I put him in quotations—customer service the worst in the human race. Whoa. And I could hurt so many people.

The 76ers new City Edition jerseys are the worst of all time

My hot seat have a few first one is the 76ers. They released the ugliest probably the worst Jersey reveal of all time the NBA yesterday. They like had new City theme jerseys that are just disgusting... objectively ugly uniforms.

Never trust meat made from plant proteins

My hot seat is McDonald's they're releasing a McPlant... never trust a man made a plant proteins.

If you take Russell Wilson off the Seahawks, they would be the West Coast Dallas Cowboys

I think you can make the argument that because his defense is so bad that that is actually saying that Russell Wilson... is the most valuable player in that if you were to take him off of his team... they would be the West Coast Dallas Cowboys, right? Except way way way worse.

Matt Nagy has lost the locker room

I'm so sick of Matt Nagy. I'm so sick of the visor. I'm so sick of his fucking bald ass head... I think Matt Nagy has lost locker room. No you have, no, I think he has because when you whenever you have a situation where it's like one side of the ball is so much better than the other the defense is just like sitting in the locker room knowing... where these clowns doing?

Dalvin Cook is the answer to the 'don't pay running backs' argument

The Dalvin cook Dalvin cook should be the he will be the response to everyone being like don't pay running backs. Everyone will now start saying but Dalvin cook because he does make that much of a difference for Vikings... he is now the answer. He's the poster boy for yes. You should pay him and keep touching the electric fence.

Kliff Kingsbury coached chickenshit football by kicking a late field goal against Miami

Coach of the Year Kliff Kingsbury. What the fuck are you doing? What is Kliff Kingsbury doing that was chickenshit football... He kicks the field goal to try to tie the game and give the ball back to Tua who then could easily go back down the field and win the game... I don't know why the fuck he did that that was chickenshit football.

The Chargers will never win a close game; it's the arrow paradox

I don't understand it how they can do this every single week... It's the arrow Paradox... like an arrow will never get totally from me to you if I shot you with an arrow because it would have to travel half the distance to you... that's how the Chargers keep getting closer and closer to winning a close game and they never they're just never going to win a close game.

You are a pussy if you put a case on your phone

No case gang for life. You're a pussy if you put a case on your phone. No, my phone works... Every time I touch this phone metal on skin baby and every time I drop it, it's adrenaline coursing through my veins... I was no case gang for life.

Aaron Rodgers intentionally blocked Jordan Love from getting reps in the 49ers game

The Aaron Rodgers did need this would have been the perfect time for Jordan Love to get out there get some reps in my conspiracy theorist tinfoil hat says Aaron Rodgers put the kibosh on that.

The 'Christian Doctrine': NFL teams are actually harder to stop when their star player is out because of unpredictability

When a good player goes out or is traded the team does better I think we called the Christian doctrine... when a defense plans and you know Christian McCaffrey out there, you know, he's going to touch the ball like half the time when he's not you don't know where the balls going.

Johnny V (Artie Bucco) was the funniest person on the set of The Sopranos

For me it was probably Johnny V who played Artie Bucco. He is he's hilarious... he would just go into an impression of somebody and just stay that guy, you know, like he would be walking around the hotel pretending to be somebody else.

Modern poker is no longer fun because it has been solved by mathematical models and GTO

13 years ago poker was different than it is now, you know, they figured it out with solvers and computers... it just it makes it a lot harder it makes it also a lot less fun. You know People are just sitting there not talking figuring out like mathematical equations in their head where when I was when I moved to Vegas everybody was drinking and laughing and the poker table was like a party, you know, where now it's like a classroom.

The Warriors' 'Oakland Forever' jerseys are total bullshit since they left town

They released jerseys for this year that say Oakland on them... It's like the Oakland forever jerseys and it got Warriors fans really mad because they left Oakland. Apparently there's like a lawsuit going on... it's messed up that they did that.

Stephen A. Smith refusing to mock the Cowboys is the meanest thing you can do to a fan

By saying this, this is the most he could ever make fun of... saying you're not even worthy to be made fun of, I feel so bad for you... I'm taking away the very last smidge of relevancy that you have is me making fun of you when you lose. This is the meanest thing that we could ever do to you.

If you have to ask if a guy is serious about a relationship, he's just trying to fuck

I think if you're asking then it's he's just trying to fuck. Like if this is like the old... if you're asking if he's into a relationship or just trying to fuck, he's probably just trying to fuck.

The Patriots vs. Bills game was one of the best games Bill Belichick has ever coached

That's actually here's ready for this one. That's one of the best games Bill Belichick's ever coached you like that was a wonderful game... because their roster sucks so bad and the fact that they were within three points.

Matt Nagy has an extremely low football IQ

I feel bad for Matt Nagy because in his head he was doing something insanely smart... So that is something that a smart person would do. So his idea of what a smart person is is so far from actually being what a smart person really is. That I don't think it's his fault. I think he's I think he's just got extremely low IQ.

LeBron James calling DK Metcalf 'Baby Bron' is the lamest thing ever

How come we didn't talk about this earlier? DK? LeBron James posting a story on his Instagram referring to DK Metcalf as baby Bron. Lamest thing ever. This guy's really good. He's baby Bron? I would be so pissed off if I was DK Metcalf.

I can still bench 315 pounds once my rotator cuff is fixed

I've got a torn rotator cuff the last two years and I can only close bit dumbbell, press that's it. I can't miss Preston more has been about two years. So maybe I can get it fixed. But once I get it fixed, I guarantee I'll do it [bench three plates] again. I'll let you break the story of my torn rotator.

Patrick Mahomes would have been a bust if he were drafted by the Chicago Bears

This is why I've always said when everyone's like well, we could have Patrick Mahomes. Patrick Mahomes would have got hit by a bus if he had been a Chicago Bear. There is just it's never going to be in the cards for the Bears to be able to move the football.

It is incorrect to claim that shaming the Cowboys for not defending Andy Dalton is 'toxic masculinity'

There was a guy from Pro Football Focus who said that in my humble opinion attacking the Cowboys for not going after [Jon] Bostic who by any means wasn't a threat to Dalton anymore is toxic masculinity at its peak... meanwhile every person that's ever played football has responded and been like this is this is incorrect.

Being an NFL media personality is more mentally exhausting than actually playing in the NFL

I get more tired at this than I did at playing... when the bodies are exhausted, the mind is still racing... But in this [media], when you're exhausted, you're exhausted here in the mind... the mind is shut down. I never was going to shut down after a long game on Sunday.

Cam Newton's struggles are a side effect of 'foggy brain' from COVID-19

One of the side effects of Corona is having, you know, foggy brain. He's got the long 'Rona. He's got the long cocoa Big Cat... he's look where he's been throwing weird when he throws, it just doesn't look—it looks strange.

The Patriots and Cowboys both need immediate players-only meetings

The Cowboys did that [players only meeting] last week, they should have broke the glass because it is a case of emergency, and the Patriots should be doing it Monday morning. They should be doing it tomorrow because somebody needs to stand up and talk and take control.

John Wall playing cards during an interview is more disrespectful than what Jeffrey Toobin did

I don't know that I agree with that because I think that when he [John Wall] know I don't... he was saying that the two guys that were doing the interview? I'm gonna fucking beat you guys and I can do what I want... jacking off on a zoom call work bad got moderately bad playing Spades during an interview with field Yates. Death penalty.

Clemson could beat the Jets if the Jets had mono

Do you think that Clemson could beat the Jets if they all had mono? Yeah, I agree. [If] Trevor Lawrence has mono and just straight up against Alabama... If Clemson like kills both all the quarterbacks that are listed for the game then they have a chance.

The Colts would be better with Ryan Fitzpatrick than Philip Rivers

I have a take that's going to hurt my own myself, but I think the Colts would be better with Ryan Fitzpatrick. That would be wild wouldn't it? That would be wild now we're now that you said it it kind of makes sense.

Ezekiel Elliott is officially fat

Ezekiel Elliott. Is he fat? I think Ezekiel might be fat now. Well, yeah when he starts mumbling he is. And also the nose ring's gotta go when you fumble you gotta take it out.

Joe Buck did nothing wrong with his flyover comments

Recurring guest Joe Buck... our good friend... he's on the hot seat because some rat from the Fox Sports production crew leaked audio of Joe Buck and Troy Aikman talking about the flyover and how it's like a waste of jet fuel... he didn't say anything wrong, right?

There are too many quarterbacks in the NFL right now

There are too many quarterbacks in the NFL right now. Yes, there aren't enough teams that have like a dire dire situation... We've got kind of a log Jam and come through... There's like I don't know maybe five teams where it's like, you know for a fact they're gonna be okay want a quarterback.

Adam Gase's ability to stay employed is commendable

I actually am going to zag on everyone and say like I I applaud Adam gase for getting this far in life. Yeah, it's incredible what he has done... It is a great lesson for everyone out there get yourself next to someone great and have everyone else think that you had something to do with it. And you're set for life.

Peyton Manning is definitely using HGH

Billy football spotted that he's got the Omaha Beach... Omaha Beach nipples... possible HGH. ... He's obviously taking always multiple nipples like a pig. ... Definitely juicing, definitely realizing I feel like a lot of retired guys just start juicing because they could never do it during their career.

NFL teams absolutely tank, they just do it by playing worse players

Hell yes, there's tanking in football. It's just subtle. The players on the field aren't trying to lose, but someone high up in the organization makes sure the worst players are on the field. 'We want to evaluate the backup quarterback... and if they play like crap, good.'

LeBron James is the second-best player to be born in Akron, Ohio

[LeBron] is the second best player to be born in Akron, Ohio behind Steph Curry, correct? That's our compliments of LeBron.

Mike Zimmer made the correct decision to go for it on fourth down against the Seahawks

We 100% agreed together we watch the game and we said Mike Zimmer. This is a good move. Essentially we didn't even do it in a mass way. We said what do the Seahawks want the Vikings to do they? They want to kick they want the Vikings kick a field goal because they haven't stopped shit all night.

Defenders are hesitant to hit Patrick Mahomes hard because he is so well-liked

I have a take that I'm working on. It's not ready yet. But essentially if people want to help me with this trying to find some film I think Defenders are not hitting Mahomes as hard as they possibly can because no one wants to be the guy that hurts Mahomes. It feels like when he starts running there are times in a game where he'll scramble. And he'll like they'll almost all agree to give up the play at the same time.

Jimmy Garoppolo is worth exactly one point more than Nick Mullens or CJ Beathard

I really don't see the difference between Jimmy Garoppolo and Nick Mullens and CJ Beathard... How many points do you think Jimmy Garoppolo's worth like a starting healthy Jimmy Garoppolo? I'll Point. Yeah, probably a point. Yeah, they're essentially the same quarterback.

LeBron James is officially the second-best basketball player of all time

I still think MJ's better but like LeBron is incredible. Yeah, he's won four titles. What can you say? ... He's the second best player of all time. That's really nice honesty.

It is better to be polarizing and polarizing than to be untrusted

It's better to be—there's no gray in this life. I mean, so it's black or white and polarizing and that's okay. It would be worse for me—it's okay if I'm not liked, it would be bad if I were not trusted. So that would really bother me, but I'm definitely trusted.

The Heat would have won Game 4 if Goran Dragic had played

I'm not going to make excuses and say this doesn't count as a finals win for LeBron, but you got to think that if [Goran] Dragic played this game, the Heat would probably win. Absolutely. I mean we can all agree on that.

I am rooting for the Houston Astros to make everyone angry

I'm a hundred percent rooting for the Astros. It would make so many people angry... so many Yankee fans angry and so many Dodger [fans]... it would make so many people angry that I think we have to root for that.

Small ball needs to come back to baseball

There's they need to bring back small ball. Nobody's playing small ball anymore. I sound like my grandfather... You get on first base, it's easy to steal second base. You get a seeing-eye single here and there, bring that shit back. Small ball wins. That's what it's all about. You got to zig while everybody else zags. No more bunts.

Undecided voters deserve to be pushed off a building

If you're an undecided voter you deserve to be pushed off a building. If you don't know who you're going to vote for, do they exist? If you're an undecided voter tweet at us because I'm so interested in how you put on a hat in the morning without giving yourself a concussion.

Erik Spoelstra is the only reason LeBron James won championships in Miami

Spoelstra's a very good coach. Honestly I'm a huge advocate of Spoelstra and he's the only reason that LeBron James ever won those championships in Miami in the first place.

Jimmy Butler is a top-five player in the NBA right now

Jimmy Butler could be top-five player ever ever. I thought I'd play right now. Absolutely.

Intelligence is better defined by curiosity and problem-solving than by memorization

I submit to you that most challenges in this world are best served not by someone who memorized the encyclopedia but by someone who has a deep sense of curiosity and tools to empower that curiosity to figure stuff out.

The Las Vegas Raiders' new stadium is the most erotic stadium ever built

I want to fuck The Las Vegas Raiders new stadium... I want to fuck it is the most erotic stadium that I've ever seen almost it almost looks better with no fans... that thing is sexy as shit, and I want to fucking fuck it.