Takes

I am completely and utterly done with football and will not come out of retirement.

I am not going to be coming out of retirement. I'm completely and utterly done. I've set a record for how many times I've broken and ruptured my feet. So I'm full-time dad and part-time broadcaster.

The Chicago Bears are bid posturing for a stadium renovation by looking at Arlington Heights

The Bears did release a statement that they're putting in a bid to buy Arlington International Racetrack... everyone's actually I don't think a lot of people are freaking out. I actually think it's smart of them. They're probably just posturing to get a renovation of Soldier Field.

T-Rexes lived closer in time to humans than they did to Stegosauruses

T-Rex are closer to humans in time than they are to stegosauruses. Whoa. So T-Rexes and humans are 65 million years apart. Stegosauruses and T-Rexes are 85 million years apart.

The Bucks will win Game 6 and force a Game 7 against the Nets

I do think the Bucks are going to win game six. I think it's going to go seven.

The next Madden cover will be Tom Brady and Patrick Mahomes

Tom Brady and... Mahomes, my guess.

The Brooklyn Nets are still the best team in the NBA when at full strength

Obviously the Nets at full strength are probably the best team in the NBA and better than the Bucks. But at some point you do have to admit that Kyrie Irving, James Harden, those guys do get injured.

Football is 'coming home' for England in the Euros

All I'm saying about the Euros, it's coming home. Yeah, it's coming home. Something just very special about pasty white English fans ripping off their shirts... Football's coming home. And then they're going to lose in tragic fashion.

Wide receivers wearing single-digit jersey numbers is wrong

Julio Jones, he's wearing number two in Tennessee. I'm still not comfortable on a personal level with wide receivers wearing single digits. It's going to fuck my brain up... Number two is a bad kicker or a slow quarterback.

The Nets are a legit super team and are asserting dominance even without James Harden

I think the Nets are a legit super team. These guys are missing James Harden... and they are still crushing it with Kevin Durant, who has snapped back into pre-injury form. When Joe Harris, the best catch-and-shoot guy in the league, is your fourth option, man, you're a super team.

Don't bet against Kawhi Leonard in the playoffs

The last thing I'll say is don't bet against Kawhi Leonard in the playoffs. This dude came down from 2-0 in that first round series with one of the all time performances... he's really doing stuff that nobody else is doing.

The 76ers will win their series against the Hawks

I do think the Sixers are going to win that series. But I've been wrong many, many times before. 40 points for Mr. Suck It [Embiid], he's out. I guess Triple H, he's out. Mr. Suck It, he's out.

Mike Vrabel builds teams based solely on player girth and size

I think I've figured out what Mike Vrabel's strategy is here... He's just trying to get the biggest dudes that he can possibly get his hands on. I think that he has the biggest starting 11, just mass-wise. He is Billy Football as a coach. He just wants pounds. And Julio Jones is a massive dude.

The 2021 Stanley Cup Final will be Tampa Bay vs. Colorado

I'm going Tampa, and I think the Avs end up getting it done against the Knights and then smoke the Canadians. And we're looking at Tampa, Colorado, and I think it'll be one of the best cup finals we've ever seen.

The Lakers would have beaten the Suns if Anthony Davis stayed healthy

I do think – I'll say one nice thing about the Lakers. I do think that if Anthony Davis stays healthy in this series, it's totally different. They were up 2-1, tie ball game, game four, and he gets hurt.

Repeating as champion is the hardest thing to do in sports

LeBron has done it once. Hardest thing to do in sports is repeat, right?

Coach K is the greatest college basketball coach of all time

This is the greatest coach in the sport, and all you guys do is make jokes and mock him. Most wins of all time. 12 Final Fours. 15 ACC Tournament titles. 97 NCAA Tournament wins. 126 weeks ranked No. 1.

It is harder to stay at the top than to reach it in professional sports

It's always easy to have the hunger before you get it... But then when you are successful, in our case, when an NBA championship, you know, you understand what it takes to be able to stay at that level. And it's not easy... Now you're not the hunter anymore. You're the hunted.

Anyone over the age of 25 must hire a mover

Over the age of 25, you should hire a mover. I agree. I am that mover in this case. Yeah. Well, are you hired? No. Okay. You need to get hired.

The Celtics will not win another game in their series against the Nets

[Jason Tatum] had 50, right? Yeah, that's fine... The starting lineup, it's one of those things where it doesn't matter. You could play those starting two lineups 100 times and the Celtics might win one. [Big Cat: 'Can we call it over?'] 100%. It's over.

The ironic resurgence of Harambe is due for a comeback

I think we actually are getting close to having it [Harambe] be funny again. The resurgence. Because it was very funny for that summer. Then it was like very lame. But now enough time has passed where if you just drop a Harambe, it's like, oh, that's actually kind of funny. The ironic resurgence of Harambe is due.

The 'sports are better with fans' honeymoon phase will end by Thanksgiving

We're in a nice honeymoon phase where it is incredible to turn on a game and just be like, oh, my God, this is awesome... I think sometime around Thanksgiving, if you're still doing that, if you're still pointing out the extremely obvious sports are better with fans, you're late to it.

You can't beat the Lakers if Anthony Davis is hitting three-pointers

Anthony Davis, if he doesn't make all those three-pointers, it's a much different game. You can't beat the Lakers if Anthony Davis is wet from three.

The Lakers will bounce back and win the Western Conference

The Lakers, unfortunately, are going through their struggles. But I think they'll bounce back tonight. I'm expecting them to come out the West.

John Tavares will be out for the remainder of the NHL playoffs

And also that John Tavares got hurt and is probably out. Do you think he's out for the playoffs? I would assume. I don't know.

The NBA Play-In should only be a one-game sudden death between the 8 and 9 seeds

I just think that do 8-9. I'm cool with 8-9. I think the 7-10 thing is stupid. 8-9 sun death. One game. Yes, exactly. Eight, nine, sudden death, one game. Yes, exactly.

Formula One needs a star American driver for the sport to truly take off in the US

That's what the U.S. need. We've got to get a decent American driver running in Formula One. And as soon as that happens, I think the US will just take off even more.

First-round overtime hockey is a grueling slog that uses up too much energy

What I don't like is first-round overtime hockey playoff games. Because you constantly think to yourself, you have so many more of these series to get through. And we're already playing extra hockey.

Shohei Ohtani is a rare talent we must appreciate

Shohei Ohtani is one of those rare talents where I think you just got to sit back and be like, holy fuck, I can't believe this guy's doing this. ... Shohei is getting caught up [to Ronald Acuna].

Joe Burrow will be on a mission in Week 1 against the Vikings

Hot seat, the Minnesota Vikings. Because week one, they play the Bengals, and Joe Burrow is all systems go, and he's going to be on a mission week one against the Vikings.

The entire NFC North could fit inside the landmass of Jacksonville

Did you know the entirety of the NFC North could fit inside Jacksonville? Every other city. Chicago, Detroit [In the landmass of Jacksonville]. And they only add up to, like, half of Jacksonville.

The 49ers will finish the season 8-8-1 with their new quarterback

The 49ers, I feel like they're going to be new quarterback, probably 8-8-1 this year.

Bet on a Sacred Life and Some Like It Hot Brown exacta in the Dinner Party Stakes

Chad Brown has a horse in there named Sacred Life that looks like an absolute standout... I think if you hook him up in an exacta with the number one horse, Some Like It Hot Brown... I like the 5-1 Exacta, Sacred Life and Some Like It Hot Brown in the race before the Preakness.

The NBA play-in tournament is stupid because a 7th seed can miss the playoffs

I still think it's stupid that you could finish with the seventh seed and not make the playoffs. That part is very dumb to me.

The Celtics weren't going to make any noise in the playoffs anyway

They weren't going to make any noise in the playoffs anyway.

Horse racing is in a precarious spot in America and the Medina Spirit scandal is not good for the sport

We're in a precarious spot in horse racing in America. I think it's one of those sports that people are starting to be like, yeah, maybe we don't need to. I love horse racing, so I think that this is not the scandal we need... The haters are going to be like, see, this is a fucked up sport.

DK Metcalf's last-place track finish was both impressive and embarrassing

DK Metcalf was impressive, and then at the same time he got embarrassed. It's weird because he was way better than I thought he would be, but he also was not even close to as fast as the fastest guys.

Dogecoin's value is purely driven by publicity and famous people mentioning it

With Doge, it's like that, but since it's based on a joke meme, publicity is 10 times more important than any real value. As far as I can tell, the best thing that can happen to Doge is just a famous person says the word Doge on a massive platform.

It is always better for a journalist to be right than to be first

The one thing you do teach you is you always, it's always better to be right than be first.

New York rain is the 'wet Willie' of precipitation and refuses to commit

I want my rain to like show up and fight me like a man rain. Don't just do this little drizzle all day. It just kind of like inconvenience to you. Right? It's it's the wet Willie of precipitation.

The punt is the most challenging play in football because it requires a player to switch roles instantly

Why is the punt the most challenging play in football?... Well, I'll tell you why, because it's the only play in football where you start out as an offensive player, and then you become a defensive player. You have to block and be responsible for all the protection phase... and then you have to go cover the kick and become a defensive player.

The best way to stop Patrick Mahomes is a full team effort because you better be able to score to beat him

The reality is, is pat Mahomes is, has only been held under 24 points, like three times in his entire career. So the reality is you better be able to score, to beat them, you know? And so it's going to take a team performance to beat a guy like that.

Chargers powder blues are the best uniforms in all of sports

I think most people would agree probably the best uniforms in, in all sports. You guys just had new uniforms release... I'm glad to say that the powder blues are a big part of it.

I am officially bringing back the phrase 'Now that's paper'

I gotta start thinking about another phrase. I'm thinking now that's paper. I tried to bring back now that's paper while ago, but it feels, I feel like the times right now. Bet. I like bet.

Steve Ballmer is definitely the guy at a bachelor party who over-plans every single detail

Steve Ballmer is definitely the dude on a bachelor party who overplans every detail. It's like, alright, we're going to go fucking play some golf... 8 a.m. We're going to go to a nice, awesome lunch spot that I found. Then I rented a boat. Then we got a dinner. It's like, dude, we just want to fucking get drunk. Stop planning everything.

Sports broadcasting needs more emotional analysts who wear their hearts on their sleeves

Maybe this is what we need. We need a guy who just wears his heart on his sleeve and has like, you know, when his quarterback or quarterbacks screw up or want to trade, he gets emotional. I like that... We need people to care about stuff that much on our televisions.

Replacing snow days with remote learning is a terrible decision for the youth

The New York City public schools will have remote learning instead of snow days next year... that's just terrible. I feel bad for the youth.

The human brain can only master one of three domains: sports, music, or trivia

A person's brain can only do one of those three things: trivia, music information, or sports information... and music I could almost I can sing tunes of which I get about three words out of 20 correct... but sports that's my interest so like that's that's my distraction and my hobby.

Running back is the one position you don't take in the first round

Running back is the one position you don't take in the first round and I know there's obviously people can go back and forth... it just feels like the running back position you can usually find a guy who's 90% the abilities of a first round guy in the third and fourth.

Justin Fields will be a great quarterback

I honestly think Justin Fields is going to be a great quarterback. I had him third on my list, on my power rankings list.

Kyle Pitts is the safest pick of the 2021 NFL Draft

I think the safest pick of the draft, Kyle Pitts.