Takes

ESPN wants Al Michaels and Peyton Manning together in a Super Bowl booth

ABC Disney they on ESPN... They're trying to get Al Michaels... maybe team up with Sheriff Peyton Manning a peg put them in the booth together and make me TV magic happen Okay, so essentially yeah ESPN is trying to get the perfect booth in their minds of Al Michaels and pei-pei together so they can get in the Super Bowl rotation.

Hollywood marriages don't fail more often than normal marriages; we just hear about them more

Nobody has ever convinced me that marriages have a shorter shelf life in Hollywood than they do anywhere else. Let's face it. Marriage just doesn't work for most people... I haven't seen the statistics that indicate that it's any worse for celebrities; it's just that we hear about [them].

I refuse to consider the possibility of Tom Brady leaving the Patriots until it actually happens

I don't want to think about living in a world where Tom Brady isn't on the Patriots. I'm not going to consider it a possibility until it becomes a reality. So that is my official stance.

I think the stock market is going to bounce back

I was on the NASDAQ floor on Thursday. I think the stock market's going to bounce back.

LeBron James added six years to his career by missing the playoffs last year

I swear to God last year like just probably added another six years to his career just being able to sit out... it's incredible that he's still [playing like this].

Winning a foot race against your girlfriend is a lose-lose situation

I don't care how much gloating she was doing before the fact if you beat your girlfriend and a foot race, and then you're like, yes suck it bitch. I'm faster than you. That's probably going to end your relationship. So you almost have to throw it.

In the modern NFL, having a transcendental offense is better than having a very good defense.

I'd say that having a transcendental offense is probably better usually than having a very good defense because it's extremely hard to put together all the pieces on defense... just one of those easy things to just be like, 'Hey, we want to have an explosive offense.'

Madison's stance on Peter sleeping with other women is normal for real life but irrational for The Bachelor.

In the normal world, the problems that Madison have where it's like, 'Hey, we might be getting engaged next week, I don't want you sleeping with other girls the week before we get engaged,' that is normal. In The Bachelor Cinematic Universe, you know what you signed up for. What are we doing here?

The Heat, Thunder, and Nets are the most forward-thinking NBA organizations

I look at you know, you got to look at the Thunder I They've done a good job the Nets on the obviously getting KD and Kyrie. I think a lot of the Nets is situation has to do with creativity but also information... Indiana. I think has a great kind of culture already set... I like what Miami is doing right now.

I don't see any scenario where Anthony Davis is not a Laker next year

Anthony Davis any chance he goes anywhere, but the Lakers in this offseason? I don't see it. I don't see it... Could he take a meeting? Yes, but I just I don't see a scenario where he's not a Laker.

A 17-game NFL season is just a bridge to an 18-game season

17 seems like a weird number. It absolutely feels like it's just a bridge to get to 18 games. Like that's the finish line. It's going to be 18 games. No one's going to want a 17-game season.

George Clooney is a college-level athlete

So Clooney's very, very good. He's college-level athlete. Full college level... [Clooney] was a great baseball player, like college-level baseball recruited for baseball and he really knows how basketball works. Like he knows how to do a pick-and-roll. He understands basketball.

Ryan Newman surviving his Daytona crash is a testament to NASCAR's safety improvements

The fact that he was able to survive that wreck with serious injuries, but the fact that he's still alive is just incredible and it's honestly like a testament to what NASCAR has done since Dale Earnhardt passed away at the Daytona 500 20 years ago.

XFL quarterback Landry Jones will be an NFL or college football broadcaster within a year and a half.

I think that he [Landry Jones] wants to get a gig being an analyst or being in the booth next year. I think that's what he's angling for because he's being like super pro... you will see Landry Jones in some sort of booth or behind a desk within the next year and a half.

No one is in a committed relationship at the Jersey Shore during summer

Here's the thing about the Jersey Shore is you fall in love with clubs. You don't fall in love with other people... No one's in a relationship at the Jersey Shore, or inside of a Real World house.

The Phillie Phanatic is the best mascot in sports

Phillie fanatic... is hands down the best mascot in sports. I love him... I met him out of his suit in Clearwater at spring training... Respect.

The real test for the XFL's success will be when March Madness and the NBA playoffs begin

I don't know if it's going to succeed because as I've always said, tell me how it does when we get to March Madness, when we get to the Masters and NBA and NHL playoffs. But as of right now, I thought it was good.

Andre Iguodala is the finesse king of the world

Andre Iguodala, the finesse king of the world, somehow sat out for half the year and is now getting paid more. He got two years, $30 million at age 36. And to live in Miami. That is... my guy got to promote his book, spend time with his family, get his mind right, and then gets to move to Miami and gets a shitload of money.

The 2019 season was the first time I wasn't having fun playing football

Yeah, that was the first time I'd say I really wasn't having fun playing football. So for me, it's getting back to square one of I love the game of football. I'm going to make it fun. And that's how I play my best.

Ja Morant will win Rookie of the Year

And Ja Morant, who I love, future Rookie of the Year, responded with Kevin Durant being like hey who won those rings Kevin Durant?

Fortunes are made by creating products that make people say 'why didn't I think of that' combined with luck

The biggest fortunes are made with two things something that somebody does where everybody says fuck why didn't I think of that and then you need a little bit of luck... I made a shitload of money because I was lucky to stock market was happening.

Patrick Mahomes will win many more Super Bowl MVPs

Patrick Mahomes wins his first of what should be many Super Bowl MVPs.

Jennifer Lopez will start the halftime show with 'Jenny from the Block'

Jennifer from the Block. Put it in the bank. I think she's headlining.

You aren't in your mid-30s until you're 36

I'm just going to make a motion that your mid-30s doesn't start until you're 36. You're in your early 30s when you're 35.

The altitude in Denver adds 5-8 yards to your throw

I thought you're getting five to eight yards on a throw there. And the ball just cuts... in Denver, the ball just keeps sailing. It just keeps going. [In Denver], probably high 70s [is the farthest I could throw].

I'm only joining an XFL team if I have a real chance to make the roster

The practice squad offer is apparently legit. Like I'm going to get a contract if I want to go down that road... in which case I'm only going down that road if they give me an opportunity to work my way onto a team. I'm not just going to be on practice squad a year.

Antarctica is always freezing, regardless of whether it is 'summer' there

I was always taught that Antarctica was just always freezing. No one lives there. It's a continent that no one lives on because it's all ice... I've never probably my life got ratio so hard but people being like you fucking idiot like it's the summer in Antarctica... it's still cold, but it's colder than here.

Winning Super Bowl 54 will completely change Andy Reid's coaching legacy

Andy Reid is in that classic situation where his legacy, if he wins a Super Bowl, will change so dramatically. He's been such a good coach for so long... but that one Super Bowl win will take him from a great coach to one of the best. This is a legacy game for Andy Reid.

The Chiefs and the Titans game will hit the over on 53 points

I'm taking the over and I don't care because I actually, when you're looking at this game, I feel like both offenses match up perfectly with both defenses... Give me the over. 53. I don't care.

I can no longer dunk on a 10-foot basketball hoop

Not at the moment, no. I don't think I could dunk a 10-foot goal. I'm sorry, man... I've tried to touch the rim. So if you can't touch the rim, then you probably can't dunk. No, I can't. I can't touch it.

Conor McGregor will defeat Cowboy Cerrone at UFC 246

Connor versus Cowboy. I'm going to go with Connor in this one.

College football broadcasts make every coach look like they are going bald, except Ed Orgeron

Whatever camera angles and Camera filters or whatever they use to focus on coaches on the sidelines. They can take a coach that is probably not losing their hair and make it look like that coach is balding. Every coach looks balding on college football broadcasts. Coach Orgeron, his hair overpowered that.

LSU will beat Clemson 36-33 in the National Championship

I think Clemson hangs around, maybe goes up early, but I see LSU winning 36-33. Clemson covers.

Mike Leach in the SEC is a match made in heaven for entertainment

Mike Leach in the SEC, a match made in heaven. Maybe not from a football standpoint, from an entertainment standpoint. Lane Kiffin versus Mike Leach in the Egg Bowl. I hope it happens for 50 years.

The Minnesota Vikings defense is the worst in the NFL against 21 personnel runs

Minnesota is actually the worst defense in the NFL against 21 personnel runs. They allow 6.7 yards per carry and a 74% success rate... And guess who runs the most in the entire NFL? Kyle Shanahan in the 49ers.

You have to compare Joe Judge immediately to John Harbaugh

You have to compare [Joe Judge] immediately to John Harbaugh. Of course. And say, okay, this guy could work. Because not enough special team guys get opportunities.

There is a Blake of the Year curse

So it's time to ask, is there a Blake of the Year curse? You've got Griffin [surgery]. Bortles got traded. He moved teams... and went bald.

Stephen A. Smith will be extra spicy because of his apple cider vinegar cleanse

Stephen A. Smith just announced that he's going on a seven-day apple cider vinegar cleanse... He's going to be on a First Take just with a mouth tasting like all kinds of soy sauce... and he's going to have an empty belly. He's going to be sweating... a hungry dog runs faster.

Madison Prewett will win The Bachelor because her dad is the Auburn coach

My prediction is there is a girl who is a four-time state championship basketball player, and she goes to Auburn, and her dad is the coach of Auburn... My money's on her. Clearly, she knows the long haul, the grind.

The 2020 Wild Card weekend was the most thrilling one in history

That was an insane, insane wild card weekend. Probably, I wouldn't say the best wild card weekend because I honestly just can't remember all the wild card weekends off the top of my head. But it was probably the most thrilling.

Frosted Flakes milk is a top-five milk

Frosted Flakes milk is a top-five milk. I think. Oh, no doubt. No doubt.

I am going to bench press 215 pounds in 2020

My New Year's resolution is to... be able to bench press 215 pounds. So what would be—which will be really helpful for you... 215 once. Yeah.

Kyle Shanahan lowered the 49ers' win probability by 19% by punting on fourth and one

Kyle Shanahan you kind of let me down by punting there on fourth and one when your offense is so good... their percentage to win the game went down by 19 percent by punting instead of going I thought they should have gone for it.

The Patriots will beat the Titans in the Wild Card round but then lose to the Chiefs

I feel like the [Patriots are] going to roll the Titans and everyone's going to buy back in and then they're going to lose the Chiefs.

Kevin Harlan is the best play-by-play announcer in all sports

Kevin Harlan I actually was thinking about this because he... honestly might be my favorite play-by-play like all sports.

I'm taking the Packers, Cowboys, and Broncos in a can't-lose parlay for Week 17

My can't lose parlay this week is the Green Bay Packers, the Dallas Cowboys, and the Denver Broncos.

The Seahawks will beat the 49ers on Sunday Night Football

I feel like I don't have faith in either of those teams. But that just feels like a Seahawks win. You close your eyes and you just see it's probably drizzling.

Clemson will beat Ohio State in the Fiesta Bowl

I have a future on Ohio State, but I think Clemson is going to beat them.

I bought a Tesla to quit dipping, but I just ended up going to the gas station to buy dip anyway

The plan was to buy a Tesla so that I could quit dipping because then I wouldn't have to go to the gas station anymore. So now I just go to the gas station just to buy dip.

Week 17 fantasy football leagues are for psychos

Hank, bring that up on the other side... how stupid people are who do week [17]... people that somehow keep their fantasy season going along until week 17. You're a psycho. You're a psycho if you do it.