Takes

The Chiefs will easily cover the 9-point spread against the Titans

I got the Chiefs easily covering nine points.

Success relaxes teams like a martini, leading to Super Bowl hangovers

Teddy Atlas always used to say success is like a martini. It relaxes you. And it's true. You think that you can go into the next season and be exactly the same as you were, and you're going to glide through those games, but everybody else has looked at you. Everybody else is playing their best against you.

I am going to do five crunches a day as my New Year's resolution

I'm going to try to do five crunches a day... Someone added it up, and it was like 1,900 crunches. I was like, oh, shit. That's way more than I thought.

I am quitting tobacco dipping and switching to Black Buffalo

My next one is Quit Dipping... I'm going to quit dipping tobacco. My boy's Black Buffalo. They got the new dip... It's no tobacco, tea leaves, and nicotine. So I quit dipping, but I'm going to dip every day.

A scorned Nick Saban is the scariest thing in sports

One game was exciting beyond belief... And then you basically watch Alabama do the old cement mixer on Clemson and just kick the shit out of them for 60 minutes. And proved our theory that a scorned Nick Saban and upset Nick Saban is the scariest thing in sports.

The Bills will probably lose to the Jaguars in the wildcard round

The Bills are probably going to lose to the Jaguars, especially without Shady [LeSean McCoy]. But it's almost like the way that they broke the drought, if they had just broken it by being 12-4... it wouldn't have been that exciting.

The Big Ten won the bowl season

The first one is... the Big Ten. Won the bowl season. Many people are saying the Big Ten won the bowl season. Seven and one in bowls. And dominated, just dominated everyone.

Jon Gruden will be the next head coach of the Oakland Raiders

He's going to be the coach of the Raiders. They fired Del Rio knowing that they were getting him, and now it's just a question of working it all out. All signs are pointing to Gruden.

Solar energy is the biggest no-brainer in the history of the world

Think of it as a solar. Solar energy is the biggest no-brainer in the history of the world. Are you kidding? It's so sunny out there. More solar energy hits the Earth every day... I'm choosing the sun. I'm choosing solar power.

The Pringles and Italian sandwich munchies are elite-tier

My number one would probably be steak and cheese... I'm going to go Pringles... I'm going to go with... frozen yogurt. That whole like when you go to the frozen yogurt bar and you get everything. It's actually not so much. It's just candy.

Debating whether Die Hard is a Christmas movie is the worst argument on Twitter

My other hot seat is people who want to debate Die Hard being a Christmas movie because I do not give a fuck. That actually might be the worst Twitter argument that goes on now. Is Die Hard a Christmas movie? That was like five years ago and it wasn't interesting then and it's still even more uninteresting now.

Alabama will win the National Championship

My heart wants to say Oklahoma, but my head says Alabama, just because, like I've said, I think Alabama's the best team in the country... I just don't think anybody's beating Alabama this year... I think they're going to finish as national title champions once again.

Lock of the Week: Jaguars -4.5 vs 49ers

I have the Jags. Blake Bortles. [The spread] is four and a half, by the way. Minus four and a half.

Lock of the Week: Chiefs -10 vs Dolphins

I'm going to take the Chiefs. I think the Chiefs have figured it out. Minus 10 Dolphins in Kansas City. Dolphins already won the Super Bowl. Beat the Patriots on Monday night. So this is all just gravy.

The 2012-13 Lakers with Steve Nash and Dwight Howard was the most stacked team of all time on paper

That team, though, the Steve Nash, Dwight Howard team, that's my favorite Lakers team of all time... When that cover came out, it was like, who the fuck would beat the Lakers? ... When that happened, I was like, oh, my God. This is the most stacked team of all time.

Cash is the greatest Christmas gift you can ever give

So the real answer here is cash. All boyfriends want cash. They want cold, hard cash... Cash is the greatest gift you could ever give... When you open up a card, you're expecting cash in there. Put the fucking cash in there.

The Jaguars defense is the best in the NFL

That defense is probably the best defense in the NFL. Like, no joke. It's them, it's the Vikings, and then there's a pretty big drop-off after that.

If the Panthers sell for less than $1.4 billion, the NFL has cause for concern

I think the Bills were the last team that sold and they went for 1-4. So if you get south of 1-4, I think there's cause for concern. But if it's less than a billion, then it's like, holy shit.

The Patriots will beat the Steelers in Week 15

Everyone's talking about the Patriots-Steelers game. And I'm saying, hmm, the Steelers, like, everyone's healthy. Le'Veon Bell's healthy. They could probably beat the Patriots. Don't overthink it. Patriots are probably going to win.

Aaron Rodgers will beat the Panthers in his return from injury

Packers-Panthers. Aaron Rodgers back. Everyone's saying, well, he's rusty. I'm not overthinking it. Aaron Rodgers is going to win this game.

The Seahawks will beat the Rams at home in December

Rams-Seahawks. Again, don't overthink it because I love the Rams. I love Jared Goff. But the Seahawks don't lose at home in December. No. They do not... Not against the quarterback caliber of Jared Goff.

The Chiefs will beat the Chargers at home

Chargers Chiefs. The hottest team in the league. Chiefs at home. Yes, yes. As much as I love the Chargers. No, because I'm doing the old close your eyes and think about what's most likely going to happen, and it's going to be cold, it's going to be loud... Phillip Rivers is going to be down a score and doing his thing... It's not going to work.

The Dolphins game was Jay Cutler's one annual game where he looks elite

That was the Jay Cutler performance. And I know that all Bears fans know this. That was the one game he throws out a year where you're like, this guy's fucking good.

The Eagles should simplify the game for Nick Foles by focusing on the running game

I think with Nick, I think there are certain things that they're going to probably focus more on with him... And I think that will be more so on the running game... You create matchup opportunities where it simplifies the game for Nick Foles.

The Chargers are going to make the playoffs

I am sorry about the Raiders comment, but you were very wrong about the Chargers comment because they are going to make the playoffs.

Paul Heyman is the best talking personality in wrestling by far

Paul Heyman [cuts the best promo in the game]. Without a doubt, by far. And the other guys that are on the roster would be well served to pay attention to every word he says... He's the best talking personality in wrestling, in my view, by far.

The 2017-18 college basketball season is Duke's to lose

I think by the end of the year, they [Kentucky] can be good. But this year, it's Duke's to lose.

Baker Mayfield is going to win the Heisman Trophy

TMZ video... I think he's got probably a great shot at winning. I can't confirm or deny [my vote], but I think he's got probably a great shot at winning.

Oklahoma is the best team in college football right now

But I think Oklahoma is the best team right now. Baker Mayfield, they're a great man.

Case Keenum has reached the point where he won't be benched even if he loses a game

Case Keenum has now gotten to the point where if he loses a game, I think he still gets to play the next game. So it's really Case Keenum, we're going to do this.

The Dolphins +1.5 over the Broncos is a lock

I got the Dolphins. Plus one and a half. Jay Cutler's back. Yes, Mr. Fourth Quarter... Also big time revenge game against the Broncos.

The Chiefs -3 over the Jets is a lock

I think figuring out why the Chiefs are only minus three against the Jets gave me a concussion. So I think I'm going to have to take them and find out why.

Georgia will beat and cover against Auburn in the SEC Championship

I think that this week in Atlanta, where it's going to be a far friendlier environment for the Bulldogs, they're going to get back to the run game... So I really like Georgia in this one, not just to cover the two and a half, but just to win.

The CFP committee got the rankings exactly right

I actually think they got it exactly right. I think Wisconsin should be four. I think Alabama should be five. And that, like, Ohio State, Miami, like, it feels like all those teams, they could probably leapfrog, but they're outside looking in. Like, that's exactly where they should be.

Lacrosse is booming and the sales are up

My cool throne is lacrosse. Nike chairman Phil Knight, he was commenting on the Duke Florida game the other day, and he said, lacrosse is growing. So the sales are up. They're growing, not a show. Business is booming.

If you don't take a football road trip in college, you ruined your experience

If you were in college right now and listening to this... if you don't take a road trip with all your friends to an away football game, you have ruined your own college experience. That's the best time.

The NFC South is the toughest division in football

I think we can officially say [the NFC South] is the toughest division in football. The Falcons, the Panthers and the Saints all in my for reals category. And I don't know, like all those teams should make the NFC playoffs.

Macaroni and cheese is always an acceptable Thanksgiving side dish

By the way, the answer is yes, macaroni and cheese is always an acceptable side dish.

Anything is possible for the Eagles with Carson Wentz at quarterback

When you have Carson Wentz, anything's possible. Yeah, he's unbelievable.

Playing on Thanksgiving is a vacation for Philip Rivers from his nine children

I bet Philip Rivers is so happy this year that he doesn't have to sit down at a table with his nine children for Thanksgiving. Getting to play a day game on Thanksgiving for Philip Rivers is basically a vacation for him.

The secret to being an NFL quarterback is trying to throw it to your own team

I think he just, as much as he can, you've got to keep trying to throw it to your own team. I'm giving that one to everybody. Anybody that wants advice, there's a hot tip for you. I can show you plenty of examples on not throwing it to your own team and how I'm trying myself to figure that one out still.

Stuffing is the greatest thing in the world

I'm going stuffing. I fucking love stuffing. Stuffing is the greatest thing in the world. Why don't we eat stuffing every day? Make the turkey out of the stuffing. It's so good.

Bill Belichick is a genius who could be a Fortune 500 CEO

This dude like went to school and should be like a governor or like a Fortune 500 company genius type guy. That's a football coach. He is football. He's become a football. I don't know... his body is shaped like a football.

The AFC Wild Card race is officially a dumpster fire

The end of the playoffs, the wild cards for the AFC are such shit. It's because the Jaguars have thrown the entire world out of order. 7-3. The Jaguars being good has created chaos theory for the wild card spots in the AFC. It is a dumpster fire.

My ass is the power source for everything on the football field

Everything comes from your glute, you know, your ass, your ass is your power source for everything. You gotta be a big butt guy. And so, you know, when you get that glute firing and you get everything where you're working it through that, it puts less stress on things.

Week 10 gave us clarity on who the actual good teams are in the NFL

I have one word for you for Week 10. You ready for it? Clarity. We actually know who's good now... it's basically the Vikings, the Rams, the Eagles [and] the Saints.

The Boston Celtics are officially back

My who's back of the week is the Boston Celtics. Oh, great. They won 12 in a row. They're in first place in the Eastern Conference.

Facial expressions in impressions are a 'cheat' to make people believe the voice is better

The facial stuff is all a cheat. If you can do the mannerisms and the stuff with your face, it's a total cheat to get people to believe the voice is better than it is because people will start to see.

Ezekiel Elliott will eventually have to serve his full six-game suspension

I'm assuming, what I've assumed all along, that at some point, Ezekiel Elliott's going to have to serve his six games. I doubt sincerely it's going to go to the Supreme Court. I can't believe the Supreme Court would think this is worth their time.

Twitter's 280-character limit is too much reading

280 characters is too many, too much reading. I agree. Just reading in general, I think they should have reduced it by half.