Takes

Alex Ovechkin might actually be 46 years old due to age technicalities with Russian players

The most amazing thing about the Ovy Gold chase is... He could be like 46 years old. Like you never know with Russians. So the fact that he's like, could be a little older is even crazier.

Duke is the only team in the country top-5 in both offensive and defensive efficiency

I have figured Duke to win it all. There's a reason I picked that. Number one, any time a team is top five in offensive and defensive efficiency, they got a great chance to win. Duke's the only team in the country that's top five by Ken Pomeroy in efficiency in both areas.

NFL nose-wipe celebrations are now a 15-yard penalty

There's a new thing that is now a 15 yard penalty for being a violent gesture. It's I think guns is already guns already. You can do the throat slash was a while ago. You can do the bow and arrow I think throat slash nose. Yes. Wow. The nose wipe. That's so dumb. The nose wipe. Nose wipe is now a 15 yard penalty for being a violent gesture.

Teams are 1-7 in their next game after winning on a buzzer beater in the NCAA Tournament

Teams in the last 10 years are one in seven after a buzzer beater in the NCAA tournament in their next game. One in seven. Numbers never lie.

The Wisconsin Badgers women's hockey team is a true dynasty

The Wisconsin Badgers women's hockey team won another national title. Four outta six years, eight total dominant. Dynasty for sure. That's the Dynasty.

Tom Izzo is the God of March

Tom Izzo now 16th Sweet 16... His expected wins are 27.6. He has 39 wins... that's an 11.4 difference. The next closest on this chart is Cal with six wins above expected. Tom Izzo very good tournament coach.

Shaka Smart is not a good tournament coach

In his last nine NCAA tournament trips, Shaka Smart has been eliminated by a team at least three seed lines worse seven times... Still a good coach but not a good tournament coach right now.

The disparity between Georgia's football and basketball success is the biggest in sports

Of the 10 college football national champions since 2002, seven out of 10 of them have been to a final four. All, all 10 of them have been to an elite eight... and Georgia has not won a [tournament] game. Combined 154 tournament wins for all other programs that have won a national title in football. And Georgia has had zero since 2002.

Don't get cute with brackets this year; the one seeds are historically dominant

This is the year that don't be afraid to just do chalk. Only four teams since 2000 have entered the tournament [with a] plus 35 net rating... this year, four teams have 35 net rating or higher. Wow. So that's insane. Yeah. Like that, that just shows you that the one seeds this year are playing at such a high level and are so dominant... don't be afraid to just go chalk.

NFL players prioritize money above Hall of Fame status and Super Bowl rings

Of course it's always about the money... I go around and ask players, rank 'em. I think they all rank first money... then Hall of Fame... and then the ring is third. You know what, they don't sell their money on eBay.

Beards are causing baseball injuries because the face is connected to the elbow

My who's back is baseball injuries 'cause Garrett Cole's out for the year... Bad Tommy John. They should never change the rules about shaving your face. Like this, this would not have happened if he was clean shaven. That's true. That's your, your face. Your face is connected to your shoulder, to your elbow.

Pete Rose should be reinstated to MLB and the Hall of Fame because his 'lifetime' ban is technically over

It was a lifetime ban. Right. The operative word being life. Right. He's no longer alive. Right. He's dead. So the ban should have already been lifted.

I can definitely beat up my brother Matthew Tkachuk in a fight

Oh yeah. Oh yeah. [Big Cat: You could beat the fuck out of him?] I'll say and he'll see it and be like, yeah, he can. Oh, he knows. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

If Tom Brady explicitly invited Matthew Stafford to his vacation, it is tampering

I think if you can prove that Tom Brady was like, 'Hey, I'm gonna be at Yellowstone Club, come out for the weekend,' then that's tampering. Otherwise, it's gonna be hard to prove.

This phone in my hand is the one I used to tweet that Miles Garrett committed assault

I really believe that this is the assault phone. It would be my honor to give you this phone... You can hang it on the wall.

My Instagram algorithm is 80% golf and 20% tits

It's like 80% golf. No, there's some, there's some, there's some tits mixed in, but mostly golf.

The Eagles didn't blitz once in the Super Bowl against Patrick Mahomes

We didn't even blitz one time. We had, we had some blitzes drawn up, you know, to run. And when you got those guys up front, you know, we never really, never really had to.

The United States is currently the best hockey country in the world

Guess what? We're the best fucking country in the world in hockey... until Canada, until Canada to be on Thursday. We right now as of the second we're still the best hockey country in the world. We got the cup. They're not getting it back.

Fifty percent of professional Dungeons and Dragons clients are Pardon My Take fans

I love running games for AWLs. I think at this point 50% of my clients are like AWLs. I mean it's so rad because what I do is now that I've run Forge of Fury, I've been running another adventure for them.

Carson Wentz is the Eagles' secret good luck charm

Do you think Max, is there anything to be said that Carson Wentz is your good luck charm? Because the Eagles have two Super Bowls when Carson Wentz is on the sidelines. You're undefeated in Super Bowls when Carson Wentz is, is a backup somewhere.

It takes two years for a wrist ligament injury to return to full mobility

Whenever you have a ligament injury, your joint is gonna take around two years to get all the mobility back and everything that you feel like you need.

NIL would have completely neutralized the crab legs controversy

I just want to educate everyone about the new addition of NIL and the things that it allows our young athletes to do... before NIL if you did anything illegal, you would get suspended... but when NIL started, a lot of opportunities and doors that were already open... that crab leg thing would've never been like — oh my gosh. Like I would've had so many crab leg [deals].

No team that wins exactly 15 games in the regular season has won a Super Bowl since 1985

I got a trend. Big Cat, no team that's won exactly 15 games in the regular season has won the Super Bowl since 1985.

Jalen Milroe's small hands are a major problem for his draft stock

Jalen Milroe has insanely small hands. Eight and three fourth inches. To put it into perspective, it would be the smallest hands of any first round quarterback ever taken. And in 2022, only one starting NFL QB had his hand size under nine inches... and it was Taysom Hill. Not good.

The winning coach of the first Super Bowl matchup has won every single rematch in NFL history.

This is the fifth time in Super Bowl history we're gonna have a rematch of coaches in the big game. The losing coach has lost all four of the rematches. Chuck Noll over Tom Landry, Jimmy Johnson over Marv Levy, Coughlin over Bill Belichick and Andy Reid over Shanahan. And this will be Andy Reid versus Nick Sirianni 2. So each time the winning coach the first time won the second time as well.

Chiefs officiating conspiracy theories are just a result of the team being on TV more

Data point shows that this isn't a real thing, but people just don't want to hear it... I think it's just a volume thing that Chiefs have been on TV in prime time, the most of any team the last seven years. And people like to root against you when you're having success.

Nick Sirianni is a winner because he's 8-0 against the NFC's top 'young' coaches

Nick Sirianni is now three and oh versus Sean McVay. Nick Sirianni is eight and oh versus Sean McVay, Matt LaFleur and Dan Campbell. That's pretty good. It's a winner. Those are three coaches that everyone's, you know, like, hey coach of the years... That's a winner.

Patrick Mahomes is basically lights out in the Divisional Round

He plays in this divisional round and he's basically just, he's, I mean he's undefeated. He lights out. That's just what happens. He is six and oh. He has 1,813 total yards, 16 touchdowns... zero interceptions.

Kellen Moore and Dion Sanders are square in contention for the Cowboys job

Kellen Moore is a logical name because he fits there... Dion Sanders, if that's the way Jerry wants to go, square in contention. I would just say Kellen Moore square in contention, Dion Sanders, if that's the way Jerry wants to go, square in contention.

Power Slap is the most successful business I have ever been part of in such a short time

The most successful business I've ever been a part of in such a short amount of time. [Power Slap]

The Chargers' offense over-relied on Lad McConkey

I think the Chargers ran into an acute case of building their entire offense out of Lad McConkey. Lab McConkey had 197 yards. The other wide receivers had 45... They just couldn't do anything that wasn't Lad McConkey.

Kyle Hamilton saved the Ravens' season

Kyle Hamilton saved their season... What they did was they say, okay, the worst part of our defense is the secondary, let's take our best player and move him back there... he communicates at such a high level, he gets everybody in the right positions.

Tom Brady has significant influence on the Raiders' decision-making process

The Tom Brady influence is bigger than I think people realize... He talks to Mark Davis all the time. And I think you're gonna see tons of Tom Brady ways and, and just influence on how this team's gonna run... the question that we probably need to consider is, is Tom Brady an Antonio Pierce fan? Does he like what he sees?

The Giants are definitively the worst team in the NFL

The Giants have been outscored 140 to 59 since he [Joe Schoen] famously said they're not far off, which was five weeks ago. They're, they're the worst team in the NFL. Would we all agree? I don't think that's up for debate anymore.

Joe Mixon is a bust whenever he plays a top-12 rush defense

Kansas City has the seventh ranked rush defense, according to DVOA Joe Mixon rushing... Anytime he's had to play a top 12 rush defense... he has been bust. And if the Texans can't run the ball, I really don't like this offense.

Any quarterback who loses their first Super Bowl appearance never returns to the big game

The curse of Jim Kelly is a curse that just hit the internet... essentially it's any quarterback that goes to a Super Bowl and loses their first one never goes back to the Super Bowl. Jalen Hurts did that... Stan Humphreys, Neil O'Donnell, drew Bledsoe... Joe Burrow. Jalen Hurts. Brock Purdy.

I will not be able to shoot 20 three-pointers in a row

I misinterpreted what the initial discussion was. I'm not gonna be able to shoot 20 threes in a row. That's it... 20 for 20, which is impossible. I think 20 for 25 is possible. Obviously that's not what we discussed.

I have a broken pinky finger that I'm just going to leave untreated

I do think I have a broken pinky. I've had it for two weeks. I don't know what to do about it. I don't think you can do anything for a broken pinky... I think I'm just like a hurt hand guy for the rest of my life.

The Yankees lost Juan Soto because they were disrespectful regarding family suites

The Yankees lost out on a generational talent just because they were disrespectful... The Yankees wouldn't budge on giving Juan Soto a suite in Yankee Stadium saying that if they don't do it for Derek Jeter, they're not gonna do it for him.

The Titans will set a record for losing to five different teams that fire their head coach in one season

The Titans will have lost to four teams that fired their coach this season. They lost to Matt Eberflus, they lost to Robert Saleh and they lost to Doug Pederson. And if by chance the Bengals fire Zac Taylor, they could potentially go 0 and 5 against teams that fire their head coach. That's pretty impressive.

The Mike Silver story about Dan Snyder ignoring Kirk Cousins is 'fucking bullshit'

Mike Silver came on the show... and he told you this story about the Cleveland game. And it was a great game... and he told you a story about how Dan Snyder walked in the locker room and like damn near trucked Kirk to get to me and asked me if I was okay. That reminded me... it was a fucking over exaggeration of the story. Dan Snyder walked in the locker room... he didn't brush past Kirk Cousins. He walked to me... then he turned around and he congratulated Kirk Cousins on the job that he did.

The Bears fired Matt Eberflus because Jalen Johnson told him to shut up

Jalen Johnson basically told Eberflus to fuck off in front of the whole team after the Lions game. And that was the moment where they're like, oh, we should maybe fire this guy.

Coaches in the NFL know zero about strength and conditioning

That's an underrated thing right there. Strength and conditioning thing. 'Cause guess what, guess how many coaches know anything about strength and conditioning? That'd be zero. Nobody does. But it's so damn important.

Joe Burrow is having an elite statistical season comparable to MVP years by Brady and Rodgers

Through the first 11 games on the four and seven Bengals, Joe Burrow has 3028 passing yards, 27 touchdowns and five interceptions... entire exercise is just to prove that Joe Burrow's having an insane season and the rest of his team has let him down.

The Lions are officially Super Bowl favorites

The Lions, for the first time in franchise history, are officially Super Bowl favorites. They are plus 350 to win the Super Bowl. The Chiefs are plus 450. It's crazy. Lions are Super Bowl favorites.

Cliff Kingsbury's offenses inevitably decline in the second half of every season

This gets at going back to Cliff [Kingsbury]'s entire existence in the second half of seasons. So back at Texas Tech, here's his record as a head coach from 2013 to 2018, at the end of the season... lost five of six, lost four of six, lost four of six, lost six of eight, lost six of eight, lost five of five. At the Cardinals, he lost seven of his last nine, then he lost five of his last seven, then he lost five of his last six, then he lost nine of his last 10.

The 49ers' offense is the second best in the NFL even without Christian McCaffrey

The 49ers are getting better on offense. So their offense without Christian McCaffrey for most of the season, they are plus 1.4 net yards per play, which is the second best offense in the NFL.

The Chargers' defense is legitimately elite

The Chargers are the fourth team in the last 40 years to hold opponents under 21 points in their first nine games of the season. Only been done four times. Defense is legit. Legit.

I can throw a fastball 64 miles per hour

What how fast do you think my fastest pitch was? [64]. Oh boy. That's gonna be a lot of home runs... I guess [my fastest was 64].

The 2022 NFL coaching carousel might go down as one of the worst of all time — half the hires have already been fired

It might go down as one of the worst head coaching carousels of all time, 2022. Ten head coaching vacancies and half of them have already been fired. Brian Daboll's probably gonna get fired. Doug Pederson already fired. Josh McDaniels already fired. Matt Eberflus gonna get fired. Dennis Allen already got fired. Lovie Smith already got fired. Nathaniel Hackett already got fired.