Takes

The smart play on the 17th hole at St. Andrews is to aim for the 18th tee

On the 17th hole. You actually wanna miss it left of the green. The play is you actually hit it on 18 tee and it's a pretty easy chip shot. So again, not super simple when there's people standing over there. But if you were playing for a score, like playing on an open today, you wanna bail it out left and you give yourself a pretty easy check.

Rory McIlroy is the favorite to win because he truly understands and values golf history

I love Rory this week because I think that Rory's played well lately. And Rory is the kind of guy that actually cares about sports history. Unlike so many athletes, I mean, he dives into this stuff. He eats it up. He knows what it means to win at certain places. So, you know, for people that aren't big golf fans winning at St. Andrews, I'd say is probably the biggest accomplishment in golf outside, even of winning the masters.

The winning score of the 2022 Open Championship will be around 19 to 21 under par

I think it'll be 19 20, 21 under. If the wind's not blowing, it's just not very long, especially for these guys and especially how baked out it is. So I just feel like with the win, not up much 65, 66, 67, if you're playing well is about what the par is.

A golfer's worst quality is being both bad and slow

Slow guy that sucks is number one to me. Because you can, I don't care if you're the worst golfer I've ever seen, you just can't be bad and slow. The same goes for a good player. Don't be good and slow either. Being fast is important.

Tiger Woods will never play at a semi-high level at St. Andrews again

He said no, but it's certainly gonna be the last time that he can play at a semi high level [at St. Andrews]. Obviously it's not playing out right now. But for the next time that it comes to St. Andrews, it's gonna be a few years with the rotation. So I don't know. I mean, I wish you were playing better. I wish that we could do one more magic. Go around at St. Andrews. But it does not seem like it's panning out that way.

The correct move when you start playing bad golf is to talk more to get it out of your system

The correct move is like, once you start fucking up, you should talk more like get it outta your system. Yeah. Just be, just be open with how badly you're playing.

Crown Prince Muhammad bin Salman is the most annoying guy in golf for ruining the game

One crown prince Muhammad bin Salman. He's an annoying golf [guy]. He is annoying. He's taken. He's just ruined the game of golf for everybody. Really. He's probably the most annoying golf guy. And if he hears me say this, he probably saw my arms off. Yes.

I genetically cannot get a six-pack

I'll also never promise a six pack during the summer ever again. I am [getting there] but no. I don't think you genetically can get a six pack. Absolutely. I'm kidding. It's not everyone can get one. No, I am. I'm on the road there.

Coming on Pardon My Take is the easiest way to add to your legacy

I would agree if you come on Pardon My Take you've added to your legacy. Boom. Just like that legacy complete.

Chris Paul's performance in Game 7 against the Mavericks was a 'legacy game'

Chris Paul had a major, major legacy post... He had like 10 points in that game seven where they lost by 70. That was a legacy game.

Albert Pujols shouldn't be in the All-Star game because he 'fucking sucks' and can't even walk

Albert Pujols being in the home run Derby, which is a crock of shit. But I'm also at the point in my life where I, cause he fucking sucks. He can't even walk. Albert Pujols he's, he can't even walk. He shouldn't be in the all-stars. He made the all star game... taking a spot away from someone who could [actually hit].

MLB might rig the Home Run Derby for Albert Pujols by giving him 'good balls'

I do think there's a pretty good chance that they might rig it for Albert Pujols. He might get the good balls.

I bet $40,000 on the Orioles to win the AL

I made a bet on the Orioles to win the AL at 400 to one... I just got caught up in the buzz and I was like, fuck, I think I want a ride. I want, I want to ride with these guys.

People want to tear down Adam Schefter's legacy because they hate winning

The other thing is always in life when someone has success and when someone wins, people want to tear him down. He's making reportedly $9 million a year. He gets every scoop. He has every contact. People hate that people hate winning. They want to tear down winners. They want to tear down Adam Schefter's legacy.

The James Webb telescope images are fake and look like a lava lamp

Those images... are freaking me out... but that could also just be some fucking scientists lava lamp and they just send it out and they're like, check this out guys... I did see this picture and I just said that's fake.

Dan Snyder will finally be convicted of perjury this year

This is the year sir resign, sir. I'd like to see old Dan Snyder wiggle his way out of this one... I will find a way that he is committing perjury. I will find it. I will, I will get Dan Snyder convicted on perjury somehow some way.

The New York Yankees will win the 2022 World Series

Congratulations to the New York Yankees winners of the 2022 world series. Congratulations guys.

N'Keal Harry will be a stud and a weapon for Justin Fields

My cool throne is the bears are back because we got N'Keal Harry who he's awesome... another weapon for Justin Fields. N'Keal Harry, he's going to be a stud he's first round draft pick.

I can reach 90 hot dogs in 10 minutes if someone pushes me

The best way for me to get to 90 hot dogs would be somebody else eating 88... that's how you make some gains... the most I've ever eaten in in 10 minute practice is 82.

I will continue winning the Hot Dog Eating Contest until at least age 45

As long as I'm healthy, you can count me in at 40, 45 sounds would be awesome.

I can eat 50 Raising Cane's chicken fingers in five minutes

I only get five minutes to eat. So I'm trying to get to get 50 [chicken fingers] down in the five minutes.

Thai food is prevalent in America because of a soft power directive by the Thai government

Thai food is only prevalent in America because of a directive by the Thai government... in the early nineties [they] wanted to spread Thai culture as a form of soft power. And so there's Thai food all over completely disproportionate to the amount of Thai people in the United States.

Albert Einstein is an idiot because he married his first cousin

Einstein. Smartest guy alive, fucking married his cousin. What a foe... he F fucked his cousin. That makes no sense... He's not that smart. In my opinion. He's an idiot... he was like, yeah, you're not this isn't too incestuous enough for me. I need some fucking [cousin].

Men digest food 14 hours faster than women because men 'just get shit done'

A Mayo clinic study showed that the digestion process moves faster in men. It takes 33 hours mouth to butt in men and 47 hours for women... men are digesting 14 hours faster than women. And we just get shit done.

The US government stores 1.4 billion pounds of surplus cheese in caves in Missouri

There are just caves in America with cheese in them... 1.4 billion pounds of cheese... Springfield, Missouri... deep and converted Limestone mines caves kept perfectly at 36 degrees Fahrenheit store stockpiles... hundreds of feet below the ground.

There is a good chance the 1980 Soviet hockey team threw the Miracle on Ice game for money

I was thinking what, there's probably a pretty good chance that, that Russian team threw the game. Right? Cause like they were, they were bigger, older, stronger professional hockey players... It wouldn't be above like corrupt Russians to take a shitload of money on the side.

The term 'glow up' was created by Chief Keef

The term glow up, came from Chief Keef when he was like 16 [with] Glo Gang and his friends... he created that, but now it's like a very mainstream term.

The lighter was invented before the match

The lighter was invented before the match... that's crazy... it'd be like, let's make this worse [with the match].

Novak Djokovic is the one true tennis GOAT

Novak Djokovic the goat. Oh, oh, oh... officially passes Roger Federer in championships, major championships, one away from [Nadal] who just wins Mickey Mouse clay ones every single time... I think it's, it's firmly established. He is the goat.

Novak Djokovic will finish his career with 30 major championships

[Djokovic] is gonna end up with 30.

Baker Mayfield can still be a top 12 quarterback in the NFL

Maybe I'm an idiot, but I think that Baker [Mayfield] is still like, he could be a top 12 quarterback. I don't think he's a bust at all. I think that he was hurt last year.

The rumors about Zach Wilson's personal life confirm he has 'that dog in him'

I think confirmed got that dog in him. He is a dog... If it's the truth, two consenting adults, what's the problem? I think this actually will get Zach Wilson more respect in the locker room.

Zach Wilson will get more respect in the Jets locker room because of the rumors about his personal life

I think this actually will get Zach Wilson more respect in the locker room... If you're a Jets fan, you gotta be like, okay, we got ourselves a quarterback... he might be on the injury report week one, because he's going to have a broken hand for getting high fives.

An NBA owner will eventually refuse to trade a superstar just to push back against 'player empowerment'

I feel like the pendulum has swung so much in the direction of player empowerment that we're going to get one owner that's just going to be like, you know what? Fuck it. Fuck it. I'm not changing anything.

Aaron Rodgers' new tattoo was designed specifically to impress Joe Rogan

It's a tattoo that was designed to impress Joe Rogan. Very clearly some sort of... It's a tattoo that he wants you to be like, what is that about? And then you have to strap in for three hours because he's going to tell you open your mind, open your heart tattoo.

The only two ways Kevin Durant can restore his legacy are by returning to the Thunder or waiting to play for the Sonics

The only two places Kevin Durant can go to restore his legacy is the Thunder or if he waits out for the Sonics and their franchise again. And it would be a believable story, everyone would root for Kevin Durant if he went to the Sonics and they have the picks to give up.

Chet Holmgren will get dunked on so hard this year it will deflate his cockiness

He's going to get dunked on once so viciously this year. It will, it will take 5% of the cockiness out of him. I was going to say that right now, you know, someone's going to just yam, got to pay her dues.

LeBron James and Steph Curry would beat Michael Jordan and Magic Johnson in a 2v2 because of the three-point shot

I think Steph Curry, he doesn't let LeBron touch the ball except to rebound. And then Steph, if he hits 40% of his threes, two is 50%... 100% more than one. I think mathematically they would dominate that game.

People who wear SPF 50 sunscreen should just stay inside

I judge you if your SPF is 35 or plus... I want to put it on 50. I'm just immediately like, dude, just go inside. There's no reason to be outside. If you really can't handle this, just say you're not that guy pal. That's what I say to anyone who puts on 50.

The Big 12 should offer Oregon and Washington a 'dream job' buyout clause to lure them away from the Pac-12

What I think the Big 12 should do is go to Oregon, Washington, be like... here's what we're going to do. You're going to come with us and we're going to put a clause in your deal that just says you want out fine. You're out. If the Big 10 is, you know... dream job buyout, or dream job clause. Do that and you get them, and then you'll get Utah and Colorado and you'll get whoever else you want from that league.

Notre Dame will eventually be forced to join a conference for playoff access

If Notre Dame loses, you know, has their vote diluted for the playoff, they're going to join a conference... The second this happened the other day with the Big Ten adding USC and UCLA, I was like, okay, now this is it. This is when Notre Dame has to join a conference.

College football governance will eventually separate from the NCAA to handle revenue sports specifically

I think the governance is going to change. Instead of there being one organization that handles all sports, there will be an organization that handles football and the NCAA might handle all the other sports... it basically, you could be licensing the name of the university.

North Carolina is the biggest 'tug of war' school for future conference realignment

North Carolina would be the biggest tug of war because the Big Ten and the SEC both want them badly. That's the one... North Carolina has long been coveted by the Big Ten and the SEC.

I always bet the over on Bedlam no matter what

My favorite college tradition... betting the over in Bedlam, no matter what, no matter what. Oklahoma/Oklahoma State play, over, put it on your phone.

Texas is 'back' as soon as they get one big win in September

My threshold is one big win in September. They're back... If they cover against Alabama, they might be back. Yes, that might be what makes them back right there.

This D&D episode is the greatest podcasting ever done

It is maybe the greatest podcasting ever done. And I'm just going to say it, podcasting ever done. I think I'd said that if Game of Thrones creators had had had a last season that was half as good as this, then everyone would have critical claim of it. That's how good it is. Get excited.

Nick Turani is the biggest nerd in the Barstool office

And we have added the biggest nerd in the office in Nick Turani. It's fair to say here. Hot seat Jake. Yeah.

Lost Mines of Phandelver is the quintessential D&D adventure that almost everyone who has played the game has experienced

The adventure that I have planned for us today is a classic. It is known as Lost Mines of Phandelver. It is one of the most well-known D&D adventures. ... honestly, it's a well-known adventure. It's in the beginner box. So if anybody has played any adventure here, it would be that one.

My character, Norm, is going to be a problem in 2030

I'm like the kid that Bleacher Report posts like this, the seventh grader, who's seven feet. And he's just dunking on a bunch of like five foot kids. Yeah. That's me right now. This kid's going to be a problem in 2030.

People get freaky at D&D conventions

People get freaky at the conventions. It is known, I will say no more than that.