Takes

Tom Brady will run for President of the United States in the future.

I will have a comment on [Tom Brady's] performance at the White House. He looked great standing up there speaking to our nation. I could see it happening in the future. I really can... I am running for President. He was great dropping jokes. Good looking guy. Everyone loves him. Winner.

Jeff Bezos's space flight was just a midlife crisis to overcompensate for having a small penis.

Jeff Bezos, he built a penis rocket and then played just the tip with space. He couldn't in his wildest dreams insert his big penis rocket into space... you got a tiny dick, bro. That's a big time midlife crisis overcompensating here.

Outer space is currently overrated until humans can visit other planets or find aliens.

Space is kind of overrated at this point. Unless we can start going to see actual other planets... bring an alien to me. I think I'm out on space until Tom DeLonge personally introduces me and aliens.

Every college town has a local pizza place that people think is awesome but is actually terrible once you're sober.

Every college in America, I'm convinced, has their local pizza place, and at one particular pizza place you swear has the best pizza. And then when once you go visit a friend there and they give it to their special pizza town and you're like, wait, this isn't as good as mine. [PFT: It's terrible when you're sober].

I will get an Olympic rings tattoo if I win the gold medal at the Tokyo Olympics.

If I win, I'll think about it and go on from there... [Big Cat: outsource it for you, where our listeners decide] That's where I may get the tattoo if I win gold. Yes, there's a lot of stipulations to this.

3D sports broadcasts will be forced back into the mainstream within the next two years.

I do predict that it's about that time for them to start forcing 3D down our throats again. It's like every three years, like 3D sports is coming back and it always sucks. It's never been good, but they're going to try because they feel like they can make money off it now. So I predict in the next, like two years, they'll start forcing that on us.

A twenty-four pack of beer is the appropriate amount for a beach day because it helps regulate your body temperature.

Twenty-four is a pretty good number because you're hot out there... regulating your body temperature. You could actually put yourself in danger if you don't drink enough.

Dabo Swinney only opposes a 12-team playoff because he is afraid of Clemson being upset.

Dabo doesn't think there are 12 teams good enough for an expanded college football playoff. That was another quote... He just doesn't want to have the chance of being upset, but yeah, and he's got his spot locked up forever.

Giannis Antetokounmpo, Khris Middleton, and Jrue Holiday are officially a 'Big Three'

The big three [of the Bucks] all stepped up. They are the big three. So it was Giannis, Middleton, and Holiday. They're the first team in the NBA Finals since 1985 to have three guys go for 25 points on 50% shooting in the same game.

Chris Paul's foul on Giannis Antetokounmpo in Game 5 was one of the dirtiest plays possible

I'm officially out on Chris Paul. I'm team fuck Chris Paul for life now... because that foul on that alley-oop is like the dirtiest thing that you can possibly do. It's so quick... you can't like try to injure the team's best player. That dirty ass move. I'm out.

Every movie theater should be BYOB (Bring Your Own Beverage)

On a real note though, like that is maybe the coolest thing that LeBron James has done is be a BYOB guy. Yeah. Every WYO, whole tequila bar everywhere, or should be BYOB agreed.

The Suns will win Game 6 of the NBA Finals to force a Game 7

I actually think it's weird, but like the Suns are like the game six, this series has been fantastic. I think I wouldn't be shocked if the Suns were able to win that game... that would be the most fun. And for chaos.

Giannis Antetokounmpo's viral quote about ego, pride, and humility makes no sense

Giannis had a quote after the game... 'When you focus on the past, that's your ego. When you focus on your future, that's your pride. When you focus on the present, that's humility.'... Am I the only one? The quote makes no sense. I don't really understand how you can focus on the exact present all the time... I thought that the pride and ego thing should have been swapped.

The Bucks' playoff record sequence will finish as a perfect palindrome

If they end up winning on Tuesday night, the Bucks this playoffs are going to go a perfect sequence of four wins, two losses, two wins, a loss, two wins, a loss, two wins, a loss, two wins, two losses and four wins. It's exactly 4-2-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-2-4. It's a palindrome.

Winning The Open Championship is arguably more prestigious than winning The Masters

It's a low-key great trophy. I actually have a part of me that thinks I would rather win the Open Championship than the Masters. It's just so much class... just for so many years after the fact, you just get to hear Scottish people address you as the open championship winner.

Bryson DeChambeau is 'unworkable' as a brand spokesperson

Do you know how big of a dickhead you have to be to get fired as a spokesperson for somebody... and they're about to fire him? Like the guy that they went out and begged to be a part of the team and be the face of Cobra drivers, they're like, 'Fuck, we can't work with this guy. He's unworkable.' He is never happy.

Max Verstappen is currently the best driver in the world

He's [Max Verstappen] the best in the sport right now. All time salty Instagram post after... but right now he's number one... Max Verstappen is the best racecar driver right the second.

The crash between Lewis Hamilton and Max Verstappen was just a 'racing incident'

I actually took Lewis Hamilton's side. I thought that he—Robbins racing. They call it a racing incident... Like a bang-bang targeting call that isn't targeting... football incident. Let's keep playing. My whole thing is, I can't get up for the F1 races.

The 'Kelsey' vs 'Kelce' pronunciation controversy is actually a secret ad deal or sponsorship stunt

I actually think that this is it's bullshit. Something to me, smells like there's an ad deal out there... I haven't figured out exactly what it is yet. But you have, you have two brothers that have been in the NFL. Are they going to open a bar? Maybe, maybe. Like Hell's Bells or something like that. So they've been in the league for, so both of them playing at a very high level... I smell either a Kimmel incident or I smell and some sort of sponsorship lingering under the surface.

Team USA Basketball is doing a 'rope-a-dope' and will win the Olympic Gold

I'm thinking about it, I think they're [Team USA] actually going to win the gold. I think they're doing a little rope-a-dope... they're doing some drinking before games and that might be why they're playing—no, they're just, you know, they were out the night before. It's a tune-up. They're not taking this seriously. Once they take it seriously, they will beat everyone.

The internet trend of saying 'The Beatles suck' is objectively wrong

A decent amount of the internet is now just co-opted to take the Beatles suck and it blows my mind... You can say you don't personally like the Beatles... but saying they just suck is... the dumbest thing to say... Music that is occurring right now would not happen if it wasn't for the Beatles.

LeBron James is a terrible actor in Space Jam: A New Legacy

I have a couple of big bones to pick with LeBron James though. He's a terrible actor, number one. No, horrible. He fucking killed Bugs Bunny... LeBron, as an actor, was not great.

The 3D versions of Looney Tunes characters look gross and should never be made

I would also like to say that they should never make cartoons 3D. It's weird... It's never going to look good. And yeah, it's like, they're trying to make like the cartoon—it's like gross. You don't add that extra dimension to it.

Space Jam: A New Legacy would be a 10/10 movie if LeBron James wasn't in it

I actually think what this movie would have been way better without LeBron James. Oh, absolutely... besides all of the scenes that he was in. Good job LeBron. Yeah, that's probably the best way to review the whole thing. Outside of LeBron, this movie was a 10 out of 10.

Space Jam: A New Legacy is an allegory for the Bible or A Tale of Two Cities because of Bugs Bunny's sacrifice

I think that it was the, the legacy situation for bugs. He literally killed himself. He was like, I'm going to have to kill myself and to protect LeBron James... there is actually like some Christ-light tendencies with that story of bugs bunny that I think need to be explored... it could be Christ or like I said earlier, it could be like the Charles Darnay tale. The Tale of Two Cities ending.

Giannis Antetokounmpo's Game 4 block belongs in the Pantheon of all-time NBA Finals blocks

That block, Giannis's block, Pantheon of blocks. I'd say it's finals... greatest turnaround, no question. Greatest Mike Breen witnessed finals block of all time. It also was maybe the highest block of all time in NBA finals history because of where it took place. It took place so far above the rim.

Khris Middleton is not a superstar, but a very good player who is occasionally great

Khris Middleton now has everyone befuddled because we have this rule in media and how we digest all these games... Are you a superstar or not? 40 points, you should be a superstar, but he's not. He's just a guy who's very good and then sometimes great. I think that's a totally fine place to put him.

Chris Paul's poor Game 4 performance might be due to vertigo because he looked dizzy while dribbling

I don't know what vertigo is. Is that considered an injury or is that considered a disease or an ailment? I think he has vertigo. Because he just, he looked dizzy when he was trying to dribble the ball. Like he didn't know where the ball was going to come up after it hit the ground.

Cam Payne has a 'Mamba Mentality' and plays like he's the best guy on the court

There is something about Cam Payne... who has the 'I'm the best guy out here' feeling? Cause you want someone with Mamba mentality, even though he's not, you want someone who will give you those minutes, like, oh, he can maybe take over, get hot.

The Bucks will win the NBA Finals because Chris Paul is clearly injured and the Suns are in trouble

I think the Bucks [win]. I do actually think Chris Paul has some type of injury because there is no explanation for how he's playing. And if he has that type of injury, the Suns are kind of fucked.

Bryson DeChambeau is acting like an eight-year-old by blaming his equipment for his poor play

Bryson DeChambeau though... he's having trouble with his driver. And afterwards he said... 'the driver sucks.' [Cobra's rep] said it's like an eight-year-old that gets mad at you. They might fly off the handle and say, I hate you, but then you go, whoa, no, you don't. We know as adults that they really don't mean that.

Mike Silver's hire by the Washington Football Team is a PR move to get guaranteed positive coverage

The Washington Football Team... pulled a masterful stroke, which is just hiring Mike Silver, the guy who will say—you don't even have to pay Mike Silver to say nice things about you. You just have to go out to steak dinners with him once every four months like Hugh Jackson. I would imagine that the Washington Football Team will have Hugh Jackson as a coach soon.

College football coaches should shave their mullets to avoid outshining players in the NIL era

I think it's a smart move in this new name, image, likeness era of college sports to shave. You can't stand out more than your players. You can market to your players like, hey, you'll get so much money if you come to school here. If you have more swag than your players, then they might be like, 'listen, I'm not even the biggest fish on campus.'

Cracking down on 'Horns Down' is the softest move of all time

Horns down is now being cracked down on even more, which is the softest move of all time. The softest move of all time. Well, they're saying that you can't do it to a Texas player... Texas shouldn't be able to do horns up if you can't do horns down.

Kentucky basketball is loaded up and ready to return to the top this season

I feel like we're just about ready to shoot to the top... We're loading up right now. [Ready to] go back to the top.

Milk is the official state beverage of Kentucky

Kentucky state beverage is milk... for how much bourbon they store, largest in the world, and the mint juleps they serve at the Kentucky Derby, Kentucky state beverage is milk.

Sean Miller would be the greatest used car salesman of all college basketball coaches

The easy answer is going to be Sean Miller on this one. Just because you can see him patrolling the lot out there, sweating through his suit. That's a man that was born to be in a used car commercial.

John Calipari's career is in its Twilight and he will likely retire soon

I think [John Calipari] is just going to retire. I think this is the Twilight of his career. He's just enjoying himself right now. He wants to be able to go out and watch his kids play in the NBA someday.

The 2021-22 season is a 'put up or shut up' year for the Kentucky Stags handball club

It's a put up or shut up season for sure [for the Kentucky Stags]. You guys have all the talent accumulated. It's a matter of putting it together... I'm sick of all the hype year after year. If they Kentucky Stags... it's essentially just like intramural Dodgeball.

Olympic drug testing will expose golfers with suspicious size increases

The Olympics are coming up around the corner... guess what sport is also in the Olympics and they're starting to do the eligibility for? Golf. So you know, if you see any like discrepancies in people's drive [and] their size compared to their size maybe two years ago... They don't drug test in the PGA. [The IOC tests] are pretty hard.

The Home Run Derby has become way too complicated with clocks and Statcast data

The only reason I care about [the Home Run Derby rules] is because they took what was quite literally the simplest competition in sports, which is hit ball over fence... and then they put a clock in it. They added extra time based on a Statcast. They started measuring exit velocity. Timeouts should never be incorporated into the Home Run Derby. It's a very simple process.

Big Ben's year 18 diet is just a relatable attempt to outrun aging

I likened it to, after a long weekend of drinking and eating terrible food. And you say to yourself, you know what, I'm going to eat a salad on Monday. Everything will I'll maybe do 20 pushups. Wow. I'm back. That's what Big Ben is doing as a career where he spent 17 years eating PF Chang and doing whatever he wants. And then year 18. He's like, why is Tom Brady playing still? Oh, because he eats healthy. You know what, honey, get me a vegetable.

Ben Roethlisberger's new diet is actually just the TB12 method but more strict

The report was that [Ben Roethlisberger] is doing the TB12 method. Except the Ben Roethlisberger method is more strict than the TB12 method. It's basically like no meat before breakfast. He's probably going to see how long he can fast.

Coach K would never have lost two games in a row with Team USA

Coach K would never lose two games. He would absolutely never. You guys roast him day in and day out. He stops being the USA coach. They lose to Nigeria and Australia. Back-to-back coincidence or—

NBA players are struggling in international play because they don't get 'NBA fouls'

It's actually what basketball should be because all of the guys in the NBA are looking for all the fouls that they call in the NBA and they don't call them in the world in the FIBA. So they're doing the jump into a guy. They're doing the, you know, going up for a layup and throwing their head back and the refs are just letting them play. And it's fucking awesome.

The Saints will tank for a high draft pick because Jameis Winston and Taysom Hill are on the same mediocre level

Whatever's happening at the Saints organization, I put Jameis and Taysom on the same level. I think Sean Payton is going to tank for a high draft pick. Jameis's workout videos aren't helping at all.

Banning the shift would be awesome for baseball

He's considering banning the shift in the next year, which I think that'd be awesome to do.

I will participate in a Home Run Derby eventually

It's a career-long bet. He never said like next Home Run Derby, you just said ever win a Home Run... At some point before it's all said and done, I got at least seven more years left. So at some point, at some point we're going to get out there. I hope.

A normal person would never get a hit off Jacob deGrom even in 1,000 at-bats

If you did one at-bat for a thousand days, I would say zero [chance of a hit]. Eventually, at you just be standing there and you just be pure guessing on time. The thing with [deGrom] is like, this ball goes like this... and then yeah. I mean, he throws 95-mile sliders and they look like fastballs till you go to swing at it.

I will spend $20,000 on a guys' trip for PMT if I hit 20 home runs in the second half

All right. I like that. Okay. Yeah. Just the guys... 20 home runs? A lot of home runs in the second [half]. 20 for 20. If you hit 20 home runs, we'll do a Brewster's millions, but it's $20,000 weekend where Christian just spends it on us.