Takes

The day a meme enters 'One Shining Moment' is the day I am done with the NCAA tournament

One-shining moment is bigger than memes. Please don't belittle it. The day a meme enters a one-shining moment is the day I'm out.

The NCAA will include a VCU highlight in 'One Shining Moment' to acknowledge their COVID-forced exit

This is my long shot. They are going to put a random VCU highlight from the regular season to give them their shine. Or the conference championship, maybe them cutting down the nets. They can't get robbed in 'One Shining Moment.'

Mitch Trubisky will rehab his image in Buffalo and get another starting opportunity next year

If [Mitch Trubisky] spends a year as Josh Allen's backup, I think that the negative media around Mitch will dissipate. And then next year, he will be a name where it's kind of the Jameis Winston. It's like, oh, well, let's give him a try. He was a top pick. He was a No. 2 pick.

The NFC East is going to be dangerous this year

The entire NFC East is getting dangerous. The Beast, baby... We're Joaquin Phoenix's Joker. You guys all laughed at us last year. Now we're about to just flip out and shoot everybody.

Streaming services have just become a more expensive version of the traditional cable package

I can't believe no one is making a big stink about the fact that cord cutting, oh, I can cut all my costs. Now you just have to buy all of the streaming services, which is exactly what cable was... Now I have Amazon Prime. I have Hulu. I have Netflix. I have Disney Plus. And then you look at it all and you're like, wait, I just have a cable package.

My Final Four picks: Gonzaga, UConn, Illinois, and Arkansas

I have Gonzaga, UConn, Huskies are back, Illinois. And Arkansas. That's my Final Four.

Fill out a bracket when it comes out, then bet against it once the games start

As soon as the bracket comes out, you have to fill out a bracket and stash it away until right before the games are out... You just fill out a bracket without everybody saying right at that point. And then you put it away till Thursday and then you bet against it. It really works out a lot of the time.

Bet on coaches who have high ATS (against the spread) records in the NCAA Tournament

How about coaches' records against the spread in the tournament? You know, I look at a team like Syracuse... But USC's head coach, Andy Enfield, you remember him back at Florida Gulf Coast, 7-0 all time against the spread in the tournament. 7-0.

The Syracuse zone will be a nightmare for opponents due to the lack of non-conference play

Syracuse is a team, especially in a year like this, where nobody really played out of conference games, that zone can be an [motherfucker] to you... I think they have athleticism... Them and matching up with West Virginia in the second round is a really, really interesting game.

Wisconsin will beat North Carolina because the Badgers won't let Roy Williams play in transition

I've talked myself all the way into Wisconsin beating UNC... As bad as they've been this year, I think that's like the one thing Wisconsin doesn't lose at is they will not let you beat them in transition, and that's what Roy Williams wants to do.

Baylor will beat Gonzaga for the National Championship

I have Baylor beating Gonzaga [in the final]. I actually had a bet on Baylor. I think they were getting four against Gonzaga... I think when you watch Baylor, they just have it all to me.

I considered Boston, Golden State, and Portland before signing with the Nets

I will tell you some of the teams... I really liked Boston. I really liked Golden State. I really liked Portland. There was a few other teams... but I had a tough decision. But ultimately, I had to do what was best for me and I think my ability to get a dunk.

My Final Four: Gonzaga, Iowa, Michigan, and Texas Tech

Gonzaga... Michigan... Texas Tech... [Iowa]. Gonzaga, Iowa, Michigan, Texas Tech. That is your final four. All Big Ten, I love it.

Drew Brees will not be a good broadcaster

I got a hot take. I don't think Drew Brees is going to be that good in the booth... There's going to be a wave of people being like, and as much shit as we give Tony Romo, he's objectively good... I don't think Drew Brees has a personality. I would sell all my stock on Drew Brees being good in the booth.

Ryan Fitzpatrick is the most fun quarterback Washington could have hoped for

I am under no illusion that Ryan Fitzpatrick is going to come in and immediately turn the football team into a Super Bowl contenders because we already are Super Bowl contenders, but he is the most fun quarterback that I could have hoped for, besides [Jameis] Winston. He makes every week fun. No matter what happens, he's going to have some games where he throws for five touchdowns, he's gonna have some games where he throws for five interceptions.

Every NFL contract is effectively a two-year deal

The way to look at every single contract in the NFL is it's a two-year deal. No matter how many dollars they throw out there, how many years they throw out there, everyone just signed a two-year deal and then they can cut. If you look at every contract like that, it all kind of makes sense.

The Bears are destined to never have a franchise quarterback

The Bears are just destined to never have a quarterback. Every time the Bears have the chance to possibly do a franchise-altering move, they find a way not to do it. It doesn't matter if the Bears have a top draft pick because we had a top draft pick and we drafted Mitch Trubisky. This sucks the soul out of my tone of be.

Drake's Scary Hours 2 tracks are currently holding the top three spots on the Billboard charts

Drake released three new songs last week, and they're now one, two, and three on the Billboard [Hot 100].

Texas is a legitimate threat in the tournament because of their 'crazy' experienced guards

I'm starting to believe in [Texas]. The thing I love about Texas is they have experienced guards who are a little crazy in a good way. Like Matt Coleman and Courtney Ramey... they are out of their minds in the best way that you want a basketball player to be. I love that idea of them in March.

Houston is the number one fraud team among the tournament's top five seeds

Houston is my number one fraud. They're 24 and three. One of their losses was to Wichita State, they lost to East Carolina. These are very bad losses. Houston to me is what people think Gonzaga is. That's what Houston is now.

Rutgers will defeat Houston in the second round of the tournament

I am betting on Rutgers. If Rutgers wins the second round game [against Houston], I win a Bitcoin.

Tennessee is a fraud because their offense is too bad to compete for a title

Tennessee's been a little disappointing. I don't know if they're frauds, but like coming into the season, I felt like they were good enough to maybe make a Final Four run and they've been just kind of mediocre. Their offense is really bad. Their defense is good, but it's not good enough to make up for how bad their offense is.

Villanova is a fraud team in the tournament without Collin Gillespie

Villanova's gotta be up there [as a fraud] just because they don't have Collin Gillespie anymore. I don't trust Villanova without a point guard.

This Gonzaga team is significantly better than the 2017 team that reached the title game

If you think Gonzaga is just like every other Gonzaga team in your mind, you're a moron. This team would beat the 2017 team, that was two minutes away from a national title, by like 10 or 15 probably. They have four guys that were finalists for their position awards in the entire country.

A Gonzaga national title counts as a victory for the Big Ten because of Jalen Suggs

Gonzaga's best player, Jalen Suggs, where's he from? Minnesota. That's a Big Ten win if Gonzaga wins. This is Richard Pitino's fault for not keeping him in state. He's a football player, he's the most Big Ten player that's ever not played in the Big Ten. I am officially a Gonzaga fan because they are part of the Big Ten.

Michigan State will beat UCLA in the play-in game

I like Michigan State [to win the play-in game]. UCLA is free-falling. They were pretty good a couple months ago and that's never something you want to say about a team in March. Lock me in on Michigan State winning.

Purdue is the best sleeper team in the tournament because they never give up

Purdue is a great sleeper pick. They don't give up. They claw back into games. They're so young, they almost don't understand when you're supposed to fold. Trevion Williams is awesome... they have shooters. I like Matt Painter as like the second best coach behind Izzo probably in the Big Ten.

Alabama is good enough to win the national title with their 'threes and layups' formula

Alabama is good enough to win a national title. They have the formula as well. They shoot basically nothing but threes and layups and they play unbelievable defense. You add all that up and that's pretty good too.

Wisconsin will make a tournament run because Roy Williams and North Carolina are turnover machines

I have talked myself into Wisconsin making a run. I said to myself, you know what? Roy Williams, he's not a good coach. [North Carolina] are going to turn the ball over. They're going to win, they're going to hit their jump shots. I've done that.

I will cut my hair if Ryan Fitzpatrick wins a playoff game for Washington

When Ryan Fitzpatrick wins a playoff game, I will cut my hair. For the football team. I'll say it with my chest: when Ryan Fitzpatrick wins a playoff game, I will cut my hair.

Coaches need to stop calling isolation plays and start calling real sets at the ends of games

I'm just stating facts in the interest of fairness, Big Cat. Coaches need to call actual plays at the ends of games. They need to stop with the ISO, and then the guy has the ball, dribbles it three times between his legs, and then shoots from 25 feet because Steph Curry ruined basketball.

Georgetown is not 'back' just because they won four games in the Big East tournament

The love affair with Patrick Ewing was disgusting this weekend. He got hot against a really bad Marquette team, a Nova team that basically is all injured... this idea that he's building something and this is the culmination. They had a good week. They had a good four games... I'm going to bet against Georgetown in the world.

Michigan State will be a good bet in the tournament because there are no expectations on them

I think I am going to bet on Michigan State this year. I think something about Izzo. January, February, Izzo, April, we sleep in May. There's no expectations on Michigan State this year, except maybe to win that first game.

Wisconsin will lose to North Carolina in the first round

Wisconsin is not going to beat UNC. It's the lowest I've ever felt about a Badger team going into the tournament. I can't even be hurt.

Alex Rodriguez and Jennifer Lopez will continue to 'break up' and get back together just so Alex can keep getting the engagement photo high

I think A-Rod realized that once you get the engagement photo, that's really the height of any relationship in 2021. When you post the Instagram of the ring, the proposal on the beach, it's all downhill after that... I feel like A-Rod's going to maybe take the ring back, and then he'll re-propose again. That works. In a couple months' time.

Pie is better than cake

One of my hottest takes, well, just facts in the interest of fairness, Pi is better than cake... Apple pie, blueberry pie, peach pie. Those are all better. Cheesecake is even a pie... if you take out ice cream cake, I think that that's easily, that's almost a blowout.

UC Santa Barbara will upset Creighton in the first round

I've got Santa Barbara over Creighton in the 12-5. [They have] an American Athletic Conference caliber roster at Santa Barbara. They've got high major transfers... I've got Santa Barbara over Creighton in the 12-5. That's spicy.

Oregon is the most under-seeded team in the 2021 NCAA tournament

The most under-seeded team in the 2021 NCAA tournament is Oregon... Dana Altman, the master of the Rubik's Cube... This team is more talented than its seed. I think they're a very difficult matchup for Iowa. I have a big Pac-12 breakthrough... I've got Oregon going to the second weekend.

UConn will beat Alabama in the second round behind their size and defensive prowess

I think Connecticut, if Connecticut can get to match up with Alabama, Connecticut has the size and the defensive prowess to slow down and give Alabama fits... I'm looking right there at that UConn team with the healthy James Bouknight... to be a dangerous matchup for Alabama. I like Texas against Connecticut in the Sweet 16.

Texas will make the Final Four behind a breakout performance from Jericho Sims

I am going to go with Shaka Smart 10 years after VCU gets to the Final Four, taking Texas to the Final Four. The guy that's blossomed the last week... has been Jericho Sims of Texas. He has completely went to a different level... If Jericho Sims can play three quarters as well as he did during the Big 12 tournament, Texas has an outstanding chance to go to a Final Four.

Texas Tech will beat Arkansas to reach the Elite Eight

I've got Texas Tech moving on... I'm going to go with a Baylor-Texas Tech situation in the Elite Eight. [I have] belief in Chris Beard. I've got belief in the culture of Texas Tech and they're built for the NCAA tournament.

Illinois will beat Gonzaga to win the 2021 National Championship

Illinois... They're the team I'm going to pick to win a national championship. I have Illinois beating Baylor and then beating Gonzaga. Gonzaga will get to 31-0 and then fall to Illinois.

Taysom Hill's $140 million contract extension is 'made up money' and a victory for his agent

This is Shefty's masterpiece of bowing down to the agents and tweeting whatever they ask him to tweet... I'd be mad that Shefty tweeted this... It says $140 million, all years voidable, and he has $12 million guaranteed. He signed a $140 million contract for $12 million.

The connection between Drew Brees and New Orleans is a unique player-city relationship that will never be replicated

I don't think we will ever see a player have a relationship with a city as unique and as deep as Drew Brees has with New Orleans. It's very rare for there to be that perfect set of events... what he did for that city and the pride that I think that city takes in Drew Brees... it goes beyond sports.

If Baker Mayfield wins a Super Bowl for Cleveland, he will be more beloved than LeBron James

What if Baker wins a Super Bowl for the Browns? I feel like that elevates him above LeBron because he never left. Baker never left.

The Patriots will run a Navy-style triple-option offense with Cam Newton to prove Bill Belichick is a genius

I have a feeling that they're just going to become like the Navy offense. Getting Trent Brown back and then being like, let's run with Cam Newton. I wouldn't be shocked if Belichick was like, I'm going to prove how much of a genius I am. We're bringing back the triple option. We're going to run the ball 60 times in the game.

Coach K is a mastermind for using a COVID withdrawal to protect Duke's winning streak

I think you at least have to respect Coach K for being one step ahead of our brains that try to simulate what Coach K will do... they have bowed out gracefully after winning their opening round game, the ACC tournament... maybe the streak is still intact because who knows? Maybe Duke would have gone on to win the ACC tournament. It's actually a brilliant move on Coach K's part.

Coach K's COVID withdrawal was a long con to bow out before being snubbed by the NCAA selection committee

I can say maybe this was a long con by Coach K to basically bow out of the season before the selection committee could not select Duke this Sunday... I respect COVID too much [to say it], but that might have happened.

Coach K is the Frank Underwood of college basketball

Coach K, he'll do anything. He's Frank Underwood of the college basketball world. He will do anything to make sure that the message is not, 'Hey, Duke wasn't going to make the tournament.' Let's all forget that they weren't going to make the tournament.

Syracuse has a 50-50 shot to make the NCAA tournament, but they will ultimately get in

I think it depends on how the bubble teams around them do... but gut says yes [they get in].